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Eter-And-rosse Public Chat Channel
Date: November 2, 2022
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This is a nice idea.
Firstly, I’m not from the USA so I can’t speak or relate to anything going on there. Secondly, we spent the last year and a half living together but unforeseen circumstances meant that he had to move back in to his parents house – nothing to do with our relationship but more so a tragic family event. It’s complicated. Living together and being “incompatible” is not the issue here. It’s ten years of being stuck between a rock and a naked place, we cannot move forward and get our own place STILL and basically start our lives together properly.
You'll always see her lies and cheats when you look at her. She's lied to you for at least 5 years with no regrets. End it. Take time for you. Heal. Good luck
Just because your marriage is ending doesn't mean you can't still be close friends. My cousin ended his marriage of 20+ years when he came out and his best friend is his ex wife. Keep the lines of communication open. It's going to hurt. But this isn't your fault and it's not like she is rejecting you personally either. You'll always have that connection to her through your kids, you might as well make the best of the situation. I'm sure if you sit down and talk about this she will agree with what I'm saying.
is this real. i don’t know anyone with half a brain that would give someone 220k just like that to get themselves a house .. i’d be like sure but my names going on it as well.
thank fuck she dumped you . please don’t ever do that again
How did you find out he was doing this?
Yeah I once had a crazy bf who was convinced my dad was really my lover and that we had concocted this daughter cover story so we could be together without suspicion?!
Unfortunately I'm my dad's double, the resemblance is blatant, so I don't even understand how he came to such a theory! Apparently the baby photos didn't “resemble” the man I was claiming is my father and so I was lying?! Uh yeah, a man will tend to look QUITE different 20+ years after a photo, especially when he was rocking a Michael Jackson afro for all of the 80s and 90s and has been balding for several years now ?
My cousin's first gf would wrap herself around him when I was around, letting me know he's hers. I was like, look here ya nut, I used to change that little shits diapers. So stop being gross.
Yeah, I need to discuss this with a therapist. It saddens me that most people's jerk reaction is to leave Sarah but I understand why I'm getting decimated here. Trust me, if it was up to me, I'd flick a switch and remove all these pent up feelings from the past. I don't want to feel them.
The people saying he's selfish and doesn't like it when you're unable to care for him might be right or they might not be. In our situation my bf is the kind of person who can think himself sick and is a bit of a hypochondriac. The suggestion of illness makes him properly experience it. And yeah, taking care of others is also not his forte. I really had to explain him what “caring for me when I'm ill” looks like to me.
I think it matters if there's ill intent. And you have to decide if it doesn't change, would it be a deal breaker (even if there is no ill intent).
I don't know what's true in your situation but it's worth a conversation.
Before! Do not go through something special and then do it – she will feel even worse
Before! Do not go through something special and then do it – she will feel even worse
Can be committed and buy houses and have kids without being married
You’re so young! I’m assuming you don’t have anything tying you together like a house or kids. Do you want these things? Can you imagine going through these milestones with her? Could you see yourself getting married to her one day?
I think you know this relationship is done. It will be better for you to let it go. Yes it will hurt in the short term, but in the long term it will help you heal and find someone you DO trust.
You’re very well spoken. Thank you for this. It’s like I thought maybe with a bit of time it would get better considering it’s only been like 5 months… I don’t think I should take the risk. It’s not the smart choice. I have to plan for the worst and assume he’s not going to get better. And when I think about the future with that being a possibility… us living together under the same roof worries me.
I'm sure he did this same thing to his ex wife and that's why the marriage sucked.
A way I have helped guide him as his partner is making sure he doesn’t drink too much or too fast or rubbing his back as he vomits if I didn’t monitor well enough. It’s not greedy to ask for your partner to be , well, a partner.
No, no, no, no. This is not what a partner is supposed to do, this sounds super co-dependent and toxic. Please read more about codependency and see if it resonates, because this, and your unrealistic expectations of him really do sound like that to me as a neutral observer. You are of course supposed to support each other emotionally and practically, but not be so enmeshed that you take responsibility for each others' behaviour and emotional regulation. In the example you give here, this is textbook enabling. Way too enmeshed and codependent, certainly not a healthy dynamic you are seeking here.
Your girlfriend is a legend for how she's handling this. I can imagine it sucks but I recommend you side with your gf. This friend clearly is a very good friend deep down.
