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Date: October 25, 2022
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We married in February after only dating for a few months and this year has been amazing!!
Except for the fact that he is apparently involved with someone else. It takes time to get to really know someone. Maybe next time slow down and enjoy the ride of getting to know someone and avoid having to say “I just feel all alone and it’s a horrible feeling.”
I didn't get rejected by anyone, there are tons of people that don't respond to me when i asked them to go out for Fun.
I just asked to go to a rooftop bar with her thats all, but instead I just get told shes going through anxiety and depression.
You know what else? Shes the one who talks to my ex boss, her uncle about me. She told him stuff about me because he knew all these random facts about me.
On top of that, she is the one who seems upset I didn't wish her happy birthday and am ignoring her. I don't really care about her.
It's her right to have standards, but she failed to go about it with respect and dignity. If your professional performance is so important to her, she should have made it clear before making wows. If she misjudged her choice of partner, she should have fixed it gracefully, explaining her expectations and preferences and paying ways if they were not met. The fact that she tolerated herself in marriage with man she considered loser doesn't do her honors either.
She's really wronged you. Explain this. Will be difficult to recover, but not impossible. You both have to decide if you want it and if you can.
As for helping her, you need to set clear expectations. In the end, sum of house + professional chores should be equally split, notwithstanding of revenues they generate. Marriage with merged finances is a joint venture: you jointly put equal effort, jointly get revenue from it and spend it equally on joint or individual priorities. If chores are too much, should try to negotiate. If your wife insists on workload way above of what is agreeable to you, she is free to pursue it on her own accord, without holding you liable. In such case you can talk of separating finances, in which case you should expect to be compensated for helping that you decide to offer on your own accord, essentially employment.
Maybe he didn't know how to use it like she likes. And you do.
Why are you purposefully misgendering her? It’s fine for a dog to not be able to tell a gender, for animals it’s a very simple male/female they can’t tell nuances like transgender or non-binary. So of course keep that person away from the dog, they are acting like an idiot for being upset that an animal misgenders them. But you’re a bigot too. She’s female so use the correct pronouns.
If you’ve got three kids babe no offence you don’t need four. You also need to get rid of that bloke.
“She really valued our friendship” yeah trying to get in your pants, break up with your girlfriend so she can do better please ? you just want to fuck and you're looking for every excuse possible to do so
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No, she was 18. How am I sounding manipulative?
Thank you. This is some solid advice. Unfortunately it’s not due to anxiety, simply he just doesn’t see it as necessary unless something is wrong. But obviously as you mentioned, a lot can be hidden and you don’t know anything is wrong until it’s too late.
When we discussed it, I explained that it’s likely his bill will be huge because unless he’s very lucky he’ll probably have a few issues that need sorting. He then expressed to me that he sees this as something to kind of “rip people off” under capitalism.
There’s other things that I’ve tried to overlook as I’ve thought maybe I wasn’t being understanding enough. Like I introduced him to using face wash and moisturiser, and having more than one bath towel, and taking care of his feet to ensure he doesn’t get fungi or callouses.
These things were normal in my household growing up, but I know everyone grows up differently and has different habits but I definitely have met people who have the same and/or similar habits as me and honestly…. it’s starting to feel like I’m teaching a child
OP has serious mental illness as you can see by the crazy writing. Do not engage.
Good for you leaving. He’s controlling. Verbally and emotionally abusive. And manipulating. He took a class in gaslighting. Fortunately he’s not good enough to have convinced you that you’re the problem.
Hopefully you can get this marriage ended and cleaned up quickly so you can move on with your life without abuse all over your horizon.
Every adult should know how to do at least basic cooking. Sheet pan meals are insanely easy, as are stir-frys. Making your food at home is healthier and also contributes to less packaging waste than constant takeout. Why not cook together and make it kind of a date now and then? You get to work together and create something you both get enjoyment out of at the end. I bet if you started cooking once a week even, it would make her happier and then you'd have leftovers as well.
Think of the good you could do in the world as well if you spent a little less on takeout, too. If you spent even $1,000 less a year, you could donate that to a charity for something you care about and help the world a little bit.
I don't want to hijack your valuable comment but: people don't wear underwear under their pyjamas??
Fine, “a phase where everything is new and exciting and fun and wonderful”, does that work better for you? When you meet a new person whose company you enjoy, your brain goes chemical crazy and makes you happy as heck, so yes “honeymoon” phases happen in pretty much all kinds of new relationships be it romantic ones, friendships, situationships and everything else.
She’s not going to marry someone who thinks he owns her and can dictate who she talks to.
She’s not your pet.
My thoughts exactly
since he's also my wife's friend her opinion is to just forget it ever happened and move on but in my mind I don't know and I don't know if I should even try to hear his explanation again and what to do going forward.
Read that back to yourself. Bro she's fucking him…clear as day.
But ok…what were these photos for? Op, you don't have them correct?
First off, this is hilarious, one of the funniest stories I’ve heard on here so far! So thank you that.
Okay, this man needs a lot of help and I’m not sure you can help him. You need a maid to help out. And this guy may lack common sense. Common sense is a hard thing to learn. I’m sorry he is like this. He needs to go to a training camp of some sorts to help him learn how to online life with another human. PM me is you have any questions. Thank you for your post.
Thank you for your comment
Wow. You finally open up to her and she stabs you in the heart. Not only that, but she makes it about her, and says that you took advantage of her.
Your story is really tragic and I am so sorry you have had to endure so much. I'm also sorry you had to find out your girlfriend is a shitty person in this way.
Please don't apologize to her again, you did nothing wrong here. This is not your issue to “make right”, it's your girlfriend that needs to atone here. You dared to show vulnerability, and she kicked you in the nuts for it. You deserve better.
