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Date: October 20, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Because we had a life together and i grew up with him and despite how crap it sounds, he's still my best friend and I want to make things work. I just am at a loss and don't know how. I mean, therapy is good tho. He says nothing in the session to indicate he's on board then comes home and acts very different, does nice things, acts calmer and more stable, listens to me, helps out. And like we're both shitty together so maybe that's part of it. We both know we have issues of our own but we're united in wanting to be better to our kids than our parents were to us and give them a living home and a good life.
I commend you for seeing the problem, I beg you to address it. What ever you have to do. I grew up with a high functioning alcoholic father, and have seen him fade away into a man I don't recognize most days. I have sat in the hospital with him as his body shuts down, and have to adjust how I speak because he isn't very mentally cognitive .
I have had to attend family group sessions to help my self cope, but it pains me to hear other people's experiences.
You deserve a happy healthy life and no one but yourself can give you that. The first step to solving any problem is identifying and acknowledging it. I believe in you internet stranger!
Agreed! That shit is damaging.
Xanax and kolonopin are prescribed for anxiety and panic, not depression.
Why did you not want to get married? It is a mistake to get married when you are not ready.
Sometimes just forgetting about a petty argument isn't the worst thing – there have been silly fights in my relationship where we both knew we've been jerks and decided to just forget about it. 😉
However, if it's a repeat thing, it is worth sitting down and checking what's the reason behind IMHO. We all have our triggers and it's worth knowing our own and the one's of our partners. It won't stop every fight, but it helps.
Maybe you can find a pattern in your arguments or figure out what sets each of you off and the work on a way through that.
Early thirties, been together a few years
How superficial. Preference is one thing but you border on obsessed or fetishism. It's hair it grows back….how would you react if she had to shave her head for medical reasons or she loses her hair due to pregnancy/alopecia/stress/age?
Someone who doesn't respect your time is a HUGE red flag. I agree with what others are saying. It totally sounds like he's married..
leave her.
He gon’ kill you next time. And he’s cheating on you with the exes. Get the F out
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you find condoms in your SO's car, and immediately decide they're cheating. Wtf.
Comment section must know a lot of things that I don't, because there's nothing in this post that would warrant crazy shit like “tell him you're going to get checked for STD's because you know he's cheating” and shit like that.. What the fuck
Thank you for your insight. I really appreciate your perspective on the situation and I will have a think on what you have said ♥️
Oh please. You made a child – a living human being. It's not a plant you can just pass off without some actual work on your part.
Do you care about anything?
I'm chubby now and my husband would never say something like this.
Well who are you, in this picture? Your gender? How long have you known him? How can you be sure it's rebound?
I had said no. He was persistent and eventually I had all my firsts with him
Huge red flag and concerning.
ago snapped him and I completely lost my shit
Huge red flag on you, its just a fucking snapchat
we just did bc I’m worried she’s making a comeback
You two aren't even dating….
Honestly, he sounds like a jackass. And this sounds like a bad situation for you to play into. You wont grow or heal as a person with him youll turn into a paranoid controlling person. I suggest taking some space away – youre both adults now and this behavior is concerning.
I think it depends on the method of shaving (I.w how close of a shave it is) and how quickly your partner’s hair grows. I’ve noticed that I start getting irritation I can’t ignore at day 3 post shave. Then it’s like having needles poke into my skin and I’d develop cystic acne which I never had before in my life. It was bizarre and extremely distressing, but thankfully now all it takes is a “time to shave” and problem resolved!
You get ghosted without explanation and you still “like” this guy? He’s a dick. And he’s screwing with you.
By definition, the friend zone is without escape. She's already made up her mind. I don't know of anything you could do with a high likelihood of her changing her mind. Good luck.
It's 2023. Why don't you plan and take him on a date and pay for it? This takes all of the stress and work off of him and you get what you want at the same time.
You seemed to have severely misunderstood what I’m asking. It’s okay though. There’s many others just like you.
Yes, she definitely dodged a bullet, lucky for her.
Just say you are done, you have 30 days to move out and move on.
No! Absolutely not. Don’t tell this man anything. It will be self sabotaging if you do. You hardly know someone after 3 months or what they are capable of. Say less. Stay mysterious. What is telling him going to do? Unless you are risking his health by not telling him do not tell that man anything.
The buddy I was responding to said they typically don't have sex. I was providing proof that it was the other way around. I'm sure there are escorts who just go to events or dinners, but on average when you use the word escort it is generally assumed that the “john” will pay for sex.
I can understand you feeling uncomfortable about it. I once dated someone that had been FWB with one of my coworkers and it felt a little weird working with him knowing that he'd slept with her multiple times.
