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CandiceVice Public Chat Channel
Date: October 30, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Dump her NOW! Do NOT wait!
NTA!
She’s asked for space. You need to give it to her. Not everyone can handle being long distance. Don’t show up at her house, even if you plan for a hotel. She clearly stated she doesn’t want that. You cannot and will not win her over if you refuse to listen to her and respect what she needs
What the Flowers in The Attic kind of shit is this? Hell yea divorce! That’s horrible. The cover up is worst than the crime. I wish you luck OP! Damn that’s crazy!
He really is too clingy and has some control issues even though you two aren’t together. You sure you want to meet him?
I drank that koolaid too. Trust me. You are more than enough. He is looking for something to fulfill an empty void of insecurities and fantasies that is unfulfillable. No one will ever be enough because the lack thereof is inherently his.
(I'm a woman) but my husband has no issue if I choose to get a vibrator, but honestly I'm much happier with the ways he consistently gets me off! He perfects one way and starts learning what else my work!
My ex would joke that in Brazil he would “throw cats over the river and watch them drown” and i didn't see that as a red flag. I thought he was joking. He actually did do that and will laugh about torturing mice in his backyard to this day. Don't be w someone who doesn't respect animals. Animals can't advocate for themselves and are innocent. Imagine how he will treat you in the future if you stay.
It depends on how important sex is to you. Some people are asexual and sex just isn't important to them, whatsoever. I don't think I would personally stay in a relationship that was sexless, but I know plenty of people would have no issue with it. I would say if she isn't bothered by going two years without sex while she is in a relationship, meanwhile, you *do* take issue with not having it, this might prompt me to hypothesize that our sex drives aren't compatible. Long term, this is only going to cause problems and resentment on both sides. Even if she has sex with you to make you happy, are you really going to enjoy it knowing she is only doing it to please you and not because she actually wants to be having sex?
So you are not validating anything about yourself. You are just desperate for attention and were pissed off he wasn't giving it to you.
You have 3 children. Simple as that.
“Stop idealizing” is easier said than done. I have borderline personality disorder and part of that is extreme idealization. I guess I did idealize him but it still doesn’t excuse his actions. He knew about my illness(es) and took advantage of that which is another thing that is hurting me.
Don't you mean 'EX-GF'?
That's your advice.
Its not just about the different political views, its about respecting the others opinion. Its clear he completely and utterly refuses to respect any of your opinions, and as a result this won’t end well. I think you need to move on, you deserve someone better.
Your gf wants the fun of a dog but not the work of caring for a dog. She said she would and she isn't. That's not fair to you. Also, she's threatening to harm the dog? That's a huge red flag. You need to have a serious talk with her about caring for her dog more and make it clear that without a commitment on her part, your relationship with her may be over.
Everyone is quick to say she's his wife/gf… But let's say he's telling the truth.
I lived with my ex for a few months, just till I could find a new place, because it's just not healthy to live! with your ex.
In those few months, I dated and would not have that person over/meet my now roommate, out of respect.
Even if you break up with someone and decide to remain friends, there's an intimacy you once shared with that person that can never be erased. Maybe your bf has moved on, but his roommate/ex hasn't.
As convinient as the living situation may be, they need to move on, especially if they want to keep their friendship intact, because someone is going to get hurt. He's keeping his ex from getting hurt for the time being, at your expense. But how long can he hide you until it's disrespectful? At 7 months, if you're serious, I'd say he's crossed that threshold. If it's casual, maybe it's not that important yet for you.
With me, plans were in motion to move out, and I was moved out within 3 months, so I didn't feel I was being disrespectful to the person I was dating – and we were only casual.
I think you should have a conversation with him that if he has the type of relationship with his roommate where he has to invest energy in hiding that he's dating, it's time you invest your energy elsewhere, like he has been doing.
Wishing you the best.
I feel like the obvious thing to do is to leave but when you’ve been with someone so long and have been through so much it makes it hot.
