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I’ve (f24) been with my boyfriend (m26) since I was 17. We went to school together and I followed him across the country and away from our family for his work (it was either break up or go with him). I miss my family and he doesn’t care. He always says mean stuff to me and is super emotionally manipulative. Recently, everyone I know has been getting married/engaged. We’ve been together for 7 years, longer than most of these other couples. I gave the ultimatum of a ring or breaking up, and he said I don’t deserve it and haven’t earned it. Do I dump him and move back in with the rents or work on earning this ring? (Do I even want it after this comment, don’t know).
Edit: I don’t want to get married right now. In my eyes, preparing a wedding is a 2 year process.
He love bombs me after being really mean so it’s very confusing.
It's understandable that you would be worried about the potential financial and emotional burden of taking on a partner with this condition. Your concern for your quality of life is also very valid, and I am sorry that you feel so weighed down by these worries right now. From what you have shared, it sounds like there is an ethical component to this decision-making process as well.
I recommend speaking to either a genetic counselor or a doctor who specializes in neurological disorders so that they can provide factual information regarding the specifics of the disorder and its implications on pregnancy outcomes and parenting responsibilities. You could even speak generally to both your current therapist and/or primary care physician about any lingering concerns that may come up during your research into this disease and how it will potentially impact all parts of your life down the line—including mental health, finances, social connections, etc. The more informed insight you can get before making a decision here, the better since it is impossible to know what lies ahead once such big changes begin to take place in one’s life due to marriage or parenthood at their age now. Ultimately no matter which path these conversations guide you down – best wishes for whatever comes next for yourself!
To add to this, I dated a girl for 2 years. 6 months in she cheated with a guy who liked her a college. I stayed because I was young and stupid, and we went the next year relatively fine. Then she cheated again. We were living together and we couldn't afford to break the lease. She then got a new boyfriend while I was still in love with her. The night she made it official with him, she took advantage of me while I was sleeping and cheated on him. That's when I realized that she was a lost cause and I told her that we were done for good. There were more reasons that I ended things but that was 1 of the 2 big reasons. Just take that into consideration. And yes people vary but weigh your options
The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. You really want to get it right. Getting married has never solved underlying issues in a relationship.
Maybe he didnt want to ruin the gift for her so he talked to op about it instead? Communication is the only thing that has happened in this story, yall are acting like he accosted op.
Sure OP, but most people his age would have turned you down. You're in different life stages, have different timelines, there's a large maturity and experience gap. So WHY did he start dating you?
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You have a very controlling partner and have developed this as a coping mechanism. I would highly recommend you break up, just because she is triggered or reacting to something doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong.
All of this. Your words don’t align with your behavior. You outed her over something you had no right to even be upset about. There is a reason she didn’t tell you, it wasn’t hers to tell and you obviously aren’t trustworthy.
Yeah, I'd either cut her loose or deal with it because she's clearly not gonna cut him off. Truth be told, I think that while you may want to trust her or feel that you should trust her, you don't and that's okay, it makes perfect sense in this scenario.
The fact that she had to “tell him about you” is…troubling. It's hard for me to say whether or not they're truly just friends but if I was betting man, I'd bet against it.
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with the person I'm with keeping in contact with someone they cheated with. I'd simply end the whole thing and move on (because dude, you're 21). Also, the whole “what we have is more special than what I had with my ex, so that means I won't cheat on you” is kinda pointless because while saying that, she's risking it. Another thing, her excuse of cheating on her ex because she felt she didn't really love him is very telling because what happens when she decides she doesn't love you anymore or that her connect with her former hookup is stronger?
Bit late to the party here, but where I live! there are two storey houses that have a sizeable living space on top and below. In a lot of the bigger ones, both areas can have bathrooms and kitchens, and most commonly these houses are used for having a lot of renters or a family on top and renters on the bottom. Could this be a viable solution? Having a house that's split so the rent is affordable between you/him and his mum but you each have your own spaces and can set boundaries of use (I.e. mum don't come around unannounced or after 8pm etc..) or could he use his money to renovate and divide a house?
Lol I was in the same boat just gotta get of this sub Reddit for a bit. The cheating stories will take a toll after a while but trust me their are plenty men and women who despise cheating.
As in I am not in the same country as she is and travelling right now is not an option. I want to make sure there's someone close by as well who will be able to support her physically if this makes sense. I am here for her too.
He’s not “a really good man” if he’s lying to you so much. If you have a boundary, you can’t let people trample it. And he continues to. Do you want to continue to live! like this? It doesn’t matter if he does it cause he’s insecure, lying is lying and it’s not ok. It’s a character flaw.
