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Date: December 1, 2022
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Me too
i have absolutely no idea. there has be an ulterior motive. if it’s not an ulterior motive, then there’s definitely an attachment-style where jealousy is the primary mode of response.
Regifts transcend gift price limits! It's a loophole
My god do I hate the internet.
If you're not in a position to love your child and give it the best opportunities to grow and develop and learn and be happy, then no, you're not ready to be parents. The financial stuff will work itself out but the emotional side of this won't, no matter which way you go. I sense you and your boyfriend would regret termination. Yes, you would always wonder how that child would look, what they might grow up to be, how old they would be when they cross your mind. The reminders would always be there. Best of luck to you!
I needed to stop reading or I swear, I'd commit a crime… I can't STAND women/mothers who do this to their child and use them as a weapon. That's vindictive and vile and disgusting. Never in my life would I EVER use my own child against my ex husband/boyfriend. People who do this are the lowest part of humanity. She's alienating you son from you and this needs to stop ASAP.
Call a lawyer and if you have something like this wherever you are, a family mediator or family help/worker and set up a strict custody agreement and make her KNOW you know what she's doing and it has to stop right now.
By letting it sit for a minute he means that he washes it off after that (or that's how I understand it)
I think you should look into the concept of parental alienation. That might help you going forward.
Definitely set up a meeting with him (without husband and twins). I hope that by the time I’m typing this, you already will have! But it’s never too late to look into PA and to understand that may be what has happened to your son.
While it’s generally agreed upon among experts and specialists in PA that you should maintain contact through any means possible, even if you get no response, it seems that your son has come to a good enough place on his own to reach out to you. This is exciting—some kids never do.
It’s not your son’s fault that this happened and I think you did your best in this situation. You could consider apologising for not continuing to maintain contact, but honestly, I think you were just doing what you thought was right, and you can tell him you were trying to respect his wishes. Don’t apologise for anything else. The husband and the kids, the moving forward with your life—no matter how he seems to feel about this, you cannot suggest you feel guilty for this, only sad that he missed so much of it.
You’ll get more specific advice and guidance if you research PA. I would strongly recommend it.
Heartbreak is a bitch. And it can take a serious amount of time before one has come to terms with it emotionally. In comes the old saying: time will heal all wounds. You’ll have good days. You will have bad days. And it’s not a general process so for one it might take a few days and for another it might take months, maybe years. But the key is to try not to stick to those emotions and to force yourself to focus on other activities which may take your mind of things.
Shes probably immature and isnt ready to put in serious effort into a relationship. If this contenues then maybe you two arent very compatible. I think everyone deserves a partner that cares about them.
I fail to believe you are a dental student with such an immature response, holy shit lol, what a trainwreck.
“charity never decreases ur wealth” this saying is literally so far from true, what a shitty quote to fall back on lol
Okay sure, I’ll give it a shot. I seem to be terrible at deescalation haha, can’t ever figure it out
I'm an American and definitely have more than 1 machete lol. Living in the country you have to have one to clear a lot of stuff. You'd break your weedeater lol.
I’m a fan of his/hers/ours acct where each puts into “ours” based on % of total income to cover shared expenses and then whatever is left goes into personal accts. That way, the bills are always paid and each of you can spend your personal money as you see fit.
I had to do that with my now ex husband as he’d just spend whatever was in the acct with no regard for the fact we needed to pay the mortgage or car payment. It led to a lot of arguments. Once I split the accts, no more arguments.
But that only really works if you both have some income. Else you’d have to agree to put X amount into her personal acct each month.
We didn’t have a big argument. I just rallied up the monthly bills and showed him what our output was, created a new personal acct for me and changed my auto deposit with HR. Then I asked him to do the same. I just explained that I was stressed trying to stay on top of the finances and hated fighting about it so wanted to try a different method.
That worked for us for years. And when we finally did divorce for completely unrelated reasons, it made things much easier as it was one less thing to divvy up.
“I am breaking up with you because I am not okay with you turning me into your free therapist.”
You really need to just wait and see. But you should go. Clearly something is up and she feels she needs some help communicating. Not sure what there is to resolve first.
This sounds like he's trying to impress a minor. I know 14 yr old me would have been impressed like hell.
How many times are you going to fall for the same lie?
