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Date: October 18, 2022
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Very true. His reaction will tell me a lot about him. thank you 🙂
this is a tough one, some of this is a little bit of a reach but some of it makes a lot of sense.
I think you should
He's bullshitting you and you need to get out of this merry-go-round and sue him for child support and online by yourself. Distance yourself from your family. Get a lawyer and stay with friends/other family?
Donate sperm at the sperm bank, then.
You're not equipped to solve this on your own. Talk to your own health professionals and get advice for assistance and therapy for him (and support for yourself). If he refuses it will be difficult because sometimes there are things that a spouse cannot fix on their own.
Yeah it sounds like they're both talking about something different and OP is badgering her insisting that she's masturbating when she may not be.
Not so friend what your thinking of is an amniocentesis. Not used for pregnancy DNA tests these days. It’s a simple, non-invasive blood test
If you want examples there’s a sub for that. r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is for reconciliation after infidelity. Everyone there is working in it. Some more successfully than others. Many different factors go into whether it can work or not.
Reading your comments you need to end your relationship with her.
Her cheating was the full thing, not an emotional affair, but full on sex with a stranger.
She blames being drunk, sorry but that is bull shit, alcohol removes some boundaries, it doesn’t make you do something that you don’t want to do. So she wanted to fuck the guy, and did it.
Couples counselling is for when there is a problem in the relationship, not a problem with a persons lack of respect and morals.
While you might be able to work through this, and have a semi normal relationship with her going forward, she will never be able to rebuild the trust and respect she has destroyed, and you will always be looking at her actions to see if she’s cheating again, causing you and her problems for ever regardless of if she actually does anything wrong or not in the future.
So additional hurt now, or rehashing the hurt later or damaging your relationship to the extent that you are the problem because of the lack of trust.
Since you were together 5 years, you must know if she’s the type to make sure everyone gets a little something at Christmas or if she only gifts certain people. The whole “want to try” in the New Year is odd. What does “try”. Naked to say if she has romantic feelings for you or if she just loves the familiarity/safety of your relationship. It doesn’t sound super promising, but not a nude no either. If you are having anxiety, I suggest you ask her how “trying” will proceed. Watch her to see if talks about it excitedly or as if she’s just coming up with stuff on the fly to appease you. You may be able to figure this out sooner than later.
I have this feeling that you being a SAHM created a « debt », since you didn’t financially provide for your family. And now, you have an income so he wants you to repay this « debt »
OP, this is bullshit, will you were a SAHM, toi took care of your children, you birthed, you had tremendous changes happening to your body. What YOU WENT THROUGH COSTS SO MUCH MORE THAT THE MONEY HE BROUGHT WHILE YOU WERE SAHM. You don’t owe him anything, he owe you your child.
Ahhhhh, if women had a nickel for every time some guy swore, “but were just friends” only to find out he's been boinking them since day one… we'd be rich.
?
He probably didn't have a clue how to react. The brain does funny things when it runs into something very unexpected.
You read stories about people getting stabbed or mugged on the street, or collapsing from a heart attack in broad daylight with a bumch of people around. Most bystanders have no clue how the hell to respond and just keep walking, they just default to autopilot, as stupid as that sounds.
Did you ask him to come over and get you some water or some ibuprofen? Or hold your hand or something?
Look, an absence of communication on your part doesn't then constitute an emergency on his part. You want something, you have to say something.
Talk to him about it and tell him he needs to ask you “how can I help” if you're obviously having problems. Don't jump to conclusions here and accuse him of shit without talking.
Call the police and tell them you were a minor and he won't delete your nudes. Then call him informing him what you did. Enjoy.
Please show me where I shamed his boundaries.
So she look like a fucking headache?
Honey, he is not a good guy. You don’t feel safe because you aren’t safe with him in your life. Please get some individual counseling to try to understand why you think it would be ok to stay in touch with him. You deserve better than this. Be safe and block him everywhere.
Or professional athletes. Basically anyone who's away often and has fame & money. Or have an open relationship with them. Otherwise it just doesn't seem to work. Even Shakira ended up being cheated on.
Shes the sort of person that should online by herself ……….with her cat
Set boundaries…communication is very important to discuss everything and anything and what is allowed and what is not. Most times it leads to divorce but that's because there wasn't much of communication. Enjoy and have fun…wishing you both a lifetime of happiness together!
I'm a guy and I wouldn't blame you for not telling him. The only reason I'd tell him is to warn him about how he almost had an unplanned child and to practice safer sex.
She’s not a child. She can make a different choice than moving 23 hours away by renting a room or something. You shouldn’t feel obligated to support her financially.
It’s totally reasonable, IMO, to expect SOMETHING for Xmas, birthday, and maybe Valentine’s Day—particularly when you let your partner know that it’s important to you. If he can’t get you small gifts or a card even after you make it plan that gift giving is your love language, then he’s just not a good partner.
It's not manipulation to say “if you don't want to help me raise this child then I will leave.” That's called setting terms.
