You need to work through healing and finding yourself before making an effort to date again. It sounds like a lot of your teenage development years were spent in the company of this other person, and understandably that has resulted in issues. Work on school, hobbies, and just enjoying life. It sounds cliché but when you know who you are, what you enjoy and are confident and passionate about those things, you end up also becoming more attractive to others.
That's absolutely amazing! My daughters bio father tried to insist I have a test for my daughter before she was born but the Dr's warned me it was risky especially paired with my medical problems and it was a nightmare. Glad others don't have to go through that
This is homophobic bias, as well as inverted misogyny. You think men should look and act a certain way, and the man you’re dating doesn’t meet that – but that image of masculinity exists because of society and the image of masculine men and feminine women and the way the relationship interacts, but that’s not reality. Why did you choose to date him in the first place? What makes you attracted to him? Because you don’t seem to be onboard with who he is as a person – and I really don’t think you should be together.
Don't do anything further. That will just confuse him and make him wonder if you changed your mind about him.
You aren't giving him enough credit for being able to manage his own feelings. He's learning dating and social skills. For all you know, he may have moved on to the next chick.
So I’m going to be honest here my dude. Talk to any married couple and they will tell you the proposal isn’t really a surprise. The when maybe but it isn’t a surprise nor should it ever be. You two should be on the same page and the proposal should be expected. I knew the proposal was happening a couple days before it happened. I was texting my girlfriends about it the morning of.
To me this just sounds like an excuse. So! You need to have a big boy sit down with just yourself. Evaluate why you’re not proposing yet. None of this “she won’t stop asking” or “I want it to be a surprise” bullshit because cmon. We all know it’s an excuse. Really dig deep and ask yourself why not.
Once you know your whys, it’s time to sit down with her and put all your cards out on the table. You may have to have several of these conversations. My husband and I were in a similar boat before we got engaged. We had to have several big kid conversations about it. Don’t avoid her. Communicate. If you’re going to get married communicating with your spouse is key to keeping the relationship lasting. So time to flex those communication muscles.
Not really. Being concerned about the person I've been dating and making sure they weren't seriously abused is not nosey. Asking three times in a three year relationship is not nosey. That's once an year.
You are right about one thing this sounds like a very toxic relationship. You guys are clearly not happy with each other.
My advice get a DNA test first. Leave this situation and if the baby is your co parent to the best of your ability. If the baby isn’t yours cut your losses
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I have a remote sales/engineering job and she works in software. We do not on-line together mostly because of the way she treats me financially, I have not raised this as a reason to her. She also has a 12 year old.
We've been dating for about 10 months. Last month, she came to me and told me she was going to have the power to her apartment turned off over unpaid bills of almost $1100. I offered to lend her the money, she agreed and gave me a date she'd start paying me back by.
That date was about 2 weeks ago and she's made no effort to pay me and hasn't mentioned it since. She's also suggested numerous times we go out and do stuff, which I invariably end up paying for. She also seems to plan her visits to my place so that her kid (12) will get hungry and start asking about dinner; he then refuses anything I offer to make and whines until I order takeout.
I'm really sick of this, I perceive it as being used, and I'm considering leaving the relationship and cutting my losses. First I feel like I should try to bring it up in good faith with her, but I am not sure how I can do that without coming off overly confrontational. Any advice on how to discuss this would be very welcome.
You've lost your respect and your love for him. I went through this as well. I found evidence of my ex fiance cheating on me and even though it broke me, I simply stopped caring about him because the betrayal was too much. I was his financial, emotional and physical support while he was going through some MH stuff and it just broke me.
OP, you deserve better. End the relationship and move on with your life. You'll find someone better who will love you and treat you amazingly.
The fact you was crying and screaming and he didn't help makes me so sad for you. Non of them respected your boundaries specially your bf and I'm so sorry but that isn't ok. The texts of accusing you ext is just nasty and he's not being a good bf at all. I'd be devastated if that happened to me and my other half did that. You deserve a bf who will protect and care for you not that pratt who sides with his friends over something like this. You deserve better.