You're only 27, been with this guy 7 years. If you think that's 'so long' then I want you to imagine yourself when you're 50 years old. Imagine all the memories you'll build with the right person. Do you want to be 65 and have a bunch of kids and then realize you spent your whole life living with anxiety with a cheater, when you should have left at 27?
He asked me what he can do to fix it
He can make the divorce proceedings easy for you. Not harass you afterwards etc
Should I give him another chance?
That's upto you, we're not out there living your life so you really know best. But this wasn't some live! flirting or a one night stand. He got another woman pregnant. I want you to keep that in mind.
Also r/survivinginfidelity
Good luck to you
Uhh you kinda buried the lede here ma’am, that sounds like a way bigger issue than the condoms
That's not how probability works. It's not 1 of every 77 sexual encounters in people with tubal that lead to pregnancy.
It's 1/77 tubals which might fail, and then you still have to actually get pregnant.
If she's not willing to talk to you or ask for what she needs, it's not fair to blame you for not being a mind-reader.
Seems like self-sabotaging behavior or a fear of conflict/confrontation around having to ask for help/what they need.
NTA, your BF is a walking red flag and I wish you were my friend.
That is disgusting. You guys need a serious conversation about how it’s not acceptable to force fetishes on someone. I would literally leave someone over this, pee is so nasty ?
You need money, he needs a receptionist, they have a kid together and thus it’s in his interest as a father that she’s employed. From the info you‘ve given there’s nothing shady about offering her a job.
What do you fear to happen? And I don’t mean a general “she might cheat“ which she could do any time if she wanted to. Realistically, what do you think is the threat here?
If anything, a history of a messy relationship including police involvement that’s not only been over for 7 years but was over before you even met her should be the least possible threat to your relationship. I mean she already knows he isn’t a suitable partner.
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I think then you dont have much other choice than to ask her for a divorce if she doesnt want to make time for you nor thinks you need to do things together
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Go for whatever you want. I dated a 21 m when I was 29 (f). I broke it off tho because he wouldn’t get a job and spent all my money on weed and had anger issues. I guess that’s typical 21 year old behavior though so I wouldn’t do it again, but maybe there are some older women who are more patient than me.
I agree that your boyfriend is probably gay. People usually question if they ARE attracted to a specific type of person… I think that fact that he’s wondering if he’s NOT really attracted to your gender on a daily basis is a bad sign.
The question of whether you want to stick around and find out the answer is up to you, but personally I’m not sure I would be able to move past this doubt.
Remindme!
You really need to stop giving your nudes to people. You should also see if your state has a revenge porn law because I wouldn't trust the guy as far as I could throw him.
It was harsh and it hurt for a second, but it's true. For a long time I tried to keep peace by convincing myself that she doesn't matter because the future will be just the two of us sharing a life. But this time, her preposterous reaction and contacting my father really hit me hard. My family and I believe in being reserved and polite with our feelings, but she has no manners. Idk why she would even say things like that. I won't put up with it anymore and if bf doesn't change his behaviours and get it together soon, it's over for good.
Yeah, if you want to make it through then start having sex again.
I grew up Catholic due to my grandparents being very Catholic, but once they passed on, it was not part of my life at all. What I do recall is that the Catholic faith is very good at trying to control people, making them feel a lot of shame for who they are (e.g. if you have sex out of wedlock, then you are a sinner and doomed to going to hell for all of eternity!!!!), and just in general being a huge downer.
If being Catholic is more important than your marriage, then continue to abstain and fight with each other. Hey, at least you'll have Jesus and you can always go into the little penalty box to ask him for forgiveness when you confess your misdeeds.
Marriage is doomed
unless everything is about him he tends to get angry
This is WHO HE IS. It's not going to get better. He's not going to change. Unless you want to waste more of your life with a self-centered, emotionally immature, verbally abusive guy, you need to break up with him.
He picks out what he wants in advance so he wants to basically know “how much stuff he gets to pick out”. There is basically no fun in it for me lol
Personally, I would put an immediate stop with her helping with your kids. And honestly, she needs a new place to stay. You need to protect your family and your marriage. And why the heck is your husband keeping the workout secret from you?
