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Date: October 31, 2022
Why would you want to continue dating a person like that?
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We’ve been on/off for about 10 months, I finished, he didn’t and he began to seemingly unravel? He was tearful, angry that his balls hurt and stomped around the house while saying “it’s fine.” I can’t help but feel confused and unbelievably turned off seeing him act like that.
Would it though? You already have the professional relationship. I’d view the credibility hit if the professional relationship started after the personal. Not before.
Would it need to be public? Do your coworkers know her and vice versa?
Are these your forever jobs? You’re 45. You’re both in the latter part of your working careers. Finding a partner at work is pretty common. Not like either of you are subordinates to one another.
If you are not worried about him cheating why does it matter that his potential future roommates are attractive? Please consider whether or not you’d care less if they were unattractive and less of a threat to your relationship.
It’s seems like a great opportunity for him to move into a room with people he knows and is close to vs a stranger and the unknown that may come with it. Not saying you shouldn’t feel some type of way but him living with another guy that neither of you know doesn’t reduce his likelihood of cheating especially when you’re an hour away.
Bruh I know her bodies?she’s 19
Well this will not work if he doesn’t change. The fact that he want you to cut your whole friends off is a huge red flag
It’s my fault I’ve used the word exotic, didn’t realize what it means to native speakers. She wants to go but she doesn’t have anyone to with, so she’s paying for both of them to come.
No it’s not, believe me battered husband syndrome needs to be as talked about as battered wife syndrome.
Fuck her crush before she does Sounds like she may be shit testing you
That’s fuckin wild bro
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Then he tells me that she still kinda has feelings for him but he doesn’t have feelings for her back, that He just sees her as a sister. He says she feels uncomfortable to meet me.
Okay, that's bullshit and there is something your not being told. I don't know what it is, is she supporting him, a child together, still bonning her on a regular basis, who knows… but that is bullshit.
What she said to you is way out of bounds. It was meant to make you feel insecure. This is not a person that you should invest in a relationship with.
Meanwhile, you should know that your dick can get larger through regular exercise, just like your biceps or pecs. If you are personally insecure about the size of your pecker, and you would like it to be larger, arr slash gettingbigger can help.
Good luck, brother.
they fuck who they want. it is not your business anymore.
but your business if to decide who you trust as friend. time to organise friendly event without him.
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Here's 2 cents from a smoker of 5 years that's been struggling to quit. My Fiance HATES it and I really really want to quit and have tried to quit many many times.
Quitting can be miserable and withdrawal symptoms suck for everyone around them. Either he quits Cold Turkey and you be as supportive as possible or you try to get him to switch to vape, patches, or pouches.
This time I'm back to pouches. I guarantee he feels guilty about it, and jonesing for a cigarette can make a man do stupid things like lie about it.
Smoking is disgusting, but you gotta understand that he's chemically dependent on nicotine and that's not an easy thing.
After reading OP’s post history, it seems like this isn’t the first time your wife has made you choose between seeing someone you’re close with for an extremely important life event and the risk of her getting angry and stonewalling you.
I have a best friend for 17+ years I could never imagine my husband giving me an ultimatum of attending their wedding or not. Your wife is toxic, emotionally manipulative and controlling to say the least.
I understand the desire to not have anyone else pay your way, or do things for you. My husband also has the first instinct to pay for himself. He is very ready to treat other people, and do for them, but has trouble letting people do for him. He's never been as hardcore as you are, and he has accepted that give and take in a relationship is healthy and is less bothered now when I pay for things or do things for him. I want you to give you a couple of things to think about, some drawn from my experience with him, and some based on just what you're describing.
Before I get into scenarios, though, I want you to think about WHY you feel the need to be this way. Was there someone in your past who used to do things for you, and then use them as leverage to get what they want? Did your parents talk a lot about how much it cost to take care of you, and make you feel like a burden? Do you tie it to traditional gender roles, seeing the man as the provider? Or do you hate the feeling of owning someone something, and can't accept things from others without keeping tabs and thinking of the way you need to pay them back? Is it that you just always want to be generous, but never want to take generosity in return?
Here are some things to consider when you take this naked a stance:
— You steal the joy from others lives- Part of having relationships, be they romantic, platonic or family, is the sense of community and the bonding you have with other people, and for most people that includes gifting and doing for each other. If I go out with a friend regularly, and one time she picks up the tab and the next time I do, we're still being fair and equal in our friendship, but we don't deprive the other of the joy of expressing friendship in that way.
