A bit of background:
I am (39M) a father to my daughter (18F), let’s call her Emma. My first wife and I were middle school sweethearts. Emma was a happy accident and we were thrilled to be parents to her. But my wife died while giving birth to her. I had just graduated and started a job and I failed to juggle a kid and the career. So I remarried in a year and a half to my second wife (42F), let’s call her Sam. She was also struggling raising her son (Tom) due to financial difficulties. It was a marriage of convenience and we were very open about that. She would be stay at home raising both kids while I will financially provide for them. There were ups and downs along the road but we made it work. Sam always gave her son preferential treatment as in emotionally which I never took issue with, after all, she was my daughter not hers. But I always provided equally for both of them cause I always felt obligated to be fair with both of them. There were not any major issues growing up. Both kids maintained a healthy relationship with each other while maintaining a bit distance. Both care for each other. And we never asked for more.
My first wife and I both had an insurance policy. It was paid out when she died. For some reason, we once randomly talked about what we would do with money if one of us passed away. We both decided it would go to our kids and if we didn’t have a kid then the surviving spouse should travel the world. I have kept that money in a trust that has grown over the age of 17 years and has been yielding significant profits and now, it’s quite a bit of money. I have never borrowed even a penny from it because it belongs to my daughter and I am just a guardian.
This year both kids applied to colleges and Emma got into Ivy League with full scholarship. Our plan was if Emma did not get scholarship, I will pay her tuition with the trust. Tom also applied to Ivy League and got admission but without scholarship. He and I both discussed our options and I told her that while I can help him with living expenses while he pursues his studies. But I can’t afford the tuition without getting a massive hit. He was understanding and said that he will take loan for it. It was settled then. Or at least, I thought it was.
One night Sam asked me if I can pay his son’s tuition with the payout. She knows the width of that policy. I was startled for a second. But I said I will think about it. I delayed it because I wanted to ask Emma whether she wanted to help Tom out because I have always let her make decisions of her own as I feel it’s the important part of parenting. I wanted to ask her alone without Sam present because Sam can be a bit pushy and I wanted Emma to make decision on her own without any pressure because she is the sweetest kid who will rather be hurt than hurt anyone else. I explained the whole thing to my daughter and asked what she wants to do. She asked me what I think she should do and I told her that I have no opinion but no matter, what decision she makes, it will not change anything between us. She will always be my world. She told me that she wanted to travel the world with me as her mom wanted with half of the money and invest rest so she can have extra cash flow. She asked me for the weekend to think about it which I was happy to give her. On the weekend, she texted me to come in her room. She asked me to explain the profit yields, the amount and everything related to the amount which I did. After contemplating, she decided that she can pay for 1/2 of Tom’s tuition while touring the world and maintaining the healthy cash flow. I stressed on her that if she does not want to do it, she does not have to. Tom is not her responsibility. But she said, she wanted to help her brother out.
During a family meeting, she told that to Tom in front of Sam and me. Tom teared up and hugged her and was very grateful. I noticed Sam was a bit off but I ignored it. We all went out for dinner. In bed, Sam asked me who decided about Tom’s tuition. I told her about the whole situation. Sam was shocked for whatever reason. She said that I didn’t have to ask Emma and could have made the decision on my own as it was not Emma’s money. I told her in in plain words that she does not get a say in that since it was decided between me and Emma’s mother what we will do with the money. Then she said why didn’t I involve her during the discussions with Emma. And by this time, I was at the edge and I told her because it was none of her damn business. She said that she would talk to Emma and Emma can pay for her brother’s full tuition and travelling the world is not necessary. I calmly yet firmly told her that she would not say a word to Emma about this and this matter is closed.
After a week, I was out with my colleagues when I received a text from Tom that I should come home immediately. I rushed home. I was home in 10 minutes. Sam was shouting at Emma how she should pay for Tom’s tuition and Emma was crying. Tom was trying to calm her mother down and to get her to shut up but to no avail. I told my wife to shut up and go to the bedroom as politely as I could because I did not want to insult her in front of Tom because after all, she was his mother. I picked Emma up and was taking her to her bedroom when I heard Sam yell, “you were always a monster. You killed your mother while coming into this world”.
And this was the endpoint. I told Sam that I am going out and I will come back in two days and she better be gone when I come back. I took Emma with me and asked Tom if he wanted to come with us. Tom was reluctant but eventually came with us.
I drove them to nearby hill town and got us checked in. Emma was crying all the way and I let her after few initial tries to calm her down. By next morning, we met on breakfast. Emma’s eye were swollen with crying. And Tom basically got to his knees and apologised for his mother’s behaviour. Emma told him that it was not his fault. We three had heart to heart discussion once Emma and I had talked in privacy where Emma was reassured that she wasn’t responsible for anything. Emma will still be paying Tom’s 1/2 tuition.
I also talked to Tom and told him that I would be divorcing her mother and there is no turning back from that. But that doesn’t have to change my relationship with him unless he thinks otherwise. He asked me to consider my decision and I asked him if what I was doing was unfair. He said no and he understood.
By time we got home, my parents were already there and Sam was gone. My parents asked about what happened and apparently, Sam had fed them half story and told them the whole tale. They were furious but tried to lower the temperature and asked if there is any way to make amends. I told them that my decision is final.
I have served Sam with papers with a fair amount of alimony along with 1BR apartment since she made our home while I worked despite the prenup which eliminated any prospects of alimony or division of assets.
In the meantime, our relatives and friends have been asking me to reconsider it while they do not condone what happened, they want me to make space for her. Sam also reached out to Emma and apologised for her behaviour. Emma asked me to reconsider my decision as she has forgiven Sam and feels like there won’t be any friction since she has already left for college.
I am not willing to roll back because whatever affection I had for Sam is gone. I don’t think it will ever be the same if we got back together. And there is no changing that this lack of feelings for her.
So I am asking objective and impartial redditors for any advice on what to do here?
submitted by /u/omuhammadtalal
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