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Date: October 23, 2022
No. He can go and watch the strippers on stage and have drinks with his buddies. I have no issues with that. You can look but you cant touch. Lap dances we do together as thats an intimate thing. He knows this. He crossed the boundary we set as a couple.
Oh god this was an irritating read, please leave your own advice for her instead.
OK, I get it now.
I hope you feel better soon. I know that a comfort animal (or as most people call it, a pet) can really feel soothing when we are ailing.
Then anonymously sending her a book about it is just petty and pointless. Her relationship is her own business.
I agree with a lot of what you say . I just get tired of wasting time on people that are fake.This day and age they are really good at playing games as morels and honestly seam to be no existence these days. I just don't want to keep building walls every time I played. My fault to wear my heart on my sleeve. But when I take my time and not move fast I'm the jerk or not trusting enough. Lol. Just seems like a thing that people really don't want . Or they just wait for the next best thing.
Right but like I don't get how it's a big deal. Sometimes my wife is like you look depressed and I go well, I'm not. And she says are you sure and I go yeah, pretty sure. And she's like you can tell me if you are and I go I know that but I'm not.
And that's that. Not sure why this would ever turn into an actual argument. Do you guys often have big arguments over tiny things?
And I definitely don't get why you would need to run off to a bar right away. Dare I say that reaction does seem like something a person on edge might do. If you were more in control of your emotions I don't get that.
The only way he won't control you is if you cut him off. He already showed you he won't respect your boundaries when you told him you needed time and he instead started to stalk you and get mad at you over things that are none of his business. It is not your responsibility to manage his feelings. I understand you are also going through a naked time but keeping this person in your life will only result in even harder times. You have a good heart but no one is entitled to it so please take care of yourself and find people who truly have the best intentions for you.
you spent the post talking about how attractive you are and how you are doing well in life. the one thing you conveniently skipped over is standards- providing someone with financial stability obviously needs to be met with them contributing in an equal way. chores, housework. etc. not love and care. that opens you up to gold diggers and mooches. love and care should be mutual not for money. sex is supposed to be wanted by both. again finances don't matter in that. being an impressive person and knowing your worth are two different things. dating is to find someone compatible who adds value to your life, not offering someone a free ride in return for love. a person who's loves and cares for you will not be concerned with whether you're funding them or not, they'll be focused on being loved and cherished by you. reciprocation is important and you seem to be very giving, where is the return? if someone loves and cares aren't they going to contribute in their own ways? go out of their way in terms of nurturing and house keeping since they can't financially contribute?
I wouldn’t be able to afford rent and childcare. That’s why I need to move in with my parents. I can take time off to be with the baby and pay for everything with my savings. Then I can figure it out later.
Right…so why is the issue that he brought her to dinner?
no of course not – and no one is saying that
Groomers marry their victims regularly – the two things are not mutually exclusive.
BUT you have had a crush on him (you were not in love with him) since you were 15 and he was 30. He took advantage of that and when you are 30 and you look at 15 year olds you'll see the problem
Time to leave him cause it’s just going to get worse this is only the first of many punches, hits, kicks, beatings get out OP before it’s to late.
Leave that sneaky bitch. They’re not worth the effort or stress and anxiety. If she can’t do a simple task for you. Then kick her ass to the curb. Simple as that.
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Forgot to add : I am 25M and she's 26F
Your gf has terrible taste in men.
Oh, and also. My mum is very emotionally dependent on me. I talk about her a lot in therapy. I hold boundaries that work for me and our relationship, but I also do benefit from living in a different country to her.
You don't have to do such mental gymnastics to justify a breakup. She clearly needs to work on herself and cannot be a good partner to anyone until she does. You deserve to be happy and not get dragged down by someone who wont help themselves.
It's sounds sad but from your initial post I knew she was sleeping with him. I hope you scortch the earth
I'm autistic and so are most of my loved ones. “Saying that is harmful to me” is a complete and simple sentence. I'm not saying he can't be autistic, but I am saying he can be both autistic and a ass.
So there are stories of getting it from naked tubs or toilet seats that while technically possible is so improbable as to be laughable. And yes USUALLY chlamydia is only dormant for a few months but there have been cases of longer. Its HIGHLY UNLIKELY, like 1 billion to 1 odds. 99.9999999999% he cheated.