Girl, dump him.
U cook make all of that by scratch I mean WOW!! ?????
I kind of coerced him into it.
So you raped him. If you get anything less than a clear yes, you forced your partner.
Yup. So many big red flags. It would be absolutely gutting and a huge betrayal for someone to send those texts to his “friend” so they can laugh about them together, when he is the one making you “crazy” with his asinine behavior to begin with. Other red flags: well, all the gas lighting. Why should you trust him to take a solo trip with a girl he just met 4 months ago when he doesn't do make time to spend with you? Which is another red flag – if he is spending his precious time with others instead of you. Also, “masking”? What needs to be “masked” – as in, make it look like something it is not? And he's only met her once! Finally, well, maybe not finally, but the fact that he wants to spend time with this girl just because she doesn't know all the stuff that he's going through – ugh. While on one hand, I can totally get the desire to take a “vacation from yourself” but at the same time…. He is just being an utter asshole and has no empathy whatsoever. But really, it's sharing the texts. That would have also been the breaking point for me. He knows what he did and he had no right sharing your worst moments out of context with someone else.
Well then you read a different post from the one I did.
id just straight up talk to her about it. No new age “im confident our relationship is strong! No insecurity!” bullshit, just straight up honesty and emotions on the situation she just painted to you
If she doesnt take you seriously then then you have your answer
I’m not saying I’m right, but a woman who only have 50% chances of giving birth is useless to me
Wow…
Neither of us have mentioned it. The morning after she texted and apologized for blacking out, but didn't mention the other girl. I don't know whether she was truly blacked out when with the other girl, or if she was just pretty drunk. She seemed in control and aware of her actions, but it's difficult to say. I was planning on at least asking her if she remembered the girl next time we hang out and going from there.
Omg that person gave terrible advice but it’s not their fault or a reflection of them, that they got cheated on! Blaming women for mens actions is pretty lame
I’m worried that he’ll get violent next. He just learned that he can smash through a boundary (by calling you a c*nt) and he can get away with it.
Does his state issued ID have your address on it? You said he only moved in with you at the end of last month, so I’m guessing it does not.
OP, get your locks changed while he’s out of the house and put all of his crap on the curb. Then go stay elsewhere for a few days (if you can)
Good luck.
Just to add to that, from your OP I wonder if you've set yourself an ideal for a relationship and you're rejecting people when they fail to measure up, rather than allowing and getting curious about what's evolving between you?
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Take care of yourself!
Looking after an elderly loved one is really fucking hard for everyone involved. He seemed happier towards the end during his last 4 years or so once he’d essentially lost all his memories, speech, faculties, etc. Can’t be embarrassed if you don’t know what you’re supposed to be embarrassed about…or what embarrassment is! Can’t be sad over missing memories or things you used to be able to do but can’t anymore when you can’t remember how to go the toilet on your own. That sort of thing.
Mum only placed him in assisted living when she came home from work one day to the front door unlocked and wide open and the dog running around the cul-de-sac. He’d forgotten that he didn’t live! on his own in his flat anymore, managed to take a bus down to his old local and order a pint like he hadn’t been living with us for 3 years! We knew then he needed supervision and security we couldn’t provide, especially considering it was just after the big financial crash and mum absolutely could not afford to quit her job.
Did your brother and SIL not do anything to help him when he was panicking and confused? Honestly, after that behaviour, I’d refuse to speak to my brother if he pulled shit like that. My own father is a recovering alcoholic who physically, emotionally, and mentally abused me from birth through til I cut him off at 25 aside from pleasantries if I see him at family gatherings. His behaviour has changed around everyone but me, and I have cPTSD because of the abuse. I still wouldn’t pull the shit your brother pulled and my other half wouldn’t allow it either. I’d do what I had to if it came down to it – he has lesions on the brain due to decades of substance abuse and he hasn’t even hit 50 yet – but I wouldn’t go out of my way to be malicious and vindictive.
You’re absolutely not on your own in this. It’s sadly a very common experience. A lot of the current elderly generation raised kids the best they knew how to, and unfortunately it resulted in a lot of trauma for their children – and I’m sure the children of those children will have the exact same experience too. I always say you can be the best parent in the world but you’ll probably still fuck up your kids in some form or another. It’s inevitable. But when we know better, we do better, and we do our best to break the cycles of generational trauma and abuse.
