No one cheats by “accident” he chose to drink, he chose to go back to a girls house and he very much chose to have sex with her.
Probably best for you to move on. Forgiving means not bringing it up again and not holding them to past mistakes. Forgiving is 100 times harder than just finding someone new. It’s up to you weather you stay or not but please hear me when I say this, if you stay, you have to let it go and give him a clean slate. Forgiving means just that, forgive and move on. It’s harder than it sounds.
Of course it was cheating. Alcohol just greased the gears. It allowed him to do the thing he wanted to do in the first place but was too inhibited. I’m not sure guys who are very drunk can even maintain an erection if they aren’t really into it. There’s even a name for it, “Whisky Dick”.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Time to have a talk about boundaries with him and his ex. Them talking and going behind your back, lying, and doing something like that. Would really mess my trust in him up. The ex needs to mi d her business and your bf needs to talk to you about his concerns, not her.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Yeah, that's terrible and chauvinist. I can't speak for you, but I'm not interested in being in relationships with people who mock and belittle me, and who have homophobic and transphobic attitudes.
Go explore different hobbies and then join local clubs for that hobby, you might find something you like to do and make friends at the same time. Sewing, hiking, drawing, dance, etc.
From a previous comment, all you do is stay home and wait for your bf to contact you. My heart breaks for you when I read that. That's a horrible position to be in, with no ability to do anything for yourself. It must be difficult not having a job to have your own money, not being able to drive and go wherever you want, etc. It seems like your bf has you helpless and isolated, making it much easier for him to manipulate you and keep you with him.
I hope you'll one day find the courage to make the tough decisions that will lead to a happy and healthy life
Including my microbiology class, this is absolutely the best explanation of the difference in bacterial and viral infections I've come across. Fantastic.
5 years is a quarter of your life NOW. In 15 years it will be a seventh. In 30, a tenth. You could meet someone right now and in 20 years you'll have been with them half your life.
5 years is not a long time. If you're so busy looking out for his “journey” or his “exploration” who is looking out for yours?
Trust me, I wasted about 4 years with someone I dated and I kept thinking, “I've loved her a quarter of my life. Fast forward, I've been with my wife a third of my life now. And I have been happy that whole time. But if I remained with that other girls, in a situation I didn't want, I now would have wasted half my life.
Forget the math, look out for you. You're too young to be thinking about the balance of your life you've spent with someone.
Yes, she doesn't believe in therapy and wants everything her way. Please see an attorney before doing or saying anything to get their take on how to proceed.
First of all you need to tell him it was painful and that you didn't like that. He needs to respect your feelings and needs at all times, like you do his.
Second it sounds like you have been forced back into the relationship. You caved? Meaning what exactly? You did not want to come back to him? If he has manipulated you to go back to him, this is abuse. It sounds like he is using sexual force to reestablish his control over you. You need to think about whether this relationship is really what you want. Or if you and an unwilling participant in this relationship.
“He wouldn't do anything around the house or show me that he valued what I do.”
Nothing kills a woman's libido more than having to act like their partners mother. Once you start feeling this way it's hot to go back.
Do you go on dates anymore? Or are you stuck in your routines? If you haven't try making time away from responsibility and with each other. Try to rekindle feelings and remember why you fell in love with him the first time.
I think a lot of religious and rural people drive the average down, I live in a big city and early 30s is when folks seem to start getting hitched.
The idea of marriage is changing, so you have some other weird factors.Such as, many people who in the past would have gotten married in their 30s (urban, postgrad educated)now aren’t getting married at all. So the people who are getting married are the type to marry young, which drives the average down as well.
This is so incredibly false, every major pregnancy test brand says their results are 99.99999% accurate on the day of a missed period. The 3+ weeks on the test is not referring to the time since the date of conception, or the date of implantation. It’s referring to the date of the start of your last menstrual period.
If the girl had a fairly typical 28 day cycle, had sex on day 14, ovulated sometime around then, then she could have a positive test result as early as day 24ish. Even let’s say she waits till after her period was due, (at the point of the 99.9999% accuracy) that would be day 28. Two weeks after sex with OP. OP said she told him three weeks after they had sex. The times absolutely could match up.
Or they could be absolutely naive and oblivious. My mom lived in a bad area of a major US city. She heard gun shots her first night there. She still was naive enough to have nightly strolls through the neighborhood. If it wasn't for the local businesses keeping an eye on her, I don't want to imagine what would have happened.
