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Date: October 6, 2022
Your kid feels this, guaranteed. Get the F out of that relationship.
Everyone is jumping on you but I don’t think this is the absolute worst thing somebody has ever done. You were about to go through something terrible and dishonest but you stopped yourself. You used your better judgment and made a mature decision. Could you have been more mature earlier? Sure. But you didn’t go through the actual act of physical cheating or planning some sort of future with your ex where are you told him you wanted to leave your husband and be with him. I still think that you should be honest with your current husband, but, if i were your husband, to be honest this would just reaffirm to me that you wanted to be with me. That you had the chance to be with your ex but you turned him down to be with your husband.
You should still be honest with him but you are not a terrible person.
I have been where you are with miner arguments and when I needed to apologize for being distant, I would make him sit down and give him a beer ?, do a strip tease and lap dance! Reconnecting with him was fun and he did the same! But that's what works for us.
Boyfriend doesn’t seem very caring nor attentive towards your feelings OP
I’d be pissed if I was left alone to cry, but then given attention shortly after probably just for sex
You deserve someone more caring OP. I’m disgusted with your boyfriend actions
This, this and more this. If theyre going to “do it” they're going to do it regardless of whether he sleeps there or if it's Christmas or any other day.
How did she know he was gay? He “acted gay”?
Jesus.
Ok but stop spraying your cats with water. You need to use positive reinforcement training with cats. They will become fearful of you and learn you are bad, not the behavior that you wish to change.
Check out Jackson Galaxy for training tips he’s the best!
It’s just that why would he have told me that he liked me??? and made plans with me and complimented me??
I appreciate you taking the time to give me this input. I guess it’s always nice to keep very few people in your life, but not the best when you don’t feel like you can talk to them because this sort of shit happens a lot to where it is a bit embarrassing! Thank you, I think I’m ready to accept these things, because In the back of my mind, you and me are on the same page.
She is toxic. You have to see her as a disease, a cancer. She's eating you from the inside out and weakening your spirit. If you went to the doctor and he found cancer would you want to keep it as a pet? Let it grow, nurture it?? Doubtful. She is your sickness and only you can find the cure. In time all things heal. So, give yourself that. Cut the contact. You don't even owe her an explanation. She obviously doesn't consider you when she's making her decisions and if she does it's only because she knows it will affect you. She revels in your discomfort. She's hoping you'll make a declaration. YOU MUST NOT DO THIS. Her whole world revolves around her. She's number one. Whether this is due to youth or otherwise it's a massive red flag. You will never be considered ahead of her. What she wants and or needs will always come first. Give yourself what she won't. Always, give yourself what you wish others would. Value yourself, your time, your energy, your feelings. You are your best advocate. No one else can do this for you. Our significant others should compliment us, we hope that they would complement us but that shouldn't be expected. We need to find ourselves whole before we can ask another to join us in partnerships. So, go find yourself. If you bump into someone along the way heading to the same place, then be partners with a common goal. But don't give anyone the power to take from you anything you do not wish to give. Hold on to yourself, the one who will hold on with you is in your path somewhere down the road. Be patient. You'll see. Best of luck to you. I hope everything turns out for the best.
Well that's depressing lol
Which other guy? You seem really upset that… people replied to your post? No one is forcing you to come here and debate religion. You chose to start that conversation.
you cant just forbid your wife to talk to people what the hell
If you stop communicating then you aren't in a relationship. Healthy communication is key to every relationship and without it they all fail
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You are unbearable. You asked him then you said you asked him again and again and then begged him! How annoying! Then after all that, take it off and forget it!
He loses it, he wants to get you a new one and you’re complaining about the new one. By the way, it was very rude if you to even ASK how much he is spending on the ring. EITHER ring. It is none of your business and extremely tacky! Do you ask people what they sorbs when they give you a Christmas gift? Or a Birthday gift? RUDE. Even if it’s your boyfriend.
Be thankful! He’s trying to be thoughtful and kind. Stop all of this seriously, stop and shut your mouth and be very thankful. DO NOT TELL HIM he should not do this, say how nice it was of him to do such a nice thing for you.
I don’t think you’re asking too much, especially given you’ve done similar things for him in the past.
Is this a pattern elsewhere in your relationship? Do you find yourself tending to his needs while yours sometimes go unsatisfied? Are you doing all the planning and organizing for your shared activities? In other words, are you acting as his mother? That would be consistent with his current behavior.
