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HOT NAKED OIL SHOW ? [400 tokens remaining]
Date: October 26, 2022
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I'm 6 foot 2 and have been treated like trash by my highschool love. Does matter if you were taller…a shitty person is a shitty person. You could be 6 foot 7 and make a million dollars a year and she would still bag on you over things. She seems toxic. She has lowered your self esteem, to the point where you take all her abuse because ” who else would want me”
They're is someone out there who won't be a manipulative bitch. Respect yourself… Your gf clearly doesn't.
You know who doesn't constantly worry about things that might go wrong in the future? You know who doesn't dig down deep into the “what ifs” or the “what thens”?
Most people
.
The way my mind went 'really?' like.. Most people don't wonder what would or could have happened? But then I guess it makes sense bc if everyone did, no one would be in relationships or actually do anything with their life by fear of what could possibly go wrong so yeah.. it does make sense. Also, the way I think about it, me overthinking about what could go wrong isn't gonna prevent it of happening anyway, life is life, shit happens no matter if you saw them coming or not but it's kinda very hot to accept I guess. I just don't wanna get hurt..
I agree about the therapist, I should see one because I need someone to help me understand the way I process everything..
antiquated tradition that ruins lives.
That's a great way to put it. It literally ruins your life. I find myself being exactly like my uncle. He got married when he was 19, and died 9 years ago. They tried to lie and say he had a heart attack, but truth is, he killed himself. He always told me to make choices for myself, and I never knew what it meant, and man is it hitting very hot right now. He was robbed of his, and it eventually took his life. I don't want that to be my story.
Does that make what she’s doing understandable, yes, but this isn’t okay. She just has to say I thought you were being suspicious. Instead she’s lying to his face and making him feel bad.
I’m sorry OP, I laughed when I read your post… I guess the poor guy was really tired… ?♀️?
I'm going to be my own here but OP you need to be with someone who has empathy. Your bf is a horrible person! How on gods green earth can a man want to even contemplate having sex with you after you've been upset cause you got triggered. Sex should be the last thing on his mind. Your consent shouldn't even be a question cause he shouldn't have gone there at all. And he only came to make sure you were ok after he got bored with his game…. what an AH!!!! Clearly the game was more important. Oh sorry, he didn't come to comfort you… he came into your room to go to bed and have sex. I too am a survivor of assault and I've never known any man, in all the years since, who has been so callous and selfish! I read what you wrote to my husband. He thinks your bf is just sick for even trying to have sex with you under those circumstances and even thinks your bf may even be using your inability to say no for his own ends. He's horrified you being treated like this. And yes he has to deal with me being triggered by various different traumas, not just SA. I'm lucky, he's an amazing guy. The fact that your bf's 26, got with a 17 year old SA survivor in therapy when he was 23….. I'm getting red flags here. Sorry, I just think you need you need time alone, to heal, to find you, without influence, without pressure and then you'll come to the relationship table on equal terms and feel more in control of you, your reactions and able to keep your boundries. Keep strong, you can be your own strength. From one survivor to another. ?
Actually it was me who wanted an open relationship because he wasn't sleeping with me. It was until I found he was messaging other women that he allowed me to play outside the relationship.
Ya its like he can't take anymore pretending to be something or sorry for hurting me. I am not sure if he ever was sorry, just wanted me to stay so said that. I've always given him sex and have taken care of him financially for a year.
He just recently got a job finally and didn't start even trting to find one until we had a big fight over him searching for escorts on here. He denied it abd said he did it to get my attention about having no privacy
The sooner the better. My ex and I had many bonding times together with both of our families, but I found out when she broke up with me that she had been out of love for a while and never knew how to bring it up.
Honestly, it hurt worse knowing she wasn’t happy in the relationship but pretended everything was okay in an effort to find the “right time” to bring it up.
