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Hemopoietic_Candy, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 26, 2022
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Its completely up to you when to end a relationship. Its a personal thing, there isn't a set of societal rules that tell you when to end one or not. But if you want to stay with him there is the possibility of talking to him about how you feel (not over text) and seeing how he reacts and if he apologizes or changes
That's so fucking weird. Lmao. Weird that your husband was somewhat defensive. It's one instance that you've described in this thread, so none of us have more context (unless you've provided some in comments I haven't read), but I have never personally witnessed or been part of something like that that WASN'T intended to be sexy.
Please get out of this situation as soon as humanly possible. I mean that with everything I have. I had a friend like this and when I say that some of the things I’ve experienced with him are truly terrifying, I mean it. I’m talking down to the point of fearing for mine and my children’s lives. He was told as a child that he was a sociopath and even takes some antipsychotic medication. If someone is flat out telling you these things, just do yourself a favor and opt out of figuring it out for yourself. The mind games that they’ll try to play are just sick. You never know and sometimes it’s best to keep it that way by keeping your distance.
A bit harshly worded, I am not pretending to do/be anything. Yes of course I ask them to go out, and in the early stages they agree to it and we have a good time. They even ask me to go out and do things with them. They seem genuinely into me, but eventually they stop responding to text as fast, they start becoming too busy to go out. It just cuts off.
Very not likely. If he's not on the birth certificate it's going to take some time for court to prove he is the father and legally go after him. By that time he will be of age and no support needed.
You are young, you don't know yet how to detect red flags that i'm pretty sure you missed all this time. You finally caught a lie, forget about her and get more experience so next time you choose better your partner.
Honestly I have no advice I'm just gonna grab some popcorn and read the comments. Best wishes! RemindMe! 1 week
I had an Indian roommate and their parents force them into arrange marriages. It’s really normal there.
Sounds like her coworker is insecure and unsatisfied w/ her own cosmetic surgeries so she has to tell others to get them and put their appearances down to feel better about herself.
Getting a compliment from a stranger compared to someone that’s “supposed to” give you compliments is just different. It feels different.
Plus, guys in general barely ever get compliments. I’m 36 and I can probably count the number of compliments I’ve gotten from strangers on one hand.
Do t give her a penny until you see evidence she’s pregnant and that the baby is yours.
Seen 7 of my ex's (at different times) come into a bar all in one night- didn't talk to a single one of them, and I'm pretty sure I took another girl home. You're kind of right, just do the head nod and move on.
how can you call her your girlfriend if you havent even met her? It is a real question, not making fun of you. Im older than you but not that old, I just cant understand
He thought paying for the vacation meant he could treat you like a sex doll. You're not defective. He was disrespectful and manipulative.
The Australian government statistics are correct. Within the whole population, that is the likelihood of contracting chlamydia.
Of coarse, I nor you know anything about his GF or OP. We can only make general conclusions. The odds are what they are, all be it for all those with chlamydia and not an individual because each person has different physical attributes/conditions. But that's all we have to go with. I have read from source after source however that states if you have sex with a person who has chlamydia your likelihood of contracting it is very high. Especially the more you have sex. Fact is Chlamydia is on the rise, as are all std's. Even with some people having an immune response, more and more people are getting it. The bacteria is also showing early signs of antibiotic immunity. The original question was, did my GF cheat. Odds say she more than likely did. But now we fall back to the individual case. Perhaps there is a medical explanation for her suddenly having chlamydia and him not. But we don't have her/his specific medical info. Therefore we must use the more general odds to base our conclussions.
Cool. I'm an active, loving father, and so many of them don't show up. I love my son, love him so much, he's the best thing that ever happened to me. Shit on my relationship, sure, but don't be stupid and try to make up shit on how I treat my son.
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and what 2 lessons did we learn? don't shit where you eat and don't fall for someone in a relationship
Why should he need a head's up for something that should have also been a nice surprise for the husband, too? Their family no longer has to worry about unreliable beater she's driving breaking down, or about her getting hurt because it junks out at a bad moment. That should be equally a relief for the husband as the wife.
The dynamic should be the other way around – he should be working hard to impress you and make you happy. And you shouldn’t be afraid to remind him of that. Straight up tell him that he can’t talk to you that way, and your mother should be backing you up.
Nope. Just nope. No is a full sentence. And its one he is willfully ignoring. That isn't inexperienced. That's him not respecting your body, your consent or your boundaries. He will hurt you worse if you have sex and say “I was just too excited”. I would nope out of this so quick. You deserve better Op.
I agree the context matters and I think I’m the problem here
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Real talk: she has probably had thoughts come up over and over about your betrayal and leaving you. But she is dealing with it and hasn’t, because she made a commitment and continues to choose you. Either give her the same respect, push past the thoughts of your old friends, and continue to choose her or let her go. You don’t get both.
