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Golden Ticket Show In Progress. Tip 50 to join the show
Date: January 12, 2023
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I think you should WAKE THE F UP AND GO TO THE GODDAMN POLICE!! Sis, really, this man raped you, abuses you and wants to control you. Get a plan B asap and just get him escorted out in handcuffs like he should be!
Has your fiancé not seen you pleasure yourself during sex? It seems she’s making a big deal out of nothing.
I didn't say he doesn't deserve a relationship at all, as long as he gets his shit together and stops cheating and hanging out with cheaters. I don't believe he deserves someone that he's cheated on. I don't view cheating as a “mistake;” he went through with it because he wanted to, or else he wouldn't have done it. That is not a mistake. And he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't have avoided the situation; he says himself he went along with it and he fully remembers it. If she ever makes such a “mistake” like you suggest she might, I would hope the relationship wouldn't last. By that logic, all cheaters should be forgiven the first time. And at 23 years old, the man knows cheating is wrong.
I wouldn't view him as trustworthy or a better partner as long as he keeps people around who cheat with no remorse, either, and continues to help them do it, or while he's drinking and evidently unable to make good decisions while drunk.
How do you know that it's better for his happiness? He claims to feel extreme guilt now; how do you know that it'll eventually disappear? How do you know it won't cause him a lot more emotional harm as time goes on? If he truly feels remorse, it isn't something that he'll forget or that he'll stop feeling pain over. It could just as well make things worse for his mental health. And for her, it's not safe to assume that she would be okay with it down the line or that she would not want to know. The majority of people would not just shrug cheating off; cheating is a dealbreaker for most, regardless of how much time has passed or how good life is. She's been cheated on before, as OP states, and she's not with that ex anymore for a reason.
More often than not, cheating doesn't remain hidden. People break up and find out long afterwards that their ex cheated on them somehow. People find out years and years later and leave. Some people find out very soon after. Considering that OP's got friends who know he cheated, which will likely make the rounds to other friends and may end up in writing when he discusses it with those friends who know, the chances she will find out are not zero.
Relationships are meant to be built on trust and honesty. In what way is it ethical to hide something like cheating from your SO? How does that create a stable foundation of trust and a strong history of honesty? Her trust may already be flawed in some ways that OP hasn't seen yet. Even if he does change, I don't see how that magically erases what he did.
Sorry, but I don't see how hiding cheating is ethical or fair to her.