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Date: November 1, 2022
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Seems like it would be relevant the day after their honeymoon knowing this guy based on all her comments
you need to create a boundary where you stop him when he starts to victimize himself. It’s manipulation to prevent him from being held accountable for his actions. “ stop. You are wrong in the situation but you are not the victim.” Then you walk away. You need to walk away to stop yourself from comforting him. Furthermore every time he tries to approach you with the “I suck, I wish I was better for you but I am just suffering from this in this…” tirade, You stop him and tell him “ I will not engage with you if you keep making yourself out to be the victim. Take accountability without victimizing yourself.”
If you notice a pattern of behavior where he then gets angry at you and accuses you of a lack of sympathy then you know this is never about him feeling bad for his actions it’s about avoiding being held accountable for being a shitty person.
If you cannot bring yourself to vocalize your boundaries. Emotionally disengage from the conversation. “I’m not doing this with you.“ Will be sufficient and walk away. Do not engage with him unless he takes responsibility for his actions without deflecting by making himself a victim.
The other option is to get the fuck out of Dodge because men like this are a shit ton of emotional labor.
Classic Pervert's Playbook 101: Initiating a Wrestling challenge is just an excuse to feel up your gf and SHE LET IT HAPPEN.
Other than this we DO have a great relationship. We go out, we stay in, go on trips with his family, go to church together, and even volunteer together. He tells me he loves me every day and has always been good to me, he even defended me against his family when they were disapproving of my tattoo. He IS great but I’m worried this might be a dealbreaker for him.
Who cares about a hypothetical future relationship he might have one day. Your self esteem should be your focus. He has you thinking you aren’t good enough. May I suggest therapy for yourself? It seems like your self-worth is contingent on his obsession with you. He’s giving you the WRONG kind of attention. This is a toxic relationship. Please talk to a professional. I think you aren’t seeing things from a healthy perspective.
You make each day as special as possible.
You find friends and family who can help you share your wife’s life with your children, so that the memories are kept as alive as possible
Get your wife to record messages for them, write them letters.
And therapy, start now, find a therapist who specialises in grief, you need an outlet to be able to function.