Your dad really needs to fill out a will, even if it’s the bare bones of one, as well as an expression of wishes and potentially a springing POA (one that becomes active if he’s incapacitated). I know he doesn’t want to deal with it but it’s important. Things like does he want to be buried or cremated? Does he want a funeral or a celebration/piss up? Are there any charities he would like to make a donation to? Or memorials he would like? Does he want to be resuscitated/intubated or not? Does he want to donate his organs?
It might help if you fill yours out at the same time, so it’s less of a ‘thing that people do when they’re close to death’ and more of a ‘we need to make a contingency plan in the event of the worst happening’. Hell, add in some funny ones if you want like what would you want in the event you were bitten by a zombie or gained superpowers? It doesn’t have to be doom and gloom but it DOES need to be done.
Girl run.
Is he using the “having a child“ and future faking as a tactic to convince me to not use protection and let him finish in me? Or is he trying to knock me up so I’m trapped?
Do you really want to find out? He has an anxious attachment style but is okay being attached to you for life with your kid?
Imo it really could be from the past… If it was it's NOTHING to do with you, we all have pasts.
Either way you trust her or you don't. If you don't leave.
Yes or on your 21st birthday lol
I am assuming that you writing her thesis for her isn't allowed by the college / uni? If so I would tell her that you will be telling them and sending them screenshot of all the messages if you don't receive the money by Friday. Degree's can be withdrawn.
Then you can only accept that this will be your life and trying for children will be especially miserable
Lol like tf kinda advice was that even… he's physically hurting his gf during sex and he felt self conscious? And it isn't the first time either did he not maybe get the hint to not be rough?
Generally you two should have some real naked conversations going forward. Therapy helps, but ultimately it is going to boil down to if he's going to truly be faithful or not, and if you're willing to have an arrangement (e.g. swinging, polyamory, etc.) that's more fair and equitable.
I will say you should also really take stock of what it is that you two love about each other. You may find that one or both of you struggle to come up with recent, key points that you love about each other and that may lead to a different conclusion.
So sorry for your loss. Condolences. I would recommend grief counselling.
Lol, I'm not your Bro, Bub! Nice try making this about me though – a common strategy from someone that's run out of logically, on-topic responses.
She fucked up, 100%. You don't surprise a spouse just coming home from work with a guest, then pick a fight about a less than perfect reaction to seeing a guest.
Once she learns he's not feeling well, she needed to back the fuck off. This would be a marriage ender for me if she couldn't come around in a timely manner to recognize her errors. You don't surprise someone coming home from work with a guest, get pissed about something so minor, then, yes, verbally absue that person with BS like “She rolled her eyes and commented that I shouldn't get dinner after putting her through this.”
That ain't shit anyone should put up with for anyone, much less from their own spouse. She behaved so shitty he gets a complete pass about a very, very minor, if even that, infection over a less than perfect greeting.
I'll put it this way, if we're doctors here, one patient has a paper cut, the other bleeding out from multiple gun wounds. That's degree of difference in the two's behaviors.
What you don't want to hear though is his views are backed up by millennia of evolution, science and observation where your views are based on modern social and culture trends which may or may not survive and change the attitudes of future generations. Personally I see your world view lasting as long as the hula hoop, punk rock or the Dutch Tulip Mania.
What is more important is that he is a good, honest, loving and loyal man. There are many things couples can live! with differences in such as religion, politics, what colour to decorate the bedroom all coming above the modern ideas on gender identity.
Ok thanks.
I don’t think it’s wrong for her to be thinking about it, but her reaction isn’t fair to you. It’s too soon to be angry with you for not being sure.
My husband was ready to get engaged at 6 months; I wasn’t. He waited for 2 more years until I was ready – and we’ve just celebrated 10 years together.
If you’re right for each other, there’s no need to rush into marriage. I’m basically of the opinion that by the time you get to marriage it should basically be a formality – you should already be fully committed.
Your child will be more messed up if you stay especially when they have a grandpa such as your bf's dad. Wait till he starts saying those sorts of things to your child, he sounds like a real creep.
What am I being defensive about? ?? I just stated how I felt have a good day.
Do you think he ever would've told you if he knew you wouldn't be “supportive”? Because I sure don't. And I highly doubt this was the first time.
Oh this is a troll for sure, rage baiting us lol.
Remember that 80% divorces are initiated by women sorry buddy