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Date: October 4, 2022
Well, I still recommend marriage counseling anyway because your wife seems to have boundary issues and is easily swayed by manipulative people. A good therapist will help her see where the red flags were with this couple. Your wife said it was pleasurable, so I am guessing she remembers more than she is letting on. I also think she knew the intention of this woman. She needs to learn who is toxic to be around and should be avoided at all costs. Also, people who aren't friends of the marriage need to be cut off. She still needs to go NC and block and delete her number. I would check to make sure they aren't communicating. I would let her know a boundary of yours is no contact, and if they reach out in any way, she is to tell you immediately. Good luck.
Control yourself and leave that married man alone. If the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn't want that to be you.
The baby is 3 weeks old. That tells me that OP's wife is still going through hormonal changes and therefore mood swings. She's probably highly emotional and reacts before she thinks. Hormonal changes affect your view on reality. I'm not saying she's to be excused for her behaviour but it certainly plays a part. Honestly, the fact that she wants to talk about this with OP through a therapist is not a bad idea. Both need to take a step back and reflect before more damaged is done.
you may be right but so far I haven't read anything about couples setting each other's cars on fire, trashing eachothers property over stupid jealousy issues and I haven't read anyone faking Tourettes though I imagine the bullshit DID claims on Tik Tok have come over here. I haven't seen any dumb relationship tests on here yet either, if you had to save me or our child who would you save? ugh, Tik Tok is awful.
You've got to stop letting her live rent-free in your head. It's been 5 months. You need to move on. Once you do that, her attempts to poke and prod you into a reaction will fail completely.
Thank you, i agree with everything you said here, if he isnt gonna communicate or show any progression to get past this then their is no future
Thank you. This was worded in a much more polite way than what I was about to say.
No chance.
Well… there's probably a small chance but you'll definitely break up eventually because of whatever reason (the REAL reason) she doesn't want to date you right now.
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Yeah…like an engagement ring…
I hate to break it to you, but your partner can dump you literally any time that they want. For any reason. The end.
You might just be a little less straight than you thought you were? It can mean something or nothing. This doesn’t have to be life changing for you. You seem attracted to this guy, so could you see yourself doing anything with him – like kissing? Would you make an exception for him? If so, maybe you’re bi.
Your identity and the way you see yourself doesn’t need to change just because of this. You’re still you. I know some people tend to freak out when they realize sexuality isn’t as cut and dry as they previously believed, so this over-assurance is coming from that.
Can’t play “what if, what if , what if”. He married her. I understand how naked this is but he married her. He had kids w her. Made a life w her. All she listed he did w her. He hasn’t cheated that anyone knows of so he’s been loyal to her. Even in her comments she said he fears she will leave him and he panics so it’s clear that he truly loves HER.
Yeah it was dumb. He made a stupid decision when he messaged the “friend”. No one is disputing that. But you can’t play what if because it gets nowhere. Because if you keep on w the what if’s you have to say “what if she asked another man to go out”? What if she did this or did that ?
All there is are the facts. He asked her out she said no. He asked his wife out and she said yes, he asked her to marry him and she said yes.
How many people do we ask out or go out with before we find “the one”? Many. I guarantee if anyone asks him if he’s glad he chose his wife he’ll say yes. No matter who he asked out he’s in love w his wife. He has a family w his wife.
The only difference in other people asking out multiple people before they marry is this guy did so “one last time” the day before. As I said weddings can make people do dumb stuff because we get cold feet. He knows what he did was stupid. There’s no doubt. I think he’s paid for this stupidity for a year now w no end in sight.
However OP has to make a decision because it’s been a year and she has no relationship w him right now other than roommates and parents. This is more harmful to the marriage than a message to the other girl. That was stupid and last minute whereas this limbo is deliberate and long and the more it goes on the worse it’ll get.
She needs to make a decision to stay and make it work or to leave and release them both from this year long hell. It just is not good.
Everyone is too quick to tell her to leave. My advice is to try and save this marriage. We know she still loves him and we know he still loves her otherwise she’d have said so by now.
But playing the “what if” game just keeps her mind turning and prevents her from making a decision that will forever affect their lives.