I'd tell her very calmly and matter-of-factly that you are disappointed in her response to you actually opening up about your tragic life. It has shown how bad of a person she is, and you're not going to voluntarily stay with a partner that can't support you when you talk about the most tragic events of your life. Events you did nothing to cause, and that continue to haunt you to this day.
Then leave her ass. No emotion, no tears, no anything. Don't give her that satisfaction. Switch her off in your mind. Just leave her and move on.
Your story has become so so common. It's so sad and frustrating
I have looked for them sometimes but I haven’t had any luck finding one. I’m open to dating women of all ages, but it’s just a lot harder to find the qualities I’m looking for in an older woman.
Wooooow.
Hey Joe
Slow but funny.
Can you give some examples about things he sees that he views as childish?
You are definitely missing some pieces of this puzzle. Do not let her turn this around and make it about your response to her behaviour.
I really needed all of that. Especially the last part. Cause that’s what it can feel like. That I’m Taking advantage of her. Also focusing on maintaining an emotional intimacy. Thank you so much
Edit 1: man, in a society where folks claim to want men to open up emotionally and talk about their feelings, this comment section is why most men won’t. I do appreciate those who did come here with helpful advice though ??
You think coming to the internet to find ways to get your wife to give you more exciting sex is the same as opening up emotionally? Oh, shut up. You admit that your wife has sex as a favor to you. Yet you keep having sex with her. I was in a relationship where sex was an obligation before. I'm so glad my husband stopped immediately when he noticed I wasn't as into it as I usually was. Of course she isn't into sex with you. She has all this time all day with 4 small children, yet she still has to give you sex because she's scared you'd probably leave her if she didn't.
Maybe try some marriage therapy and get ideas from her instead of random people on reddit.
Unless there was a history of cheating. My new life rule thanks to Reddit is “Sure you can have a paternity test but it comes with divorce papers”
You're fundamentally incompatible. Best to break it off now, since it's early.
Dude. Block her number.
Never speak to her again.
I am begging you. This girl is a disgusting human being. She will destroy your life.
And I promise you, she ain't gonna kill herself. I've had the tragic misfortune of knowing almost half a dozen women like this in my life. And it's ALWAYS the same.
They make lots and lots of “sewer slide” attempts. Yet somehow always managed to take juuuuust a little bit shy of a fatal dose.
If you're genuinely that worried call her parents or a friend in her area and tell them. Then BLOCK HER DAMN NUMBER. And make it crystal clear to any mutual acquaintances that they better not give her your contact info ever again.
I am begging you man, PLEASE go 100% No Contact with this toxic psychopath you've allowed yourself to become infatuated with.
I say annulment and leave. Who even cares anymore about his background.
I absolutely bawl when I'm angry. It's horribly embarrassing but I can't help it.
I have responded and made other comments about things you've said, yes. And what of it? This is a public forum I am not limited to a single comment per post ffs
And then I jokingly said like 'Hey. I have a penis. You have a vagina. At least we know who's going to fuck who.'.
Just for the record, this is a messed up thing to say to a trans man. You shouldn't assume that because someone has a vagina they want to be a bottom. Plenty of trans men, like myself, are tops and find the idea of being penetrated vaginally not only dysphoric, but an unpleasant turn off.
Maybe do some reading about trans issues before you try to keep engaging with the topic with him, including before any more apologies. Trying to deal with clueless cis people can be absolutely exhausting when this is our reality 24/7. You might want to check out r/asktransgender
I'm not saying it wasn't cheating, I'm saying not everyone considers non-physical stuff cheating and until then we hadn't explicitly talked about it. We have since explicitly talked about it. I absolutely agree he is blaming me but idk how to get him to see that.
She is cheating and covering her tracks.
Chill
I mean I never said any of those regulated drugs were bad. If you HAVE to go to them, that’s different.
Going and getting a bag in with the girls on the weekend. Not the same thing. At all. And it’s stupid to say it is.
Girls in the city trying to make something of themselves? They’re out on weekends doing bag? I don’t think so. And if that’s really true, then yeah, I don’t want a gf.
I don’t. If the sex is good, I have more sex. Like immediately. Then I set up another date ASAP.
That’s rare though, most men are bad at sex in my experience. With women though, and men that have been good at sex, refer to my first paragraph.
Your story is written too messily too understand. Still you shouldn't do things posing as your bf. Do you think anything has changed? He is the same person that was holding Sara's comfort over your feelings. This isn't just about Sara, but your bf priorities, and how much (or how little) he cares about you.
Your actions were inexcusable, if situation was unacceptable for you, you should have broken up with him.
Believe your gut. There’s some serious self-preservation happening from both of them. Nobody unsends that many messages as an accident.
There is no “father”. You're sending your money to a scammer.
I think a big part of it is he doesn't seem to understand why I'm upset about something and doesn't think it really matters. I have a problem with intense emotions so I can empathize with that, and maybe my problem is trying to communicate too much instead of dealing with it on my own. But when I try to do that he gets frustrated that I'm upset even if I'm just being quiet. He said he doesn't want me to feel like I have to comfort him yet he'll sit like a stone, say he doesn't know what to do, or turn on the tv leaving me feeling like nothing was resolved. Even if I say I need a hug he'll reach out his arms but not sit up. I want to make things smoother and understand his stress response but I'm at a bit of a loss. Your first paragraph hits really naked though and is definitely something I should look more in to…
Specifically, what advice are you seeking?
I’m so sorry for you
Dude just got green lit to cheat again. He knows what to say when he gets caught again and it’ll probably work. Her bf sounds like my coworker who recently got caught cheating yeah he’s been depressed and shit but only because he was kicked out for a week but when she took him back he started making comments about every fucking girl that would walk past and refer to his gf as a bitch because she wanted him to change and stop drinking.