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Room for live! sex video chat brittanyForever
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Date: October 9, 2022
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When we’re reluctant to do something, it’s typically for three reasons:
Apathy – It doesn’t matter much to us because we don’t value it.
Paralysis – It is (or seems) too complicated and we don’t know how to do it.
Anxiety – It’s scary and we think something bad might happen or we might be disadvantaged if we do it or screw it up.
Sometimes it’s a mix of two or all three.
You’ve got to understand what’s motivating his resistance. Does he simply not value marriage, or does it all seem too hot and full on, or is he scared about what might happen if you do get married.
Rather than forcing an ultimatum, just talk it through with him as a partner and friend and find out what his resistance is based on. Then you can find ways to get through the resistance as a team rather dragging him to the altar.
He’s been with you for six years. He’s committed. He wants to be with you. Marriage is the next logical step. But trying to force it could just end the relationship and then you both have to start again.
Just ask, “What’s your honest view of marriage? Does it matter to you? Does it seem overwhelming? Do you feel like it’s a risky thing to do? What’s your take?”
Then stay dead quiet and let him talk. Don’t interrupt or correct. Just ask clarifying questions, “can you expand on that a little more?” Or, “why is that important to you?” Etc. And really listen. You know your story on marriage. You know what it means to you. Now, just hear him.
If he asks why you’re asking, just say you want to understand how he thinks and feels about it.
Then, when you have his side of the story, reflect on what you’ve heard and empathise with it. Let him know that his view is valid and important to you. Then figure out together where his reluctance is coming from and work on a solution.
It might be to spend time thinking on the meaning and significance for him. It might be making it simple and easy to make sense of it. It might be to dispel any fears or personal myths about the negative aspects of getting married.
This how couples solve problems, by working hard to understand each other and meeting your partner where they are. An ultimatum may work initially, but imagine your partner giving you an ultimatum and see how that feels. I recommend a different approach.
I would rather eat my own eyeballs than play board games.
Did you ask her before you picked this shared hobby for both of you? Are you willing to get excited about one of her hobbies because she likes it and it’s a way to spend time together? Have you tried asking her what she wants to do together? Are you actually taking no, or are you nagging her all the time about board games.
She’s a separate autonomous person, not an accessory, y’know.
He tried to fuck you over and you are feeling torn?
It's almost like relationships are complicated and people can put different weights on different things. Maybe they're just that close.
Honestly, I want you to take a moment here and think about what kind of person does this. You know why, in traditional wedding vows, things like “in sickness and in health” and “for better or for worse” are important? It's because partners are supposed to be there for each other, and to care about each other's wellbeing. It's because life is going to be full of ups and downs. Sometimes someone is going to have health issues, and need to lean on the other person. Sometimes, someone is going to lose a job, and the other person is going to take on more financial burden until they get a new one. Sometimes you're going to have a colicky kid, and neither of you is going to sleep right for months. When you pick a partner, you want someone who you know, when things get tough, can and will buckle down and help push through it with you side by side because you mean so much to each other that there's no other option they would even consider.
She can't even buckle down and stand with you through sub-optimal social media pictures. She's not worth your time, and just be happy you found out now and not when you were tied to her legally.
Sweet home Old Valyria ????
Sorry, I didn't include it but he did offer to pay 'rent' and split living expenses. Which is nice short-term but his lack of incentive is jarring and more of the concern to me. Savings are supposed to be a fallback when you can't work because of injury/circumstances outside of your control. Not because your EI is up and you're.. resting(?), right?
Especially since we've talked about starting a family within a year's time so uh..
I am in therapy. My therapist said to try it and if it just doesn’t work to communicate it with him and go from there. They have the whole story. That’s why I posted it to see what others thought. My therapist has told me to go try things that have made me so happy. They helped me find a job that I’m obsessed with because it makes me happy.