If he’s been fine elsewhere, maybe he just doesn’t understand your expectations, and you can set things straight with a serious conversation about it. People aren’t perfect.
You cannot fix a man, do not get into another relationship with someone hoping you can heal them. He needs to do that on his own before he gets into a relationship. Getting with someone knowing they have abusive tendencies but hoping you can help will only end in you enduring so much suffering. Leave now before it becomes too out of hand.
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Imagine you're on a date doing an activity you suck at and the other person is semi pro. Now, would you want them to have fun or just be really focused and take it seriously? It's not about whether you “destroy” them it's the nuance of how engaged you are, how you play, how involved you get etc.
People here are so judgmental damn. I was in a similar situation recently but my behavior was worse and I’m in my fucking thirties. Honestly, this isn’t that bad. You got too drunk around coworkers and nothing happened. It seemed like he was cool about it and I don’t see any implication from your post that your of this guy has bad intentions. You are young and learned a lesson. The wife’s behavior is unacceptable. She’s a new employee and messaged you calling you a home wrecker?? Tell her boss!! That’s so not okay. If the friend still tries to hang out just say you aren’t comfortable because it’s clearly pissing his wife off.
If anyone ever fucking laid a hand on my pet, I’d willingly do a lot more damage to that person with evidence of me doing so, rather than whatever minimum OP did to her bf without any evidence to implicate of her doing anything at all. Make up for what? He’s lucky OP isn’t me and he is alive still.
Sex without foreplay doesn’t make sense to me not even porn does that lol
Go down on your woman, man ffs
Also I think what is “writing off” and why is he going to do it to me? I don't deserve to be written off… This is where I'm stuck at
It sounds like your relationship is pretty much done for. I can't say whether it's just because of the vape stuff, but you literally said you're not happy with how things are and instead of changing anything she just said “okay”. This girl is checked out of the relationship.
Hehe you did this to yourself
You're not being too harsh, he pissed on you.
If it's a kink of his, he should have discussed it first. Blaming PTSD/Trauma is bullshit. I'm not into this sub/dom shite, but I imagine it's not very submissive to piss on your dom. Regardless, not discussing something as taboo as pissing on your loving partner before pissing on your loving partner is just massively disrespectful and disgusting.
If your girlfriend is out clubbing with other guys is she really your girlfriend?
It's obvious they're just a troll
You have “the ick” and there’s no going back.
He's trying to upset you with the possibility of being accidentally impregnated, he isn't actually oblivious to you crying during sex, and there's a reason he's blaming you all the time (so you end up apologising and trying to make him feel better.) This will be the rest of your life unless you leave. Don't be that girl.
Advice is, work on yourself. There is nothing wrong with trusting your instincts (gut feeling).
Agree with all of this.
Boyfriend has no business telling her how many cats she can have in her home. If he doesn’t like it he can go.
Those animals are OPs responsibility now.
She cray cray. Stay away from the cray.
A 20 year old isn't ready for marriage and has a lot of maturing to do to get over her wild jealousy issues. If you stay with her at least wait until her frontal cortex is fully formed (which doesn't happen until 25) before jumping to marriage.
in the bedroom, under the bed, or in a closet or drawer. not for every guest or visitor to see.
Well, you should totally make an extremely vague post without any actual information and then ask people what you should do. Great plan.
So you’d be okay dating a 12 year old if the “mental age” was the same? It’s just that gross.
Gawd no. I'm a giddy fool at the start of a relationship. Can't think of anything else, worried it won't work out, the initial awkwardness in certain situations.
I'm madly in love with my bf. He's the kindest, most loving and sexiest man I've ever met. I wouldn't go back to the beginning for anything, though. We have a very deep, close relationship and I prefer it that way.
First off, I am very sorry you are going through this. Before I begin with my take on this, please take into account I am a stranger on the internet and my advice on this is going off of limited information. I am sure there is far more to your relationship than this post and memories upon memories that make this even more painful to process.