I didn’t say harmless. I said nobody got harmed. His group of friends & then another group of friends they didn’t know (only thru a female that set the other guys up)- both groups of guys were involved in drugs and illegal activity, so the girl is the only one that knew both groups of guys. She told my bf and his friends that these other guys had a lot of money and drugs & she knew where they lived, she took them to them and helped them get in using her face- they knew her. My bf and his friends robbed the guys at gunpoint for the drugs and money. They got caught four ish hours later.
Only reason he got so much time is bc he took it to trial knowing he was guilty when he could of took a plea deal and only served 7 years . I read the whole court docs and the charges are listed on his papers- armed robbery and burgerly. One time, one occurrence. So you don’t halve to be a repeat offender , or kill some one, you just have to be stupid and take something to trial knowing you’re guilty to gamble with your life and since this was 20 years ago, I’m sure race played a part . I’m not arguing with nobody on that, bc I’ve researched exact same cases with different turn outs .
Even if you are married it is ok for you to tell him no. If you weren't married his advances would look alot more like the sex pest behavior it is, and being a sex pest is never ok. It may be time for a different kind of talk. One that concerns spousal rape and sexual harassment and how to avoid things getting that far.
I'd say 1 in 10 guys or maybe 2 in 15 guys prob don't want kids.
(Speaking as a man that doesn't want kids and has none himself.)
As you get older I'd say the amount who don't want any and don't have any gets less and less though.
If you are not satisfied and she's not willing to change, then leave. It's really not complicated.
If you stood up for yourself why would you want another person to do the same?
Um, don't overlook this! He's clearly an idiot who hasn't bothered to do any research on safe sex or vaginas & the accompanying ladybits. You're likely to get BV and or yeast infections from getting lotion rammed into your bits on a regular basis. He is banned from vagina access until he can prove he's done his research and knows how to safely drive one. License & access revoked. Shit, fire him from the role and replace him with some more educated and qualified. Good thing he doesn't want kids- the world has enough stupid people already.
Okay. Really common. First. She deserves to know. You grew up and apart and sadly this is very common. You don’t stay together because of stuff or even animals. Nobody did anything wrong. You just grew up. You’re going to need to work together on disentangling your lives. The words? I love you but I have realized that I am not ready to make a lifetime commitment. I need to learn who I am without you. I’m not feeling like a man in love and that’s not fair to you. It’s going to be a really tough conversation but you will both survive and get through this.
How do you know they’re American? Just gave him permission to date 18 or 16 year olds
Why do you not believe him?
…you're making over twice what many are. 3x, if that is American money.
…you're totally fine.
…you're making over twice what many are. 3x, if that is American money.
…you're totally fine.
If you guys are open enough with each to have good sex and explore each other's kinks, you should be open enough to be able to convey to her what's really bothering you about her reading these books. Just be open and honest with her man, she would probably appreciate that more than you coming to us strangers for help, lol. Hope the best for you bruh.
Unless you have a history of lying to and cheating on your BF, he is a possessive jerk. Also he doesn’t need to give you permission or approval to do Anything!
Get the abortion first, then tell him.
It's your choice and if you're not ready, do not have the baby.
I can’t even get black out drunk, my IBS makes me throw it up??
Exactly this!!!
“Hey a friend that I’m not so close with asked me to be their valentine because they were unaware we were together I declined I just wanted you to know”
Thank you first and foremost for starting off by laughing at my situation. You gave no actual advice on how to approach the conversation though, just “get out now” so I am sorry you went through a similar situation but I do want to have a conversation with him because even if that's what he does want I will still care about this person and they will still be the father of my child.
You’ve known this guy for two days and he’s immediately accusing you of giving him an STI and otherwise being rude about the situation?
Get and provide him your test result and move on.
There are better and more thoughtful people out there that you can have sex or partner up with.
But she's been expecting a whole 3 hours now!!! Surely she deserves a pedestal
You sound like a dumbass who can't keep a partner. I literally told you the answer and you wanted to cry about it. You're not worth a serious answer.
