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I 29M have been with my girlfriend Serenity27f for 3 years. I’ve never went through my gf phone until a few days ago and I found abunch of text from girls. Flirting, talking about their sexual encounters. When I confronted my girlfriend she says it’s not really cheating because it’s with a girl and she doesn’t have intercourse, just oral. When I ask her why she just says because their better stuff it then I am. She didn’t even seem upset. I’m at a loss I’m so upset. I love my girlfriend, we live together, have 2 cats together. Advice?
submitted by /u/ThrowRalaka
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Date: March 23, 2023
Did you tell her they were to replace the others? If so, then that’s on you. It should have just been a nice gesture with no other motive than to do something nice for her.
I have a piece of jewelry from my ex that I absolutely love and I can assure he is the very last thing I think of when I wear it.
I’ll agree that there are different kinds of orgasms so I hear you there but plenty of women get off without penetration it just feels a little different… I know when I had a hysterectomy I cried for months because I felt like I got gipped out of a deep orgasm.. but I adapted since there was no choice..?
Keep thr cats break-up with her. Cheating is cheating
Thank you for your honest response, it is very helpful. I don’t necessarily feel like I am responsible for ‘rescuing’ him, but it is very hot to watch him go down this path because I have seen him in a better mindset, and I know that he is capable of returning to it. I genuinely want the best for him, and ideally I’d hope that I can stay close to him and even help him achieve that – but at the end of the day, I just want him to be kind to himself and see that those around him are not trying to hurt him, but are trying to love him.
Lmao why you started to date/compromise with a woman who is mother??? As we say in México “si quieres vaca es con todo y becerros” (if you want the cow its with all and her calves/// yeah very rude said//) if you dont like kids, date/marry a childless woman. Dont be selfish and entitled.
She’s wrong. It is definitely cheating.
If you don't want to date him then end it. You will lose him as a friend anyway when you finally meet somebody and start dating them and not him.
I would do things like this expecting nothing in return.
And yet you complain about lack of reciprocity.
Your reasons for contemplating a breakup are weaker than most of the people posting here have. I think it would probably be a mistake if you do ditch this relationship. You could end up with a partner who was much, much worse.
I think the better question is…..why are you ok hanging out with this person when you know how he is?
Your bf was standing up for someone who can’t stand up for herself. He sounds like the kind of man I’d want in my life.
Lol I’m double your age, and I’ve been in both physically and verbally/emotionally abusive relationships. You’re a very naive person if you think one is better than the other. And often, verbal leads to physical. Abuse is abuse. Period. Verbal abuse can break you down worse than physical can. So please, save the condescending tone for someone who may believe it’s ok.
And your “I just left when I got tired of it,” remark, all I can say is lucky you were able to and that person didn’t snap when you did. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship for a woman is when she’s leaving. Aren’t you lucky that didn’t happen? Just because you got lucky doesn’t mean she will be so lucky.
No need to respond. Your post and response speaks volumes!!
Normally I’d be on the side of breaking up but in this case with everything you’ve posted. I would side with forgiveness under the condition she stops drinking especially when you’re not with her and that she at least goes NC with that guy or better yet presses SA charges against him
I am going to try to look around the city I’m in because my college is here. But I’m in between a rock and a very hot place. Because if I don’t have a place to go when I decide to confront him, he would kick me out in a heart beat without caring
I read OPs post and immediately thought of Missing Reasons, too!
Contrary to popular beliefs, children don’t just cut off their parents for no reason or for saying “one thing”. In fact, often even in the most fucked up situations, children will still summarize with “… but these are my parents”.
OP, you need to do a lot of self reflection because without knowing you or your son, I can reassure you that he didn’t cut contact with you because “you must have said something” that one time. It wasn’t once. It wasn’t one thing. Start thinking.
? uh ok you dont sound worried about anything at all so just communicate? Talk to Ex Gf and current Bf to know how everyone feels about the current situation to know how Ex feells about rushing you or letting you stay idk
Save proof
Tell your mom
Ask your mom not to confront him until you get a lawyer and a new job
Having sex with someone without their consent is the literal definition of rape. Being asleep obviously means you couldn't consent. This is very plainly rape.
The only one creating unnecessary drama is the mother. Wearing white to a wedding means she’s trying to spite and bother the bride. Don’t be so ignorant.
