I mean I think we’ve got a really good sex life, unless she’s lying she would agree. But you never really know do you. Never had any complaints before ??♂️
I never thought i wanted to be a mom but as soon as I saw those 2 pink lines I was the happiest person in the world. I now have a great little toddler. Keep the baby. They're your family now.
People who get into recovery feel great, especially in the beginning. They don't realize that the people they've hurt are still actively in that hurt, they haven't even begun to repair yet. They haven't even started assessing the damage for the most part. They're still in the trauma.
It's how people with substance abuse issues end up frustrated and resentful that their families aren't just “moving on,” and “forgiving” them. In a couple of months or even a couple of years when it finally hits them how bad things are and were, that can often lead to a shame spiral that gets them back into their addiction.
You guys are young. You seem mismatched from the start. You shouldn’t have been asking her to drop her friends when she’s 26 with no children. I’m guessing you weren’t spending any social time with her, and then she moved on without telling you (rudely). Just get divorced. Seems lame for both of you.
I personally don't think that little things like that BECOME big things. Usually it's more like the little things are symptomatic of a bigger issue.
These little things seem to mostly be focused on 2 things. 1- you aren't satisfied with his level of cleanliness and 2- You don't think he is properly respecting your life and the efforts you have to put in.
I would just maybe talk about those bigger things and you can use the specifics as an example. I don't really think though that it's fair to criticize the way someone else lives if you don't live with them. So I would focus more on the 2nd issue.
I think you know she is not the one for you. You can do better and be happier. And she can go on to the next one she will try to have take care of her. Maybe she'll find someone perfectly happy to do that for her, they do exist. Just tell her you can see this is not working out for either of you, and you need to admit it and move on. Remember a relationship is a “two yes, one no” proposition. It needs both of you to agree to it to make it happen, just one of you not agreeing means no relationship.
This is one of those moments where you have to decide how committed you are to your gf. You want the rights to such information, you’re going to have to ask for them. And that means you’re in it for the long haul.
No one said anything about being proud about it. In fact I stated quite the opposite. Honesty is not synonymous with pride. If you’re literate, you would’ve seen that I only became “nasty” with those who came at me “nasty”. Take your doltish, hypocritical self somewhere else.
Normal, healthy relationships, do this, they support each other when needed. My spouse supported me when I was in last year of my master degree, we were not married yet. Your friends are reacting the way they are reacting, probably because they never experienced a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend is not telling you that you have to stay home barefoot and pregnant and not have a job ever, he's helping you because you're close to finishing your degree and he knows you will have better job opportunities when you finish. Take it. If it doesn't work or if you start seeing red flags, just find another part time job, but if he's really as sweet as he sounds, it won't be necessary.
In this line, it could also be that her 5 year plan for back then involved being married and starting a family and here he is doing that while she’s in a fairly new relationship. So her ex is starting the future she thought she wanted- doesn’t mean the emotions were about him, they might just be about not being where she wanted to be or thought she would be.
Either he's cheating and projecting on you or he is permanently mentally scared from ex's I would 100% tell him “it won't be chating” that breaks us apart you doofus it will be your insane behavior and maybe this is why your exs moved on if you treat people like this?
This. Abuse is not only physical, OP, it's psychological as well. He's not hitting you but he's abusing you verbally. Even insults, even if they may not seem like it, are abuse.
Eh, my parents divorced when I was 4 and it was just my normal. I would think (by way of divorcing parents at least) older kids, as in teens would be more deeply affected by it. This isn’t meant to be an argumentative comment by any means, by the way, just adding my two cents. Either way, regardless of the age of the kid(s), it does them a major disservice to be raised in a household full of resentment. OP, I’m sorry you’re going thru this but I promise your son will be totally fine when it’s all said and done. He needs happy parents.
Exactly. It’s amazing to want to help people from underdeveloped countries, but you do that by actually giving them what they need, like school supplies, medicine, etc. NOT going into their country and serving lonche for the afternoon. That’s not actually going to do shit. It seems like this is just a vacation day for her. Also, if she thinks making this big of a decision without her soon to be husband and not even going with him, she should not be married to anyone. This is selfish all around.
Instead of focusing on these doubtful emotions, think about how much you care about her and focus on your love instead. Don't tell yourself that you clam up and if you do who cares, that doesnt ruin anything it's just a personal eccentricity and you deserve to accept it without self-judgement. There isn't a magic string of words, itll come about naturally if you let go and express yourself.
My wife developed severe bipolar after we had been married a ling time. It was an awful life changing experience for both of us. It altered the course of my life and although I love her and will support her I would never wish this life on anyone.