Well I hope you finish your degree because this is not a healthy relationship. Withholding affection because you aren’t keeping the house clean? Yikes.
Oh and throwing out how he pays the bills, that’s kind of a red flag.
Oh yeah and the cursing, that’s not great either.
Good luck I guess. My advice would be to tell him you’re not going to tolerate being treated like shit, but it seems based on your replies wanting to somehow make him feel better that you are OK with that.
Honestly, I see where he’s coming from. I need the house to be clean (not spotless) but clean to feel in the mood. I also work full time and my partner goes to school. I understand that my standards for cleanliness are high, which is why along with working full time I clean the house myself A LOT (everyday) but I would also really prefer if she cleaned up to my standards or took initiative to clean for me as well. It would get me in the mood so much faster and more often if I came home to a clean house rather than if I came home to dishes, had to do the dishes, and then had to fuck her lol.
Bro. In your 8th paragraph you said that Lucy would rather you guys have less interactions like exchanging pleasantries/minimal talk and now you’re saying you’re made to play a “ghosting game”? Which is it? You ghost her? Or you interact with her less?
It’s like you’re trying hard to be a victim. Your gf is communicating with you, just not how you like it. It’s important that YOU establish boundaries, and that can be done even with your closest friends (even regardless of gender). Boundaries with other people are healthy and important. You don’t have to ignore Kate, but why do you feel the need to be so close?
You keep talking about “let’s be adults about it” and here I am, as an adult thinking, man at this point in life you should ask yourself what relationships are worth it. Is being close to Kate really worth the the quality of your relationship with your gf? Ask yourself is it worth it to have friends you are not that close with in favor of ones that you are? It’s different if this was your own long time friendship but it’s literally your gfs friend. Is it worth it?
I love doing that as well, makes me feel more connected.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I’ve (f24) been with my boyfriend (m26) since I was 17. We went to school together and I followed him across the country and away from our family for his work (it was either break up or go with him). I miss my family and he doesn’t care. He always says mean stuff to me and is super emotionally manipulative. Recently, everyone I know has been getting married/engaged. We’ve been together for 7 years, longer than most of these other couples. I gave the ultimatum of a ring or breaking up, and he said I don’t deserve it and haven’t earned it. Do I dump him and move back in with the rents or work on earning this ring? (Do I even want it after this comment, don’t know).
Edit: I don’t want to get married right now. In my eyes, preparing a wedding is a 2 year process.
He love bombs me after being really mean so it’s very confusing.
Sorry – sometimes it is better not to believe all what you read. It was clearly great because you did it and it meant something.
It's understandable that you would be worried about the potential financial and emotional burden of taking on a partner with this condition. Your concern for your quality of life is also very valid, and I am sorry that you feel so weighed down by these worries right now. From what you have shared, it sounds like there is an ethical component to this decision-making process as well.
I recommend speaking to either a genetic counselor or a doctor who specializes in neurological disorders so that they can provide factual information regarding the specifics of the disorder and its implications on pregnancy outcomes and parenting responsibilities. You could even speak generally to both your current therapist and/or primary care physician about any lingering concerns that may come up during your research into this disease and how it will potentially impact all parts of your life down the line—including mental health, finances, social connections, etc. The more informed insight you can get before making a decision here, the better since it is impossible to know what lies ahead once such big changes begin to take place in one’s life due to marriage or parenthood at their age now. Ultimately no matter which path these conversations guide you down – best wishes for whatever comes next for yourself!
To add to this, I dated a girl for 2 years. 6 months in she cheated with a guy who liked her a college. I stayed because I was young and stupid, and we went the next year relatively fine. Then she cheated again. We were living together and we couldn't afford to break the lease. She then got a new boyfriend while I was still in love with her. The night she made it official with him, she took advantage of me while I was sleeping and cheated on him. That's when I realized that she was a lost cause and I told her that we were done for good. There were more reasons that I ended things but that was 1 of the 2 big reasons. Just take that into consideration. And yes people vary but weigh your options
The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. You really want to get it right. Getting married has never solved underlying issues in a relationship.
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Maybe he didnt want to ruin the gift for her so he talked to op about it instead? Communication is the only thing that has happened in this story, yall are acting like he accosted op.
More like ready the moment he hits the button, like tf??
I am aware, but it's not an inherently selfish dynamic as you said. It works for some people even though in this case it's great
Sure OP, but most people his age would have turned you down. You're in different life stages, have different timelines, there's a large maturity and experience gap. So WHY did he start dating you?
Hello /u/Mindless-Vehicle-710,
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Why would you suggest that?