— It denotes a lack of trust, and damages your relationships- To be so aggressive about not wanting them to pay makes the other person feel that you trust them so little, that you can't even accept a friendly overture because you feel like it will give them an opening to use or hurt you somehow. No one wants to be treated as so toxic that they can't be trusted to buy you a pack of gum, especially when they have not done anything wrong.
— Sometimes in not accepting ten or fifteen dollars worth of something, you are actually forcing an emotional or mental load on the person which is much more of an imposition than the money would be. That's what happened with your girlfriend. I guarantee you imposed much more on her by embarrassing her and making her feel awful while you sat there not eating than you would have by taking the meal. It's so much more of a detriment to her life that she can never go to a nice place to eat with you, never plan a vacation, never go on an adventurous date and not have the standard of living she wants in terms of the kind of apartment or house, even when she can afford it, because your need to pay “your share” outweighs her desire for any other thing she wants for you as a couple. It's an imposition on her time, quality of life and sanity.
— It sets a pattern of toxicity for your kids to follow, if you ever have any. One of the biggest reasons my husband eased up on this is because I sat him down and told him that if our son had 20 years watching a relationship where Dad did everything for Mom, and Mom never did shit for Dad in terms of gifts, taking someone out, etc., then he would think his role in the relationship is to give, give, give, and never expect anything for himself. And that's how a user and abuser gets their hooks into someone- they latch onto this mindset of not deserving anything from anyone, and they use it to drain the person dry and never have to reciprocate. We didn't want that to be how our child valued himself.
I want you to understand- doing what you do, to the degree you do it, doesn't make you look like someone who has pride in themselves. It makes you look broken, and unable to receive affection, and unapproachable. It doesn't make you seem generous when you push other people into uncomfortable or unpleasant situations to feed this need- it makes you look selfish putting your comfort far above the comfort of everyone else. If this is a pride or ego thing, you need to know it hurts other people when you get an ego boost this way. By being so unreasonable, you're not being a good partner.
i was definitely more drunk than her, i don’t think i would have agreed to it if i was sober or without asking. it was totally unconscious, i just met this girl a week ago and her and her partner have an open relationship so hooking up with friends is something they do
So glad she has agreed to do this. Best of luck, and it will give you some ability to be less stressed knowing she is safe.
Tpo bad, you're not going to get him back, and if you try to sabotage their relationship, you're even worse of a person. He wasn't interested in you, that's why he was only your friend, that's why he never pursued you, because he was never going to date you. Ever.
She didn't take him away from you, they've more than likely always had a thing for each other, it just wasn't the time and place until now. Which is why they click so well. And why he would never be happier with you.
It's also entirely on you for not having a backbone to say something sooner, you missed your chance and now you have to suck it up. They're happy, they're together, and you're not involved. Butt out and get therapy for your delusions.
He will share if he is ready, and if he isn’t then he won’t. Love him for the person he is and let him share that part of him if he chooses because it very well could be something awful that he would rather not speak of
The fact that it's a man, not another woman, is just a red herring here. Man, woman, non-binary… it's irrelevant. The fact is that he cheated.
One of the great things about having a few different relationships before you settle down, is that you learn a lot about the kind of standards that various people can set. You've been dating the same person since you were 16; it needs to be a very, very, very special relationship for that to keep going for the rest of your life. This is clearly no longer a very special relationship.
Cut the relationship. Move on. There's a wide world out there waiting for you and this man is not worth giving that up.
he needs to communicate his real feelings to me
And what exactly are his real feelings? Does he agree with all that this friend said? Or is he gonna stand up to his friends for talking smack about his gf?
Because I am hoping your bf is a grown man who can make his own decisions. You’re not his mommy. Your bf knew that you would (understandably) not be ok with her staying and she still let her. Also why did the topic of what you would and wouldn’t like come up in the first place?
Think carefully about whether you want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t respect you and gossips about your
You should have been the one telling him off for disrespecting your relationship like that, and he should be the one distancing himself from her if his intentions are so pure.
The thing is, neither financially entanglement nor guilt/pity should keep her with this man.
This ?. Right here.
She is totally in sunk cost fallacy mode. What he went through was sad, yes. But what does that have to do with his wayward dick?
What if instead of a brothel (where I assume there is some health safety going on?), he picked up a street walker with drug issues and all kinds of STDs? I mean there are some things that are still incurable (like herpes and HIV).
Dude fuck this girl. And you my friend are a saint. I have a 16 year old disabled daughter and bathroom time is one of the hardest things I have to do. This girl has it completely wrong. What did she want you to do? Let your sister sit in her own shit?
