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Date: April 3, 2023
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I saw someone post this the other day and it really stuck with me:
“I have never regretted trusting my gut, but I almost always end up regretting when I don’t.”
? I'm sorry I just need to mark this thread for later use.
Mine might be tmi so I'm gonna make this a spoiler
I hope still dripping thinking about your husband making love to you ?? !
52k isn’t enough income for a family with a child to have you be stay at home, nor is it a smart thing to do. He needs a reality check.
You're not her boyfriend, you're her ATM. If you're serious about wanting a partner and a family, you need to cut your losses and move on.
It actually is constructive
I’ve been in a situation where my boyfriend started ONLY wanting to spend time with me if we had a group of friends. I mentioned wanting to spend time with just him, alone. We broke up. Sometimes it’s better to be straight forward with your wants or needs and get the bad news than it is to skirt around and prolong what might be the inevitable.
“I’d really like to spend some time with you a little earlier in the day. Maybe we could make time for dinner or a movie a little earlier than 9pm.”
After two dates that text message was a big warning. Then after saying he's not going to introduce just anyone to his daughter just randomly bringing her along on an errand you both had planned is not cool. THEN demanding you go to his place leaving yourself no means of escape. Third strike.
You haven't stated your reasons why you want to break up with him.
Men are so annoying sometimes and their brain is totally in their dick
I do respect her wishes from me, the part I struggle to understand is how somebody could even be in the same room as someone who has literally trafficked them and caused trauma for their entire life being violated like that.
And makes me scared as to having kids; he lives hours away but if someone pops the question of him coming and she just wants to “keep the peace” I refuse to let that man near my child especially with how you can just see how he looks at children, it sickens me and scares me because my partner is a beautiful person, will be an amazing mother but that is a definite deal breaker
I will, I've just been thinking about this for too long. Needed someone to tell me so I'd come to my senses.
No matter what you decide to do I’d recommend that you also get therapy and a good book on boundaries. He’s working on himself, well it’s time for you to hit the pause button and work on you. Be clear that you don’t have to make a decision right now. This isn’t something you want to decide quickly. Right now your still in a state of shock and hurt. You need time to heal, recover and work on you and where you want to be and what you want your life to look like in the future.
I wish you well just please remember to be kind to yourself and put yourself first.
You’re right. Quitting your job would be absolutely stupid. You need to be able to support yourself and any children you have if something happens to your husband.
Take the legal route, there is no point in trying to be nice. Get as much documentation as you can about their behaviour and lies. If it's legal record conversations with them.
Sounds like a trauma response
Same but luckily they are decent people just a very different culture and they on-line far away and we don't visit often. But if they lived closer or visited more, it would very quickly become an issue. I'm not about that deferring to the elders thing.
Yeah…shower next time you want him to go down on you
Some people are truly capable of getting past it. I don't understand it, and it takes so much work that to me you might as well invest the time in someone who hasn't betrayed you. But if OP wants to fix it, at least the issues are laid out in my comment.
You really think a sister would invite her brother over to swing with someone she has had sex with though? I can’t see it
Are you currently in therapy for this? On meds?
I can appreciate the anxiety component. Thing is, you really can’t go through life using that as an excuse to not be around anyone unless you intend to be single and never do anything. It’s not fair to your BF.
Do you have any mitigation strategies for your anxiety when you are starting to feel ramped up or in the verge of a panic attack? Like square breathing for example?
I think if I were in your shoes, I’d tell boyfriend that you’ll prepare some snacks, say hello, then plan to go hang with your own friend or get a hotel room or retire to your room if you really can’t make it through a game.
And FWIW, I think most people feel a little nervous when meeting a friend group or colleague group like this. Not to the point of a panic attack of course but still…maybe some upset stomach and worries about making an impression.
Just remember that these people are long time friends and ostensibly are nice people or your boyfriend wouldn’t be friends with them! They’re not coming by to grill you or put you on the spot. They just want to hang out.
I married a “you shouldn’t be having fun if I am not there” person and it was fucking awful. Don’t move this forward.
It’s definitely not extreme. In fact, this is often recommended before the problem is allowed to fester for a while and get out of hand.
This is what it’s seeming like.
He likes things how they are. He wants you to keep giving and compromising while he gives you empty promises. Buy your own small place that suits you. Get started living and stop waiting on others. I speak from experience as someone whose spouse frequently makes them wait around until things are perfect for them without regard to myself. I don’t ask any more. I just do what i need or want.
I'd at least start formulating an exit plan to beprepared . I'd also consider hiding a few cameras around the house.
After you’re done wondering that, maybe ponder why the stereotypes exist in the first place.
The disrespect….I could never, ever look at him again. I'm so angry for you
It kind of is worse in a way. He read it because… what? he wanted to? What he discovered doesn't warrant him reading it.
You didn't dance with those other women to be funny. You did it to get back at her for not wanting to dance with you. You could have talked to her and asked her why she was upset. But you chose to make her even more upset, in front of her friends no less.
You sound immature and like you love the drama like a high schooler.
Next time she approaches you just tell her you’re busy and don’t have time to talk and that you’re sure she must have some work to do as well.
Then stop chatting to her. Walk away. You’re probably the laughing stock at work. Bored workers love a bit of drama and a woman young enough to be your daughter chasing you and you lapping it up like you are would be highly entertaining.
Start acting professionally before your bosses get to hear an exaggerated version that involves you spending all day flirting and doing no work.
Good luck OP!
Hey honey sometimes rubbing is strength!! I believe in you. I stayed with an abusive cheater for 11 years. Brought kids into the world. I thought I loved him so much and if I was just a better wife he would stop cheating and love me the way I did him. That never happened. He just hurt me worse. And then I realized it was me hurting me. I was allowing it to keep happening month after month, year after year. I got a divorce! I'm free. I haven't been this happy in sooo long. I do what I please. I'm starting to really like myself and I enjoy my OWN company. I sleep alone at night comfortable not worried about a man's mood or opinion of me. I know you feel terrible right now. Please believe me that I absolutely know that abusive cheating partners get worse. They never get better or learn to treat you well. I'm so proud of you for going to therapy. Stay in it. Some low income health insurance will pay for 25 sessions a year. In 6 months you'll already feel so much happier away from this guy. Block him everywhere stay safe please. We care about you. Update us later. DM me if you need someone to talk to
You either look at fixing it or move on. Is your body telling you that you aren’t happy with your partner? Or that you’ve taken too much on? It concerns me that you wouldn’t miss it, it makes me question the quality of the sex you’ve been having. You have to disentangle. Take some time and try and figure it out. Do an honest assessment of your relationship. But if there’s something wrong in the bedroom, you have to ask why.
You either look at fixing it or move on. Is your body telling you that you aren’t happy with your partner? Or that you’ve taken too much on? It concerns me that you wouldn’t miss it, it makes me question the quality of the sex you’ve been having. You have to disentangle. Take some time and try and figure it out. Do an honest assessment of your relationship. But if there’s something wrong in the bedroom, you have to ask why.
i second this