I suggested the “supervising” as a bit of reverse psychology, which it looks like didn't come across well.
I had a controlling partner whose “concerns” only went as far as expecting/wanting me to say, “OK, I won't do it, then.”
After months of arguing over the philosophy of the thing, and inspired by a boss who used a technique she called “Get to no through yes”/”Yes, and…” with clients who had shitty demands, I started putting the burden back on him– “I hear what you are saying, so… it sounds like you should drive me and come back to pick me up” and other things that made it clear I was doing what I was doing– and, if he was concerned he was free to carry some of the burden of absolving his own concerns.
Once I started doing that, suddenly his concerns became way less dire (and, it was fun to watch him back out whenever I came up with a thing that should totally absolve his stated “concerns” but that he didn't want to be bothered doing.)
If she’s having feelings for other people, I’d be careful about putting yourself in the middle of that you will get hurt and she’s not committed to you. I’m breaking up for a while. It’s not a bad idea and just going about your life and if it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out anyway. Your both pretty young. She’s really demonstrating that with getting feelings all over the place.
Hey, I know I'm an internet stranger. But tough love time. Just about everything you've done in this relationship has been wrong. Leaving would be the right thing.
Changing for other people isn't healthy. Your motivation to change should come from within. You should decide who you want to be and shoot for that. Not to ever please anyone else. Especially a boyfriend who has demonstrated that manipulation, threats and emotional abuse are easy places for him to go to get what he wants.
You can discuss it. Considering women shaving their armpits has become 'normalised', so she probably won't be surprised if you mention it. I'd start off asking about it.
Be sensitive about it and consider how you'd feel in her position. Relationships should have open communication, but there's a big difference between honest and brutally honest.
DUDE It’s your dick, you can do what you want with it. Upset, processing emotions, silent treatment for a week. Been there, done that, with my EX WIFE!!! It starts small, but then it becomes the norm. Every little thing you do will upset her and she will resort to this same behavior. That love of your life will make you hate life. She’ll have you like a lap dog, not allowed to get off the couch unless she wants you to. My advice to you is to get the fuck out of that toxic relationship. Don’t believe me, test the waters, push back and see what happens. I’ll bet you’ve already dropped small things you used to enjoy, let friendships dissipate, but magically have plenty of time to do what she wants to do. I dropped snowboarding, rock concerts, and damn if it wasn’t a fight to see my family.
DUDE It’s your dick, you can do what you want with it. Upset, processing emotions, silent treatment for a week. Been there, done that, with my EX WIFE!!! It starts small, but then it becomes the norm. Every little thing you do will upset her and she will resort to this same behavior. That love of your life will make you hate life. She’ll have you like a lap dog, not allowed to get off the couch unless she wants you to. My advice to you is to get the fuck out of that toxic relationship. Don’t believe me, test the waters, push back and see what happens. I’ll bet you’ve already dropped small things you used to enjoy, let friendships dissipate, but magically have plenty of time to do what she wants to do. I dropped snowboarding, rock concerts, and damn if it wasn’t a fight to see my family.
she wants a child much more than OP does, and that's maybe one thing they should focus on
Why should they focus on that? OP said what he said – he's not willing to risk going through it again. Whether it sucked for her too is irrelevant.
I suggested the “supervising” as a bit of reverse psychology, which it looks like didn't come across well.
I had a controlling partner whose “concerns” only went as far as expecting/wanting me to say, “OK, I won't do it, then.”
After months of arguing over the philosophy of the thing, and inspired by a boss who used a technique she called “Get to no through yes”/”Yes, and…” with clients who had shitty demands, I started putting the burden back on him– “I hear what you are saying, so… it sounds like you should drive me and come back to pick me up” and other things that made it clear I was doing what I was doing– and, if he was concerned he was free to carry some of the burden of absolving his own concerns.
Once I started doing that, suddenly his concerns became way less dire (and, it was fun to watch him back out whenever I came up with a thing that should totally absolve his stated “concerns” but that he didn't want to be bothered doing.)
Thank you that is what my friend has been saying.
If she’s having feelings for other people, I’d be careful about putting yourself in the middle of that you will get hurt and she’s not committed to you. I’m breaking up for a while. It’s not a bad idea and just going about your life and if it’s meant to be, it’ll work itself out anyway. Your both pretty young. She’s really demonstrating that with getting feelings all over the place.
I did. Your reply is absolutely ridiculous.
Hey, I know I'm an internet stranger. But tough love time. Just about everything you've done in this relationship has been wrong. Leaving would be the right thing.
Changing for other people isn't healthy. Your motivation to change should come from within. You should decide who you want to be and shoot for that. Not to ever please anyone else. Especially a boyfriend who has demonstrated that manipulation, threats and emotional abuse are easy places for him to go to get what he wants.
You deserve better. MUCH better than this.
Sometimes, the trash takes itself out.
Have you even asked your gf why you haven't been included?
I'm imagining the husband with a collar and leash, being trained with the other dogs.
He'll be easy to spot, as the misbehaving one of the pack.
You can discuss it. Considering women shaving their armpits has become 'normalised', so she probably won't be surprised if you mention it. I'd start off asking about it.
Be sensitive about it and consider how you'd feel in her position. Relationships should have open communication, but there's a big difference between honest and brutally honest.
DUDE It’s your dick, you can do what you want with it. Upset, processing emotions, silent treatment for a week. Been there, done that, with my EX WIFE!!! It starts small, but then it becomes the norm. Every little thing you do will upset her and she will resort to this same behavior. That love of your life will make you hate life. She’ll have you like a lap dog, not allowed to get off the couch unless she wants you to. My advice to you is to get the fuck out of that toxic relationship. Don’t believe me, test the waters, push back and see what happens. I’ll bet you’ve already dropped small things you used to enjoy, let friendships dissipate, but magically have plenty of time to do what she wants to do. I dropped snowboarding, rock concerts, and damn if it wasn’t a fight to see my family.
DUDE It’s your dick, you can do what you want with it. Upset, processing emotions, silent treatment for a week. Been there, done that, with my EX WIFE!!! It starts small, but then it becomes the norm. Every little thing you do will upset her and she will resort to this same behavior. That love of your life will make you hate life. She’ll have you like a lap dog, not allowed to get off the couch unless she wants you to. My advice to you is to get the fuck out of that toxic relationship. Don’t believe me, test the waters, push back and see what happens. I’ll bet you’ve already dropped small things you used to enjoy, let friendships dissipate, but magically have plenty of time to do what she wants to do. I dropped snowboarding, rock concerts, and damn if it wasn’t a fight to see my family.