Report it to your mother, if she ignores it talk to your guidance counselor at school. Keep bringing it up even if they say it's in your head you need to be assertive that he knows he can't try that shit with you. Make sure if you can get testimony from his own daughter and ask her if she's had some “groping” incident with him in the past.
This is not from ADHD! He is just selfish and lazy and doesn’t care about your enjoyment at all. Stop having sex with him, immediately. In future relationships don’t settle for treatment like this and definitely don’t feel like you have to just endure something.
He hurt your feelings after you crossed a huge boundary everybody has at that lol. It's because relationship and advice subs have a heavy “Man bad” bias unfortunately. OP acted scummy at every turn in this imo and the sub is just gassing her up.
I have not seen them because my girlfriend did not want me to see them.
I do consider some old dates as friends because in both directions we’re able to talk about a serious topic if needed and we know we can have support from the other.
I did stop assuming I didn’t wtf
He's not a great boyfriend he sounds like a pretty crap one
Lesson learned do not send nudes to anyone [ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT FUCKING KNOW THEM]no matter how horny you are.
Report to police doesn't matter if he lives in fucking Africa report it and block the guy.
Chlamydia is treatable. Not a life long disease.
You need to work through healing and finding yourself before making an effort to date again. It sounds like a lot of your teenage development years were spent in the company of this other person, and understandably that has resulted in issues. Work on school, hobbies, and just enjoying life. It sounds cliché but when you know who you are, what you enjoy and are confident and passionate about those things, you end up also becoming more attractive to others.
That's absolutely amazing! My daughters bio father tried to insist I have a test for my daughter before she was born but the Dr's warned me it was risky especially paired with my medical problems and it was a nightmare. Glad others don't have to go through that
I think its sweet but also so corny and kinda cringey. Idk if its a red flag but def corny lmao
what medical emergency that requires the OP?
millions of men run away and disown their kids all the time. none of these men who run away from their kids get contacted in a medical emergency.
why would it be any different for the OP? just because she is a woman?
This is homophobic bias, as well as inverted misogyny. You think men should look and act a certain way, and the man you’re dating doesn’t meet that – but that image of masculinity exists because of society and the image of masculine men and feminine women and the way the relationship interacts, but that’s not reality. Why did you choose to date him in the first place? What makes you attracted to him? Because you don’t seem to be onboard with who he is as a person – and I really don’t think you should be together.
Don't do anything further. That will just confuse him and make him wonder if you changed your mind about him.
You aren't giving him enough credit for being able to manage his own feelings. He's learning dating and social skills. For all you know, he may have moved on to the next chick.
So I’m going to be honest here my dude. Talk to any married couple and they will tell you the proposal isn’t really a surprise. The when maybe but it isn’t a surprise nor should it ever be. You two should be on the same page and the proposal should be expected. I knew the proposal was happening a couple days before it happened. I was texting my girlfriends about it the morning of.
To me this just sounds like an excuse. So! You need to have a big boy sit down with just yourself. Evaluate why you’re not proposing yet. None of this “she won’t stop asking” or “I want it to be a surprise” bullshit because cmon. We all know it’s an excuse. Really dig deep and ask yourself why not.
Once you know your whys, it’s time to sit down with her and put all your cards out on the table. You may have to have several of these conversations. My husband and I were in a similar boat before we got engaged. We had to have several big kid conversations about it. Don’t avoid her. Communicate. If you’re going to get married communicating with your spouse is key to keeping the relationship lasting. So time to flex those communication muscles.
Not really. Being concerned about the person I've been dating and making sure they weren't seriously abused is not nosey. Asking three times in a three year relationship is not nosey. That's once an year.
Yeah, I wonder if OP will feel the same way when she looks back on the relationship in 10 years.
You are right about one thing this sounds like a very toxic relationship. You guys are clearly not happy with each other.
My advice get a DNA test first. Leave this situation and if the baby is your co parent to the best of your ability. If the baby isn’t yours cut your losses
Call his wife.