From what I have read, my best guess is that your fiancé is falling out of love with you and is questioning whether or not you are the woman he wants to spend his life with. When he says he “doesn’t want to lose you” he means that, but in the sense that you all have kind of grown up together and he doesn’t know if leaning the relationship would be the right move. You are probably his closest friend by now. If you’re 27 and he is 28, then that means you all have really never experienced being single in your 20’s or dating as an adult. You’ve always had one another. While that is beautiful and works for a ton of folks (high school sweethearts, etc.) this is not the case for everyone. People change a lot, even in our later years we are never done growing but we do change drastically from 19 to 27, as we should. Our goals change, our perspective changes, our humor changes, our friend groups change, our interests may change, etc. There is a possibility that while your fiancé appreciates your time spent together, he has come to realize that this relationship won’t work anymore long term for whatever reason. He’s undecided while you have decided. That’s a hot pill to swallow.
Moving on to the coworker situation. That’s rough. He may or may not be in love with her. I have no clue and don’t have too much info to go off of, but unfortunately that’s the least of your worries. My best guess there with his newfound confusion would be that he bonded with this colleague on a personal level and came to realize there was a spark/chemistry there that maybe was lacking in your relationship. This could be how well they get along, how comfortable he is speaking with her, how much he admires her, how much they have in common, how he feels understood or heard by her, how they view the world, etc. Whatever it is about this individual, something there has caused him to reflect on his partnership with you and has him in his head. His feelings for her have woken something in him, if you will and have led him to conclude something is “missing” in your all’s current relationship. And while he may not actually be in love with her like he said, if you’re thinking of someone once an hour…well, sorry but you have feelings past friendship. Infatuated, in love, huge crush, something. Basically he’s come to the realization he has fallen for this person and the fact he was able to fall for her has scared him to the point he is reconsidering an 8 year relationship. And while he cannot necessarily help how he feels for her and he is at least being forthcoming, it doesn’t make it any easier to hear.
Not wanting to online without someone we no longer want to be with romantically is inherently selfish. While understandable, still selfish. He doesn’t want to lose you because you’re a staple in his life and he probably doesn’t remember what it was like before you. You’re home to him in a way. He is essentially telling you that no matter what he decides, you are important to him and he wants to be in contact. This may not be realistic and really is up to you, if things end. If he walks away from this that ball is in your court.
Regardless of everything I’m saying, please remember you all are making a big move and about to get married. Those are two big change. 8 years is a long time. I recommend couples counseling and individual counseling immediately. Ask him if he wants to fix this? Does he want to be with his coworker? If he does want to fix it, tell him to start there to see if this can work. If he doesn’t, there’s your answer. If you try and it doesn’t work out, there’s your answer.
Good luck to you. This situation is shitty for everyone involved, but especially you. Take care of yourself.
When my mom died it took me at least three months to become a reasonable normal functioning person again, I was still grieving it just wasn't occupying my thoughts every second like it did in the beginning, moments of normalcy were lasting longer, and occurring more frequently.
My mother was sick for less than a month before her death. So, the circumstances were different. Everyone experiences grief differently; I would give him a few months to get over the worst of it if you can. As time goes on the grief isn't as all-consuming as it was. My mom died 26 years ago, and I still miss her.
Grief does ease as time passes. In the beginning it can be all-consuming. You have to decide if you can wait for the worst of it to pass. You said in your post that the relationship wasn't great before the accident. Only you know if the relationship is worth fighting for.
I didn’t. I just called you a misogynist.
that’s why I was so hesitant. not my place, not even my people. i go back and forth bc if he messaged me, who’s to say if he messaged other women. i feel so bad
Can you imagine telling your other children that you have raised, you want nothing to do with their sibling because you didn’t want another child? How fucked up that kid is going to be not to mention the lives you’re going to destroy simply because you couldn’t own up to your responsibilities as an adult.
Abortion, sure. That’s one thing. Giving a sibling away because you don’t want to have another kid. Fucked up. You gonna keep it a secret from the kids you left father because of their sibling who they will know.
Just all around fucked and I don’t feel for you here. That kid will be raised by the father knowing you want nothing to do with them.
You gonna abandon the entire family. All or nothing
Pediatric infectious disease doctor here. Aggregate data continues to show that people who are vaccinated so spread the virus less than people who aren’t vaccinated. It also shows the vaccine protects from serious outcomes for the vaccinated person. But I’m going to go out on a limb and say that if your dad doesn’t trust the CDC he doesn’t trust me or any of the other thousands of ID docs who continue to recommend vaccines for everyone who is eligible.
You have to accept that this dude is a POS and leave him.