Manipulation would be “well you impregnated me so you need to stay and raise this child whether you want to or not”
Thanks for the tip!!
Your wife is at best an idiot at worst a cheater. Your friend is not a friend and took advantage of your wife. Both should be tossed in the trash.
Yk if she had slept with them without the money aspect would it be just as bad?
I know how you can lose about 175lbs pretty easily.
This man was 34 when you married him, and was seeking a 20 yo who still looked like a teenager. Now that you’ve grown 3 humans he says it’s your own fault you get migraines—which millions of people of all walks are afflicted by—because you have an average female body?!
I’m so sorry that the ten years you’ve spent with this man have worn you down to the point where you think this may be normal and believe you deserve it. You don’t. Your husband sucks. You deserve better.
Sounds a bit dramatic considering how MANY people smoke weed. Compared to alcohol it’s far more benign. Is your Dad ex-military or conservative politically? Where I’m from, I can go down to the store and by it just like you would a bottle of wine. I’ve been a regular smoker for years and I’ve turned out just fine. I’m also curious about the culture of a company that STILL tests for weed in 2023? I wouldn’t be interested in working there. Sorry my friend, but I came here to tell you not to worry and don’t beat yourself up.
I'd agree with that. While I'm not trying to play Freud here, I'm currently doing some work on an essay about “The Castle of Otranto”, written by the author Horace Walpole, and it looks like a lot of men who showcase this phenomena have a form of psychological issue with their own mothers.
According to one of my sources, for Walpole it was a form of “The virgin/mother complex”.
Basically, in the book, there are 3 female characters. All are somewhat depicted “overly virtuous”, to the point it reads like satire, but the only mother-figure being highlighted over all. In general, the author has such a hatred for anything sexual related to women and ESPECIALLY mother figures that that there's a recurring motive of “incest” in his works. Not because of the… usual reasons, but always to showcase that a mother was a non-sexual being. Any form of sexual relation is most likely ending as “perverted” -like a mother lusting after her son (topic of another of his plays). The only way a woman could have sexual appeal for a man, is as a young virgin.
There are 2 simple reasons for this insanity: 1.) he's gay (lol) 2.) Turns out, there is a very likely rumor that he was an affair child. Most likely he couldn't handle the idea/fact that his mother was a “fallen woman” -while at the same time being a lovely mother – that he basically went nuts with his issues his all life long.
Really dude ? Really ?
I kept trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you’re really doubling down on the whole teaching her a lesson thing. Again I would encourage you to really think about why you feel like you’re entitled to treat a partner like that.
In the meantime, you’re right that she learned a valuable lesson. Hopefully she acts on that new information and gets away from you.
I pose you this question.
Would you rather have great sex very often, but you're treated like crap and emotionally neglected?
Or
Would you rather have someone treat you well, but you don't have your sexual needs satisfied by your partner?
I mean, I am not surprised, he is an old ass guy and went for a very young very naive woman. You honestly need to leave him.
An ‘accident’ is when your partner rolls over in bed without realizing quite where your face is and elbows you in the eye. This is the only way my partner has ever hit me in the face (or anywhere else)— complete lack of situational awareness of where I am in relation to him (and it’s pretty infrequent because he’s not a clumsy person generally)
Losing his cool and hitting you is not an accident. Somebody who will hit you for ANY reason will definitely hit you for ANOTHER reason eventually. It will continue and it will get worse. All relationships have their ups and downs and shit happens and you’re mad or jealous or tired or the GD baby just won’t stop crying or you’re hungry and nobody can agree on what to eat or whatever stupid shit raises the tension or causes an argument… you need to know that violence is not an option. Period. It’s been an option once it will be an option again next time
When someone shows you who they are, believe them bc the first time
There's no balance. Your wife is an independent adult choosing to be shitty to a child.
Your daughter is a child with a traumatizing upbringing who needs a living, steady parent.
You trying to prioritise them equally is you being a shitty father.
I was with you until the last sentence. Two weeks ago? and this is the relationship that showed you what love looks like?
Get the hell out of there and have some respect for yourself.
I can tell you're training to be a counselor with all of the jargon you used. Counseling is a joke. Therapy is a joke. It's just a grift. That's why “therapist,”when broken down, says “the rapist.” It's a grift to rape you of your money. And, 99% of the time all it's designed to do is get the man to cater to the woman regardless of what is going on. It's essentially an expensive way to be told “happy wife, happy life.” Men aren't going for that anymore. Our needs are no longer going to be an afterthought. So, now it's “happy spouse, happy house.”
Counseling is just a man paying for 2 people to gang up against him. No way would I pay for that. If two intelligent adults can't work through their own things then they should split.
All she has to do is communicate to him that his behavior is selfish and explain why.
DO NOT turn it in for a grade. You could end up failing the course or worse if it gets caught.
Tell the person you won't accept it. If they end up being a problem, tell your professor.
It seems extremely odd that she never drinks and then this happens. I would make sure that she doesn't have a history