My husband and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. We have a child together. Long story short, I recently found out that my husband was not only married when we started dating, but his divorce wasn’t actually finalized until our son was almost 6 months old. This is eating me alive and I desperately need advice.
I know this story sounds weird af but 6 years ago I started dating this guy. He was from elsewhere but he was in my town for a year long military assignment. He told me he had a horrible ex wife who cheated on him for over half of their 10 year long marriage. I felt so bad for him, and all of his friends and family members corroborated his story and told me how great he was and how awful she was, etc.
This guy moved in with me very quickly because his room on base was super disgusting and moldy, and despite being on the nuvaring, I ended up getting pregnant, and he proposed a few months later. It all happened super fast but I was wildly in love and didn’t think anything was wrong with my happy little family until one day, out of the total blue, I received a Facebook message from his ex wife, calling me a homewrecker and my calling my newborn son a bastard. I was so confused, this guy was definitely NOT married when we started dating, or so I thought. I never replied to her message, but I confronted then fiancé about it and he assured me that she’s crazy and she’s the one who had cheated on him, etc. Again, all his friends and HIS MOTHER verified his story saying his ex wife was the cheater and their marriage was 100% over when he and I got together.
So anyway, flash forward to a couple months ago. Hubby and I just celebrated 4 years of marriage and I thought everything was great. I love the life that we have built together, and I had entirely forgotten about the ex wife thing.
One day out of the total blue I had this weird feeling that I should check her Facebook page. Again, it had been years since I had even thought about this woman and I have no idea what compelled me to check her page. I guess women are crazy. Lol
So anyway I went to her page, and several months before, she had written this awful, scathing post about me, calling me and my son all kinds of very nasty names and saying that soon my husband is going to do to me what he did to her bc he’s a narcissist who doesn’t care who he hurts.
I sent her a message saying I was so sorry that she misunderstood what happened but I was certainly not a homewrecker and my precious son is definitely not a bastard and I asked her to please take down the post. She responded, “no, leave me alone.” And I said “I’m not super inclined to do that unless you remove this unfairly defamatory post. Again I’m so sorry for any misunderstanding but he and I didn’t start dating until (date).”
MUCH TO MY SHOCK AND DISMAY, she replied with lots and lots of proof that they were indeed still married at that time. I started digging and found his divorce record. It does say that he was not legally divorced until our son was nearly 6 months old. I guess I now understand why he wanted a 2 year long engagement. ?
So anyway, what in the hell do I do with this info now???? If I confront him about it, he will obviously know the info came from her and he will be angry with me for messaging her. I have been trying to pretend like I don’t know and that everything is fine but this is eating me alive. He has obviously lied to me about this before – repeatedly and to my face – so if I confront him I feel like he’s going to lie to me again. I now can’t trust him. I don’t think he’s lied to me about anything else but if he would lie about this what else would he lie about??? This is a big lie. I do now worry that he WILL do the same thing to me, like his ex wife’s post said. I do also think there could be/probably is a lot more to the story, maybe she did cheat first, idk. But even if she did, and even if him getting with me was retaliation for her actions, I’m not at all sure that would be enough for me to trust him again moving forward. This is just over, right? Idk how to get past this at all. I have always told my friends to never date a cheater bc how you get them is how you lose them. ??♀️
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