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Carlie, 42 y.o.
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Date: October 4, 2022
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So what is his concept of brainwashed and radical? Like radical is some extreme belief that is far out of the norm. Like not liking Kanye is so far out of the norm that it is a radical belief.
Like being anti semitic is normal?
That being anti semitic is brainwashed as everyone should be antisemtic?
Is that really what he is saying, because if so then he supports rascism and believes that most people are rascist?
What is not to know? He is stating clearly that he supports rascists. What he thinks about you is his own opinion, one which you disagree with. Fundamental difference in values, not good for future relationship.
If he doesn't understand why this isn't going to work then I would save your breath and energy explaining it.
Your sister needs to be in a mental institution. Your husband is suffering and her condition triggers him. Choose one of the two and tell the other you will have nothing to do with them anymore because you can’t (and you shouldn’t) handle it.
See a lawyer and file for Child Support. The lawyer will tell him. And be prepared, he will probably ask for a DNA test. And I think that is reasonable. Then collect every penny whether or not you need it. If nothing else it will pay for your LO’s higher education. He deserves to know and pay his share.
Well just imagine his reaction if he wasn’t cheating. Zero say in whether the baby should be born, now the baby is here and it’s going to potentially cost him his relationship and financials. Then what? Then he’s got two children he’s going to have to antagonistically co-parent so the problem has DOUBLED. And what will his dating pool look like? Any women who want to date a guy in that situation, even though he literally did nothing wrong (if he wasn’t cheating like OP thinks). So now he doesn’t get to have the family he envisioned, all because this pest wanted to keep it a secret and now she wants to bombard him and his pregnant wife.
/u/DarkInternational669 jesus christ leave this man alone!
Him getting divorced is not selfish, him not fighting for custody is. People get divorced, people break up, it’s all normal. Forcing yourself to stay in something and be unhappy is doing yourself and everyone around you a disservice. The kid would grow up seeing his parents hate/resent each other and thinking thats what love looks like. Who cares if it’s a good predictor of the kid growing up and getting divorced at some point? Maybe because they learn their worth and that they don’t have to be unhappy for 18 years?
In regards to the therapy- do not resign to the idea that the session will glaze over anything other than your faults. A good therapist will be investigating the whole dynamic. This current dynamic is abusive, regardless of how much postpartum depression may be playing a role. You may be able to see that therapist for individual sessions as well, which you absolutely should. If not this therapist then seek another. Abusive situations cloud and erode your perspectives and sense of self, and you’ll need a clear head to work your way through or out of this.
He is trying to drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. He knew he was causing drama.
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You don’t have to do anything until the results of the paternity test is in. Tell her you won’t have any contact with her until then and when it is done, make sure it is a court ordered test so she can’t fake it. Of course don’t let her manipulate you into living with her or you will never be able to leave. You have several months before the baby is born so live your life as you want and do not see her again at all. You do not have to go to any doctors appointments or support her. Even if she decides to go ahead and do the prenatal paternity test and it is your baby, you still don’t have to do anything. She is a predator and definitely tried to baby trap you. It seems she is able to support herself and the baby so you might not even have to pay child support, but again, all that will be determined after the baby is born and paternity is established. Good luck but beware of older women in the future. There are a lot of posts in this sub where young men have been trapped by older women. Some guys even marry them and then their lives are truly over. I hope this is not the case for you.
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Hope he doesn’t turn you in to the juvenile authorities.
Depends… was what she wrote true?
no offense but to a woman who is 30+ a 22 year old man might as well be a toddler ?
Depends entirely on your intentions.
Are you done? Is he actually an EX boyfriend who just doesn't know it yet?Tell him so, for your own sake- better to get it over with than to drag it out. Not because you owe HIM but because you owe yourself a clean-ish break.
Are you planning to possibly continue this relationship and are currently just letting him twist a bit while you sort through your feelings? If so, then you should anticipate your passive-aggressive nonsense to bite you in the ass. His bad behavior doesn't make it right for you play games.
I feel sad when questions like that are posted on Reddit because it's mostly childless young men on here who don't give a shit about babies.
You had to protect your child and did the right thing. Even if you kicked him out immediately and threw his stuff out the door at him you would have been in the right. COVID is serious for babies.
NTA
She is so lucky to have been freed tbh
Damn you married a super evil person. Leave and find someone else, you deserve better.
She’s had partners before, according to OP.
This is the healthiest /r/relationship_advice thread I've been in.
Nothing to add from what I've seen. Good luck, as time heals most wounds. It sounds like you both are very lucky to have the other in your lives.
That's what I was gonna say…
Ask her what he was doing when it happened and try it. Lol
Sometimes you gotta rip it off like a bandaid and just do it. Won't be the last time in your life you have to go about something this way. Otherwise you're just wasting yours and his time.
Well in a relationship you don't need to be married you talk about things. If my husband did this before we were married i would think he didn't see a future for us. If you do see it you should both look for houses. Normal people who live together most of the time find a house togheter.
That's what I am also afraid of, that it will be the end of the relationshio instead of a break but I'm hoping for the best. Thank you
That's what I am also afraid of, that it will be the end of the relationshio instead of a break but I'm hoping for the best. Thank you
Reminds me of the “I used to be a piece of shit” sketch on I Think You Should Leave
I read it. He hasn't said “no.” But, at this point she has to learn to be happy with him or not as-is.
