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For good lucky [40 tokens remaining]
Date: October 12, 2022
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Sure, but it’s not about you as a person. Are you feeling bad for having a period? What are you gonna do about that.
You’re the one who needs to change, every guy does this
Yeah I know. It’s so sad to come to terms with that.
Look up “covert narcissism” – I learned about this somewhat recently and it's really fascinating.
All this is just weird. The best advice I can give is to take a break from relationships and figure out where your head is at. THEN give it a go. It will save a lot of hurt feelings all around.
Your wife is acting like a ridiculous spoiled child and I can only give you an advice Joey Tribbiani style: you got married way too fast. With her reluctance to get off of social media and giving therapy a try, I don’t see much chance of this relationship working out.
All else aside, you seem to be super stuck on “it’s not a good time to travel internationally”. It is absolutely a wonderful time to travel, especially if you have money and two brain cells to rub together.
OP, I relate to some of this, and while my partner and I aren’t out of the woods yet with childrearing (have 4F and 1.6M kids), you have a newborn and the second child REALLY changes your relationship. Like honestly having 1 child feels more similar to being childless because you can actually have some time to yourself.
I do believe parents when they say things get better, and I believe the same for you. With us it’s still pretty hectic but it’s gotten better over the past year.
I highly encourage marriage therapy. We saw a therapist before our 2nd was born, but after that I felt like we were really getting deep into the real issues even if we were fighting. It’s much harder to connect as a couple, but through therapy we are finding our way through and making progress.
My partner and I are hard on ourselves, and then when things get stressful (ie with two kids just about every day), we’re very hot on each other. At least we used to be. So I urge you to be compassionate towards each other and on your own selves. Get a therapist, hang in there and good luck.
I appreciate your comment. I especially am thinking about you saying that it’s possibly not low libido really. But if the sex is painful, I don’t see how I can enjoy it. The thing is, the guy I’m talking to now says his pleasure comes from pleasing others so I feel like I’m I a pickle lol
There’s a 5+% chance a child will be non-straight and a 50% chance they will be non-male
Do you want your child raised by a misogynist homophobe?
He does get home early sometimes, and again I get that it’s great to have the house to yourself… but as I read this it kinda makes me feel silly for somehow having convinced myself otherwise haha
Ugh. Having been surrounded by manipulators and abusers my entire life, yeah, I see the tactic now. My self-esteem was destroyed in a similar manner. The insults were pretty straightforward tho and not disguised as compliments. It did make me easier to control.
Hopefully OP sees this and drops her. I wouldn't give 2nd/3rd/5th chances to someone who talked to me like this. If I have to explain to you why this is wrong, I don't need to be with you.
He talks about going pro in pickle ball constantly
My husband is very sweet and loving but he turns into a cartoonish hornball when I dress sexy (which is almost never.) Personally I find it amusing and endearing but I also know he likes me in my natural state. So either you are overreacting or you’re actually upset over an underlying issue that’s making doubt your boyfriend’s attraction to you.
I hope she doesn't. I don't think she will regret the end of the relationship, because I think OP has been ignoring problems for a long long time.
I hope if she wants to be a mother, she finds her own way, that is healthier than in a dead bedroom, claustrophobic-seeming, marriage.
I was the only girl in my family and my mother was always closer to my brothers. I was also the only granddaughter, but my grandmother again was also closer to the grandsons. Finally, figured out by talking to other relatives that the family of origin was very son oriented with the females always being second best so it was a generational type thing. Once I figured that out, it stung less and I just moved on in my life. Toward the end of my mother's life, none of her favorite “sons” had any time for her nor did they want to be bothered with her burdensome care. Guess who got to take on that care? I assumed it because it was the right thing to do even though I was never a priority in her life. Sometimes you just have to play the cards you are dealt.
I think in a long term relationship, the most important thing is that you make each other happy and each other’s lives better. It might be not true currently but you can work together to get to the happy state. So I think you need to figure out, can you two come to a compromise where you are both happy? Is she willing to work with you so you can be happy as well? You absolutely need a conversation with her if you think this is a relationship worth saving
You've said bangmaid multiple times in this post. I don't see anywhere op saying they on-line together or she cleans up after him.
You've said bangmaid multiple times in this post. I don't see anywhere op saying they on-line together or she cleans up after him.
I want you to know how old your “husband” is instead of changing his age.
I have a friend who ended up being a stay at home dad because his wife was making more than him, so it made more sense for them.
He was already bilingual and chose to start learning a third language while raising the kid. He's happy, and the child will be trilingual before they get as far as school.
There is nothing wrong with it when everyone is happy.
I added some info, if you need more or have anything specific to ask that might help I can answer
You can have her. She drives my siblings and I f|%~>|ing nuts.
For her and him to have Mr. Fifth Wheel out of the way for longer.
I totally passed over him being 26 and thought he was 19 or something… yikes.
Meeting up for kisses.