Tell him that living together right now is not working out. Move out, get your own place. See how fast he finds a job.
please quote to me where I said that no asexual people could ever do wrong. in one of my comments I literally said anyone from any background could do anything at any time. my whole point is that it's not wrong to see it as a minute possibility (given that it is, in fact, minute) but it can indeed be harmful to make such a point to publicly warn people about this one specific risk when that's the only highly specific risk you're deciding to act so worried about.
thank you
Then you’re probably not as close to her as you think. Unfortunately these things happen. Maybe just have a conversation with her and be like “hey this has made me realise we aren’t as close as we used to be and I love you and I want us to get back to where we were”
it doesn’t surprise me one bit that he sent you the money. he realized that you have a spine when you decided not to put up with his shit and now he’s trying to weasel his way back into your good graces by giving you gifts because spending money on you is a million times easier than just being a good person. this is a very, very common manipulation tactic not just with toxic romantic partners, but with toxic parents and friends. usually the way it goes is that they gift you money/gifts that allegedly have no strings attached and then the next time you get in a disagreement with them, they throw the fact you accepted their gifts back in your face because “how can you be too good for me if you’re more than happy to cash my checks/accept my presents?”
he already showed you his true colors, so I wouldn’t waste my time with someone who is that bigoted
Why not try surrogacy?
I am always skeptical with these kind of posts because usually the OP hides a LOT of information so the public will take their side.
You don’t online together, so people telling you you are his Maid are wrong. You say you help him to clean his room. Did he asked you to do this or is something you have taken initiative on your own?
Your edit says that for a year he paid everything and this started after his is FORCED to pay his parents for the car in a short period of time, add to that the student loans and the increase cost of living his 48k don’t go that far.
I can understand he is in a hot work and needs something more fulfilling than ramen and not all people are willing to eat fast food because let’s face it it’s not good for you and after few hours you are still hungry.
Have you tried compromising? For example going somewhere that you can eat something at $10-$15 and he can have something more expensive?
It's a trap. The prize is a one way trip to prison.
Seems like something is going on between them because that's really weird, not only for him to be proposing it but for your wife to go behind your back and happily accept this proposal. Seems like a shitty excuse that she was just following the “professional”.
I feel like you don't need to care about either of their feelings her and put your foot down naked, otherwise they are both going to continue to disrespect you.
That is if you are the type that has issues with this (obviously you do). She should be well aware you wouldn't have liked this, judging by your reaction here.
get a water flosser to help remove them and brush as far back on your tongue as possible and stay hydrated to prevent them.
I’m really hoping that he just wants to meet up to tell you that he is moving away somewhere very very far away and you will never see him again and he just wanted to let you know in person.
Ok i get it thank you
I totally understand you getting upset.
He tried to tell you what to do with your maternity time off. I’m all for shared parental leave. But I also believe fundamentally mothers need time to recover post birth, and that there is a fourth trimester. I get some people don’t get this because money, but it is best that mothers get at least 3 months uninterrupted to recover physically, emotionally, and establish feeding and sleeping routines that can be extremely difficult if something goes wrong. Then you can talk about shared parental leave. And this doesn’t get affected by you taking 5 months off. After that there is still 7 months up for grabs. If he wants some time with baby why does you taking 5 months prevent that? And most importantly it has fuck all to do with his mum and boss.
I tried to write more points and was just getting more and more annoyed for how he spoke to you. I can’t even imagine your frustration fear and rage being the target of it. You admit you were irrational. But do not take responsibility for his actions. He’s been a narcissistic arse, a terrible communicator and immature. He needs to take responsibility for how he has treated you in this exchange and how much he’s hurt you before you can discuss the underlying issues.
When you say how I’d you fix it I’d basically say to him “I get you have concerns. I’d like to discuss them but I’m extremely hurt that you would talk to other people and not me about my maternity, which is extremely personal to you both, that you’d dismiss my interpretation of how you spoke to me as a caricature, when in fact you were being very unreasonable and hurtful, and making a list of my wrong doings was just cruel. If you can’t speak to me in a way that is supportive, respectful and honest about how we are going to deal with the fact I am having the baby then you will have no say in how much time I have off and how I handle my career”
Because ultimately, your body your choice. What you’re about to do is difficult, exhausting and you don’t need a man child making it harder. I realise it’s less conciliatory than some other responses here, but sometimes you have to put your foot down and make sure you’re safe.
