i’m 24f, my boyfriend is 39m. we’ve been together for 2 years and at this point, this is our only fight. i’m the same way. ultra attracted to him and want to bone constantly. we currently only have sex about 1-2 times per month, so i know how you feel. it’s hot not to take it personally when your partner doesn’t show sexual interest in you. and he needs to realize that. i used to say the same kind of things, not realizing how much it would hurt his feelings. but i’ve learned it’s a VERY sensitive topic for men. it can be very embarrassing as well. makes him feel as if you a belittling his manhood. hopefully he just needs some time and space. be gracious and give him that. if he reaches a point where he is willing to talk about things, have the conversation. is the desire gone, or is it a physical matter? regardless, he should understand your wants and needs, but also realize that this is very sensitive to him. be careful with your words. i hope things work out
YTA. My husband's best friend committed suicide in the house they shared 35 years ago. He has never really recovered. Normal people who didn't grow up with mental illness around them should set boundaries. People don't want to be normalized to trauma. His home is his safe space.
Wow! The nerve to throw that word around and accuse you because she's jealous of her 16 year old sister. Break up with her! Stand your ground and set boundries.
Bro fcvk the facts on whether she was piped down or not.
She lied to you for no reason. To be with another guy. At his house.
I don't care if she was just making him a meal bc his hands were amputated. Emotional cheating is still cheating. She made the decision to prioritize being with him over being honest with you.
Go get yourself treated and get away from that toxicity.
I don’t think you sound controlling at all. You sound very worried about her health and very worried about how to confront her with her diet/eating issues. And you are right to be. She sounds unhealthy. I would sit her down and tell her you love her but you are concerned for her health. She lives with her parents. What do they say about her weight ?
‘Can’t’ is a very declarative word. If you are unable to carry the guilt of not telling him, then there is no choice to make, right? That’s like saying ‘I can’t lift 1000lbs. Should I lift 1000lbs?’. If you can’t lift 1000lbs…then lifting 1000lbs isn’t even an option.
If you ‘can’t’ not tell him, then not telling him isn’t an option.
So I guess I’m still confused. Where’s the complication?
He behaved nicely before, he's always been sweet- just had a habit of saying/doing dumb shit that hurts my feelings. Something in the fight just changed my feelings for some reason.
I was going to suggest seeing HR about this because this is the very definition of harassment and yes, men can be harassed by women. The fact that she comes in on her days off in order to hang around you is beyond creepy and not normal. Switch the genders around in this situation and see how violently people react. You can also say that you don't ever date co-workers. You're there to get the work done and that's it.
This is the go to cheater excuse when confronted. He’s cheating.
Do you really believe that he all of a sudden started jacking off into condoms that have been sitting in your junk drawer for several years! Girl come on.
Wow I don't know why I didn't think of this… I never felt like I had any friends who actually cared about me, but after the breakup quite a few of them called me regularly to check up on me and ask me to hang out, make me dinner, etc. When I realized that these people actually had my back I felt cared for by friends like never before, maybe that's what has helped me
There are always lessons to be learned. At least you didn't marry yours like I did. However, I don't consider my marriage and subsequent divorce a complete failure. It was a lesson. The lesson I learned is to know my worth. I learned what I do and don't want in a relationship. What kind of behavior I'm willing to accept or not. And it's been 10 years since I left my wife and I have finally found the woman of my dreams. Patience. You'll find her.
Never ever loan money you are not a bank. You can gift friends and relatives but loans are just NO! Take this as a hot lesson learned. Get a second job if you really need that money because you are never getting it back.
nothing. there is nothing you can do. you want to train her to fit your mold? good luck with that. you already voiced your protest. she gaslighted you. it is done. there is nothing more you can do. you either accept her for who she is and live with it, or break up. i don’t see any other choice.
Dump him and go on a girls trip to Japan. He’s only going to get more controlling if you let him.