NAD or mental health professional but I think you both need counselling seperately and then maybe together. This relationship sounds extremely co-dependent and you are enabling her mental issues.
She will never get better if you don't set firm boundaries and deadlines which involve her getting a job and being a productive member of society.
Please read into codependency, enabling and mental health issues. While the term originally applied to alcoholism and drug addiction it now also applied to partners of people with mental health issues who enable negative behaviours.
While you may still be happy now how will you feel in another 5 years time? Another 10? You are starting to feel some resentment or you wouldn't have made this post asking for advice. Therapy is key to you being able to set boundaries and help your partner.
?Run! Run! Run! ?And never look back. If you’re doubting the decision it’s because you have Stockholm Syndrome. She should feel guilt, shame and anxiety over the way she’s treated you for 16 years. She is abusive. Once you are free and find a health relationship you are going to see how f*cked up she is and how wrong you were to stay as long as you did. You are definitely doing the right thing by leaving. I can’t believe you stayed this long. It’s time for you to live, stop being manipulated and taken for granted, and focus on your own mental health and your own happiness. You’ve got this!
Part of therapy is writing things down
You need some serious help! and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
You’ve been conditioned to think that this is love and that this behaviour is normal.
It’s Not!
You my friend are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out NOW. This will only ever get worse.
Maybe take the money for the laptop and invest it into some therapy
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable. Either you or her will get tired of not being able to enjoy sex. Either do some research to try an figure it out or move on to someone more suited to you.
Has she heard of India, or Brazil or any impoverished country in the world. She's not al there man.
Is he taking a new medication? Struggling with his mental health? Have you tried to talk to him about it in a curious way that is at a time you haven't been arguing?
Tell her no. She can’t force you (else it’s rape)
Maybe I am ridiculous. I definitely feel that way.
If my partner called to tell me someone in his family died, I'd only hang up the phone long enough to grab my keys and drive to them so I could be there in person. Your partner is an asshat.
My condolences about your father.
Making rules that your partner has to follow is not normal
I mean, if the 12 year age gap didn’t indicate him as a predator, then this certainly does. It’s a good thing you’re not married! If you’re concerned about custody, gather as much evidence against him as possible.
I wouldn’t tell him.
Yes, related to COVID but also related to Biden's student loan forgiveness program.
Get the video , report it to the police, he needs to be arrested and so do his friends. Make sure he has nothing on you, I feel he has hidden video of you as well. Let everyone he has slept with know.
Well I personally think that “since you did a sexual act with one of your exes, you must do it with every partner forever going forward” is a weird take but to each their own.
I'm laughing crying ?
Sounds like he was with you bc he thought, with his weight, he could not do better. He got skinnier, so he went instantly to find other women – something he ALWAYS wanted to do, but was too self-conscious to do. So it's not that he went from a committed 6-year relationship to duping you and sleeping around – he always wanted this, but he stuck around bc he throught he could not do better. Now he thinks he can, that he is out of your league and can get the babes that used to be out of his league – the thing he wanted all along.
But he wants you as a backup plan anyway, just in case. He wants you on the hook.
The man is trash. I'm so sorry! You did not deserve this. Block him on everything, do not see him again. He is not worth it.
If she loves and values YOU then no, it's not over.
If she is unable to separate having a happy, loving, and fulfilled life with you, children or not — you deserve better.
Sorry that you're going through this.
Along with like 90% of the post on here
He texted that he does so much for me
Yeah, like insisting on a dinner date and making her drive when she's worked a 24-hour shift with no sleep. Sounds like luv to me!
OP: This relationship has run its course. Anyone who would ask you to do what I just typed above without realizing that you could die behind the wheel is utterly selfish and does not have proper respect for you. His hissy fit is more proof of that. Tell him that the relationship doesn't work for you anymore and you're done. Then move on to someone else OR take a break for a while and focus on yourself and self-care!
You do know.
You want to feel loved. You want to enjoy a relationship and support. You enjoy sex.
You wish it could be her.
Yeah I would’ve told her to get back with my car or I’m calling the cops for theft???? She sounds not healthy to be in a relationship rn
As a former college professor, let me tell you:
You will 100% get over it. Don’t change your whole life for some dude you likely will barely remember when you’re 30.
I’ve seen so, so many promising students mess their WHOLE LIFE UP trying to maintain a high school relationship in college.
Go to college. Make good grades. Party some. Meet some nice boys. Learn who are.
Yeah I feel like drunk drivers don’t just jump straight into drunk driving, chances are there’s more issues with alcohol, there. Like, partying with a crowd that doesn’t have ANY plan for a designated driver or cabs? Speaks to either fully intending to drink much less, and failing, but sticking to the original plan to drive home, anyway. Or just being an absolute dumbass who thinks it’s wise and appropriate to arrive to a boozer of a party intending to get liquored up in your own vehicle and intending to drive it home all along.
