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make me happy [2000 tokens remaining]
Date: November 3, 2022
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Hugs. I’m sorry he broke your trust. I’m sorry you found out the way you did. I’m sorry your partner is in the hospital in bad shape.
This relationship is over, but what is your path out that is in-line with your values?
I value giving comfort and reducing suffering. I value myself and my emotions too. If I were too hurt and angry to put those feelings aside, I would just walk away. But if I were able, I would be supportive of him and his family until the critical period is over. I think I would regret my actions if I left when I had the capacity to stay. I think I would need the context to process these two huge things going on at once. These are my values though and not yours.
If he makes it through the critical period of the next few days, that is a good time to walk away. I would not personally stay longer. If he doesn’t make it, I would sit with my feelings to see if it would be helpful to me to attend the funeral.
The internet is quick to advise to just leave. But we humans are complex creatures, and that may not be what you need. What do you need for this to end with your values and self-respect intact? What do you need that will help you mentally and emotionally process all this?
It’s ok to feel a lot of conflicting things too. It’s ok to love someone who hurt us – as long as we respect ourselves enough not to continue being hurt. It’s ok to grieve the end of a relationship or a person that wasn’t healthy for us. It’s ok to love and hate someone at the same time. Whatever you are feeling is valid. Go with your gut.