Please excuse me, I am not frustrated with you, just the situation. I know you are correct. But god where the fuck do I go? I'm 21 years old working at a pizza restaurant in Florida for gods sake. I live! paycheck to paycheck and I don't even pay rent or utilities for housing. My options? 1. Pay $700 a month to online at my sister's house where I would have to share a room with her 6 month old baby. 2. Move to Georgia with my big sister and pay rent that's cheaper, but I don't know anyone there aside from her and I online in a big city that's incredibly depressing. Or 3. Move in with my grandpa, pretty much the same situation as my big sisters.
I have looked around for roommates and can't come up with anything. I do not want to move to Georgia or South Carolina. Here I have all my friends, here I have the best opportunity to save money by working side jobs while not having to pay rent, here I have the option to go for a kayak, meditate in the mangroves, go to the beach whenever I want. I have sanctuary and peace all around me. I wake up to pelicans and dolphins swimming by my bedroom window and this is the first place in my life I haven't wanted to just end it all. This is my home, I've lived on this boat for 2 and a half years which is literally the longest I have ever lived in one place before. My bf is my best friend since we were 13 years old. I'm so scared of every other option I have and its just so easy for people to say “just leave!!” BUT HOW?!? Why would I even contemplate throwing myself into other situations that I KNOW are going to be worse for my mental health? Aaaaaahhhh!
Clearly in this instance your wife was not irrational in her insecurity, but I'm not going to be as quick as the other commenters to dismiss the possibility that she is insecure. Huge numbers of people, both men and women, deal with insecurity of different kinds and if they don't address it it can be a real drag on a relationship. Clearly this instance is your burden to bear when it comes to dealing with Amy and responding to your wife's valid concerns in a way that shows her in no uncertain terms that she is valued and protected in the relationship, and that likely means cutting Amy off for good. But if she does show insecurity or jealousy towards female friends or coworkers in general, that is hers to own, and she will need to do work on her sense of security and self-worth to keep the relationship healthy. I've seen a lot of relationships flounder because one partner is constantly worried that their partner will leave them for someone “better”, and so often it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy because they burn out with this worry and pull away from their partner, feeling it would be easier to not be with someone than be worried all the time. Hope you both figure this out.
Maybe it was a joke, or maybe she has a slight porn addiction so she has to watch some weirder stuff to get off?
They already had a convo he said he doesn’t like it. Not Much room for interpretation
Hon, he sounds like a controlling abuser. I am certain if you think about it, you will see all the ways he isolated you and attempted to control you. A man that abandons his family is not worth a pile of shit. Get a lawyer. Move in with your mom. Divorce his ass.
Block him. It doesn't matter what he tells anyone else. Anyone who believes him with his track record over you isn't someone whose opinion should matter that much. Get into therapy. Obviously, being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist can fuck you up for life and you need to get some help coping with that abuse so that you can have healthy relationships in the future. But beyond that, something made yo blow by all the warning signs to date someone with an abusive history who is nearly THREE TIMES YOUR AGE. You're gonna wanna unpack all of that.
A goodbye kiss isn’t a romantic thing. It’s simply a way to say goodbye. You’re treating it as if she’s making out with people and it doesn’t seem like that’s the case.
Some people can be acutely or chronically emotionally unavailable. Acute situations can be a bad day, important person passed away, or any temporary period. Chronic situations though are tougher because it can go on forever. Especially chronic depression. You know her better than most of us. If you know she is chronically depressed then the emotional unavailability could be a permanent thing. It is up to you if you want to stay in a relationship constantly feeling bad that it isn't healthy or have emotional availability. Or you end it for good and move on. Emotional availability is a key component of a long term relationship. Just like trust, communication, compatibility, etc. You will never have a proper relationship if any key component is missing. You can bute force for a short period but it will never be as good as a normal relationship.
It was your first time having sex so you’re obsessed and repeatedly posting about him? No. That’s creepy as hell and 4 days ago you were posting in the same tone about a completely different guy. You need help. It was a guy at the bar who doesn’t even know you
he’s trying to isolate you to keep you alone so you’re stuck with him. these are abusive behaviors and you need to leave him asap. and while it might not be my place, i think you need to reconsider if you want to keep the baby, he’s going to use the baby as a way to force himself into your life forever.