Sounds like y’all are incompatible. I would probs end it my man. If sex isn’t her thing, and it’s something you want, it’s not gonna work. Especially if y’all are early on in the relationship. It’ll only become less and less over time
And you are putting up with this why!????
i’m scared of the idea that I just wasted 5 years of my life.
OP I feel your anguish. This is a common occurrence in relationships for a variety of reasons first being insecurity. Sometimes the problem can be helped by giving them a task list to fulfill. If you make it something that makes them have to directly interact with others they get the attention they crave by being active in an something they enjoy. And you need to set strong boundaries that if violated will have consequences clearly spelled out. After 35years with a person that requires my constant presence to assist with a multitude of things, there are times I want to run away but know if I do her world could crash and I love her to much to want that to happen. So I have developed strategies to get through it. I do have “me” time and just take it but give her the same and encouragement to do her thing. I hope you resolve this to mutual satisfaction
YTA
If the argument was about you being the only one to cook; then sure, be petty.
But you're choosing to lash out at your partner as a method of discipline. Partners do not “punish” each other. That's toxic, emotionally abusive, childish, and outright pathetic.
If you're unwilling to communicate and solve problems, you are the problem, and you're not mature or sane enough for a relationship. Get a therapist, you need help.
The honeymoon phase was a three day weekend
She was legal
You obviously are getting something out of being bothersome but I don’t know what it is. Have a good night.
How is he a prude and how was he hurting her feelings like a jackass. A lot of guys, as you can see in the comments wouldn't want them on the wall and the first thing she showed him was a collage of pics framed. Maybe he says those pics look awesome before he says they are not going on the wall. That probably would of helped a little but she wasn't having it and escalated the situation.
He needs to step up, or step off and pay CS ?♂️ no empathy for dead beats
Well, she hasn’t answered if he’s always like that. My SO and I make violent jokes towards eachother and laugh about it. We have dark humor, in no way does that mean we want or are going to be violent with eachother. No need to downvote that.
I do argue alot. Something that I'm trying to stop doing, and working with my therapist. Like i wanna put my point across without being shitty about it
You do not know how to tell your partner how to please you, hm??? Your post just sound selfish and belittling.
Have you told her that?
Not weird at all… is she keeping him there as a backup? Sounds like it!
My husband already said what he would do and I would rather not share it here
I feel any decent person knows that this would be the point where positive comments are needed.
I'm trying to see it that way. That the swimming was probably innocent. I guess it just feels like a hit after seeing how he would send naked photos of women to her. I know he's a man and all, but it's just not sitting right with me.
He went around you to meet your daughter? Oh my gosh wow I’m glad you figured him out, because there is a shocking, shocking case of boundary crossing.
Eh. I’m 30 and I’d go 5 or 6 years in either direction. At a certain point it gets naked finding people super close to your age.
Would never date an 18 year old though. Hell I wouldn’t date anyone in college. And that was true soon after I finished school. I don’t have the energy to keep up with the youths.
Couples therapy doesn't require that you be married. It sounds like you two primarily need to learn how to better communicate with each other, which is something you can learn on your own – but it helps to have a mediator to train on good habits.
From his perspective, proposing probably looks like an invitation for more stress. Pressure to have a perfect wedding, etc. Make sure your expectations are clear and reasonable.
Go get therapy. You are obsessed and this is not healthy.
In the interim I hope she takes a restraining order out on you for her own safety bc you’re really close to boiling bunny territory. Ffs. Grow some self respect.
But…he doesn’t really want to be a relationship. If you walked away, he would give a sigh of relief. It’s like he feels guilty for breaking up with you, so he’s lingering because he doesn’t know how to cut you off completely. It’s not supposed to be this naked. And some things just aren’t meant, no matter how nude you try… They’re just not meant.
Just block him and move on. There's no understanding people like him.
Why not say that you’d like to try dating, but you want to give it a little time before becoming exclusive or official? Tell her that the lack of communication worries you, and you just wanna take time to get to know each other better again.
But DO NOT date this poor girl just to avoid being alone. That’s not fair to anyone. But if you date Olivia and really like her, you’ll probably forget all about Pam.