Also, never buy property with a partner you’re not married to. You have way too many issues to be even considering purchasing a home together. That would be a huge mistake.
You've listed at least three reasons that would justify someone going into talk therapy. Even if the VA has already discharged him from PTSD treatment that doesn't mean he's all good and will never need to talk to a professional ever again. He'll need to work with a therapist to not allow this to restart some of the problems he's already had. All you can do is be supportive, avoid topics that are likely to set him off and try to make sure the rage he'll feel at various points is never directed at the child in question.
The fact you're asking says you should. Not all people are going to be ok with a past like that. And that's OK. And having a past like that is ok, too. But, starting a relationship, you could see going somewhere, with a lie of omission is not ok.
I gotta give this a shot.. I have been so tired.. like she just had a 2k piece of jewelry delivered and will enquire about that 1.5k watch that she always wanted..
You guys are young. I can likely speak for most people that this has happened to them as well. High school relationships very rarely last. It is extremely normal to be feeling this way after your first serious relationship. Personally, I felt the exact same way and could of written this myself when I was 18. You will get through this, trust me. It still feels very raw for you and will for awhile but I assure you, this relationship was not the end all be all. You got this
Yeah true you’re right ! The thing is I think that his feelings were really hurt and I know my self I won’t be able to just send him a message out of the blue after years of no talking , I feel it’s a bit awkward don’t you think ?
I think she should go meet if she wants. Yes, there is a risk, but risk is always present in life. Perhaps you should plan to have some calls at set hours to confirm her safety? If you also know his names you will be able to help if she suddenly goes no contact.
Is this behaviour something you’d feel comfortable on your child walking in and seeing?
Seems like a big question, but he isn’t going to change. Is this how you want to on-line forever? My partner and I have had enormous disagreements – huge. He’s never punched in a wall. He’s never punched a car.
You avoid expressing your emotions – is it because when you do express yourself, he blows up? That’s terrifying.
OP, go on the trip. Don’t let your husband keep you from it. Which sounds ridiculously obvious and unhelpful lol. But like.. literally do not let him. Just go. Tell him you’re going, arrange childcare for the day of travel (or the whole time, if you want I guess but I wouldn’t) if necessary and let him know where the kids are, and just go. You’re an adult, and are freely allowed to where you please. You aren’t abandoning your children, you aren’t running away, you’re literally just trying to go on a trip. One where you shouldn’t still have to be responsible for childcare (and husbandcare). A solo trip. Alone time. Especially since your husband gets that. The commenter who is insisting it isn’t the same because you aren’t even interested in your husband’s trips is wildly wrong; it is the exact same. Your husband gets his solo trips for his interests, friends, and whatnot. You all have family trips. So you deserve your solo trips for your interests, your friends, and your whatnots.
unpopular opinion but i honestly feel like men are from mars women are from venus might be worth reading. it totally talks about how a lot of men shut down when talking.
He's probably having a yank with them
i’m 24f, my boyfriend is 39m. we’ve been together for 2 years and at this point, this is our only fight. i’m the same way. ultra attracted to him and want to bone constantly. we currently only have sex about 1-2 times per month, so i know how you feel. it’s hot not to take it personally when your partner doesn’t show sexual interest in you. and he needs to realize that. i used to say the same kind of things, not realizing how much it would hurt his feelings. but i’ve learned it’s a VERY sensitive topic for men. it can be very embarrassing as well. makes him feel as if you a belittling his manhood. hopefully he just needs some time and space. be gracious and give him that. if he reaches a point where he is willing to talk about things, have the conversation. is the desire gone, or is it a physical matter? regardless, he should understand your wants and needs, but also realize that this is very sensitive to him. be careful with your words. i hope things work out
Psst, it’s a joke
YTA. My husband's best friend committed suicide in the house they shared 35 years ago. He has never really recovered. Normal people who didn't grow up with mental illness around them should set boundaries. People don't want to be normalized to trauma. His home is his safe space.
