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Languages: en
Birth Date: 1989-10-12
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityIndian
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Date: February 23, 2023
Based on these details, she is the problem. This is definitely abusive. And when one partner actively works against peace and conflict resolution, you will have neither. Couples counseling is a bad idea if one partner is abusive.
I’m sorry, but it really sounds like you guys need to split. Plus it can’t be healthy for your kid to see these occurrences. She needs personal therapy and maybe a health checkup to make sure there isn’t anything causing the drastic change in behavior (although maybe you just missed ? over the years?).
It will be hard, but worth it. Peace is priceless.
To start things off bluntly- your wife does not get to have a child the two of you cannot realistic take care off to make herself feel better. That's a terrible idea and you're looking at pushing a much worse quality of life on you, your wife, and your kids if you have another child for the sole reason that she's looking for a new purpose and a new challenge.
That's the very blunt version. Obviously, your wife is going through a very naked time right now. I can understand why she feels lost and why she's grasping for something, anything, that makes her feel like she's contributing to some higher purpose. But she cannot expect other people- including babies- to fill that hole for her. If she wants a new challenge, to feel like she's a part of something important again, then I agree she would probably find a lot more happiness and fulfillment in a new career.
I would recommend finding someone to take the kids for a night and sitting down for a very serious talk with your wife. I would be very gentle, but firm, that another baby just can't happen with your mental health issues and her physical health. Tell her you love her, you support her, and you want to help her find fulfillment in her life again. But you will not be having another baby with her. It would just be too selfish.
She lost her attraction to you when she saw you masturbating. She knows it’s a normal thing to do, and is feeling a lot of inner conflict because she knows that she should get over it, but the image of you having a wank keeps popping into her mind and it’s a turn off for her. This is why she is being stand-offish amd withholding intimacy. She is not being manipulative (as many men claim when their women don’t want to have sex with them) she is literally not attracted to you right now, she wants to be but she can’t control her feelings.