He didn’t want to be bothered then. You moved on. I would not let my kids go with a stranger. And I’d block him and his family
This is dumb I can see why you’d want a second Reddit account just for porn, not wanting your main feed bogged down with all that 24/7 would be annoying imo. To me commenting on porn in general is just weird, but a lot of people do it everyone has their kinks, I don’t think you should be shamed for doing so either.
Unless you had an explicit conversation about porn and your boundaries as a couple surrounding it, I don’t think this should really be that big of a deal.
If it’s an insecurity thing on your girlfriends part that’s kind of a her problem that she needs to communicate to you. If that’s a new boundary for her then it’s up to you to choose wether or not that’s a deal breaker for you.
I wish there was a pinned post about this with how often it comes up.
Men often don’t care if you say you have a partner. They’ll tell you “Aw, take it anyway. Just in case. No, I insist. Where is he anyway? Come on we can just be friends!”
It’s much easier (and safer, check out the subreddit women who say no) to just take the number and trash it later.
What woman would tell you about the number if she planned on using it and cheating on you? Think about it real very hot.
Yeah, this is concerning.
Be done with him.
Info:
Did he just put his hands there, or was he actively choking you before you threw the punch?
Consent is obv key, but putting your hands around someone's neck and not squeezing vs actively choking someone are two different things, and from your description of the events, it is not clear which took place.
Obviously defend yourself, obviously consent is required for sex and anything kink-related, just looking for clarification here about whether the punch was a defensive reaction to being choked or you assuming he was going to choke you and you punched first before he could.
I don't think he would press charges in either scenario, but malicious intent vs clueless action for the guy in question here shouldn't be overlooked as a possible cause, especially with the explanation given.
fuck his daughter to get back at him for showing you his scat fatish.
Yes. But was hoping someone here would have knowledge as well. I don’t want to spend more money on this situation.
Keep him out of your life. When the going gets tough you want a partner you can count on and he is not it. Your dad died what did he do ?? Cheat. that’s what he did. he was not there to support you like a good partner should.
You need to educate yourself and not expect him to do all the labor of answering your questions. Get some books, get on tiktok and follow trans people who are taking about their experiences. Stop expecting them to explain it all to you. If you really want to understand, you'll do the work instead of expecting him to break it all down for you.
Questions you can ask are “what influencers do you like? Who has helped you during this time, so I can follow them and learn from them.”
How would you feel if a grown man asked you to break down the intricacies of, say, your menopause? If, every day, he asked you highly personal questions and made no effort to understand outside of relentlessly asking you these questions? You'd likely start to feel like “if you really wanted to know, you'd read up on it and find ways to help me outside of always just pestering me about it.”
Confusion is not an excuse for laziness. And you need to be empathetic to what he's been through- he's wounded that the rest of the family has pushed him away and here you are telling him that people who have abandoned him should be worth his emotional labor to educate you. They aren't. And you clearly want him in your life, but the others have not made any such claims. Quite the opposite. Your son doesn't want to water a dead lawn. YOU want that and it makes him feel like your loyalty isn't to him and his wellbeing. It's with the rest of the family, all of whom haven't made an effort to know the real him. Stop making him break it down so you can give them information by proxy. That can be your soap box, but don't make it his, even by extension. If you want to know for yourself, that's one thing. But don't ask for their sakes.
And don't say “I'm doing the best I can,” and expect that to erase the rejection he's feeling from all of you. Allyship isn't just asking questions. It's seeking answers on your own in order to better support him.
Sometimes the inlaws will never like or accept you, now it's up to your partner to continue to allow them to treat you badly or just keep letting it slide, if she keeps letting it slide I'd be looking somewhere else
You're free to set your boundaries. I guess if he wants to watch porn and it's a very hot line for you, dump him and find someone else. I'm not sure what you're looking for here.
No tbh. I still care for him and I can’t tell if I’m just dragging it because I can’t let go or if I really believe that it’s going to work out.
Not a good analogy. There’s virtually nothing a man can do about the size of his penis. A woman can change the shape of her ass with implants or exercise.
In one sense though your analogy makes sense, you are highly sensitive about your posterior. He was trying to compliment you, no doubt because you’ve complained about your shape. Yet you took it as a complaint.