Check bank account and credit cards to see what kinds of charges or cash withdrawals he's made. I'm guessing, but he's probably cheating especially with the viagra and it's probably with escorts. You could also keep the pills and penis rings and do not tell him that you have them and hide them (really good), until you have more proof. The viagra and penis rings will come in handy when you are ready to confront him especially when the next time you have sex ,toss him the viagra and rings and tell him to jack off on his way out of the house.
I see… Thank you!
Stay away from her she’s lying and about more than one thing. Block her and be done
Yeah I can see why you wouldn't want to disclose that. Makes the whole female discrimination/feminist parts read like a bad joke. People on Reddit hate age gaps, too, which is probably why you got downvoted.
But yeah, if it IS true, best of luck. Unfortunately, I can't be too much help. I have no experience with that dynamic, though I am curious. Hope it all works out for you.
No one should comment. If you were eating a gallon of ice cream or an entire 9 inch birthday cake on your own, I could see someone commenting. If you are not bingeing it should not be mentioned. I would consider this controlling behavior. It isn't helping you, and before I let him “finish” it, I would finish it or save it for later. If someone did have a problem with portion control this behavior could drive them into sneaking food. It isn't healthy.
It’s good that she showed her true colors before you were more invested in the relationship than you already are. She is irrationally jealous and would have accused you of cheating when you weren’t. It’s sad because you thought she was The One, but she’s not. Don’t try to get her back or take her back if she tries to come back. This kind if jealousy doesn’t go away.
Why is she your GF? What do you get out of the relationship? It seems one way – not in your favor. I would re-evalulate the relationship
Instead of using your money to visit her, can you pay for her to come visit you? I understand she is working but could she ask for a week or two off?
Just FYI, it's so much better to do it as immediately as possible. Every day that passes, you'll both get more attached to it. Best to take care of it sooner rather than later.
As someone with a vagina, I don’t think she’s even a liar. You can like multiple things at the same time (especially when it comes to sexual stuff), it’s crazy you’re so insecure you had to test if she could actually be attracted to you. Which obviously if she was dating you she was, women rarely date men they’re not attracted to, but in those cases they have a good personality which it appears you don’t.
What was the punchline to that “joke”?
There is nothing coy or naked to get about “I don't want to have sex right now.” There is a huge, massive, throbbing and pulsating difference between a subtle, seductive brush of the collar bone with a follow up “you sure?”, and just… whipping out your engorged pork sword and slapping it on your gf's back during a massage because “she was showing signs” of wanting it. (No…no, she wasn't) That's fucking gross. Like.. how do you even draw a comparison there wtf? Just because that approach might work on you doesn't mean it works “all the time”. In fact this post is pretty hard (hehe) objective evidence that it does not in fact work all the time. It works some of the time, for some people, not for everyone, and obviously not for OP.
ALSO: This isn't the first time they've even had this conversation, so this is a repeated pattern of OP's bf ignoring her “No” answers and making his gf, whom he presumably cares about, feel uncomfortable.
He is repeatedly ignoring her needs, disrespecting her boundaries, and seemingly uncaring about how it makes her feel, just because he apparently also has the sex drive of a hormonal, idiot 19 year old boy.
Grow up.
Always? Has there been any time when they’ve started to perhaps question his story or show support towards you and he’s sabotaged the sessions somehow or found an excuse to stop pursuing that particular therapy?
Who picks the therapists?
Are you sure these people are properly educated and qualified? The reason I asked is that you describe a particular situation with a psychiatrist who, after having their first session with him spend your first session having already drawn some conclusions and advocating for him and the marriage. That’s not proper couples counseling and certainly not with a psychiatrist.
Op. People are giving you options and you're just making excuses.
Wow! His first priority should be paying you back! I hope he does, but I’d not keep reaching out to him. I’m not sure what advice to give other than that. Let him come to you. Then if I’d gently remind him he needs to start paying you back!
Did you mean to introduce her to your family? Have you been dating seriously with labels or is it casual? If you’re on her social media she should’ve told you or did she assume you already knew. Is she as serious about you as you are about her or do you think she was using you for free meals?
At only a month in you’re just barely getting to know each other, I don’t have experience dating as a mother, but I do understand it not being advertised if you met on an app. I wouldn’t introduce anyone to my kid before getting to really know them, but it’s also not something to hide entirely.