Nothing wrong with all three having a Convo. See if he's saying that soulmate stuff in front of the wife. If you really did find your soulmate but we're married to somebody else wouldn't you be up front about it so you didn't lose your soulmate?
Of course he's a yoga teacher, I fucking knew it. It's always the male teachers posting this sort of shit, making everyone think the rest of us must also be this pretentious.
Ok then. I disagree and think you’re holding his fantasies against him and expecting your own to be taken in stride. And also that he’s done anything at all wrong in this case and so you have nothing to be troubled by. But if you’re now determined to be upset by it, the two of you need to continue to communicate and to hopefully come to either a compromise or done understanding. Good luck.
You may have a lot in common but it sounds like you have some life outlooks that are not compatible the way things are currently, especially when you’re younger and still finding out who you are. Do you think he has an addiction or it’s just his preferred way to socialise?
Like for example, if you both decide you want children, what kind of future can you envision with him? Can you see him dropping the controller for a crying child? to let you sleep in? to change a diaper? You may think it’s years down the line to start thinking about these things but you don’t want to find out years down the line that this may not be the right person for you. Will you end up doing all the housework and looking after the kids thinking that you thought he would change? How far into his life does the gaming invade?
Years later are you going to resent him even though he’s been this way the entire time you’ve known him? Say you want to go on a holiday but he doesn’t wanna leave the pc, do you go on your own or find other friends to vacation with? Are you supposed to just not go and love your life? There’s a lot of questions here only you really know the answers to. And it’s really important that if he has no desires to change his current behaviours that you need to suppress your needs and desires which will eventually lead to resentment. You already feel lonely in his presence, how much would you actually miss him if he was out of the picture? It could be so good for you to get out there and experience what you want to experience, and whether you stayed with him or not I think you should start planning something for yourself, do it for you, no one else is gonna do it for you, maybe a bit of fomo might snap him out of it if it isn’t a serious addiction.
Sorry this was a bit long winded ? I’m a big gamer myself and I know my limits and what’s reasonable for me and my partner. This shouldn’t be a regular fighting scenario. You expressed your desires to do more, so start living your life and doing them without him, you’ll come to some realisations on your own!
I guess I’ve been so depressed about this because I recognize it’s a difference in priorities and those are hard to move past.
As I’ve said in multiple comments already, I am completely capable of supporting myself financially if I were alone. We both split expenses evenly and support each other reciprocally
These days you can talk to a therapist by zoom or Skype. It’s not as good as being in the same room as the therapist, but it can work.
You have acknowledged that you are overreacting so why are you know Reddit debating breaking up?
Repeating your own words back to you:
YOU HAVE 3 EXAMS THIS WEEK AND LOTS OF ASSIGNMENTS
Stop wasting your time on this.
Info: How long since you two were last together? Are you expecting to return to his location?
You mentioned even between dates, he didn't text much, so it's not unexpected to have him not text. I have friends I haven't seen or spoken to in decades but I still think of them as friends…
If the period between last date and now is less than 6 months and you are returning soon to his area, there could be real hope, especially if he knew you would be gone this long.
If you told him up front that you were never going back, then it was fun times and he's possibly kicking himself for not following you.
We’re you with her when she peed on the stick? Are you for sure she’s pregnant?
And love the guy next time as well.
Your guy is watching too much Redpill shit. If you flirted, thats a no-go and he is right. If you did not flirt and just had a convo, he is being a dick.
Reflect and be honest with yourself and double check if you were flirting or not and if that is what he is actually upset about.
Awesome, thank you for being VERY specific.
It’s something I’ve said before when he goes quiet… “hey, I’m here when you’re ready, and I love you”. And then I just wait. He’s always comes back and bounces pretty fast, like generally the next day. But we haven’t had a time yet together where he’s been so worried about things going on in his life.
It’s good to know that my COMPLETELY waiting for him to reply is the way to go. For ME, I’d go crazy. I need my guy when I’m worried about things (he’s awesome for that).
And yes I fully know that he and I don’t have an issue, no insecurities here!
Thanks again ❤️
Get some therapy!!
Do not make advances towards your boss!!
So in her worl you are either gay or depressed and all she cares for is that “gay” and how this is her biggest fear yadda yadda me, me, me. And first she comes with “are you depressed?” and then talks shit about everything about you – just think if you were really depressed what damage she would have done.
I would run. Her views about what is “gay” is just wtf. She sounds toxic and egocentric.