What is the complex medical situation right now? I’m not seeing a medical issue that requires a cone anymore. I don’t see any medical issue that’s complex. Did I miss something? It has no special needs. It’s grooming excessively and stressed because of the treatment received by its owners. Given time and proper attention I honestly believe this would calm down. It’s not a medical situation, it’s the consequences of her own actions towards the cat (insisting they keep the cone on). And it’s BOTH their cat. They both adopted it. She can’t just absolve herself of responsibilities because she’s a f#!king ass! I didn’t see any mention of her wanting to rehome the cat. Maybe she does want to. If so, that might be the only thing I’d ever agree with her on… Otherwise, until that cat is rehomed it’s her damn responsibility too. She’s a POS selfish little child from the sound of it.
This is definitely one of those scenarios where you need a neutral 3rd party that has no bias to assess the situation. It must be someone you can build trust with. I'd say seek a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you with a more informed decision as to how to go forward.
In regards to the abortion, that's an extreme decision regardless of the other people in this story. If you want to keep your child, that's only your choice. No one should force you to keep or not keep the baby. Again, you can speak to the neutral party you trust to speak your mind in regards to the baby too.
If it was just the finger-you’re over reacting… if he chased them down, tailgating, swearing and carrying on, honking horns and giving the bird-not over reacting
My parents know how cramped the house is and they know it gets to us. They know my youngest brother (m24) tries to parent my son sometimes and that it royally pisses us off. Their immediate reaction to our announcement was to ask whose fault it is, and to ask whether they can kick them out before we leave.
No this is really really a thing like sometimes after an amazing orgasm I will just feel overwhelming sadness and immediately start crying and there’s nothing I can do about it until it passes. I’ll curl into a little ball and cry super hot and then as soon as it passes I’m perfectly fine again. I thought it was just because I’m bipolar lmao They should talk about it but OP said his bff said he’s fine. It’s confusing as fuck to be like in the moment having fun and then your brain is like WE’RE REALLY SAD NOW as soon as it’s over.
If after 6 good years together you still have doubts she's The One, she's not The One. Set this woman free and find your One with the right cultural upbringing and family and friends and who could hold deep conversations with you. Marry her and let her make your life miserable but picture perfect for the rest of your life.
Everybody moves on from a breakup differently, there is no single foolproof method. What I recommend doing is to work on self improvement. Most people take that to mean hitting the gym, which is never a bad idea, but there are other ways to improve oneself. Start a new hobby, change your diet, start learning about something new, etc.
The fact that he feels the need to say that is a red flag. He is basically saying he reserves the right to bother you by manipulating you into thinking other guys are even worse. This isn't true, there are guys out there that don't present this manipulative behavior. Again, it's a red flag and not a little one either.
So: “please start taking me seriously when I want to bring up a concern about our relationship, it's incredibly offensive that your response is always to delegitimize my concerns”
If he won't your next step is: “we are no longer in a relationship”
Yes if the business cannot survived without free labors, it should die. This goes to every business regardless who owns it.
And I guarantee you it won’t be “just 8 hours every Sunday.” It will be wayyyyyy longer than that. Parents who feel entitled to use their kids as free labor for the parents business will never learn. His other siblings are not “less responsible”, they know are been taken advantage of and said no to toxic parents.
No one cheats by “accident” he chose to drink, he chose to go back to a girls house and he very much chose to have sex with her.
Probably best for you to move on. Forgiving means not bringing it up again and not holding them to past mistakes. Forgiving is 100 times harder than just finding someone new. It’s up to you weather you stay or not but please hear me when I say this, if you stay, you have to let it go and give him a clean slate. Forgiving means just that, forgive and move on. It’s harder than it sounds.
Of course it was cheating. Alcohol just greased the gears. It allowed him to do the thing he wanted to do in the first place but was too inhibited. I’m not sure guys who are very drunk can even maintain an erection if they aren’t really into it. There’s even a name for it, “Whisky Dick”.
It slipped out and she put it back in and said “oh yeaaaah”
Hello /u/ThrowRApcw,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Time to have a talk about boundaries with him and his ex. Them talking and going behind your back, lying, and doing something like that. Would really mess my trust in him up. The ex needs to mi d her business and your bf needs to talk to you about his concerns, not her.