Breakups are always painful, but I promise you that your girlfriend will end up resentful if you do choose to wait until after the holidays. It’s clear you care about her well-being, and the best thing to do for her is sitting down and having an honest conversation about why the relationship can’t continue.
I know it’s considered shitty to break up during the holidays, but usually holidays are times of the year where you’re surrounded with family, which she will need for support after the split.
Best of luck to you OP, you’re doing the right thing.
I think that there’s a possibility that you’re overly catastrophizing this, and honestly just being a little bit of a stubborn baby, and it’s making you have a random urge to self-sabotage otherwise good things because you’re chasing your own tail… and it’s just not doing you any favors.
You’re in a “happy” marriage but you’re not expressing your needs because “it’s draining.” So what else are you doing – nothing? How else do you expect to have your needs met? Nobody’s going to read your mind. Your options are to express your needs or stay unhappy. You want freedom and independence and aren’t taking the small steps to grant yourself that when it sounds readily available, because you want to… do it without asking for permission or having to check in on anyone. You need to really dig deep and assess what the hardest part about communication is for you, because it feels like you’re brushing away these things that you want that are otherwise right at your fingertips.
Why not try the very obvious middle ground of talking about things like a functioning adult? “Hey, [wife], I’ve been thinking a lot about my experiences while I’ve been traveling, and I’ve realized more and more how much I crave alone time and solo adventures to recharge and recenter myself. It’s something I want to make more time for on a more regular basis, and I just wanted you to be aware of that. It’s not that I don’t enjoy our trips together, there’s just something special about that kind of alone time for me. Are there any adventures that you would like to go on alone or with some of your other friends/family/etc?
It’s also not uncommon for people to have mixed responses when their partners are gone/when you’re gone. Feeling relieved by alone time isn’t necessarily a gigantic red flag that’s on fire. I would re-assess these thoughts months down the line after regularly giving yourself the alone time you’re looking for and see if you still feel the same way.
He doesn't care about gifts. Love languages and all that — clearly gift giving is your love language, but it isn't his. Learn to speak his.
Hopefully he will put in the effort to speak yours, eventually, if you keep reminding him. I feel like that's the best you can hope for.
He is 100% manipulating you. This is a game for him. Please run.
Then this guy isn't going to be able to date anyone.
Most girls change in front of each other.
He needs to be upfront that he's uncomfortable by absolutely normal activities for friends.
How it will affect future pregnancies… you have 3 kids, how many more do you want?? Leave him, he’s abusive. Have the baby or abort it, your call. You’re gonna be single mom of 4 for a while tho
How it will affect future pregnancies… you have 3 kids, how many more do you want?? Leave him, he’s abusive. Have the baby or abort it, your call. You’re gonna be single mom of 4 for a while tho
Well then he's shit out of luck. Either he moves out or stops complaining.
So what you're saying is that your boyfriend is sweet until he doesn't get what he wants, and then he's a fucking nightmare. That's not sweet.
He doesn't want to talk to you about your ex. That is what he was trying to tell you. What you say to him, as your bf, has deeper emotional impact than if you were just talking to a friend. Xx
Get an abortion. Say it was a miscarriage.
Don’t respond. I’ve been there and it never ends well. Get the last laugh, you deserve it!!!
Either accept it or just don't. You cant have your cake and eat it too. He already works with her anyway so a Christmas party is the same level of freedom to possibly interact with her as he could at work. No difference
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Tell-tale sign of an entitled user? They get mad at you when you reasonably disallow them from using YOUR property.
Edited original post to give a little more context. No specific problems just tired of being an “emotional landfill” per se. However, you’re exactly right about me not giving out much personal detail. I guess I never feel as if I have the same “safe space” I provide for many others.
OK so there are two separate issues here.
1) if he slept with someone on vacation, was it before the talk or after the talk? The thing is, it was a bit silly to ask him to be exclusive with you when he is literally on a three week vacation and you guys are still fairly new to dating. I feel like some part of you must’ve known what you were doing. Even if you tell him that he doesn’t have to say yes, that’s sort of a hollow gesture. He knew it was a loaded comment. this one is kind of a gray area.
