EDIT: thank you, truly thank you for all of your advice. You have helped me to put everything into perspective, and I’ve taken your words close to heart. I don’t know if I’ll reply to all of your comments, but I just want you to know that I’m reading them and that I’m storing them in the back of my mind going forward. I truly appreciate you, and thank you for taking your time to help a stranger out.
Edit: I mentioned this in a comment below, and thought it might clear up some things a bit – The whole situation is a bit complicated. But the reason for why I went along with the lies in the beginning, was because my brother was trying to rekindle a friendship with his ex, which his current gf is aware of and was okay with. Gradually he became more secretive and intimate with his ex, and suddenly it didn’t seem appropriate – this is where the lying slowly began – for some time I just thought I was being weird about it. But a few weeks ago I just realised that i wasn’t feeling okay with it anymore.
(English isn't my main language, so im sorry if my writing is confusing – i have tried my best)
My brother has a gf(26f), who he has been with since january.
For some time now, i've been in a position where my brother has made me lie on his behalf. I know that if he hadn't been my brother, i wouldn't have been so forgiving.
He has made me lie whenever he hangs out with his ex, even though though he says that they aren't doing anything wrong. Even if they aren't kissing, or going to bed together, not telling his current gf, is doing something wrong in my opinion.
I feel weird whenever he brings either one of the women home, but he just expects me to follow along with the story and the lies, but i can't anymore.
yesterday he had brought home his ex, they're were having a good time, while being very intimate – in ways that isn't platonic.
we were eating together the three of us, and my brother told his ex, that if she would rub his back later, then she could sleep over. she kept caressing him on his arms and thighs…
I just couldn't take this anymore, i kept thinking "but what about your gf?"
i asked if he had a moment to speak, so we went into my room.
I told him that i couldn't keep lying for him anymore, and what about his gf?
He couldn't help but smile a few times, and i just blew up. i told him that maybe he didn't think not sleeping with his ex is cheating, but everything else they're doing is very much emotional cheating.
i mean he has his ex over way more than his gf.
I would have very much liked to stay uninvolved, but all the times when he has asked me to cover for him, its just piling up and everytime i see his sweet gf, i'm lying directly to her face – and i just can't be that person. i don't want to be that person.
His ex heard that we were arguing at this point, and i know that a lot of the things i said to him i shouldn't have.
I told him that as long as he lives in my apartment, that his ex is not welcome, and that they have to go to her place and keep me out of it if they really want to see each other. just anywhere im not at.
And i told him that i would not lie to his gf anymore. At this point he kinda froze.
Edit: i'm going to contact his gf if he doesn’t tell her himself.
anyway i told him that i found it disgusting the way he was treating both of them, and that i couldn't recognise him anymore. at this point i was very mad, i was mad at the situation, the fact that he had involved me in something like this, and that he was being an asshole to his gf.
Today i realise that i should have reacted in a constructive way, and that i should have brought it up when he and i was alone.
after we had argued, him and his ex went to her place.
today he came back, very angry at me – and told me that i might just have caused their relationship to end, and that he might not talk to his ex in many years to come.
i don't know what to do right now, he makes me feel like i might have overreacted. he told me that he blames me for how things ended with his ex.
i asked him if he had heard about emotional cheating, and he didn't, so he agreed to look it up.
anyway i'm going to step away from the situation for now. but i don't know how to make friends with my brother while he's blaming me for the how things turned out.
any advice? and did i act unreasonable?
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