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Cum/Sqiort/DoubleSQuirt [1111 tokens remaining]
Date: October 7, 2022
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Leaving her without even custody of her daughter is the worst idea. What she needs is help. Try to find some adult to whom you think she will open up. I too had a miscarriage. It was the worst time of my life. Not even my SO was there to help as he had his own issues to tend to. Being mentally strong and sound helped me out of it and I was even strong for my SO to pull him out of slump.
I’d avoid friendships like this as you get older. They tend to cause problems unnecessarily.
Say your the ghost of Christmas past
OP, you need to separate two things: – How your bf feels (he can’t control this) – How your bf behaves (he can absolutely control what he does with his hands and what comes out of his mouth).
The way he’s treating you is just abominable. Ask yourself: what would you do if your friend, sister, or daughter came to you and told you this was how their bf was treating them?
Leave that crap behind, and lead a beautiful life! Get tested repeatedly over the next few months to be sure you're clear of anything, and move on. Do not let this low life drag you to the depths of hell
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If one of the dudes wasn't family maybe but I think you just need to get over it. Fine with telling you it made you uncomfortable but I wouldnt turn it into a biger fight than it has to be.
And the whole not talking to her is called stone walling and its like cancer to a relationship. Grow up and keep talking.
Why would you apologize??? What she did was GOD AWFUL!!!!
Jellyfish BF is not gonna last
Is his name Joey?
I'm 22. I also work blue collar jobs
I tend to eat lots of gas station food. Or literally soup cans straight from the can. My girlfriend and my sister also bought me the gift you got your husband. They definitely didn't spend near 200. However I thought it was very thoughtful as they had listened to what I said along the year and gifted me something very useful.
I'm not your husband but he should be a little more greatful. But everyone has a set of expectations I suppose you could say. I think he definitely needs to be thankful for it to say the least. It's a good gift.
Get an attorney as soon as possible, the best one you can find, and get a solid parenting plan in place. I tried to coparent without the courts involved and it absolutely decimated my self esteem when I found myself relegated to a secondary parenting role where my son lived with her so she called the shots.. plus, none of the money I gave her during that period counts toward child support, even though I have receipts, because it didn’t go through the court intermediary (you will find that anything you want to do when it comes to your parental rights somehow costs you money to your state government’s benefit).. like thousands of dollars were effectively meaningless in terms of what I owed.
Do you live in a state that favors mothers?
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You don't get to decide with whom he's friends on social media or whom he needs to delete from his friends list
Thank you so much for the advice/help
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The question isn't about him respecting you exactly. It's about YOU respecting yourself. Him respecting himself. It's sex, with a stranger for both of you.
Just as no one here is able to change your mind about what you should be doing in this situation, you won’t be able to change your girlfriend’s mind about wanting to do this. So that option is off the table. You say the only other option is making yourself okay with it? We don’t live in your brain, we don’t know how you should talk yourself into this (very stupid) option. So I guess just throw up your hands and declare that you’re okay with it and see what happens?
You should probably end the relationship. Her going on and on about another person she is sexually interested in is not ok. It's disrespectful and borderline unfaithful. How would you feel if she were talking this way about a man? Probably not very good right? You might think this is different, potentially even be turned on by it. Fact of the matter is, it isn't different for her. She is bisexual and her talking about another person this way to her significant other is not acceptable behaviour.
Yeah, you lost me at the threat of breaking up if you bought your own place. Up until that point it was my story -but my partner never threatened me. That’s probably why we’re still together 20+ years later. Took us 18 years to actually move forward with marriage, and even then it was more for estate planning than for a wedding.
Girl. Once you move in, extracting yourself is so much harder. He was grown u enough to buy a condo, he’s grown up enough to negotiate major life changes in a relationship without threats and ultimatums.
And if he’s not, protect your own interests until you decide what path you want to take.
Do long distance for a few months. It's not nude. I did it for years. If you still care for each other then move in.
His dick was used by his ex. So he has to get rid of it, right?
I’m sorry OP. But damn I can only imagine if y’all had kids and you were sick. It would be really bad. Do you ever think of that??
I don’t condone violence, but I am rolling at the comments in his post. people are saying that they would have hit him with the cutting board.
Oh my goodness. I didn't believe thinking these days could be so skewed but the amount of being who take offense to the gf getting this gift and calling her selfish.
For goodness sake, it's a nice gesture and shows she is listening and paying attention. You could've spent your $350 on something else. One day you'll find a partner who will buy you a watch, but not the one you want and in fact it'll be exactly opposite of what you would wear, then you will appreciate your current gf's thoughtfulness.
I'm an attorney, I handle divorces and meet many divorced clients in other case types. Keeping the name does happen from time to time even absent kids. I talked with a lady once, and her married name sounded and looked much cooler than her maiden name, especially when paired with her first name.