2) He had unprotected sex with you knowing that he had herpes. Dump him.
I think people just view sex fundamentally differently. I personally don’t like having sex with my friends and would prefer not to date someone that does.
It sounds like you can separate things. Which is awesome. But some people will think differently and it could be a dealbreaker since both parties aren’t a project to be fixed but two people with unique experiences that make them think the way they do.
Definitely still recommend talking through it and seeing how you feel after speaking in depth with the GF and a therapist but sometimes it’s just incompatibility.
So what I'm getting from this sub is to not buy children expensive toys
You shouldn't buy anything for someone else's kid without clearing it with the parent first. In this case it's about the expense. In other cases it's about mess, potential for injury etc. It's literally not very hot to ask.
So basically he wants the house to himself whenever he is home, even if it was not a planned time? That's ridiculous.
You go in to the office the day he has off from work, that's the only compromise I would be willing to make.
He needs to realize that he lives with another person, and by doing that, he has sacrificed most of his chances to be home alone. I live alone, so totally get wanting alone time, and I think you agreeing to go in to the office the day he has off is a great solution- he gets a whole planned day to himself – and that's all he gets.
He wants you to leave at any and all times he is home, that's so unreasonable, I and hope this post helps you see that. You have a right to be home and comfortable at ANY time, end of story.
How is he trying to meet your needs? He isn't, and I think instead of compromising any further, you need to just lay it out for him:
You working from home isn't really “alone time” because you are working, not enjoying the home. You will go in to the office on his PLANNED days off, that gives him a full day by himself. Any time he gets unplanned time off, too bad. Sorry, you aren't going to vacate the home for him on a moment's notice. If he wants the house to himself for a little while after a particularly stressful week or maybe when his day off gets eaten up with other things, then that's fine, but he has to realize he has to ASK for that and accommodate your schedule- it may not be the day he asks for it, it may not be a full day, etc. And he has to be willing to do the same for you. When is he leaving the house- not during your work hours- so that you can have alone time?
That's likely due to people making false assumptions and downvoting his responses.
Fun fact, those wait times are the same in America, but you still have to pay out the ass for them.
You’re right on the money with, “If I had been sending nudes back and forth with girls, carrying on inappropriate friendships, making posts about how I missed out not having sex with more girls before I got married.” The fact that your wife thinks it’s okay for her to do stuff like this but not you is a huge double standard, and in my opinion just solidifies the fact that she’s 100% a cheater. She sounds narcissistic as fuck. She continues to do something for her own self gain over and over. If divorce is an option, go for it. I can only see this getting worse.
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The problem is I have done all those things.
I told him to have his father fix this or get out. I told him that if he’s not taking the last 2 days of their visit off work, and he’s not going to fix this, I am 100% kicking his father out. His reply was “I’m going to work on the 27. Whatever you do, you do.” I don’t know if he thinks I’m bluffing. I don’t know why he thinks any of this is okay. I am just so furious and heartbroken over this. He isn’t normally like this at all, only when it comes to FIL.
I think I am just going to take the kids and go to a hotel tonight. It will still show him I am serious, but may be less damaging in the long run. I don’t know. I want to salvage our relationship, but I am not willing to tolerate this at the same time. It just fucking sucks.
For some reason I made this post, I wanted to know people's perspective so that I'd know if I am exaggerating or not. You are assuming stuff. 4h is a time that we don't usually take to respond to eachother, Even he would find it weird. It's our dynamics
How did you find out if he went no contact ?
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Since then I'm constantly overthinking that maybe I overreacted. Maybe I should've given her more time to slowly ease into how relationships work… maybe she brought her friend because she was too shy to tell me that herself…
I think you overreacted, but you're allowed to have your feelings. You're much more experienced with relationships than she is, so her feeling things were going too fast could be understandable. And her bringing her friend – don't assume that she's afraid of you, but maybe she needed moral support?
