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Birth Date: 2000-01-28
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Date: December 6, 2022
this post made me think of the quote “if you have a table of 9 innocents and they offer a seat to a nazi, you have a table of 10 nazis”. your bf might not be outwardly homophobic, but he runs in homophobic circles and allows homophobia to persist there. not even mentioning the fact that you straight up admit that he's a sexist…yikes girl.
he didn't share that humor bc he didn't want you to know the truth about his feelings and opinions on things in fear of losing the chance to be with you. I wouldn't be surprised if you one day found out he talks trash on you to these friends just to get a laugh out of them. let's be real…the problem here isn't that he's sharing jokes with his friends and not you. it's the reasons WHY he doesn't. because he knows they'll upset you, because they're jokes planted in bigotry and hatred.
you've been trying to convince yourself for years to be okay with that. why?
My god, this further proves my point, look how angry you are, even without the alcohol you’re as mean and shitty as the people who raised you.
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My husband I've always thought of as a really nice guy, a private guy but nice. Only recently I found out that he's been saying I'm his girlfriend instead of his wife and that basically nobody knows that we're married that he works with. I know that probably sounds weird but we haven't been married for that long, when I asked him about it he told me it was just because he doesn't want everybody to ask him a bunch of questions. He wants his “private life” to stay private.
To make matters 100% worse lately he's been extra private with me and somewhat secretive. He also told me that he was estranged from his family and didn't have any contact with them but I came home early from work the other day and he was on the phone with his relative and he told her that he was going out to dinner someplace with his co-worker (I had made special reservations for us that night) and that really crushed me. I confess that I overheard him talking and he told me it was his relative but I didn't tell him what I heard about the rest because I still don't know how I feel about it and I'm still processing it and I don't want to start a fight.
Idk what to do about it because I feel betrayed and pocketed in the relationship. My family, friends, co-workers, everyone I meet just about gets an earful about him and how we're married and newlyweds and I'm so excited to tell people, or at least I was. Now I don't even know what to think, and it's making me depressed. I feel concerned about other aspects of the relationship that I felt secure about before.
We had an LDR when we first got together and were nevermets but once we met we were pretty attached at the hip. We've been together a year(I know super short). But recently we have been spending less time together (not by my choice and I thought it wasn't his either but I'm no longer sure) he said he has important stuff to do and it's multiple times a week and he's been late from work. He also has lengthy “private” phone calls, and started hiding his phone when he texts. I even got up to pee the other morning and he was on the phone in the bathroom. I haven't spied on him or anything and tbh I'm not sure I'm ready for the truth yet in my current mental state.
But he's been extra nice to me because he knows something is off with me and he can tell my mood is swinging pretty low. He keeps asking if he did something wrong but I still don't know how to approach the conversation with him, in the past he has deflected, and accused me of not trusting or believing him and that I was hurting his feeling. I really love him and I thought we had a good relationship idk what happened or why things are going this way but I do know I don't like it and feel very hurt over everything. I am willing to give him a chance to explain because I care but on the other side I worry I'm being used now because this has really altered my veiw of him.ppl
I need advice on how to approach him with my concerns about him pocketing me and his odd behavior without accusing him or blaming him. He could have a legitimate reason to be acting like that and if I show total mistrust it could damage our relationship. I know my lack of communication isn't starting things off good but I'm stumped and wasn't prepared for this. If there is anything I can do to make that conversation easier or just less reactive I want to. I don't want him to feel like I've decide I know why or that I'm okay with it either. I just want to say how I'm feeling and not intentionally or accidentally make it volatile or petty.
If anyone has been there I'd love advice on what to do or not to do for that conversation. I just want to do his right.
EDIT: did a lot of digging and no longer think its a person but something else he's trying to hide. When we first got together he hid some of his habits from me because he thought I'd leave him and I found out, waited for him to tell me on his own for 4 weeks, then eventually brought it up and he confessd. Whatever it is he doesn't me to find out but I've checked up amd down and can't find anyone else not even something small. Im gonna ask him flat out why he's being secretive but I really more concerned now than before, if it's ot a someone then wh I knows what it could be.