My wife has a flat ass, always has but she more than makes up for it in every other way. Frankly, I’m not much of an ass man anyway. Your BF probably isn’t either. I know it’s very hot but somewhere along the line you need to become accepting of your body. Fix what you can and ignore or laugh about the rest. Odds are that when he gets old, he’ll have a flat ass too and you two can laugh at each other without becoming upset about it. Good luck
It wasn’t her who broke up with him. She said it was mutual bc their schedules weren’t working. I wouldn’t say that justifies it.
Right, that’s not the issue, I’m asking if I should break up with her because of that. You do get heavily influenced by the people around you, in my heart and gut I said “no,” but listened to her, which was dumb, but I’m pretty pathetic and wondering if I should stand up for myself now.
That’s fine that you want to make her understand how you feel or how she was wrong. But the other half of this is you need to put effort in trying to understand how she feels and what you did or said (right or wrong; it doesn’t matter) that made her feel the need to do this.
You are correct to be concerned.
Research (not just opinion) of couples find that the #1 source of affair partners is coworkers.
Because of the high risk associated with a coworker relationship, the friendship must be 100% transparent to you , there should be no out of work contact (no catching up), and they never discuss their love life.
What do you do? You leave him. Very simply. It was never a mistake. He doesn’t care that you were in so much pain you were crying full on sobbing. He is a selfish piece of shit.
End the relationship.
Even if his words are true, they shouldn’t be uttered in a healthy relationship.
And neither of you should be “poking weak spots” it is toxic behaviour, and proof neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship.
yeah sure 51% of humanity are all the same when it comes to money.
So I'll raise you a Men are like that. They earn more on the strength of having a penis and begrudge sharing with the woman they supposedly love.
I don’t think you can stop this from happening. The problem might not be as simple as him wanting to find friends. You’re both in a completely different life stage than you were when you got together. Buying the house may have made him realize that the life you have isn’t the life he wants. Unfortunately, you’re not guaranteed to grow together as a couple. Sometimes you outgrow your relationship without realizing it.
You know he hates her, and wants nothing to do with her.
That is why you lied to him and said it was a family party, not her family’s party.
I bet he still doesn’t know that part and only thinks she was there.
So how about you start with telling him the truth.
Then when he dumps you for lying to him, you won’t have to worry about whether or not he is controlling, or insecure etc (which he is btw, possibly more insecure than controlling, but still both) but seeing as you are quite happy to excuse your bff, and lie to your bf when you see her, you are not completely innocent in this situation either.
Yeah guess time will tell but i gotta move on
Sorry I should've been more clear. What I meant was, should I get back with him and choose not to have kids? I'm a fence sitter, because it really just depends on if I'm with the right person and if it is viable emotionally and financially. I really feel that he is the one for me, but I am hurt that he made this choice without even talking to me about it. We both love each other and there are no other issues besides this. I think I'm just torn because I know if we break up for good and I end up not having kids anyways I'll regret it. My heart feels that I should choose him.
This is what I would do. Someone that disrespectful doesnt deserve a minute of my time. Delete. She's shown you who she is. God help you if you give her access to your home, or anything else. Very hot pass.
I think i’m more on edge because this is the first boyfriend I’ve really thought about long term things with- moving in together, etc- and I wanted my friend’s support. I didn’t expect a full psycho-analysis of him when I asked what she thought, but it felt a little like she was purposely ignoring things that were good (he helped me cook and clean up, he helped me take care of my old & sick dog, etc) for this thing.
Yeah I’ll talk to her and see how she thought things went. She told me she’s already talked about it with my other friend and they were “horrified” at his response to one question (the reading one). He didn’t answer in single words for the entire evening, they did talk more and more, but I feel like once he gave one short answer she was less willing to see how he opened up later on.
Funnily enough my boyfriend isn’t actually upset at all, it’s mostly been me that’s been unhappy with the situation. But you’re right, I’ll just talk to her about her perception of the conversation.
Funny enough. I was trying to cut down drinking by having dry weekdays. I think that just made her resent me more
Didn't mean to be rude, sorry.
This is a real concern, though. When under age abused people are having children the abusers might temporarily become legal representatives of the children AND the abused person until custody shifts to the now adult abused person.
That's what abuse shelters are for: brickwalling the legal interests of abused people.