He actually wasn’t mad about me throwing away my food. He was mad because I didn’t eat. If I’m not hungry, then I’m not.
Harsh but true and yes, I certainly wouldn’t be jumping into any other relationship right away if this one doesn’t work out.
never thought that those things happened in real life.
I forget people have healthy lives. I learnt this in grade 1, yay special needs.
Look, you are an adult and it's totally ok to change your mind after reflecting on your past. If there're no major events like cheating or abuse involved, there is nothing wrong with catching up again after some period of time. Take him to the game if you want to, maybe gifting is your love language, who knows…
Friendly tip,if people don't like you despite you saying you're nice, you're probably not that nice,and a nice person would never do that to someone they consider a friend
if we do try but i don't like it? Is he just gonna break up with me and stay with her or is he gonna stay with me and break up with her?
What did he say when you asked him these questions?
Dude…no offense but you did this to yourself by your own admission. If you don’t have feelings for a girl, don’t start inviting her around to hang out with your friends then get pissed when she becomes close to your friends. And she was hanging out with them “behind your back”. They WANTED to hang with her and you have no ownership over her or them. They now have their own separate relationships. You should have been straight forward with her from the start and not strung her along.
You do what you can do but it’s such a despicable Alton I’m sorry it happened to your family
Advice*
Aren’t you a teacher..?
No but you just accused multiple people of cheating.. what do you have to back those accusations up?
Are you saying you can’t trust your girlfriend to go to dinner? If not, then I suggest splitting. If you can, I suggest acting like it
Stay out of it! She will hang herself eventually.
Tell me you are a piece of shit without telling me you’re a piece of shit.
Two years is way to little time together before putting her on the deed this feels like a big red flag to me
How many times do I have to explain that I'm not justifying it?
Did you end it with the sister? Your wife is about to feel stabbed by you. The sister bond will be harsher! Divorce is common, being betrayed by your sister is worse. If the parents are alive they will likely pressure your wife to forgive her sister, they get a grand kid. There is a wayward support group at survivinginfidelity.com. I have no idea there relationship but sisters can be vicious. So end the affair tell the sister you made a bad choice, record it. Then tell your wife in a professional setting.
How long has this been going on? Did the sister trap you?
I already said I would cancel the trip but I just don’t know how me not going on this trip would prove anything. It just feels weird because before this happened she expressed how she didn’t want me to go on this trip in a negative way. Off roading and camping in nature is something I just enjoy doing. I am picking her over the trip but don’t understand why it has to be this way. This is the first time I have done anything wrong.
exactly! i feel as if i shouldnt think about it as everyone has different preferences etc but when he responded with that my immediate response was ‘does that mean i taste bad haha’ and he goes ‘nooo idk’.. i walked myself into that one. very weird conversation
He has severe PTSD that he was in (and now isn't, and won't return to) treatment for, and it causes a lot of instability and anger. I hope that will change with a possibly career shift he is looking at. He feels he has given me years to adjust and learn to be an adult and I am just spectacular at not doing that. So now the little things set him off and once one thing does, another does, and another, and yeah..
I will definitely check out that website, someone else mentioned similar thoughts, so thank you for that. Also your last line really made me laugh, thank you ❤️ Especially cause the baby threw a ton of food on the floor and it really needs a mop ?
It’s not a event at work also it’s just people going also it’s not a high end job it’s a student job
He could have a girlfriend or see other people and have his own reasons for deleting convos and messages. She may just be a hookup and they don’t message much, who knows?
Wtf what kind of real friend is that??? Please please tell me you picked wife over friend. Your wife is your family. Your friend sounds toxic.
Dude. Wrap it up. Dont be a fucking moron
Restraining order….
The hurting of feelings is one of the biggest reasons I don't snoop outside of simply being respectful of privacy. I am chaos in a meatsuit, and my spouse is a freaking saint to put up with me and my shenanigans. I can only imagine what his venting sessions about me look like.