This situation comes down to a lack of communication. You both are young, so communicating with a partner may be difficult.
If you really like her, give her a call, apologize, and maybe start over by having a long, honest talk about wants, needs and expectations.
Take care. Go easy on her and on yourself.
Of course he does. She’s bringing up her problems with the relationship. If he has problems, he should bring them up too. If paying the bills alone is a problem, he should tell her instead of ranting to us
How is it not a matter of trust??? If you trust your partner then you trust they didn't cheat on you, and get pregnant by someone else… No need for a paternity test if you don't think your partner cheated.
it’s totally possible something completely rational triggered this desire
Well we have no way of knowing that so all we can do is assess the situation based on the info that op has given. I wouldn't be in a rush to cooperate with someone accusing me cheating for no reason.
Woah woah no no they're not dating, he's her cousin, neither of us cheated
Nothing about this is fake.. why this post and not one of the insane posts on this subreddit, my problem is nothing lol
Yyyyyeah… Unfortunately, that's where my thoughts went as well… Oof
It's from credit cards and a line of credit.
Why don’t you want to go exactly?
I wholeheartedly agree. Plus. He didn’t ask her out. He assumed she wanted to go out and that’s where things went wrong :/
Even if she was, that still isn't an excuse or explanation for her reaction. Leaving someone in a soiled diaper is abuse as well. Frankly, I'm insulted that you're framing CSA survivors as psychotics who are okay with someone else being abused because of abuse the survivor has gone through. Please don't speak to me again if you're going to continue down this train of thought.
I mentioned the age because it causes a power inblanace in relationships, how did you meet?
so this is borderline cheating for sure, he deleted them because they’re wrong, on the other hand given that this started 4 days ago it may be salvageable which with the details here would probably be the right thing if possible, you don’t want to break up a long term relationship and a family over 4 days of texts, he for sure needs to own up to betraying you but as you said you guys have been having a lot of problems and as a guy around that age and seeing some of the things my friends deal with in their relationships I wouldn’t blame them if they cheated, things aren’t always black and white, what are the cause of the problems? what’s your romance like? has your behavior towards him changed? if what we’ve heard here is the extent of the betrayal I would try to do your best and do everything you can to sort things out before pulling the plug
Ask him how he would feel if you were sending messages like that to another man, then deleting them, then silencing the notifications. Would he think you were hiding something? This is such a slippery slope. This is how affairs start. The fact that he is being secretive about this makes me think this is already an emotional affair.
He’s passing his trauma onto the dog.
He’s passing Trauma onto you because you now have to witness animal abuse.
And you have a kid? Is she witnessing this abuse too? A poor defenceless creature being brutalized?
This is too much. I feel sick having read that.
You should feel sick too. This is not right.
And I think deep down, you know this and that’s why you’re here.
Please, give the dog to someone who won’t beat it, and just be wary that you might be next.
Right!!!!!!!
You know we can always decide to stop dating someone for any reason.
This isn’t a question for Reddit. You need to speak to your fiancée. What is it that is expected from you? Is some sort of one off conversion? Or will she expected religious things day to day like praying, observing religious holidays, for example will she expect you to partake in Ramadan? Or go to the mosque every week or some other frequency. Will you be expected to do things with her family? What does it mean for the children? Can you speak to them about atheism for example.
Whether you believe or not is sort of the minor end of the wedge compared to other expectations. She’s not asked you to believe. She’s asked you to convert. That doesn’t mean she may or may not want you to have faith. But you really need to understand the practicalities of it first. Because you’ll have to live with it.
Honestly it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. If you want a condiments he's saying no, that's a red flag. Even ignoring the lack of intimacy or aftercare.