Your attraction to Pam is superficial and maybe not even reciprocated. I think you’d be wasting your time waiting for her.
Good call… Totally a rebound.
Essentially, you’re a placeholder until he can either get his ex/he just latched onto you because he couldn’t keep his ex. You’re a filler…he dated you bc he was lonely, sad, pissed off bc his ex broke up with him and you were “there”.
Do better by yourself and find a man that is 100% committed and into you.
Exactly. They're territorial animals. Ops cat is used to being an only cat, and there's gonna be an adjustment period. My cats have always done this when a new one is added, it just takes time for them to.sort out the hierarchy.
Well, yeah, then stop cooking for him. Because you also have to do grocery list, grocery shopping, meal plan, cook, etc. It's not only about dishes. It's that he doesn't help.
Nope. I also have a vagina 🙂
Update: I scheduled a therapy appointment for Sunday at 2. My boyfriend offered to pay for it. I also found a support group for women with trauma that I will be joining.
As soon as somebody says this it’s basically over even if you prolong it
You can always start cheating in FIFA
If he’s making money where you are and you can invest money, it’s fine to stay. Triple money doesn’t mean much when cost of living goes up. Calculate how much the rent and food will cost. Also the weather and the lack of community and family. Discuss how much he wants this.
I don't think the gf should have to be confined to her bedroom and take medication just to on-line with this cat. That's not a healthy situation for her. She and this cat just can't live! together. That's heartbreaking for OP, but that's the situation. They need to find something that works for everyone, whether that's breaking up or rehoming.
3 years
So your partner was drunk and woke up to a girl on top of him trying to get him naked.
It sounds like sexually assault to me…. Look, is your trust in him harmed by this? Maybe reflect on that, and at the end of the day if it does come out that he’s a cheater, then you’ll dump him and move on. Talk to those who were involved – his mate who he crashed at, who was that girl that took advantage of him? And ask your boyfriend how to help him will the fall out of being sexually assaulted.
Also, take videos. Ask them questions you want to know, record them opening a present you think they'll love, whatever. Then back up those videos!
Maybe they wanted to apologize and explain everything in person? You don’t know how other people process trauma, this person couldn’t even handle a phone call. They likely had a process for this. Trauma is not a get out of jail free card, but I’m surprised how much people are expecting from someone with what sounds like very fresh trauma
Claim not to be a misandrist, yet disregard the entirety of the rest of my comment the second you read the word “men”. Read the rest. There's a reason there's more than a title for the posts here. Our advice should be based on the information OP gives us, not what we think we might know. Relationships are a complicated, serious thing and our advice here can have serious consequences on real people. There's no room for making assumptions, especially as ones as serious as him being a wannabe cheater and ingraining that in her head when that could very well not be the case. I don't know how you could possibly argue against that.
I guarantee if you post this in the poly subreddit, they too will tell you this is cheating and NOT how you begin a real poly relationship. There are particular rules that need to be followed in order to have a successful Poly relationship and THIS goes against pretty much all of them. They actually crucify cheaters who claim to be poly. Without trust, it’s never going to work. And by doing what your wife did and HOW she went about it, you’re never going to fully trust her or her friend again. And to use the guise of wanting to give you threesome for your birthday…yuck. Anything that could have been special about that was snatched away the minute their hidden agenda was revealed. She has played you almost every way a person can be played. If you were to accept this, you are basically okaying the fact that she cheated on you for years! Years, man…right under your nose. Doesn’t matter that it’s a woman and not a man.
You just mentioned the other day on your post that you kind of liked that you had only been with each other, that it was special. She shot that all to hell, huh? I’m guessing she never mentioned this when you guys were discussing your fantasies that time. If she had, maybe this thing could have become a reality the RIGHT way.
For the people in here saying you’re so lucky and you should go for it…. Pathetic. You literally found out your wife was stepping out of your marriage for years. This isn’t something to be celebrated just because it’s 2 women. Grow the fuck up. (The commenters, not OP)
He's a red blooded male. Be glad of the fact and stop overthinking this.
If he starts peeking into her keyhole when she's in a bath, then you can worry.
