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Date: October 10, 2022
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It sounds like he’s been having an emotional affair with his ex wife for some time and eventually it led to a physical affair.
I honestly don’t see how you could potentially salvage this relationship.
Most people who try to reconcile say that you 100% need to go NC with the AP.
Unfortunately in this case you can’t. So she’s always going to be in your life. She’s also confirmed that she’s a shitty person by not only cheating on him but not cheating with him on you. She cannot be trusted, like at all. And neither can he.
You deserve better than him and definitely deserve better than having to put up with her in your life for the rest of it.
You only have one life to on-line so why waste it with shitty people? Instead go out there when your ready and meet someone who’ll treat you so much better. Good luck.
Yes. OP, I am a psychologist specializing in trauma and abuse. I am also a Christian. This is abuse, and his approaches to enacting his “Christian” principles are coercive and abusive. This poster sums it up perfectly. There are many causes for abusive behavior (not that the causes justify the behavior, but they can help us to understand), and people have differing levels of insight about their abusive behaviors. I have no idea if your husband is intentionally perpetuating these behaviors, but ultimately it doesnt matter. He has not been willing to acknowledge his behavior or commit to changing it authentically (not just to do just enough to keep you from leaving). Please care for yourself.
INFO: How has he dealt with conflict so far? Have you fought?