I did read the post. The essence of what I am saying is “break up because you are incompatible.”
They want different things. He obviously wants more kids. She doesn’t. So what’s the point in staying together.
My comment is absolutely not about coercing him to have a vasectomy. It’s about getting him to face the fact that their “irreconcilable differences” are truly irreconcilable.
>I drove past his house and he’s not home. It’s 4:50am.
girl… come on now… can you see what everyone else is seeing now that you actually wrote this sentence out?
Ugh I’m upset I felt the need to verify this rather than just taking your word for it
I think if he wanted to prioritize communicating with you – his brand-new girlfriend! – then … he would. He isn't.
But also, are daily messages from someone you've barely dated a reasonable ask?
Again, I think there is a fundamental mismatch here on expectations and reality.
I am so glad I never had kids so I don't have to worry about these sorry excuses for teachers. The second he knew she was the parent of one of his students, he should have stopped texting her at all. And now there's some drama that's impacting this kid because of it? I'm so icked out.
Intentionally inflicting 2 weeks of pain in someone you care about OP. Please think about that and decide what that says about him.
when I asked why he didn't tell me he said he was worried that I would stop seeing him. Now im honestly not sure what to do
Is such a foundational lie a deal breaker or not? (You know the answer)
If I landed a huge opportunity and the first reaction of my friends/family/significant other was to think I got the job due to my race/gender/sexuality etc, I’d be really insulted
OP you’re already stepping up, and this internet stranger is proud of you. Way to go Daddy.
So, quick question, what have YOU done in the past year and a half? Have you made changes too? Or do you just like to complain?
Very strange.
I just feel what he is asking from you, is very important. And you deserve at least an explanation why he is making such a request. Maybe he have something against lawyers.
It's weird because instead of discussing with you, he just walks away, ignores you and sobs on his own. I think you need to evaluate if you two getting married is such a good thing.
Damn. OK. I'll try having a naked but deep convo with her. I need to get over my past abuse.
You want advice, how about do your job and date married clients?
Staying with him is excusing his behavior. He has faced no consequences for his actions. You constantly online with depression and anxiety FROM being with this person. This person you can’t trust. This person who your gut is screaming at you to leave and you ignore it, which causes even more anxiety and depression.
You cannot trust him. You want to but you can’t. You will forever be in this limbo of wanting to trust but being afraid of being hurt again— because …. YOU CANT TRUST HIM.
That's the reason I have not contacted her.
UpdateMe!
I hate to say this but.. age gap. She's 10 years older than you. At 37 she totally knows better and is not dissuading him, and is also closer in age to him than you.
You will need to fess up to the snooping and state clearly that he's hit on your exes in the past & you are not okay with their texting like this. She'll either agree or not and you'll know.
He also posted something about his girlfriend two years ago… This is a troll
If you stay, it’ll be worse for your daughter emotionally. She needs emotional support and time more than material things
Those aren’t boundaries, that’s just him being controlling and throwing around trendy terminology he doesn’t understand to justify his gross behavior. And no one ever gets LESS controlling as the relationship develops, it will only get worse. This right now is as good as it’s going to get, does that sound like a relationship you want?
bad advice, don’t follow it OP. this ain’t a movie and the drama isn’t worth it. just keep it to yourself and talk to a lawyer
But the problem is that I am too scared to have a relationship with her because I treasure what we have between us.
This is a stupid thought. If you do not get into a relationship, your friendship will die anyway. Feelings get in your way, and they will continue to do so. If you do start a relationship, and it fails, you, and her may be able to get over each other, but leaving it as it is a slow death to your friendship.
There is literally nothing to lose, that you won't lose if you do not give it a shot.
She can’t be helped bro
Apologizing to someone you dated for 2 weeks when you were 15? No don’t reach out to her. She doesn’t care. It’s creepy and is going to upset your wife.
“how to release him without feeling guilty”. You have bigger problems than him and its called 0 self respect.
Reason number 47-why Not to buy a house with someone you are not married to.
Sorry bro
Good luck
And if she wants to be alone, just tell me the title and walk away.
I'm sorry, what?
Is this some kind of a disciplinary-like institution with you being the head?
“You'll do what you want only after you do what I want”.
You disrupted her to get absolutely unnecessary answers just because you wanted to and then you can't even grasp what's wrong?