But is it something I should bring up?
fuck up the pants
This is the answer
and i’m sorry if this is all over the place, it’s my first time ever making a post and just typing out without stopping.
OMG
You married your dad lol
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Dude. I'm not talking about what someone's ADDRESS is.
I'm talking about the greater loss of rights that the majority of women vehemently opposed.
Think critically while still going away.
This is what I thought. He plans to get away but his wife or girlfriend keeps it from happening on time.
Well if you trust them both then you shouldn't try stop them being friends. She may see that as controlling.
Wow! The nerve to throw that word around and accuse you because she's jealous of her 16 year old sister. Break up with her! Stand your ground and set boundries.
So. His idea of a “good vacation” is abusing you in public?
Leave. Before it gets worse. And it surely will.
Means you or your family is boring
To clarify though… I am single, which means no one is buying my girlfriend a gift. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I'm surprised that is an expectation.
Bro fcvk the facts on whether she was piped down or not.
She lied to you for no reason. To be with another guy. At his house.
I don't care if she was just making him a meal bc his hands were amputated. Emotional cheating is still cheating. She made the decision to prioritize being with him over being honest with you.
Go get yourself treated and get away from that toxicity.
I don’t think you sound controlling at all. You sound very worried about her health and very worried about how to confront her with her diet/eating issues. And you are right to be. She sounds unhealthy. I would sit her down and tell her you love her but you are concerned for her health. She lives with her parents. What do they say about her weight ?
‘Can’t’ is a very declarative word. If you are unable to carry the guilt of not telling him, then there is no choice to make, right? That’s like saying ‘I can’t lift 1000lbs. Should I lift 1000lbs?’. If you can’t lift 1000lbs…then lifting 1000lbs isn’t even an option.
If you ‘can’t’ not tell him, then not telling him isn’t an option.
So I guess I’m still confused. Where’s the complication?
I cant imagine a manipulative liar would ever say that. How fool proof.
you have spoken
THANK YOU. This is the only comment that actually answered my question
He behaved nicely before, he's always been sweet- just had a habit of saying/doing dumb shit that hurts my feelings. Something in the fight just changed my feelings for some reason.
I was going to suggest seeing HR about this because this is the very definition of harassment and yes, men can be harassed by women. The fact that she comes in on her days off in order to hang around you is beyond creepy and not normal. Switch the genders around in this situation and see how violently people react. You can also say that you don't ever date co-workers. You're there to get the work done and that's it.
This is the go to cheater excuse when confronted. He’s cheating.
Do you really believe that he all of a sudden started jacking off into condoms that have been sitting in your junk drawer for several years! Girl come on.
“He was by far my favorite one” creeped the hell out of me.
From what you’ve said, you’ve been dating him since you were 16 and he was 24.
Also he's a pedophile.
He’s not actually surprised. He’s manipulating you.
If he's throwing you out of your home without offering to pay for a hotel I'd make that a permanent breakup.
Unless the argument was about something atrocious you did I'd consider him an asshole you don't want to stay around anyhow.
double your age? check. massively immature? check. making you feel wrong for a very valid boundary? check. manipulative and clearly using you? check.
what are you missing here? why do you wanna be with an old man who doesn't respect you?
It might just be a pleasure thing. It's a little bonus when you're having an orgasm, an added sensation.
Wow I don't know why I didn't think of this… I never felt like I had any friends who actually cared about me, but after the breakup quite a few of them called me regularly to check up on me and ask me to hang out, make me dinner, etc. When I realized that these people actually had my back I felt cared for by friends like never before, maybe that's what has helped me
There are always lessons to be learned. At least you didn't marry yours like I did. However, I don't consider my marriage and subsequent divorce a complete failure. It was a lesson. The lesson I learned is to know my worth. I learned what I do and don't want in a relationship. What kind of behavior I'm willing to accept or not. And it's been 10 years since I left my wife and I have finally found the woman of my dreams. Patience. You'll find her.
