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@celiscatalina instagram, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 4, 2022
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My husband decided a few weeks ago he wanted a career change. We discussed it and made some plans. He had an interview yesterday, at a much bigger company that was his top choice, for a position that would be a significant upgrade in both salary and rank.
While he said the interview itself went very well and I'm sure it did, he couldn't have fucked up more when it comes to what he did next. He for some reason just assumed that he'd already gotten/was going to get the job shortly (apparently because the hiring manager asked when he'd be able to start… but that is a normal question that doesn't mean you're GOING to start..) Then, directly after the interview he went back to his workplace. He made a massive disruption insulting his boss, clients, everyone as “incompetent morons”, flung papers and monitor from his office, jumped on a table and yelled “i'm outta here motherfuckers WOOOOOO!” and stormed out laughing as people were calling security.
Now how do I know all this? Because he willingly openly shared it with me? Haha! Nope! I guess he didn't stop to think about how my roommate from before we moved in together a couple years ago is one of his coworkers. She saw the whole thing, dug up our old whatsapp thread and gave me a play by play because she was so shocked. When he came home yesterday I waited to see if he'd tell me on his own. Gave him a couple openings to do so. He said nothing apart from reiterating that the interview had gone really well and they'd offered him the job. I confronted him about what my old roommate said and he tried to lie, but eventually admitted it was all true. He said he just wanted to go out with a bang and thought it was funny. And that it didn't matter because, again, he would soon be starting his dream job. And they “really were idiots and I'm not wrong to say that.”
I was already appalled but it only gets worse. He called his “new job” this morning to ask some questions. I got to watch as his expression and voice went from excited to the look of someone who has fucked around and is now finding out. They told him (rightly, it sounded) that they'd never given him any verbal or official offer, and also that they wouldn't be proceeding with his application.
I don't even know what to say.. we will not be okay on just my wages, not after a few weeks have gone by like that at least. I'm in grad school working only part time as a TA. He was the fulltime salary with health insurance for us. We don't have much savings. How could he be so monumentally, recklessly STUPID??? If word gets around what he did he might very well not even find another job in his industry. Not here anyway. What grown adult puts themself in that position?
I just don't know what to even say to him or how he can possibly fix this. Am I like insane to feel almost like he broke my trust?
What can I do? Should I tell him to go back to his old job, get on his knees and do everything he can to apologize and make things right if there's any chance they'd let him back? Apply for and take literally any job that will have him even the ones he thinks are beneath him? Something else? I did NOT need this stress and am so indescribably pissed at him.
TL;DR: Husband ragequit his job by acting like a maniac right after an interview elsewhere, baselessly thinking they'd already hired him. They hadn't and they're not going to. I'm so upset that he thought any of this was okay. And I don't know what to do
Especially when you are tired or out of emotional steam, take a breath as self care and then practice stopping to think.
If you realise that you could be happier by making others happy, then do that.
Don't let short term failures become entrenched.
Talk to your mother about your approach and ask and expect fair respectful critique.
View it as repairing the relationship and building an equal adult relationship for the future.
Sometimes your mum might cross the line too… she will be learning through the process. Calmly and clearly refrain from escalation an address it later when you are both in a place of emotional safety and receptiveness.
He cheated on you unless he can 100% prove he didn't.