So was the message sent from Tom to you? Or from a group chat with Tom AND HIS WIFE to you?
Very different things.
Also – why is hubby going through your phone and searching chats back 6 months?
Feel like there’s more to this story.
The only way to respond is to say “That’s a strange way to announce that you’re a gay trans man.”
I was in a relationship with someone who took 45 minutes to an hour to finish every-time. It did hurt- even with reapplying lube. And honestly, it can be hard to keep focused on the partner when it takes them so long to finish- it often felt like a waiting game. He could not get off from cowgirl or missionary, only from behind. It felt impersonal and time consuming. Could you possibly get into the mood, use your toy, then approach her when you’re closer to finishing, leading to a shorter session? Could you get her off first, or mutually masturbate before having sex- that way it may feel better on her end?
A remorseful wayward should be willing to cut out triggers to help their betrayed partner feel safe.
This sounds like a huge trigger. And it’s just an object. A replaceable one at that.
What is she doing to help you feel safe? Has she gone no contact with her AP? Is she being transparent with her communications and her actions? Is she making sure she is where she says she is, and when she says she is? Has she cut off anyone who enabled her affair? Who encouraged it? Has she started individual counseling to deal with what allowed her to cheat?
Anyway getting rid of a toy is a no brainer.
If you want good advice on reconciling with your wayward partner I suggest visiting the sub AsOneAfterInfidelity. It’s the reconciliation sub.
Get a copy of the book Not just Friends by Shirley Glass and read it together. Lots more recovery resources in the wiki at AsOneAfterInfidelity. DM me for links to more.
If he truly loves you he understand that bearing the slings and arrows of real life are just part of being in a partnership. But in terms of your own state of mind, information is power. Make it a point to find out exactly what Mom's prognosis is and what the potential outcomes are. Many kinds of cancer are manageable and have optimistic prognoses. So arm yourself with knowledge about what you may need to prepare yourself for. Ultimately a (pretty new) romance is infinitely less essential than your mother's health. So if one of those things has to give it'll need to be the new boyfriend. But assuming that he's not complaining maybe just go through this as you need to and try to worry about things that are worth worrying about.
She's ignorant and your son is excusing it so there's not much to actually stop it. But you're not off base and have the right to speak on it.
“I won't accept her using that language in my house. You can let her know as a warning but I'm more than happy to discuss it with her. If I hear it again I will handle it with full-court pressure. I would hate to see your gf get embarrassed for running her mouth.”
You haven't answered the question. Why are you with this deeply manipulative liar, and why do you think this will end well.
Would you seriously have children with this person? Knowing as well that their grandfather would have access to them, whether you like it or not?
If I was you I would make a list with all this motives (in detail!) which you have to break up and a copy of this post. Then, if you start to miss her, you can read them.
So, it was always an agreement but once YOU landed a dream job, that's it?
That's not it, that's the point. The plan to move is not off.
It's about you resenting your wife, you being sad, you whatever.
I might enjoy living in Canada, we might experience better quality of life, my family might not be too sad, the point is I don't know.
And what about her?
Hence why I'm not insisting on staying in the UK.
What about her resentment?
This is what I'm trying to avoid.
What about her dreams?
Her dream was to on-line in the UK. But we have been here for 10 years and a bit
When you're depressed sometimes it's not right to be in a relationship. She needs time to heal and I think you do too.
You two should sit down in a private, quiet area to talk. You should have some topics ready. Some of the topics are:
1) I don't break easy. You can take chances and risks.
2) I'm patient. If you feel rushed, tell me, and slow down. If you feel like we are moving too slow, speed up. I can handle it.
3) I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you. You are my person. No plans to change course. We are in it together.
4) I'm your safe person. You can come to me for any problems, even if they are with this relationship.
5) I want to be your future, if you let me. You can plan with me.
6) I'm your cleanser. The toxic relationships of the past will eventually dissolve away because there are no toxins with me. I'll help you through it.
There may be other things to say. Type it up, print it out in a size that can fit in his wallet and in a size that can go on the back of a door for encouragement.
Then, I suggest working on building the relationship and love with couples projects designed to foster trust and growth.
Dr Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages” is a great book to read and discuss together. You'll learn how to make the other feel loved. Once you understand what he needs, provide it in large quantities.
You’re right ?