Never ever loan money you are not a bank. You can gift friends and relatives but loans are just NO! Take this as a hot lesson learned. Get a second job if you really need that money because you are never getting it back.
he’s finding an excuse to cheat in private so dump him
nothing. there is nothing you can do. you want to train her to fit your mold? good luck with that. you already voiced your protest. she gaslighted you. it is done. there is nothing more you can do. you either accept her for who she is and live with it, or break up. i don’t see any other choice.
Dump him and go on a girls trip to Japan. He’s only going to get more controlling if you let him.
Also, never buy property with a partner you’re not married to. You have way too many issues to be even considering purchasing a home together. That would be a huge mistake.
If this is the healthiest relationship you ever had, I’d hate to see the other ones.
Well it’s her fault she messed up not you, try not to feel bad. A relationship is about communication
You've listed at least three reasons that would justify someone going into talk therapy. Even if the VA has already discharged him from PTSD treatment that doesn't mean he's all good and will never need to talk to a professional ever again. He'll need to work with a therapist to not allow this to restart some of the problems he's already had. All you can do is be supportive, avoid topics that are likely to set him off and try to make sure the rage he'll feel at various points is never directed at the child in question.
The fact you're asking says you should. Not all people are going to be ok with a past like that. And that's OK. And having a past like that is ok, too. But, starting a relationship, you could see going somewhere, with a lie of omission is not ok.
I did lol
I do go, that's partly why I'm recommending it, because I know how worthwhile it is.
No, he assumed.
He’s a really good liar
This is a reason to sever ties with a person. Be done.
I gotta give this a shot.. I have been so tired.. like she just had a 2k piece of jewelry delivered and will enquire about that 1.5k watch that she always wanted..
You know what you need to do …
You guys are young. I can likely speak for most people that this has happened to them as well. High school relationships very rarely last. It is extremely normal to be feeling this way after your first serious relationship. Personally, I felt the exact same way and could of written this myself when I was 18. You will get through this, trust me. It still feels very raw for you and will for awhile but I assure you, this relationship was not the end all be all. You got this
Yeah true you’re right ! The thing is I think that his feelings were really hurt and I know my self I won’t be able to just send him a message out of the blue after years of no talking , I feel it’s a bit awkward don’t you think ?
I think she should go meet if she wants. Yes, there is a risk, but risk is always present in life. Perhaps you should plan to have some calls at set hours to confirm her safety? If you also know his names you will be able to help if she suddenly goes no contact.
It's probably a note from some of your first dates where she recognized you as someone who had your own bills paid and she won't have to support.
Is this behaviour something you’d feel comfortable on your child walking in and seeing?
Seems like a big question, but he isn’t going to change. Is this how you want to on-line forever? My partner and I have had enormous disagreements – huge. He’s never punched in a wall. He’s never punched a car.
You avoid expressing your emotions – is it because when you do express yourself, he blows up? That’s terrifying.
You’re not safe here.
OP, go on the trip. Don’t let your husband keep you from it. Which sounds ridiculously obvious and unhelpful lol. But like.. literally do not let him. Just go. Tell him you’re going, arrange childcare for the day of travel (or the whole time, if you want I guess but I wouldn’t) if necessary and let him know where the kids are, and just go. You’re an adult, and are freely allowed to where you please. You aren’t abandoning your children, you aren’t running away, you’re literally just trying to go on a trip. One where you shouldn’t still have to be responsible for childcare (and husbandcare). A solo trip. Alone time. Especially since your husband gets that. The commenter who is insisting it isn’t the same because you aren’t even interested in your husband’s trips is wildly wrong; it is the exact same. Your husband gets his solo trips for his interests, friends, and whatnot. You all have family trips. So you deserve your solo trips for your interests, your friends, and your whatnots.
unpopular opinion but i honestly feel like men are from mars women are from venus might be worth reading. it totally talks about how a lot of men shut down when talking.