My gf (24f) and I (26m) have been dating for about 4 months now. My Mom (49f) was coming in town and planned to stav with a friend of hers but the train got delayed so late the friend couldn't pick her up. I went to pick her up and she asked if she could stay the night at my apartment. I said yes of course. This all happened when I was hanging out with my gf. Conversation went like this:
Gf: Are you sleeping in the same bed as her? Me: Yes. Gf: That's weird. What're you gonna do have sex w/ your mom? Don't you think that's weird? Me: No. I don't know where this is coming from. It's just sleeping in the same bed. My Mom and I have never had that type of relationship and it is gross you would suggest that. Gf: idk seems weird to me.
My family has always been close. We are tighter knit than a lot of families and sometimes it can make people jealous of our kinship. We travel together all the time and get hotels with 2 queen beds where I would stay in the same bed as my sister (22f). I don't see sleeping in the same bed as a family member being weird. I would rather sleep in my bed than sleep on the couch or kick my Mom onto the couch.
Fast forward to today. She is still sending jabs through messages asking if my mom and I played footsie last night in bed and asking if I was going to change the sheets or if I preferred my mom’s smell on them. I told her the comments are making me uncomfortable and I’d prefer if they stop. She then goes on to tell me that she’s just not getting clarity on how this relationship is any different from her ex’s relationship with his mother. Saying that her ex was very close w/ the mom and the mom did not like her at the end of the relationship. Calling her explicit names and judging her form something that my gf told her ex and her ex told the ex's mom. Something she won't tell me because it is the reason it ended her past relationship. She also said the main reason she is upset about this topic is the dynamic of enmeshment was a horrible experience for her.
I am not sure of my gf's relationship with her parents. We met on a dating app and we're learning as we go. It seems to me that their family is not as close as mine. Do you think that is the reason she thinks it is weird? Is she intimidated/jealous of my mom?
It seems like she wants me to distance myself from my mother to not be like her ex. All this to say, should I be worried about this from her? Is this a red flag?
TLDR; mom stayed the night with me and slept in same bed when traveling through my city. Gf thinks it is weird and compares me and my family to her ex's.
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