You went for 3 weeks with no talking and that's the only time he tried to kiss you or touch you first? He's doing the bare minimum just to keep you interested in him. Did he stop trying to kiss you first as soon as you both started talking again?
What else is keeping you with him?
The word “trauma” has been thrown arround so much that it has lost all meaning specially in this snowflake generation.
If she doesnt want to do something thats important to him, then fine, but dont expect him to be okay with that, dont expect that him will be obliging to everything that she deems important for her, or even than he stays in said relationship. He has to take the No, but he doesnt has to take it willingly.
That wording alone could work against OP and juvenile court.
it is over. it might not be the closure you want, but it is the one you got.
Find a younger WLW to be with, this is some predatory shit. You're still pretty young so you might feel good having the “seasoned” partner, but she's just taking advantage of you.
She's making you feel like garbage over this so that you feel trapped, and can never turn your age gap around on her because “you did it too, you're no better than me.”
what the fuck is wrong with you. leave that man alone
Ive been with my husband for over 10 years. I dont think hes once EVER called me an idiot.
Being abused is not a “situation I got myself into”
Being abused is a situation put upon you.
It will only get more expensive and complicated to leave him anyways.
If you really want to just use the wedding fund to have a huge and fancy family reunion. Then you can work on laying stuff later.
You deserve love.
You deserve safety.
You deserve these things in all ways.
Do you think it might not be her then?
You have no substantial evidence that it is her…
Think about what you just said:
I tried to make her jealous by having a friend reply something specific She didn't react in any way on her twitter
You did something to entice a reaction. Then you monitored her account to see the reaction.
In a way… you're feeding into this post-break nonsense as well.
You paying this close attention to it (monitoring your view count), is just going to keep you in this situation.
Let it all go and move on.
End it. If it's already this concerning it'll only get more problematic.
This is how you know you and he aren't a good longterm match. Like it or not, your zeal on this is outside of the norm. While not everyone wants kids, burying loved ones does tend to make one think about the value of family. See, people who had happier childhoods than yours don't have a visceral aversion to familial things. But don't disabuse yourself that he's the only one being “selfish” here. He's entitled to his views just as you're entitled to yours. Unfortunately it just means the two of you need to break up.
This is how you know you and he aren't a good longterm match. Like it or not, your zeal on this is outside of the norm. While not everyone wants kids, burying loved ones does tend to make one think about the value of family. See, people who had happier childhoods than yours don't have a visceral aversion to familial things. But don't disabuse yourself that he's the only one being “selfish” here. He's entitled to his views just as you're entitled to yours. Unfortunately it just means the two of you need to break up.
It's been 3 months since the breakup. We dont really talk anymore. I understand why. I can tell you she doesn't love me anymore.
You’ve been dating for FOUR tiny months and you’re already hating on each other so badly.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the first time arguing like this, you are not suited to each other if you speak to each other like that.
This man is 38 and has nothing to do but talk shit about a 24 year old?
This man is more than halfway to retirement age. Meanwhile you're not even 10 years out of high school.
There's a reason he had to date a 20 year old at 34. Because women his age know better than to date a guy like him.
Emotional safety is a huge deal. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I know exactly how you feel as I have attachment issues in relationships too.
I’m telling you that this relationship is going to mentally destroy you if deep inside you know you’re not happy. You wrote that you’ve tried to break it off but can’t do it because of how attached you are. I know nothing is as easy as saying it, but find that moment. Find the moment to say it and then walk away. Cut all contact with this person. Being around him or even knowing about his life from afar will cause you to never heal from this, especially with the history you guys have.
The attachment is like a drug that you’re going to be withdrawing from. No contact works in these situations. Hurts like hell but will do the job.
I know when things are good with him they’re probably really good. And those things you mentioned about him that you like are great, but none of them are applied to your relationship. That should be a wake up call.
You deserve to be happy. As cliche as it sounds, there is a person out there that will make you feel that emotional safety that you’re craving.