You’re about to spend the rest of your life supporting someone with a serious porn problem if you marry him! He needs professional help. I would reconsider if he is husband material! People will downvote this and say it’s a real addiction and addicts need love and support too, but naming it a porn addiction is nothing more than the unscientific application of the addiction model to the uncontrolled use of porn.
I am anxious and I would really worry too. She had the chance to give you some confirmations but didn’t. This exact scenario has made me end things in the past
I can’t thank you enough for this response
That was the plan
I could not agree more, you articulated that much better than I could have! Thank you
He doesn’t like you acting like yourself. I would take this right to marriage counseling, or make sure that he apologizes and knows that he can’t put you down like that.
Out him to your mutual friends if you're comfortable with your friends knowing you got herpes. What he did was fucked up and he deserves to be shamed and socially outcasted for it. He chose to withhold information from you, knowing said information would have meant you would say no to sex.
If he “wasn't sure” he should have told you, point blank. In some places you may have a legal case against him? That's how horrible this type of shit is.
I am so sorry.
Frankly, you're soon to be married and that is a huge legal and financial commitment. The 'how' of how you found out is irrelevant.
I hate to tell y'all this but when I was confronted with a similar situation the cops were ZERO help. My ex SIL found actual child porn on her bf's computer and asked me for help. She was 17 and looked really young for her age, which should've been a clue since he was like 36 but her parents let her move in with him. Anyway, since other people were able to access this computer they couldn't do anything to him. They took his name so they'd know if/when something happened they could call me and her as like anti-character witnesses but they never did reach out to us again.
Definitely a good idea to report this stuff, please don't think I'm saying it's not. But I think OP needs to understand what all of her options are and don't want her thinking the cops are going to be a more helpful resource than they actually are.
If your therapist is telling you it's the PTSD and anxiety, you need a new therapist. I'm assuming the therapist knows he actively cheated on you multiple times with multiple women? The therapist cannot blame you for lacking trust.
I don't see a reason to stay with him. If he accepted blame and worked to rebuild trust by giving you full access to his phone and location, I'd say maybe it could be worked through. But he's still blaming you. He's got the therapist blaming you, too. He isn't willing to change.
I’ve been getting constantly downvoted for anything I say but thank you all so much and i think I should explain everything a lil bit more. I understand and maybe it is insecurity and ik I should def talk to her about it. I actually think it is more from a place of monogomous boundaries bc tbh I don’t think I’d like her seriously cuddling her straight friends either, because i think that level of affection should just be reserved for us. I do trust my girlfriend to not cheat on me and I think a lot of people have gotten the wrong idea, but it’s my fault for not explaining correctly. I figured out I am uncomfortable with my girl cuddling with any friends in general whether they’re gay or straight and whether or not my feelings are “valid“ I really can’t just change how I feel uncomfortable with logic. My sisters and so many girls I know who are naturally cuddly and touchy persons stopped cuddling with their friends entirely after they got boyfriends and many girls I’ve talked to about the issue (just asking if they cuddle with their friends) they say they’d find that a bit weird. I threw in that some of her friends are friends are bi and gay to basically help validate my point a bit but I think that got everyone confused and thought I was insecure about my gf and her cheating but that’s not it, because as I said earlier I would not really like her cuddling anyone like how she cuddles me. I know it’s a strange boundary but I can’t control feeling that way, I see cuddling as something similar to kissing and ik it makes girls feel “protected” or the other things girls said in this sub but I see it as something intimate that should only be reserved to partners. If my girlfriend was from a background where she kissed her friends for fun I would also be uncomfortable, even if there’s no emotions involved. Maybe that’s a hard take and maybe I actually am super insecure for believing this but many people are dming me and the comments are now pretty mixed on whether my boundaries are valid or not and that’s besides the point. I also want to establish I am not blaming my girlfriend. I can see how some people think I am attacking her and think she’s in the wrong but I understand that it is just ways we view different things, I thought this from the start even after all the comments calling me immature and a baby. That’s why I took this concern to Reddit in the first place, if I thought i was completely in the right I would’ve just messaged her about it already. I came to Reddit to know how to communicate with her or even whether to communicate with her about this concern of mine at all. Whether this comment gets downvoted or not I don’t really care anymore. This entire post is kinda controversial because of the complete variety in responses
Just the fact that one of his children can’t come to his house is sus asf. MAYBE his baby mama is nutty and there’s no good reason for it, but that’s doubtful. Just that alone would raise a major red flag for me.
The other things you mentioned shows he’s sneaky and probably pretty possessive/jealous. Sounds like there is a lot to stay away from here.
I mean he's right but its for a good reason he literally just snapped at them.
Look. You said it was a boundary for you but all of a sudden it's not.
OP being completely ignorant about this frustrates me. Though I’m giving her benefit of the doubt, maybe she’s never had any experience with the opposite sex before, let alone someone showing some attraction. Can well very be low self-esteem and refuses to believe someone can try to do anything with her. That is my projected theory. I was somewhat this naive at 19.
Is it? Something is wrong with me? Are more people not scared? I
To clarify, his excuse is that she was in an open relationship. I still don't trust it, but maybe that's me being close-minded