I'm a guy like your husband. What happened is that I grew up in a broken home with absent parents, both emotionally and physically. So that sense of what it's like to be loved and cared for never developed, along with never learning morality and empathy. As a child I was so desperate for attention that I would literally do anything anyone wanted me to just because they wanted me to do it. Because by wanting me to do something it meant that they wanted me. I'm talking about things like lying cheating, stealing, acting out in class, skipping school, doing drugs, running in gangs. I eventually shaped up, but that because what I was doing wasn't working for me. I was living a hard life. People only take, they never give. Love, empathy, compassion, those things are weaknesses that people will take advantage of. It really starts to crystalize into a what works vs what doesn't work formula, and once it crystalizes it's very difficult to change.
To spare you the details and for brevity of the story I'm going to skip to the aha moment. I had just been completely destroyed by the love of my life, she went scorched earth on me and said everything you just said except at 11 intensity. To prove her wrong i got a job that I felt like I was under qualified for. Except I wasn't under qualified, I flew up the corporate ladder and was finally around people like myself, morally flexible, shape shifting, dark eye corporate sociopaths. That's when it clicked for me, rather forcefully, I'm not a dark eyed corporate sociopath, I'm not a good boyfriend, bad boyfriend, or anything in between. I'm a nothing, a complete lack of self. A ball of play-doh as you put it.
I was living my life through the perceptions and experiences of the people around me. How they saw me, how they perceived me, what they thought about me. Me. Me. Me. I think the term for that behavior is collapsed narcissism. I took therapy very seriously and want be better. Through a few years of dialectical therapy I developed a sense of who I wanted to be and the type of people I want in my life. It wasn't easy, it was hot, and it took pretty close to six years before I started seeing results. I'm not a very good person, but I see my flaws, and I accept myself. The one simple clickbait rule I follow is “be genuine”. It helps me to stop going with the flow and getting stuck with people simply because thet have use for me, but will forever be dissatisfied. Because it's not enough to just pretend to be yourself, you have to actually be your self.
I hope that story helps you understand a bit of what may be going on in the background of your husband and people like him. Childlike adults with impossibly frail egos and wierd behavioral problems. You have to go back to where they stopped development and correct the issue.
Dude, it’s over. The talk was her letting you down gently. A lot of people get the “It’s not you, it’s me” talk, you are getting the “It’s not you, it’s the medication.”
She stays hours on end at this guys house, even overnight, and you are “scared of inserting drama”? She obviously isn’t. If they aren’t fucking already they probably will be very soon.
You’ve been together since she was barely an adult, people change over that time even without medication and mental health issues.
It’s time to move on. If you really care about her you would let her go. It’s time to talk openly.
She’s cheating.
She will never admit it.
First, focus on accepting to this reality. This will take time. Once you have accepted this reality, just let go.
You tell her that she can do whatever she wants you don’t care, because it’s over.
You don’t want anything to do with someone who has no morals or respect for themselves.
What a good guy. You did pretty much nothing and want to be praised and her to get over it. You suck dude.
Thanks for all the help lmao
My advice – he's already an ex and you know what your getting into.
If you want to keep the pregnancy – keep it. Your the one who would have to wake up every morning knowing you terminated when you really didn't want to.
But don't expect him to communicate or make this easy. Don't except him to be in the child's life. Be prepared for this to be 100% on you.
I'm terribly sorry this happened to you as well.. the stigma around male rape/ sa is absolutely awful & you did not deserve this & I'm sorry the people close to you acted that way, it's all too common for survivors, im afraid.
Thank you for sharing your experience, even if it was so awful
Thank you x
can you go to small claims court for less than 100?
Yes. And it is exactly that civil legal venue that the police don't want to fuck around with.
Give him an ultimatum, either he learns to be nice to people and speak to you with respect, or he can die alone and miserable. He’s a grown man, it’s his choice.
Your mom may be a saint in your eyes but you me it sounds like she let him walk all over the both of you your whole life, and that’s not something you want to emulate. Grow the backbone that she never did and take charge of your life.
He is allowed to do such a thing but if he does I would require him to provide formal tenant agreement.
I don’t think it is unreasonable for him to ask for rent while you on-line there regardless if you are dating or not but you need protections too if you are going to.
I’m not sure I understand what you mean?
Yeah I agree. I think a different gym would be better for me anyways.
Preach. It’s ok to want sex. What’s not ok is manipulation
Nope. If anything, the dude is oblivious to how you would respond to that not to mention how bizarre and creepy it is. If there's a silver lining, maybe he thinks there's no reason for you to be jealous because he sees you as on par with those women. That doesn't justify the action but could explain how forthcoming he is with it.