You have a very controlling partner and have developed this as a coping mechanism. I would highly recommend you break up, just because she is triggered or reacting to something doesn’t automatically mean you did something wrong.
All of this. Your words don’t align with your behavior. You outed her over something you had no right to even be upset about. There is a reason she didn’t tell you, it wasn’t hers to tell and you obviously aren’t trustworthy.
Yeah, I'd either cut her loose or deal with it because she's clearly not gonna cut him off. Truth be told, I think that while you may want to trust her or feel that you should trust her, you don't and that's okay, it makes perfect sense in this scenario.
The fact that she had to “tell him about you” is…troubling. It's hard for me to say whether or not they're truly just friends but if I was betting man, I'd bet against it.
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with the person I'm with keeping in contact with someone they cheated with. I'd simply end the whole thing and move on (because dude, you're 21). Also, the whole “what we have is more special than what I had with my ex, so that means I won't cheat on you” is kinda pointless because while saying that, she's risking it. Another thing, her excuse of cheating on her ex because she felt she didn't really love him is very telling because what happens when she decides she doesn't love you anymore or that her connect with her former hookup is stronger?
If you rely on him to provide you with anything, it will make it difficult.
You should find another job as a step up and move on. Remove his control over that part of you
so i should have prefaced that i didnt develop feelings for her until semi recently. i haven’t liked her this way all 6 years
just letting you all know I was tested and my vagina is healthy and free from STD’s lmao
it's the only thing that works
What is the only thing that works? being a “what's yours is mine” person? because I call that being selfish.
I know I wanted to ask a couple staff about him but their all gossipers and they’ll be watching us
Bit late to the party here, but where I live! there are two storey houses that have a sizeable living space on top and below. In a lot of the bigger ones, both areas can have bathrooms and kitchens, and most commonly these houses are used for having a lot of renters or a family on top and renters on the bottom. Could this be a viable solution? Having a house that's split so the rent is affordable between you/him and his mum but you each have your own spaces and can set boundaries of use (I.e. mum don't come around unannounced or after 8pm etc..) or could he use his money to renovate and divide a house?
Lol I was in the same boat just gotta get of this sub Reddit for a bit. The cheating stories will take a toll after a while but trust me their are plenty men and women who despise cheating.
Being downvoted for calling out the misogyny, that’s Reddit for you ig
As in I am not in the same country as she is and travelling right now is not an option. I want to make sure there's someone close by as well who will be able to support her physically if this makes sense. I am here for her too.
He’s not “a really good man” if he’s lying to you so much. If you have a boundary, you can’t let people trample it. And he continues to. Do you want to continue to live! like this? It doesn’t matter if he does it cause he’s insecure, lying is lying and it’s not ok. It’s a character flaw.
And this right here is why abusive men murder pregnant women.
Does the Sub delete comments? Got some notifications of replies but they disappeared.
Well I hope you finish your degree because this is not a healthy relationship. Withholding affection because you aren’t keeping the house clean? Yikes.
Oh and throwing out how he pays the bills, that’s kind of a red flag.
Oh yeah and the cursing, that’s not great either.
Good luck I guess. My advice would be to tell him you’re not going to tolerate being treated like shit, but it seems based on your replies wanting to somehow make him feel better that you are OK with that.
Honestly, I see where he’s coming from. I need the house to be clean (not spotless) but clean to feel in the mood. I also work full time and my partner goes to school. I understand that my standards for cleanliness are high, which is why along with working full time I clean the house myself A LOT (everyday) but I would also really prefer if she cleaned up to my standards or took initiative to clean for me as well. It would get me in the mood so much faster and more often if I came home to a clean house rather than if I came home to dishes, had to do the dishes, and then had to fuck her lol.
Bro. In your 8th paragraph you said that Lucy would rather you guys have less interactions like exchanging pleasantries/minimal talk and now you’re saying you’re made to play a “ghosting game”? Which is it? You ghost her? Or you interact with her less?
It’s like you’re trying hard to be a victim. Your gf is communicating with you, just not how you like it. It’s important that YOU establish boundaries, and that can be done even with your closest friends (even regardless of gender). Boundaries with other people are healthy and important. You don’t have to ignore Kate, but why do you feel the need to be so close?
You keep talking about “let’s be adults about it” and here I am, as an adult thinking, man at this point in life you should ask yourself what relationships are worth it. Is being close to Kate really worth the the quality of your relationship with your gf? Ask yourself is it worth it to have friends you are not that close with in favor of ones that you are? It’s different if this was your own long time friendship but it’s literally your gfs friend. Is it worth it?
Exactly. How much does a marriage license cost?