Here's the thing though. That was in the past before you started dating him. It sounds like it was a one time thing and neither of them are planning to do it again so at this point they are just friends. And it's what is happening now that matters, not what happened in the past. He wants to date you, not her. You said that your relationship with him is great. Great relationships aren't easy to find. Do you really want to throw that away because of something that happened once before you were with him? I don't think that would be smart. I know it's not easy but you need to focus on the present and the future, not on the past.
Yes….. the answer is ruin his life….. save his wife from a life of disrespect….. fuck him
Puritan prudes? For not wanting to fuck everyone while in a relationship? Ok.
Do I even need to read the post with this age gap lol? Probably not. Ditch the waking red flag of a man who chases barely legal adults as a grown ass 30 year old.
UpdateMe!
OP i commend you for wanting to step up and provide stability for your daughter. Your relationship may suffer but if your wife cannot support you stepping up to care for your daughter is she really the partner you thought she was?
Things happen. And you only just found out about this situation. I think you're gonna be a great dad.
And side note: maybe get the girl in therapy to help with the transition! Better sooner than later in my personal experience (: good luck!
This should be nearer to the top. Do NOT give them the money. If you decide to help, you write the check to the creditor. If you hand them money, with thier track record, they're likely to piss it away and come back with another sob story.
But maybe him and his wife aren't getting along??
It’s such a gross thing to say without the context of the miscarriage and surgery. Do certain men actually think that a woman would write about that?
It's very sad because the edits make it clear that this isn't something she's ready to hear. I've been there – you're not ready to leave until you're ready to leave.
I think something that people don't realize is that it's completely normal for someone to act wonderful, amazing, the best person you've ever met, and then start acting monstrously. It feels strange and shocking, but it isn't – that's how it usually happens. And the true colours start coming out after major investments – moving in together, getting married, getting pregnant, having a child.
Another assumption people seem to have is that relationships exist on a scale of pros and cons, where a certain number of good deeds outweigh a certain number of bad ones. But actions don't have relative mass. Some things are just flat unacceptable.
Giving your wife the silent treatment because she isn't thinking about giving you a blowjob 9 days after a miscarriage, 2 days after inpatient surgery, while still bedridden, is one of those things. It isn't outweighed by “he's otherwise a nice guy”. If it was the only comparably nasty thing he did over a lifetime, maybe. But as we can't see the future, we make predictions based on the information we have at present – which includes behaviour demonstrating an incredibly entitled and disrespectful attitude that, in my experience, only ever gets worse. It's always unexpected when it first happens or you wouldn't have been with them in the first place.
And that's where the crux of the issue is. OP wants to know how she should fix this problem she did not create. There is no correct combination of words or actions that can force someone else to not act disgustingly. People either care enough about being in your life and making you happy to treat you in the way you ask, or they do not. The only control we have in that is in deciding what behaviour to accept.
The only conversation I could possibly think worth having in this scenario would be, “I expect a detailed and thoughtful apology, and to see nothing but compassionate, non-sexual care and attention until I am well. If you ever speak to me like that again, I will leave you.” And then be willing to follow through on it. Once we do leave situations like this, it's funny how fast it goes from, “He was always such a great guy other than X, Y, Z,” to realizing just how many shitty behaviours you slowly learned to put up with.
…outside of adultery or open relationships like the OP’s situation, how would this apply to other relationships? This phrase intrigues me
He'd probably only consider taking you back of you acknowledge how terrible they are, explain you had a freeze response, and that you are going low/no contact bc he made you realise how toxic they are.
Why is friend always coming over to your house? Any reason your bf and him don't go over to his buddies place?
Set reminders in your phone of all important things like birthdays etc with a reminder a day or two before so you can pick up a quick cake or gift. Sincerely tell her Im sorry for forgetting, it wasn't intentional but I set reminders and will work on being better about forgetting. What can I do to make it up to you? I would get her some flowers or a small gift. After that if she's mad you can't change her.
i beg him to go, but he has to schedule through the military, and his schedule for the next day comes out at 7 pm, or at least weekly, and even then its prone to change. Hes gotten therapy scheduled like 10 times and then his schedule comes out and he has to cancel. Hes also had to neglect his car because they literally wont let him call out
Things are already going really wrong. Your husband is pressuring you into sex you don’t want to have. This is bordering on coercive rape.
Before I saw your update I was going to suggest she had maybe gone to a doctor recently who gave them to her. When I’ve gone to get birth control they’ve given me a little baggie with condoms and stuff!
He said to me many many months ago, because this is not the first time she has been a point of contension in our relationship, that if I ask him to pick between me and her that it will always be her.
I feel like a paranoid psychopath, but I don't trust her at all.
You have the answer but you simply don't agree with it. You are not his priority and never will be. This relationship will only hurt you.
It's time for you to face it or simply accept to be hurt.
The problem is not her, the problem is both of you. He prioritizes her and she doesn't accept your relationship. You are the point of tension between the two of you, but he prefers her and not you.
How many years will you invest in a relationship where you don't prioritize? Is YOUR love enough?