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Itty Bitty, y.o.
Location: United States
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Live Live Sex Chat rooms Itty Bitty
Date: March 29, 2023
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Thank you, this is so validating and helpful. I hadn’t even considered me not thinking it was valid could be a symptom and that’s very sobering. Really appreciate it
“It wasn’t that bad.” “I’m sure he didn’t mean to do it that hot.” “He apologized”
This isn’t unique or new in the world of abusive relationships. This sounds like the language of a woman who just discovered her partner is actually abusive. The excuse making, the lack of believing your own instincts and questioning your own experience.
End it, before you find yourself too far down into the narcissists rabbit hole.
For the next event you host, you each tell your moms if they can't behave civil for a few hours, then they should not come.
If they throw fits, they are uninvited and not invited in the future.
Don't even dignify this with a response. Just fucking ghost him. He's worthless.
Go ahead and get yourself an apartment. Quitting his job without finding another first, and not hurrying too much on making a job happen now, put you in a bad spot. You dont' have to break up with him, but stop tying your housing to his momentum.
If you can't afford a place on your own, get a roommate.
Try this, switch to soft drinks for 1 week. See if he still has an issue. It's not clear if it's the drinking, the money or the alone time that's really the issue (I suspect its the being alone in a pub that's really the issue here).
My bf has just told me he doesn't know any men who would like their girlfriend drinking alone in a pub everyday. He said it was weird
This could be the issue, it's rooted in sexism and the very old fashioned idea that women shouldn't be in a pub.
There is another possibility: fibromyalgia. Pressure is registered as pain. If you often feel tender to the touch, like how most people feel at a bruised location, the it could be this or some other medical issue.
If it's not that, then yes, I agree with everyone else, he is a sadist and is bullying you and you need to run before it gets worse.
Too late. It's good that your (now ex) gf found out.
What do I do?
You leave your (now ex) gf to move on and you learn a very valuable lesson.
Let her get an apartment or move in with them for a while.
Talk to a therapist about why you feel this way. Sometimes outside help is the best thing to put things in perspective and make sure that your feelings about the past don’t ruin your present.
Maybe they can help get you to a place where you feel happy for your ex, how he finally climbed out of his depression and started living a quality life. Just because he couldn’t do this with you doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means he couldn’t do it with you.
You described him as the embodiment of depression symptoms. That doesn’t mean you were so unattractive that he didn’t want to have sex or shape up. That means that he was really unhappy with himself, and probably even more unhappy that he was hurting someone who cared about him. He was likely caught in a vicious cycle of gloom. Maybe being left is the wake up call he needed. Maybe non-monogamy is what he truly needed as a person.
You have to focus on your own needs. Are you taking care of yourself? Your health and physical appearance? Are you upset that he seems happier than you? Especially when you left him for being a lifeless shlub that you couldn’t change no matter how hot you tried? You were never meant to change him.
Clearly you have unresolved issues about this, and you should address them with a professional so they don’t take over your life. Take care of yourself. He doesn’t hold any of the answers you need, because your number one question to address is “Why am I reacting this way?”.
Frankly I never ever thought about not bringing my partner anywhere. If I show up at dad's birthday I say “this is Sara, Sara let me introduce my family.” As I see it they have a duty to welcome who ever I bring home. They will be polite, they will be friendly. They will ask her about silly stuff like “Sara what do you do for work” and if it's a boring story they WILL ACT INTERESTED. No one tells me how to live! my life and I don't tell them. My father is super religious. He inspired me to learn about Buddhism. He talks about how God expects people to behave. I listen politely and say “Buddhism strives to teach just that, how people can live a better life by simple steps. Yet these steps can be nude on some. Love man and women for they are made in the image of God. I think about that dad. I don't always agree with others but I know you believe that God made them. All of us sitting together are images of God. That helps me love others even if I don't always agree with their choices “. Then I'd say “Sara can I get you some more tea? Mom can you show Sara your garden? Sara has a small garden at our house “
The biggest red flag & still ignored it…
Sounds like you're reading way too much into this, your implications alone here means you should leave your boyfriend and let him find someone who doesn't think about him this way. If he knew what you were thinking he would leave you.
He said he didn’t want to go so he wouldn’t cause problems with his girlfriend. So his girlfriend wouldn’t be mad. Because of his girlfriend. He didn’t say bc the other girl was there only. He literally said to not make gf upset.
You don’t say those things to your friends. Even if it’s true.
Yup, that friend will continue to do this to any other of her boyfriends. It would actually be fun to watch from the sidelines going forward.
Ahhh, okay. You could always just say you're looking for a relationship, not a casual dating deal. But don't apologize, since this isn't anything you need to apologize about.
Hire a cleaner.
I have no advice about your relationship with your mother because it doesn’t exist. You don’t have a mother, you have at home a demonic entity, a tyrant, a manipulator, who believes your life is theirs to play.
I have a close friend, his mother had a similar behaviour. He forgave her multiple times until she ultimately destroyed his marriage. Never forgive people who interfere in you life like that. Never…
The day she asked you to call her a roommate is when her affair began (emotional or/and physical).
When she went out for 2 hours, someone or something made her see the light.
But her fickleness makes her sound like a fair weather friend.
One thing you will get when you’re older is why men like this target younger women.