I said it’s a fair ask to not do it in bed next to you.
Sorry, i read it wrong
Lol dude is probably already cheating on OP. He changed his phone background to him and some other chick ?
Dump him
Well my first bit of advice would be not to take advice from redditors seriously. People come for advice but you don't have to take the opinions you read as fact.
As for your situation with your boyfriend, you shouldn't let strangers decide whether to leave him or not. That's really up to you and your feelings.
I’m in my 30s and wouldn’t put up with this so @dpluslpluskplusm is right. That’s usually why older men seek younger women. Looks are part of it but naivety and molding are just as appealing
Your last question. What would I have done?
I'd have ended it the very first time because I have a backbone.
If you judge love by butterflies then you're going to spend the next 10 years being passed around quicker than a huge blunt at a Snoop show.
Agreed, he should have known better what he was getting himself into.
*She. Both are women.
I have lung damage so yes it’s important to not spread Covid when you know you have been exposed to it. His dad is also getting heart surgery in a month.
You stated “I'm afraid to ask him for money for the bills”… Look at your daughter. Do you want her to live in a home where she is scared when daddy raises his voice? Which is apparently a constant thing. You aren't “killing his dreams”. You are asking him to be responsible now that you have a child. You are the mother, he is the unruly 20 yr old that won't leave mama's basement. You're a parent to 2 children. That is not how an adult should act. He yells to get you to back off, he accuses you have killing his dream when you ask him to be responsible, he scares you. Honey you need to leave. Get your daughter and get out. You've been financially funding pretty much everything. Now if this isn't something you want to do and you want to try and work it out, sit him down and tell him you're tired. You're tired of carrying all of the weight. You're tired of having to be the only reaponsible one. Then tell him you've come up with a plan to save money and maybe help his “dreams” suggest he to start taking non refundable deposits on all of his appointments whether it's a fixed amount or dependant on size or whether they want color etc. But most people will show if they have money to lose. Tell him that you want to open a joint account and you'll both place X amount of dollars in weekly ( do yours as a money order if possible, you'll have a paper receipt youfilled out) and that way you have X amount set aside for either bills or emergency money. Maybe look into downsizing your home if possible. But print all of the bills and lay it all out there for him. Tell him you 100% support his dreams but you won't do it ar the cost of your sanity or wellbeing of your child. Me personally I would get out asap with my child.
Yeah it's kinda funky.
She was really proud of the things she paid for, but it was barely anything.
I knew he wasn't going to get any better; you can usually tell my the post when someone was a garbage can all along, but they had a mask at the beginning. Poor OP. So so thankful for her lovely discord friends, and that she got out.
Imagine being a useless baby AND violent. That guy is a huge loser
Personally, I’ve had more problems coming to grips what I’m going to eat for dinner tonight.
This needs to be said to him, not us. You’ve changed a lot and he sounds like he’s insecure about his place with all the changes.
It’s not appropriate that he’s taking his insecurity out on you. If you want to sort this out it might be time to get a therapist involved. Good luck, OP.
G
(No permission give to screenshot and share elsewhere )
Loooooool this is giving me Facebook energy of older people copy and pasting that they have no right to use their photos)
dump him. spelling your name wrong in is phone just shows how little he cares about you.
Everything out of his mouth is a lie lol.
yeah I completely agree with you, maybe had I grown up under different circumstances I would be more understanding but I just don't get it and won't be fair to either of us
You're going to have to schedule a meetup with one on one day then a meetup with the other the next day. But you don't invite total strangers to stay with you. These guys can't possibly believe a woman they barely know is going to let them sleep over. So unless they have no scruples at all they're not going to expect to share your accommodation like that.
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English is not my first language, so I hope you don’t mind the errors.
I(21f) and my boyfriend (24m) have been together for almost 2 years. I love him so much and he loves me. We work together (we are both freelancers in the same career, so when one of us has a job, the other goes to help, but I don’t get as many jobs as he does because he’s been in the industry longer than me) and all our money goes to my account and we’ve never had any issue about this. A few days ago, we had a very huge fight and so many things were said. He had work the next day. I spent the night crying and told him he would have to go to work alone. He was gone when I woke up, and when I checked my phone, he had transferred the money to his account. I texted him to ask why, and he said “it’s time I lead the house, I cared about you too much and you don’t see it. I’m going to be like other men, and when you realize what you’ve lost, you’ll tell me and we’ll go back to how things were before.” Apparently, he was hurt because he went to work alone, so I sucked it up, asked him to send me some money so I could take a ride and go to help him, which I did, but it was hell for me since I took breaks every 30 minutes to go cry in the bathroom. I ended up not helping him as much, but he had called his friends to help, so it wasn’t a big deal.
So, fast forward to today. We were having a conversation about the fight, and I asked him why he said what he said about being the “man of the house,…” and he said it was just to teach me a lesson, that I “should appreciate what i have,” and that he’s not like other men, since he helps with chores and stuff. I told him if that’s what he intended to teach me, then he failed because it only changed the way I viewed him as a partner, I told him how it hurt me and how I wish he hadn’t done it. He said he doesn’t regret it. I’m starting to think I overreacted, but on the other hand, I feel like he shouldn’t have done that. Please help.
This.