Not an issue, to my view; and not your issue, OP.
She wanted you to accomplish things for your life and stopped responding when you didn’t? That’s odd. I’m sure you have some awareness of that ?
I’m curious about you trying to apologize to her. Maybe that’s more about you? But can’t say until I get clarity on the first point.
Also dreams are often about our inner world. So her, her mother and her sister may be aspects of you and this may be about what’s going on in your life. And it may be a good chance to unpack what she means for you.
That's easy. This is supposed to be a FWB situation. A “friend” wouldn't do something like that, therefore time to end the “benefits.” She can find someone else to get her pregnant.
calm down
She isn't even an afterthought!
She is no thought at all.
The day he decided to bring him his siblings he actually left his marriage.
OP just doesn't seem to comprehend this because physically he is still there.
Maybe because she likes chicken
And if/when he doesn't like you, this feature will be worse/ugly again, according to him. A compliment isn't worth anything if it involves putting someone else down imo.
Your BF shouldn't be commenting on people's appearances in such a negative way, it's bad manners. This girl isn't for his viewing pleasure, she's just living her life. He shouldn't have to be told this lol, pretty immature behavior tbh. It costs nothing to be kind.
I would feel pretty uneasy about a comment like this, and I would not be ok with it. A respectful partner will build you up without having to tear anyone else down. If he only doesn't think this feature is “gross” because he likes you, that's very conditional. I'd be worried your BF would use it as a putdown if he was unhappy with you. You don't need that kind of negativity or stress.
I would talk with him and be straight up about how this is unacceptable. Sometimes people are just ignorant about how to behave properly. Teenagers are just learning how to become adults, which is ok. However, if he doesn't shape up, I would personally ship out since I'd find those flimsy compliments not something worth tolerating. Finding someone that loves all of you is so powerful and worth the vetting of poor partners.
“Attempting to help her work on herself is extremely draining, which I’ve expressed many times and it made no difference.”
You don't seem to help her at all just tell her no when she wants or asks for things. Leave this poor girl so she can be with somebody that A wants to be with her and B is willing to compromise on something.
Why did he feel the need to tell you about this now?
She’s the one that’s still uncomfortable with her past and is overcompensating. This might be time for a joint session with her therapist. She instigated a physical confrontation. That’s a nude boundary for me. I’d suggest you take this to therapy ask then for guidance here.
Also most Jewish people consider the heritage matrilineal.
That's an old school style of thought that conservative Jewish people definitely still believe but a lot of Jewish people, especially liberal congregations or atheist Jewish people, are moving away from that thinking.
Have some self-respect and get rid of her already, man!
This is a bullet dodged, OP! Be glad about it 🙂
Don't contact him, that'll give him an opening to weasel his way into your life. Let him be miserable by his lonesome. He was controlling, I doubt would like to go back to that.
Have a good life without him!
No you are not wrong to be upset.
Her actions are suspicious, and even without you finding out about her being propositioned, we’re damaging your relationship.
So tell her straight.
Tell her that you saw the messages, know that she didn’t block him until after she took the phone off you.
Tell her that those messages along with her secrecy and suspicious behaviour regarding her phone have damaged the relationship, and caused you to lose respect and trust in her.
Tell her that she has 2 options.
She wants to work together to fix the relationship. If this is the case, she hands over her phone, for you to go through, then she tells you the truth about all her secret conversations, especially the Snapchat ones. Any deflection, any lying, and half truths or trickle truthing and the relationship is over.
As part of working on the relationship, new boundaries must be put in place regarding communication channels. Remind her that it’s her actions that have damaged the relationship, so she must put in the effort to rebuild the trust and respect.
The relationship ends. She leaves straight away, to go wherever she wants, so long as it’s not there with you. You will be informing her family, your family, and all mutual friends that the relationship is over due to her infidelity.
Yeah you do sound controlling and I bet you’re part of the reason why he has these mental health issues
They pop up because YouTube knows that he's a straight, young man who likes cars, and their data (probably) shows that straight young men who like cars also like scantily-clad women. YouTube probably knows that you're a straight woman, and as such, probably aren't into scantily-clad women.
You will break up. It’s up to you, how much more disrespect you are willing endure. You can suffer more if you want. But then you have to ask, why you are ok with being treated poorly? You NOW know what she is AND she has ALWAYS been this. She is good at hiding her true self and lying.
You will break up. It’s up to you, how much more disrespect you are willing endure. You can suffer more if you want. But then you have to ask, why you are ok with being treated poorly? You NOW know what she is AND she has ALWAYS been this. She is good at hiding her true self and lying.
Your dating guru friends will probably land you with a shitty rep if you take their advice. When someone says they're not interested, they're not interested. The last thing you should do is try to pressure them into caving.