It sounds like in part that following women on Twitter comes off a lot different to your gf than watching porn as with Twitter its at least framed as the actual person who is in the content posting it so there is an element of interaction with them whereas with porn on a site or something the people are essentially performing for a camera and there is a barrier in a sense as a result.
Furthermore, it's one thing to enjoy porn and various types but it's another for that to cross over into your comments to the person you're with. Couple that with you now on Twitter where there is the chance of interaction and I can understand her feelings here.
Lots of men see sexworkers, I met a bunch of lonely horny but harmless guys doing that job. Creeps see sexworkers with their friends or work buddies.
You really did not make that clear. As that doesn't seem like it was a deal breaker for you it means what exactly?
However, before that, my main question would be do they practice what they preach? Or Are they making these comments as jokes and have openly made this comments with their diverse community? Or are they in fact racist and xenophobic?….
I also find it funny that people would stop shaming you when you bring up the racist perspective, that would just mean shame on both of you.
Let’s break this down….
First, he has some kind of emotional connection with another woman. He’s moving in two weeks anyways, and she supposedly has a boyfriend. Instead of just doing everything he can to get over it, or just waiting out the two weeks and working to get over it after the move, he throws all this at you now.
Second, he doesn’t just tell you that he’s feeling things for this other woman that are conflicting with his feelings for you. No, he turns it around on you. Maybe you’re not sexual enough for him, maybe if only you offered him anal. ?
Third, he doesn’t have a plan in place for curbing his feelings. He sounds like he doesn’t want to really curb them, he wants to explore them further. He wants to work out the next two weeks with this coworker and continue to be emotionally attached to her.
Fourth, he says he doesn’t want to hurt you, he loves you, etc. We all know that’s a pile of doggy dodo, right? He’s literally doing everything in his power to hurt you right now. He waited until two weeks before a huge move to give you this revelation. There are literally 100 other ways that he could have expressed feeling unsure without involving another woman into the equation. Instead, he’s got you doubting if you are enough, if you did something wrong, etc.
IMO, you will be doing yourself a favor by moving on from this man. He clearly isn’t someone you can trust to manage his “crushes” and not allow them to get out of hand. I’m fairly sure this is going to end up being a “grass is greener” scenario, where he regrets his decision to leave you as soon as he gets a taste of a life without you. But I hope you won’t be there to just accept him back when he comes to his senses. You deserve so much better!
She's too young for you it's weird you didn't shut it down immediately
I was gonna say this too
There's no cure for narcissism, dear. Start reading up on these disorders and you'll understand why this is a losing battle. Cut your losses and move on.
Lol help him cum maybe.
“I’m not bad looking by any means. I have red hair and blue eyes”
Hate to break it to you, but those characteristics don’t make you attractive by default lol
Anyways, are you still into him after that? If so, I’d probably reach out to him and just see what he thought of the date and ask him if he’d like to go out again. You will surely get your answer that way.
I don't know that OP is either, because she hasn't responded to my question.
Assuming this is a shitpost, but nonetheless here goes:
Wasn't there a very recent post from the boyfriend? He met the other woman through church around the same time as OP. Other girl wanted him. He at some point told her that he was with his partner and is dedicated to that relationship.
So he proceeds to not address or shut down the touching, other close contact, gifts and, oh yeah, that the girl told him she wanted him. All that attention must have felt reeeealy good.
So he shuts nothing down with this chick, and then goes on a trip with this other her and lies about it to (possibly) OP.
If I were OP, I would be done. He was chased and willingly caught.
weird
A bit harsh. When you risk not seeing your children it’s okay to be risk averse compared to standing up to someone who cuts you in a queue or is rude.
I would assume that their space looks, as I would refer to it, “lived in.” As in, it’s not a staged catalog, but it isn’t dirty. Sometimes mail gets left on a table for the weekend, or a couple dishes don’t fit into the dishwasher. Literally the middlest of middle ground that there is. Vacuuming every other day, cleaning every room every day, those are things you can’t do & still have a space be wrecked, unless someone is coming in afterward & wreaking utter chaos. Heaven forbid someone falls into a headspace where their brain literally doesn’t function the same way as it does otherwise, & they forget to dust a ceiling fan for a week.
Sounds a bit like an excuse. You don't lose attraction towards somebody all of a sudden because of dirt in the flat.
you are not grown or moral. honestly, you need therapy because there is something VERY VERY wrong with you. like with a sister like you who needs enemies. you could have talked to her first but you didn't because you KNEW what you were doing was wrong and awful. with sisters like you who need enemies.