Yeah i know it was horrible the way i went about it but in my defense it was 3 weeks worth of pain in like 1 hour. But i also wanted for her to feel like she cut me off because i was the bad person.
Take him up on his word. 150 for two people fed is a bargain! I am currently spending about 200 per week on groceries and cleaning supplies.
So say he's right and insist that from now on everything will be 50/50: include groceries, rent and chores. It's honestly far better for you.
Even married couples don’t always get to travel and vacation together. It’s part of life. My spouse and I often don’t get to vacation together due to other obligations but I would never deny her an experience just because I can’t go. That would be unfair and selfish. I’m happy she gets to go.
How can I ever hope to have trust again in this relationship.
Don't gaslight yourself. She's fucking around for years, got STDs, you sound extremely co-dependent, work on your self-esteem. Look up the 180 and get your life in order.
You lied of course he will likely end it. Had you been honest upfront maybe he could have gotten past it
I haven't really had much of a sex life before. And I've tried so many things to turn her on, but nothing really works. When I've asked her what turns her on, she says she doesn't know.
Alright, I’ll try and talk her into it.
You’re welcome!
But you also have to be mindful of his gaming- it’s his relaxation and his downtime activity. You can’t just replace that with active 2 person stuff and expect that to go over well.
I’m a strong believer in couples having similar interests so you may just have to accept that it isn’t something you can both compromise on and find someone better suited to your own hobbies… because let me tell you, there is nothing more annoying than being distracted from a storyline you’ve invested time and energy into just because someone else doesn’t understand the appeal.
Definitely set boundaries and timelines- AKA you can play for the next hour then spend the next hour with me, etc, but also- have your own hobbies you can do in the meantime because there will be long periods of time that your partner will be “on a mission” to reach a certain gaming goal, objective, etc.
So good luck!
I think we have a troll in the thread lol
Do you have any discussion about sex? You do things but with clothes on so he does think about sex And now that you’ll be alone for the week end he’s actively preparing and talking about it.
Have you met this woman? If not you should. Just to check the vibes between them.
I wouldn’t like my bf sleeping at another woman’s house while intoxicated. Can’t he get a Uber home?
You can trust him but in doubt talk about it and maybe set up boundaries. Sometimes things could happen when intoxicated that wouldn’t occur straight. Be open about your feelings.
Yeah I think I’ll try laying down the law then maybe go to the manager who heard the beautiful comment if he still doesn’t get the message
I know, but I truly love her. Like I care so much for her, but i’m so emotionally and mentally exhausted trying to on-line up to every standard. I try to be fun and happy and have a great time around her family, then later on in the day when we finally get to rest she will tel me everything I did wrong and how to fix it. If I bring her flowers or coffee or lunch and not her whole family she will be upset with me saying I don’t value her family, I’m just so confused.
Yeah I wouldn’t be down with that so you’re not crazy. Up to you how you wanna handle it good luck
Why waste your time for nothing?
Are you okay with him having female friends? (If he has any)
Exactly.
She's an ex, who tf cares stay she does now. It's not OP's problem anymore
Yeah, that’s probably the best idea
Maybe he is simply fluent in sarcasm.
How is this a useful comment? Of course not every wife cheats. Just like not every husband is possessive and abusive.
I’d go through phones and emails that I could access. Take pics of the lingerie so she can’t deny.
And then confront her. When she denies then I’d ask for her phone to prove it.
As you think it’s over all ready you have nothing to lose.
Just tell him. He's a big boy and should be able to keep his house clean enough to not gross people out. And for God's sake, open the damn windows. It's unhealthy for a multitude of reasons. No one wants to smell 10 year old couch farts.
The man that agreed not to have sex and only brought it up through dropping sexual comments?
This should be top post.
I was snooping.. he has lied to me in the past about small things and then i found this
Imagine the pain you will feel when you see him having sex with another woman right in front of you. Him making her moan, him touching her, not you, him kissing her, not you. All you can do is watch. Like really visualize that.
I don't why he is so positive that after trying it and he will follow all my rules accordingly everything will be okay and he says that a lot of couples like it after trying it. But it doesn't convince me because he did it in the past but none of his relationships goes well, I'm scared on losing him and in the other hand I'm into the point just give it a try if it crashes it crashed