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Date: October 31, 2022
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He’s probably annoyed by your crying bc it can feel as if your tears are being weaponized. Like imagine someone hurting your feelings, then when you tell them how they’ve hurt you, they cry. Now you start to feel bad & want to console them. Then your feelings are being pushed to the side in order to tend to the needs of the person who hurt you. While that may not be your intention, it can come off as manipulative or even just insensitive.
This is a lot of cool random speculation but I was asking op a specific question about his specific situation. You don't have his answer only he does.
Can you give an example of him defying expectations? People are all unique so it’s hot to completely predict what someone will do, so it makes sense.
The best way to think about this situation is considering perspective here. What you and him take away from this relationship are different things and so you shouldn’t measure him up to you side by side.
It’s become clear here that he values you for the sake of a romantic outlet. He wants to channel these feelings somewhere and be reciprocated, but nothing more passed that even though the words he says demands progression. You want a partner as most do when they commit their emotions to a relationship, so it’ll never be equal/work.
So your value for each other is different. You convince yourself he cares about you romantically, but it isn’t the same way you care about him.
He values his own feelings over your own, he is the one who is selfish not you. He wants his cake and to eat it too. You don’t owe him that, if he wants you he would’ve proved it with commitment. People like him are chasing a feeling, not the person. Never mix that up.
Be careful moving forward though, as I said earlier their feelings of emptiness after break up usually leads to wanting to rekindle things. If he shows no real improvements or true commitment toward you then it’s just a ruse to extend your patience for him. Tread carefully to not waste your time further.
You did nothing wrong in getting the abortion. If he's going to think less of you for it, he's not compatible with you. And he's also an asshole.
I have nothing constructive to add to the conversation because a) I am the product of my mother’s adultery and b) I was a victim of my ex’s adultery. I would advocate for extreme measures to punish and humiliate my mother. Merry Christmas Everyone! /s
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She doesn’t give you respect because she doesn’t have to. She’s been contributing nothing for years. She likes her position of being queen bee and having everything done for her. And she’s not going to give it up.
What made you think she was going to be your first girlfriend? Subsequently, why do you believe it was your looks that were the problem? Did she tell you that?
Separately, do you generally pursue women you're attracted to or do you ask out literally any woman?
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While my wife and I were in town visiting my parents, I woke up to a wrapped gift on my car’s hood with a note that said:
“To (my name): I had a great time with you 🙂 ❤️ I can’t wait to see you again. Don’t tell your wife 🙂 Love: ❤️”
During the trip, my wife has been by my side the whole time and she trusts me so she knew it was just an attempt to make me look like I cheated. The only women I knew that would know where the house is, what I drive, and that I was in town was my best friend’s fiancée.
Immediately we both suspected her because in the past, she has acted weird around my wife and I.
She had visited my work unsolicited and left a note with some doughnuts thanking me for fixing her car. At first it seemed normal, since sometimes customers do that too but I felt uncomfortable and told my friend about it. He immediately got defensive and mad at me for finding it weird despite him not even knowing she did that.
I also mentioned to my friend how I found it weird that she would spend time with and talk about my other friend (25m) more than she does with him! He also got defensive.
Another weird thing is that when we all met up for dinner after my wedding, my friend wanted to tell the story about how he found his engagement ring for her, but she interrupted him and changed the subject. I could tell he felt bad and I feel bad for not calling her out.
The weirdest thing, however, is how she (my friends fiancée) sent me a 500+ word long message on messenger accusing me of bullying, not spending enough time with my friends, not being a good friend to her (I didn’t want to), and how she wants to be better friends with me. She ended the messaging saying we need to meet up and talk and gave me her number. I immediately blocked her and showed my wife.
Since then, whenever we would all meet up, she would glare at my wife and be generally shady towards us. I didn’t catch on to what she was doing but my wife did and tried to tell me. I feel bad for not seeing it.
Fast forward to 2 days before the package was left on my car.
My friend wanted me and my other friend to meet up for dinner and specified that it was supposed to be a “guys only” meet. I said I wanted to bring my wife because we do everything together and I don’t see why she couldn’t come. He tried to convince me to come alone but I brought mg wife anyway.
While we were eating dinner, my friend was unexpectedly quiet and distant. He then randomly got up and left saying he “got a text from his dad”. That was the last time I talked to him. My other friend and my wife all had a great night after that.
The day I found the package, I was floored when I read the note. I was so mad I was shaking. Who would try to ruin my marriage?! To make me look like a cheater?! My wife was just as mad and we immediately suspected my friends fiancée.
We called the police and they also took it very seriously. Not only did this person trespass, but was harassing us and tried to cause relationship damage.
We found security footage and her car was seen driving down the alley towards my parents place. We told the cops that we had footage and they called her and told her that we know everything.
Apparently she broke down and cried to the officer, pleading and begging about how it was just a joke and it wasn’t serious. The cop told her that we didn’t take it as a joke and have evidence towards criminal harassment.
Since then, my best friend has ghosted everyone in the friend group, including my other friend who he is very close too. I feel like he must’ve been involved since he wanted me to come alone the night we met up and the fact that he ghosted everyone else is suspicious.
How should I go about dealing with this? I don’t feel safe knowing someone is out to get us. I feel enraged. Should I press charges if I can? Should I contact his parents too? Her parents? They are supposed to get married soon and it seems like he chose her over all of his friends despite knowing this has happened.
TLDR; my best friend’s fiancée tried to make me look like a cheater to break my marriage up, but ended up ruining a friendship and possibly getting criminal charges.
Edit: Just got off the phone with my other friend. The (ex) friend in question told him it was supposed to be a joke and tried apologizing through him. Apparently, he was just as involved.
You made the choice to forgive him and stay. You can't do that and then still bring it up. If you couldn't get over it then it's your responsibility to say that, and leave. Either stay and put it behind you, or let him know it was too much and you need out. But regardless of whether what he said was right or wrong, when you made up you told him basically “everything is ok” and it's not fair in that instance to bring it back up. Lets say you borrowed my car, the only thing I have of my deceased mother so there's emotional attachment present, and scratched it. I forgive you, but still bring it up all the time when you thought it was over and done with, forgiven, we made up etc etc etc. You get what I'm trying to say? You don't have to be ok with it, but don't fake it, because yes even he deserves to either be forgiven or let go, not emotionally toyed with whenever you think of what he said. Good luck.
Just stop texting him, he’s not interested in you. He already told you he is dealing with a breakup. Respect his space.
Guys don’t date as frequently as girls do.
If a girl is even moderately pretty she can be busy every night of the week. Guys, not so much.
Here’s the best way to think about it: she had fun with you and you with her. That’s great. And that’s enough.
It doesn’t have to go any further than that.
I mean it’s very possible she went out the next night and met the love of her life.
Or maybe she just didn’t feel it like you did.
Or maybe you tried a little too hot and she got the ick.
It doesn’t matter now. It’s done. Just hit the gym and get back on the horse next week.
Don’t give her an ultimatum. That would give her time to do damage control and convince him you are lying before you even get to him. Talk to him privately, preferably away from home.