You have one of 2 things, you know it'll feel bad to say No so go in prepared to feel bad because you feel bad/resentment even after you do it since the effort isn't returned. (2) you start asking for more of your needs to be met. Start asking for whatever you want and let's see how that goes.
It's like with a baby, it feels horrible to tell them No but it's necessary. Dont even wrap that much feeling into it. It's ok to not feel like doing something. Or say “not this time”. Or simply “I dont want to” if he's pushing back. Exercising boundaries is what you struggle with and your bf doesn't know the extent in which youre pushing yourself to make him happy and you're being taken for granted.
Expect there to be pushback because there always pushback with change and he's a big boy.. he'll get past it but focus on keeping yourself in check to not waver. Those feelings you feel eventually disappear and you'll realize that you didn't have to feel horrible at all. I doubt your bf feels horrible all the time when he wants to say no
Don't bother. Either he grows up or he doesnt..
Don't bother. Either he grows up or he doesnt..
Attraction grows. He chose to be with her and love her. I think painting this as “he doesn’t find you attractive” is WRONG. He mentioned that in the beginning of their relationship, he wasn’t super into her looks. This isn’t uncommon. Sooooo many ppl decide to date somebody and stay with them AFTER getting to know them. Why? Bc love truly is deeper than looks.
None as of now
Your boyfriend is mean and immature. Any one who can't have an argument without getting off track and start name calling really needs to up their communication skills. If you want to stay together you should seek councilling.
I hope I become a millionaire
Have you asked to go with her or has she otherwise invited you? Have you shared your concerns for her safety with her? Communicate! Your concerns are all valid; if she makes a fuss about not wanting you to come I think that's a major red flag.
So this guy is closer to her parents than you are and she is actively having him check up on them for her with everything else. That is what would bother me if you really don't think anything sexual is happening between them.
By saying “excuse me, I'll get up now”.
She should have made him though.
The age gap is literally the first thing I mentioned lol
You know that's bonkers insecure & controling, right?
Hey guys, just for clarification I am the one sending the invites but I would never do it behind his back. He's right beside me looking for feedback too since it's a naked situation. Thank you guys for standing up for him if I were going to do that though. That would be awful.
Just leave him. He's never going to admit it. Stop trying to get him to change who he is.
Nerd.
I'm not sure, when we were in the car the other day we reflected vaguely and she said things and showed some signs of change that I really appreciated. I also tried to do the same thing, but I'm not sure if she picked up on those things though. Since breaking up I've thought about us a lot, and I think I know what I'd do differently if given a second chance, but I'm not sure if she's there yet or if she even wants that. We are still on good terms even if we don't hear from each other all that often in the grand scheme of things.
Liking thirst traps on ig doesn’t equate to her not giving a shit about you, she doesn’t know how you feel because you haven’t expressed it. She also has no idea you went through her likes so isn’t thinking it’s effecting you most likely. You seem deeply insecure with the “she doesn’t give a shit about me” and the “she’ll forget about me if they follow her back” she’s dating YOU for a reason and you need to trust that and if you don’t that’s on YOU.
Did you read a different post than me? OP did NOT consent to sex with this man and did NOT consent to him finishing inside of her.
You're absolutely free to go on a date with this guy and inder no obligation to mention your not very serious relationship with a guy who he might be friends with. Also, you could if you'd like to. But people don't own other people.
Do be careful, however, that your interest in this friend isn't heightened because of the possible betrayal you imagine you might be inflicting. Make sure you are evaluating him on his own merits.
Thanks!
Anne has her shit together and is doing what she should be doing. In fact, more people need to do this with problematic family members.
You definitely have a tendency to enable Beth, whether you want to accept that or not. Your “both sides” bullshit is really easy to see through and I'm sure it's frustrating as hell for Anne.
Do what you want to do but you clearly want people to tell you you're the only reasonable one when that is not the case.
so his mom told u this? are u sure he actually said this to her and she wasnt lying to try and manipulate your relationship and assert herself as the more important woman in his life?
Then he's taken videos of you before.
Honey, I get that it's naked to reconcile that the man you're seeing could hurt you this way, but he did.
What you just said makes it likely he's done it before. You are not safe with this person, he just proved that to you.
Why didn't he tell you last night about the video?
How did you two meet?
I also wonder if it has anything to do with maybe trying to get me to wear more fitted clothing even though he doesn't push it normally or tell me what to wear.
Exactly
TELL HER AND DUMP HIM
Scrap it.