Everything is political: if you end up having ten kids because contraception and abortion is not available where you live, that's a pretty big influence on the kind of life you can lead. If you on-line in a state where books are banned at school, you might end up having to home school those kids. If half of them get cancer and die because you can't afford healthcare, that will also affect your quality of life. If you live in a European country where healthcare (including sex education contraception and abortion), and education (including special needs and further education) are completely free, you might complain about taxes but you could have the number of kids you want and not have to worry about affording basic necessities and generally live! happily sledding and watching the aurora borealis in winter and swimming in fjords in the summer.
I don't understand how most people are so worried about using or checking each other phones. Me and my husband don't check each others phones but we do use each others phones. That is trust.
He has anger issues obviously, and yes this is abusive behavior. I wouldn't stay with him unless he gets his issues under control. Let me clarify, while angry people can raise their voice and that's ok, it's not ok to get in your face and do it as it's an intimidation tactic, a form of abuse.
Lol break up with him.
You have an obvious dissonance here. You say you have emotional boundaries and arent mistreating your spouse but are doing exactly that. I think you know very well what youre doing but want validation from the internet which is why youre downplaying it and using dismissive wording. There is no “stupid secrets” in relationships. Theres you being shady and untruthful and lacking honesty. There is no secret nicknames, there is you hiding who youre talking to from others.
oof…this was not the update i was hoping for :/ unfortunately this is a common tactic, “yes let me treat you like shit and then bring you flowers like nothing happened” and then it turns into a nasty cycle.
i’m willing to bet every penny to my name that he didn’t just suddenly change over night. the behavior is not going to change. please end it
How do you find his other behavior? Does he do other abusive or controlling things? Yes what he said about the dress and your body was dumb as shit, but you are both young and his coming from a not great situation, it’s truly possible that he just hasn’t learned what real relationships are about. I’ve seen this (don’t want to specify details) but when you don’t have healthy role models for couples or relationships, you seriously may not know. Is he abusive in other ways? Or is he genuinely willing to learn what a healthy relationship is about? He’s 19 and can still grow and learn so depending on how he is otherwise, maybe he deserves a chance. And yes sometimes growth happens overnight- I remember some class or concept where it takes a “significant emotional event” to trigger change. But you’d have to keep an eye on his overall behavior and have conversations about boundaries and stuff like that. Each of you has your own boundary and you get to define that individual boundary. As a couple is another boundary that you can decide together. If he gets controlling on that one, then maybe he’s got too much to learn.
I could have written this. I am also a strong personality, independent feminist, love a good argument or debate, opinionated to a fault, the whole deal. Settled into a relationship where he had all the power—product, in hindsight, of some depression making me feel like I couldn’t do better—and ultimately did the same thing you did, improved myself in every way. He was PISSED. Turned emotionally and verbally abusive, hitting stuff frequently, gaslighting, abusing alcohol, silent treatments, the whole fun shebang. He was threatened and felt like he wasn’t doing as well in life, a common theme with a lot of men in my life, as I passed them by achieving my goals.
Trust me: he’s probably nice, he probably “took good care of you,” etc. You might feel bad. You might think he’ll change. Until he changes HIMSELF though—by setting and reaching goals for himself, not by changing how he treats you—he won’t stop mistreating you. Leave and find a man who celebrates you and your achievements and your milestones and positive changes instead. They’re harder to find, but fuck is it awesome.
Buy him flowers
Guess I missed that, my bad. And you’re right, that’s a weird way of putting things?
Now that I’m reading his comments, he seems like he’s got his mind made up anyways ?♀️
This is not a dumb reason to end friendship. You accept your friends. Being gay is part of him, and an important one. You are not the one getting married, so you don't commit any sin going to his wedding.
Sometimes, one must walk away from a bad investment, rather than waste more effort. He cheated, no matter how he rationalizes it. You can’t trust him at this wedding. If you could, you’d have no problem with him going.
If he weren’t still into her, the sexting never would have happened. You want a man who will shut that shit down, not indulge in it and rationalize it when caught. And she’s not going to stop, because he encouraged her.
You see a lifetime with him. But a lifetime with a man you can’t trust? You can do better.
You need to change job. It’s pretty obvious that your current line of work is not compatible with your psychological disposition. You take on all of the responsibility so that work failure is a personal failure. And that takes its toll since you’re in such a high stakes job. Maybe you could go into construction being a carpenter? I think it would do you good to spend your days building and creating things.
Yes you are being unreasonable.
If you are going on the trip, you pay half the gas – if you can’t afford it, then don’t go.
Things like that don’t just happen. He actively chose to make out with her, he actively decided to let her go down on him AND he actively chose to get her off as well. That’s at least three decisions he consciously made with no regards to your feelings.
If you want to stay with him, stay with him. But don‘t tell yourself that he didn’t actively choose to cheat on you because that’s sadly not true and you know it. How is he planning to get at least some of your trust back? You‘re in a long distance relationship so that makes things extra difficult.