Some areas don't have a lot of gay people, so you will only find people to date on dating sites.
Would it be dark to joke that I almost wish. Sometimes I think about that and it feels like a relief. Not a good thought, just a funny one maybe.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I have a remote sales/engineering job and she works in software. We do not on-line together mostly because of the way she treats me financially, I have not raised this as a reason to her. She also has a 12 year old.
We've been dating for about 10 months. Last month, she came to me and told me she was going to have the power to her apartment turned off over unpaid bills of almost $1100. I offered to lend her the money, she agreed and gave me a date she'd start paying me back by.
That date was about 2 weeks ago and she's made no effort to pay me and hasn't mentioned it since. She's also suggested numerous times we go out and do stuff, which I invariably end up paying for. She also seems to plan her visits to my place so that her kid (12) will get hungry and start asking about dinner; he then refuses anything I offer to make and whines until I order takeout.
I'm really sick of this, I perceive it as being used, and I'm considering leaving the relationship and cutting my losses. First I feel like I should try to bring it up in good faith with her, but I am not sure how I can do that without coming off overly confrontational. Any advice on how to discuss this would be very welcome.
You dont know their dynamic. Maybe she didn't even ask him to stop. We need more info.
Thank you for saying the reasonable thing.
Would it have killed him to say “Hi, Sorry I've had a busy day, have a screaming headache and am going to lay down, nice to meet you though.”?
Of course not because that's the adult thing to do. Instead we get drama llama.
Remind me! 2 months
You've lost your respect and your love for him. I went through this as well. I found evidence of my ex fiance cheating on me and even though it broke me, I simply stopped caring about him because the betrayal was too much. I was his financial, emotional and physical support while he was going through some MH stuff and it just broke me.
OP, you deserve better. End the relationship and move on with your life. You'll find someone better who will love you and treat you amazingly.
The fact you was crying and screaming and he didn't help makes me so sad for you. Non of them respected your boundaries specially your bf and I'm so sorry but that isn't ok. The texts of accusing you ext is just nasty and he's not being a good bf at all. I'd be devastated if that happened to me and my other half did that. You deserve a bf who will protect and care for you not that pratt who sides with his friends over something like this. You deserve better.
Report it to your mother, if she ignores it talk to your guidance counselor at school. Keep bringing it up even if they say it's in your head you need to be assertive that he knows he can't try that shit with you. Make sure if you can get testimony from his own daughter and ask her if she's had some “groping” incident with him in the past.
WTF! I hope you dump him. He treats you like a trophy/something to show off with, rather than a person.
This is not from ADHD! He is just selfish and lazy and doesn’t care about your enjoyment at all. Stop having sex with him, immediately. In future relationships don’t settle for treatment like this and definitely don’t feel like you have to just endure something.
Tell her it’s you or the shampoo.
Look at the schedule too.
He hurt your feelings after you crossed a huge boundary everybody has at that lol. It's because relationship and advice subs have a heavy “Man bad” bias unfortunately. OP acted scummy at every turn in this imo and the sub is just gassing her up.
I have not seen them because my girlfriend did not want me to see them.
I do consider some old dates as friends because in both directions we’re able to talk about a serious topic if needed and we know we can have support from the other.
The best answer to these kind of requests is always:
“Can you get an operation to make your dick bigger?”
You're going to mess up your kid more by teaching him/her that:
Men can make gross comments to women and get away with it by saying it's a joke
It doesn't matter if a woman is uncomfortable by a man's comments or actions, women's feelings are less important
Men do not defend their partners
Women can not expect to be defended by their partners
Women should stay in shitty relationships
They already hate you, time to just do what's best for you
Dump.
I don't say that lightly – but to elaborate, you're both going in different directions and the compatibility has changed.
This isn't your fault nor his, people grow apart.. I think it would be best to find someone who you are compatible with.
He's childish but he's also basically a child so don't take his ignorance personally.
Yes and the way you have friendships is the single most bestest way to have them and everyone who is different from you is bad and wrong
We didn’t meet on Tinder, we met in person