Hello /u/Mitchy_boiii,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Yeah, that's terrible and chauvinist. I can't speak for you, but I'm not interested in being in relationships with people who mock and belittle me, and who have homophobic and transphobic attitudes.
Make friends, find hobbies, etc.
Go explore different hobbies and then join local clubs for that hobby, you might find something you like to do and make friends at the same time. Sewing, hiking, drawing, dance, etc.
From a previous comment, all you do is stay home and wait for your bf to contact you. My heart breaks for you when I read that. That's a horrible position to be in, with no ability to do anything for yourself. It must be difficult not having a job to have your own money, not being able to drive and go wherever you want, etc. It seems like your bf has you helpless and isolated, making it much easier for him to manipulate you and keep you with him.
I hope you'll one day find the courage to make the tough decisions that will lead to a happy and healthy life
If my best friend starts dating an ex, she wouldn’t be my best friend anymore. Just the way it is.
Including my microbiology class, this is absolutely the best explanation of the difference in bacterial and viral infections I've come across. Fantastic.
5 years is a quarter of your life NOW. In 15 years it will be a seventh. In 30, a tenth. You could meet someone right now and in 20 years you'll have been with them half your life.
5 years is not a long time. If you're so busy looking out for his “journey” or his “exploration” who is looking out for yours?
Trust me, I wasted about 4 years with someone I dated and I kept thinking, “I've loved her a quarter of my life. Fast forward, I've been with my wife a third of my life now. And I have been happy that whole time. But if I remained with that other girls, in a situation I didn't want, I now would have wasted half my life.
Forget the math, look out for you. You're too young to be thinking about the balance of your life you've spent with someone.
You are the backup plan not the one he actually wants.
Yes, she doesn't believe in therapy and wants everything her way. Please see an attorney before doing or saying anything to get their take on how to proceed.
First of all you need to tell him it was painful and that you didn't like that. He needs to respect your feelings and needs at all times, like you do his.
Second it sounds like you have been forced back into the relationship. You caved? Meaning what exactly? You did not want to come back to him? If he has manipulated you to go back to him, this is abuse. It sounds like he is using sexual force to reestablish his control over you. You need to think about whether this relationship is really what you want. Or if you and an unwilling participant in this relationship.
Haha. This has been brought up in AITA regarding the SIL and I was NTA, so I didn't ruin Christmas, she did.
Depending where you live you not old enough to rent a car or hotel and it's a really really bad idea to go anywhere with him. This doesn't sound safe
That’s emotional abuse and she’s an asshole
Kind of a mess tbh. Y’all probably shouldn’t be in relationships at all.
I would talk to her about it to gauge how she feels about it.
“He wouldn't do anything around the house or show me that he valued what I do.”
Nothing kills a woman's libido more than having to act like their partners mother. Once you start feeling this way it's hot to go back.
Do you go on dates anymore? Or are you stuck in your routines? If you haven't try making time away from responsibility and with each other. Try to rekindle feelings and remember why you fell in love with him the first time.
I think a lot of religious and rural people drive the average down, I live in a big city and early 30s is when folks seem to start getting hitched.
The idea of marriage is changing, so you have some other weird factors.Such as, many people who in the past would have gotten married in their 30s (urban, postgrad educated)now aren’t getting married at all. So the people who are getting married are the type to marry young, which drives the average down as well.
Creative writing challenge: what could she possibly say to you that would make you say 'sure am glad I gave this person more of my time'
This is so incredibly false, every major pregnancy test brand says their results are 99.99999% accurate on the day of a missed period. The 3+ weeks on the test is not referring to the time since the date of conception, or the date of implantation. It’s referring to the date of the start of your last menstrual period.
If the girl had a fairly typical 28 day cycle, had sex on day 14, ovulated sometime around then, then she could have a positive test result as early as day 24ish. Even let’s say she waits till after her period was due, (at the point of the 99.9999% accuracy) that would be day 28. Two weeks after sex with OP. OP said she told him three weeks after they had sex. The times absolutely could match up.
Those still exist ?!?
Or they could be absolutely naive and oblivious. My mom lived in a bad area of a major US city. She heard gun shots her first night there. She still was naive enough to have nightly strolls through the neighborhood. If it wasn't for the local businesses keeping an eye on her, I don't want to imagine what would have happened.