I don’t have an issue with an age gap as long as they’re both adults.
That said, him being recently out of a relationship and from the sounds of it somewhat new to AA and sobriety puts him in an extremely vulnerable spot in his life, and it sounds like your mom knows she’s taking advantage of that.
Unfortunately I don’t think you can really do anything here, just let it run it’s course.
Block. Do not read his texts. Do not engage. Tell any friends that you might share with him that you have gone no contact with him and do not want any info about him. Do not feel any guilt!
Well, you've tried to communicate your issues and together tried to find the solution. I don't know if it's just the way you write, but it seems like you're the one doing all the effort here, while she is content to let things stay the way they are until “they become a problem again.”
That tells me they aren't willing to work on themselves to solve this issue, or it's just not important enough for them. And you just know the resentment will start to build, no matter how much you don't want it to. Sexual frustration has this way of poisoning your other thoughts, especially when your partner seemingly isn't receptive to any kind of change to make things better between you two.
Come on, man. You know what you need to do. Can you see yourself living this way, frustrated, for the next 10/20/30/40 years? It's perfectly acceptable to split over sexual incompatibility, especially after you've exhausted other options.
Your girlfriend needs to grow up.
Until then: Find a new girlfriend who isn't insecure and overly jealous – especially to a picture of a celebrity.
Yeah I get that, and thought about the trainer, I’m not really sure. I really think it’s just that I am internally feeling like I am not necessarily allowed to go and explore a new friendship with a person who is not associated with anyone that I know. In addition to that, it’s only been me and my girlfriend and all the same people around me for so long. And internally I feel like I am asking permission to go explore this new friendship when I don’t have to. I know that I’m not doing anything wrong because I haven’t done any action or said anything that could be jeopardizing to myself and order my relationship. However, I have not been able to have my alone time to myself and just go hang out with my friends without feeling like I’m doing something wrong just because I wanna go hang out with my friends.
LMFAO youre so cheap
Because wine can’t read minds and she already said she felt uncomfortable.
You really don’t understand English do you. Don’t blame OP. Just own up to your own mistake
then he has been successful in manipulating you. this isn't a mistake. especially if he wants to go again after your breakdown. listen to your body !!
Go for an annulment if possible. I wouldn’t count on any of this working out. She’s not throwing out the divorce word to get her way on something, it’s serious to her.
I think, since you are considering moving in together, it's not too unrealistic or weird to discuss things that are life choices. You should also discuss finances and other life goals and desires. Just use the “moving in together” as a gateway for all these types of discussions. You may find that he has been pondering these issues as well. Remember, if you can't communicate about anything and everything, you will not know if you are compatible.
There have been previous posts where a man comes here wanting advice because his wife won't go down on him, or he wants anal. The responses, at least for a long time, were basically that he's an asshole and a dick and people don't have to do things they don't want to do.
Whereas with a post like OP's, for quite a while it would turn into a manhunting shitshow where people would talk shit about men that won't go down, calling them names, suggesting things like shoving his face down there, etc.
Big disparity in the response.
I've also been personally insulted and told something is wrong with me because I'm a woman who doesn't get off from oral. More than once.
Until we live in a magical world where porn is fully consensual, safe and doesn't impact people's lives negatively, the safer and more humane option would be to stick to books, art or your imagination
It is not a human need to jerk off to porn and there are better free alternatives available to it
Nope, It’s not
Where the friends you were talking to men or women? She might have gotten the wrong impression and thought you were chatting up other women. Regardless the way she handled that was toxic and I recommend putting some distance in your relationship since this will not be a healthy one.
Restraining order on him. Once it's given it's yours , once you give someone something it's no longer yours . He sounds scqry
Yup, for whatever reason, he doesn't want to have sex with you and instead of wanting to admit that to you, he's being a jerk and turning things around on you. That's a situation that is going to be very naked to solve if he's behaiving this way?
You've given no context or info for what the issues are or what you're fighting about. Makes it petty naked to give advice. You're obviously not happy though so probably time to address it properly.
Lol, I thought the same thing, but some people really enjoy their partners' pheromones. It's weird that they only see each other once a week. It's weird that she's not allowed in his room. Like I said in my comment, I don't wanna jump to conclusions here, but he panicked, and I'm wondering if there is evidence of cheating in his room.