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Date: March 21, 2023
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My parents asked me to download Life360, an app that tracks your location 24/7, on my phone when I was in high school. I didn’t have a problem with it then, and I’ve had it on my phone ever since. I moved about 1,000 miles away about 3 years ago to transfer universities my junior year of college and my mom still tracks me, even though I am now 22, have a full-time job, and am completely self sufficient.
I understand her worry of being so far and wanting to make sure I am safe and I understood it when I was a student, but she checks my location quite literally all of the time. I even noticed the other day she has “circles” set for different locations like my friends homes, work, and my ex boyfriends place. Apparently these “circles” notify you when someone enters or leaves them? She also shares a Ring account with me and sometimes gets notifications for my doorbell and will alert me of certain things/notifications.
I’ve asked her before if she can lay off the location tracking, and she’s been adamant about staying on it, saying “if you have nothing to hide you shouldn’t have a problem with me seeing where you are” and “I just want to make sure you’re safe”. I don’t have anything to hide, but I am an adult and would like some privacy. I’m totally down to just text her where I am if need be. I talk to her very frequently. My mom is just EXTREMELY overprotective.
For context, I do not have my own phone bill as my parents have some “insane” deal with AT&T that they’ll lose if my line comes off the plan, so saying “it’s my phone, I’m deleting the app” doesn’t really work for them. Everything else I have I pay for myself, and have been financially independent from my parents for over a year.
Any advice on how to communicate this to her would be appreciated. I’m sick of walking on eggshells, but I love my mom a lot and don’t want to worry or upset her.
TL;DR: I’m a financially independent adult whose mom still obsessively tracks me on Life360. How do I kindly tell her to stop tracking me without upsetting her/how would I open up this conversation to begin with?
EDIT: I have disabled location sharing services per yalls advice. Will update when she says something and I will be using some of y’alls advice to use this as an opportunity to set up boundaries. Thanks!
Oh I get that!! I’m totally a people pleaser too. Sometimes, I’m unable to say what I really want to say in a relationship, but that can cause a lot of resentment. Letters help because I can make drafts, figure out a check list of what I want to say. It also allows you to preplan leaving.
It also isn’t fully your fault for not saying what you wanted to say. He should have been a active listener when you have issues. He’s been taking advantage of your people pleasing tendencies, is what it sounds like to me.
I’d also have a go bag packed, just in case you have to leave quickly and make a plan to come back for your stuff. Take everything of importance, medical docs, passport, prescription, family heirlooms. You can even store this at your friends house. Just in case. You can never be too cautious during a break up. Especially since he seems to already react poorly while you’re in the relationship, and he’s supposed to be on best behaviour. Some people see red when it’s ending and just go ham.
Good luck and stay safe!!