You technically never know if the other person is using birth control correctly. Anyone could be lying about being on the pill. Anyone could be using condoms with holes poked in them. Any person who does not want the possibility of a pregnancy needs to be using their own protection. It’s your fault, not a 50/50 thing.
I know this, which is why I wasn't expecting him to want to help raising it. It would be raised mainly by myself with help from the baby's father. My ex wouldn't have had to help at all.
I had to come back to this post, because symptoms you have mentioned match the one I sued to have too much. I wasn't sure if I should even mention it, because it's surface level similarity, but here goes nothing. To avoid confusion I will refer to my own issues, you should judge similarity to yours by yourself.
I had my ADHD since forever, except I had it not diagnosed, because mental illness awareness in my country was absolutely garbage at the time. Being easily distracted and losing myself in imagination was commonplace among other typical issues (although I was not hyperactive, which is the most commonly known symptom of ADHD). I thought it is a result of toxic family environment and continued to think so until recently. I visited multiple therapists, but it turns out therapists are useless if you have any real problem, because they do not have to have real medical degree. I wish I knew it from the start, as they never recognised my ADHD.
My ADHD issues could be managed under severe stress. Under such stress I was able to regain full control over my action. The same was true for very high motivation. However, no matter the amount of stress or whatever strength of will I could muster, it did not last. I mention it, because you seem to have easier time preparing for exams then dealing with your everyday life. The same has always been the case for me, whether it is education or work.
Now onto the other issue:
There are days when I can't even get up and I see how he has to deal with day to day on his own.
At some point in my life, I started to develop a similar issue, and I believe it to be desperate mental illness, at least in my case. I had very hot time describing it, as I was lacking in words. Something from within would be overwhelming me, making it impossible to move and do something, unless I knew I had literally no choice. Even when I knew that and forced myself with stress I wouldn't be able to do it properly.
At first I would call “bad days” even though it lasted less than a whole day. I was able to label it as it was slowly becoming more common and this feeling inside me was growing in strength and be easier to recognise. My mistake was not recognising it as an illness for reasons I will not get into more.
This issue would grow in frequency, last longer, and be more intense with passing time. After a few years it has become so strong it would nearly paralyse my life. I would lie in bed waiting and begging for this to pass. At this point it has become so strong that it fading away for some time was a distinct physical experience which finally forced to recognise it for a mental illness (although first I did a lot of physical tests to rule out regular illnesses).
Maybe I am wrong, but the vibe I got from your post feels similar to what I had to go through. Difference is when I realised it was a mental illness I have dragged myself to psychiatrist. This was unfortunately only beginning of long road towards dealing with these 2 separate conditions.
But you come from a colonizer country right? You're disgusting lol
Once the trust is gone, it's hard to get It back. Let it just sit for a while, and see how it develops. Things may never be the same.
You technically never know if the other person is using birth control correctly. Anyone could be lying about being on the pill. Anyone could be using condoms with holes poked in them. Any person who does not want the possibility of a pregnancy needs to be using their own protection. It’s your fault, not a 50/50 thing.
I know this, which is why I wasn't expecting him to want to help raising it. It would be raised mainly by myself with help from the baby's father. My ex wouldn't have had to help at all.
I had to come back to this post, because symptoms you have mentioned match the one I sued to have too much. I wasn't sure if I should even mention it, because it's surface level similarity, but here goes nothing. To avoid confusion I will refer to my own issues, you should judge similarity to yours by yourself.
I had my ADHD since forever, except I had it not diagnosed, because mental illness awareness in my country was absolutely garbage at the time. Being easily distracted and losing myself in imagination was commonplace among other typical issues (although I was not hyperactive, which is the most commonly known symptom of ADHD). I thought it is a result of toxic family environment and continued to think so until recently. I visited multiple therapists, but it turns out therapists are useless if you have any real problem, because they do not have to have real medical degree. I wish I knew it from the start, as they never recognised my ADHD.
My ADHD issues could be managed under severe stress. Under such stress I was able to regain full control over my action. The same was true for very high motivation. However, no matter the amount of stress or whatever strength of will I could muster, it did not last. I mention it, because you seem to have easier time preparing for exams then dealing with your everyday life. The same has always been the case for me, whether it is education or work.
Now onto the other issue:
There are days when I can't even get up and I see how he has to deal with day to day on his own.
At some point in my life, I started to develop a similar issue, and I believe it to be desperate mental illness, at least in my case. I had very hot time describing it, as I was lacking in words. Something from within would be overwhelming me, making it impossible to move and do something, unless I knew I had literally no choice. Even when I knew that and forced myself with stress I wouldn't be able to do it properly.
At first I would call “bad days” even though it lasted less than a whole day. I was able to label it as it was slowly becoming more common and this feeling inside me was growing in strength and be easier to recognise. My mistake was not recognising it as an illness for reasons I will not get into more.
This issue would grow in frequency, last longer, and be more intense with passing time. After a few years it has become so strong it would nearly paralyse my life. I would lie in bed waiting and begging for this to pass. At this point it has become so strong that it fading away for some time was a distinct physical experience which finally forced to recognise it for a mental illness (although first I did a lot of physical tests to rule out regular illnesses).
Maybe I am wrong, but the vibe I got from your post feels similar to what I had to go through. Difference is when I realised it was a mental illness I have dragged myself to psychiatrist. This was unfortunately only beginning of long road towards dealing with these 2 separate conditions.