I wish you and your kids the best. Please look after yourself and them, nothing else for the time being. Good luck
I would set out that if the status quo remains, you see the relationship going downhill which will end up in a split, then assure him you do not feel he is leaving things to you, only that his lack of experience in being the person doing all the tasks, means he won't understand your complaint until he lives it himself.
Tell him you need him to take the lead so he does understand your point.
If he won't/can't or half arses it, you got yourself a lazy partner, my experience of these types is it will only take a few weeks to confirm if you're wasting your time
Just remember for this, actions and not words are where you judge.
Wtf
Send him to go on-line with his mother. There is not much bigger turn off than a guy who isn't a partner – but a toddler.
You can do better.
Wake up, kid. She doesn't want to be involved with you! And I can't blame her!
Your first mistake is not having any other person to connect with than her. Get some friends. Get a therapist.
This is hard for anyone to go through, but it's part of life. Make yourself stronger, and next relationship, don't expect your partner to save you from yourself.
This seems like a strange cult. What exactly were the issues with your wife? Did she not like you being apart of the cult and so then the cult convinced you to leave? All seems very strange.
my brother can't get a custody lawyer and I'm not sure how to help
Get him a family attorney wherever he lives
My partner though doesn’t like the idea and says he just prefers to make the money and buy it whenever we can because he doesn’t want to feel indebted to anyone in my family (even though I’ve already said I would be the one in debt in theory).
Easy. You take it and his name is no where on it. Then he can pay you right before you get married if he really wants to pay (but really he should get over it and accept the gracious gift).
He's a BOYFRIEND not a husband. No property decisions hinge on a boyfriend. Take the house. Don't have his name anywhere.
He shouldn't be involved in this at all. It goes to you alone.
I'm sorry, just to be clear, I don't blame her for taking care of me. Where did you read that? I only mentioned that it's unfortunate that I can't taste her cooking.
It sounds like youre okay with your toxic relationship. You and him both need individual therapy. The relationship is in abusive territory but you aren’t ready to hear that. If you already know people are going to say leave, why are you pretending like that isn’t the correct answer. You know the answer is to leave but you just don’t want to do that. Hopefully therapy will help you see you deserve more than someone who would be okay if you left.
Simply tell him just what you said about an IUD cost for you. No way you should spilt the costs especially since the relationship is still in its early stages. If you two were married and this was an issue maybe then, but no way right now.
Or how many painkillers he’s taking
Or drugs
ex's are ex's for a reason…..I suggest you stay NC and let her stay in the life she chose instead of you….
I don’t feel rejected I’m trying to understand what was going on and why. He chose to come with me. if he didn’t want to he was not obligated. He says he loves me. So in my mind that person wants to be close no matter what the age gap. Saying that you don’t want to be touched is abuse imo. That’s like saying I like to use you for sex but when it comes to our public appearances im disgusted? I’m a vulnerable minority that struggles with connecting no matterbwgat my age is. I think your response is uncalled for
Just. Leave. Him.
Thank you for understanding my question finally. “You may have the discipline to change immediately, doesn’t sound like your bf has that ability.”
I completely agree, I don’t think he has the ability. Despite us trying out this new sleep schedule arrangement for 6 months now, I don’t think that he has the ability. So that’s why I’m asking people, is this a dealbreaker or not? How long do we keep working at it? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years?
You finally understood my question and you can leave out the insults and projection next time. I’m going to stoop to your level and say that, I don’t think your sleeping arrangement with your husband is working very well if you’re this upset on Reddit that someone asked for relationship advice in a relationship advice group lmao. I mean this in the rudest way possible, I understand why your husband wants to sleep alone.
You're in love with him
He's not in love with you
He wants you as a booty call and nothing else
Find a decent bloke. This one isn't it
Tell your husband they can only come over one weekend day only. Once a week is plenty often enough to see family members.
Trump wasn’t even good at being bad. DTMFA.
Now, since we’ve had fights and seeing more of his personality, I don’t get turned on anymore.
I find him less emotionally attractive, and it is affecting my physical attraction towards him.
So why are you still with him?
You don't like his personality. You are fighting and not communicating well. You aren't emotionally attracted to him and you are not physically attracted to him either.
What can be done? I don’t want to make him feel rejected. I really dread anything beyond kissing him.
You can end it with him. If he fills you with dread, perhaps you should not be in a relationship with him.