What is the complex medical situation right now? I’m not seeing a medical issue that requires a cone anymore. I don’t see any medical issue that’s complex. Did I miss something? It has no special needs. It’s grooming excessively and stressed because of the treatment received by its owners. Given time and proper attention I honestly believe this would calm down. It’s not a medical situation, it’s the consequences of her own actions towards the cat (insisting they keep the cone on). And it’s BOTH their cat. They both adopted it. She can’t just absolve herself of responsibilities because she’s a f#!king ass! I didn’t see any mention of her wanting to rehome the cat. Maybe she does want to. If so, that might be the only thing I’d ever agree with her on… Otherwise, until that cat is rehomed it’s her damn responsibility too. She’s a POS selfish little child from the sound of it.
This is definitely one of those scenarios where you need a neutral 3rd party that has no bias to assess the situation. It must be someone you can build trust with. I'd say seek a psychologist or psychiatrist to help you with a more informed decision as to how to go forward.
In regards to the abortion, that's an extreme decision regardless of the other people in this story. If you want to keep your child, that's only your choice. No one should force you to keep or not keep the baby. Again, you can speak to the neutral party you trust to speak your mind in regards to the baby too.
Of course! Good luck
Welcome to “Its a their problem, not a you problem”
You live your life how you feel you want to. There is no need to worry about filling someone else's expectation for your own life.
Online you best live! and if they have an issue, they may not be friend material
When does she go home?
It probably pays to let it go, and just in the future not put yourself in this position again.
She wants the baby changed, she can change the baby herownself. You and husband are not the only ones qualified to do it
Ask him if he sees a problem? Does he want more sex? What obstacles have changed it? What specifically he plans to do to change it?
No vague, I will try harder. (What will he be trying harder to do and how & when).
If it was just the finger-you’re over reacting… if he chased them down, tailgating, swearing and carrying on, honking horns and giving the bird-not over reacting
end it with him
My parents know how cramped the house is and they know it gets to us. They know my youngest brother (m24) tries to parent my son sometimes and that it royally pisses us off. Their immediate reaction to our announcement was to ask whose fault it is, and to ask whether they can kick them out before we leave.
No this is really really a thing like sometimes after an amazing orgasm I will just feel overwhelming sadness and immediately start crying and there’s nothing I can do about it until it passes. I’ll curl into a little ball and cry super hot and then as soon as it passes I’m perfectly fine again. I thought it was just because I’m bipolar lmao They should talk about it but OP said his bff said he’s fine. It’s confusing as fuck to be like in the moment having fun and then your brain is like WE’RE REALLY SAD NOW as soon as it’s over.
Thank you for this comment, it was very helpful to me. And I appreciate the kind words
It sounds like he’s only pursuing Pancake to hurt you. Pretend to be complying to buy some time. Find a new home. Move. Block him on everything.
If after 6 good years together you still have doubts she's The One, she's not The One. Set this woman free and find your One with the right cultural upbringing and family and friends and who could hold deep conversations with you. Marry her and let her make your life miserable but picture perfect for the rest of your life.
What in the flowers in the attic ?
Everybody moves on from a breakup differently, there is no single foolproof method. What I recommend doing is to work on self improvement. Most people take that to mean hitting the gym, which is never a bad idea, but there are other ways to improve oneself. Start a new hobby, change your diet, start learning about something new, etc.
You are obsessing over a what could have been and fantasizing about another man instead of focusing on your upcoming wedding. That’s shitty.
The fact that he feels the need to say that is a red flag. He is basically saying he reserves the right to bother you by manipulating you into thinking other guys are even worse. This isn't true, there are guys out there that don't present this manipulative behavior. Again, it's a red flag and not a little one either.
So: “please start taking me seriously when I want to bring up a concern about our relationship, it's incredibly offensive that your response is always to delegitimize my concerns”
If he won't your next step is: “we are no longer in a relationship”
Sounds like she's getting what she deserves. Though, i don't think you should have to pay for her nursing home.
Instead when the time comes tell her to call your sister.
Yes if the business cannot survived without free labors, it should die. This goes to every business regardless who owns it.
And I guarantee you it won’t be “just 8 hours every Sunday.” It will be wayyyyyy longer than that. Parents who feel entitled to use their kids as free labor for the parents business will never learn. His other siblings are not “less responsible”, they know are been taken advantage of and said no to toxic parents.
Of course! I hope you're able to figure things out.