My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Recently, he told me I "scammed" him because I looked better in college. To provide some background, I used to be quite slim, weighing 47kg at 5'0" tall. I was actively involved in sports, regularly cycling long distances, and maintaining a fit physique with a C-cup bust. However, after earning my degree in architecture, my hormones went haywire, and within four months, I gained 7kg. Even three years later, I haven't been able to shed the extra weight despite dieting. I'm also the type who typically wears just lip tint and mascara.
Back to the issue, he has repeatedly made comments about how I used to look better or that I would look better if I were taller or slimmer. He's even mentioned that I have a large head. Whenever I've tried to express how this makes me feel, he dismisses it by saying, "I'm just joking," and tries to comfort me with hugs and kisses.
Honestly, I'm at a loss for how to feel. I've accepted that I have broad shoulders, look somewhat masculine, and have a bust size that doesn't quite match my height and body. I have slim legs but a proportionate rear end. I used to be fine with all of this until he kept bringing it up, and now I feel insecure. I question why he's with me if he finds me unattractive. Am I not pretty enough? Not womanly enough? Why can't he accept me as I am now and stop dwelling on the past? I've never made him feel insecure about his weight, even though he's become quite overweight for his height.
In a moment of frustration, I retaliated and said calmly, "You got small dick and youre gaining too much weight to the point where your d*ck aint visible anymore plus you aint that handsome anyway so work on it"
Now, I'm feeling a mix of regret and relief. I'm not in the right state of mind because I'm still angry about the situation. Can anyone offer advice on what I should do?
Edit: He came back and asked if Im cheating on him and on why I said those if I didn’t cheat on him? Like idk of he’s trying to manipulate me or he just lacks self-awareness?
Edit 2: I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I initiated the conversation and confronted him about everything when everything was calm. I explained how it’s all connected and how it made me feel insecure (well, not extremely insecure, but rather sad to have your own partner attack you). Many of your comments made me realize that I also have a fault, which is that I didn’t set any boundaries. I kept tolerating and providing reasons for what he did. There were also many great comments validating my body type. Reading all these comments made me realize that I should stand up and set my boundaries.
First, I told him honestly how I feel bad for myself for stooping to his level and that he won because he manipulated me successfully. I told him I couldn’t imagine having a relationship like this when I get older, and that our relationship has been emotionally draining for me, so I finally ended our relationship. It’s probably time since he can’t see my worth no matter what. Honestly, I feel numb and don’t know if I’ll regret this or not, but I know I am not happy anymore. It’s just sad how much love, commitment, and patience I can give, yet it can’t be reciprocated. I grew up deprived of affection, so probably one of the reasons why I accept the bare minimum, but this is a lesson learned for me. Of course, it’s going to be hard, and I do hope I can find the courage to move on and also learn how to say no.
submitted by /u/Lone_wolf1031
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