My partner works long hours sometimes but I've never thought of filling that void with someone else. In fact I'm usually so overjoyed he's finally home sometimes I suffocate him lol I'm also a SAHM. Your wife and your friend know what they're doing, they're trying to hide it from you, gaslight you and manipulate you. She's just trying to find ways to victim blame you, making you feel guilty for working long hours to provide for your family when she gets to stay home. At the very least she's emotionally cheating, which I guess isn't as bad as the full blown physical side but the goal is to eventually get there. I'd start getting your finances in check, find a divorce lawyer, get everything you need to know so when you finally catch them and have the evidence hand her the divorce papers. You do not want to stay with someone or even work on anything with somebody that not only doesn't have to work 50hrs a week, but thinks anyone is fair game to her when you're gone. She doesn't care about you. You're over here doing the naked job and does she even think of the mental and physical strain that it does to you? Or is it all about how she feels and what she doesn't have.
My partner works at a grocery store, when he gets home he is so mentally drained from being in public and interacting with people. I get cabin fever (I have a car but it's not at the house for various reasons) and I want to get out and actually physically shop for things instead of using Amazon for everything. It's not fair of me to constantly ask him to take me out and not even consider the fact that I'm asking him to do more than what I'm willing to do. So I suck it up sometimes and just order stuff live, find ways to go out with my mom or someone else and let him actually have time to himself. And when he's up to it he'll take me out when he's able to. Don't put up with someone who isn't willing to actually meet you halfway, don't settle for mediocre, don't settle for someone so selfish. If she's so bored at home, she's gonna love having to get a job when you divorce her.
I mean I think we’ve got a really good sex life, unless she’s lying she would agree. But you never really know do you. Never had any complaints before ??♂️
I never thought i wanted to be a mom but as soon as I saw those 2 pink lines I was the happiest person in the world. I now have a great little toddler. Keep the baby. They're your family now.
If you think she’s cheating and you come right out and ask her she will just lie to you and hide her cheating better. Become Inspector gadget.
This is such good concise advice.
People who get into recovery feel great, especially in the beginning. They don't realize that the people they've hurt are still actively in that hurt, they haven't even begun to repair yet. They haven't even started assessing the damage for the most part. They're still in the trauma.
It's how people with substance abuse issues end up frustrated and resentful that their families aren't just “moving on,” and “forgiving” them. In a couple of months or even a couple of years when it finally hits them how bad things are and were, that can often lead to a shame spiral that gets them back into their addiction.
You gonna have to prove he can trust you. How did you get from him driving a lot to him being in trouble? I am confused? Whom car is it?
You guys are young. You seem mismatched from the start. You shouldn’t have been asking her to drop her friends when she’s 26 with no children. I’m guessing you weren’t spending any social time with her, and then she moved on without telling you (rudely). Just get divorced. Seems lame for both of you.
I personally don't think that little things like that BECOME big things. Usually it's more like the little things are symptomatic of a bigger issue.
These little things seem to mostly be focused on 2 things. 1- you aren't satisfied with his level of cleanliness and 2- You don't think he is properly respecting your life and the efforts you have to put in.
I would just maybe talk about those bigger things and you can use the specifics as an example. I don't really think though that it's fair to criticize the way someone else lives if you don't live with them. So I would focus more on the 2nd issue.
I think you know she is not the one for you. You can do better and be happier. And she can go on to the next one she will try to have take care of her. Maybe she'll find someone perfectly happy to do that for her, they do exist. Just tell her you can see this is not working out for either of you, and you need to admit it and move on. Remember a relationship is a “two yes, one no” proposition. It needs both of you to agree to it to make it happen, just one of you not agreeing means no relationship.
This is one of those moments where you have to decide how committed you are to your gf. You want the rights to such information, you’re going to have to ask for them. And that means you’re in it for the long haul.
No one said anything about being proud about it. In fact I stated quite the opposite. Honesty is not synonymous with pride. If you’re literate, you would’ve seen that I only became “nasty” with those who came at me “nasty”. Take your doltish, hypocritical self somewhere else.
Time to separate again!!
Stop living a horrible life thinking you can save him. He needs to do this on his own!
Time to separate again!!
Stop living a horrible life thinking you can save him. He needs to do this on his own!
Normal, healthy relationships, do this, they support each other when needed. My spouse supported me when I was in last year of my master degree, we were not married yet. Your friends are reacting the way they are reacting, probably because they never experienced a healthy relationship. Your boyfriend is not telling you that you have to stay home barefoot and pregnant and not have a job ever, he's helping you because you're close to finishing your degree and he knows you will have better job opportunities when you finish. Take it. If it doesn't work or if you start seeing red flags, just find another part time job, but if he's really as sweet as he sounds, it won't be necessary.
It’s true. He doesn’t care to accommodate to me enough. But he is going to couples counseling. Which is something.
In this line, it could also be that her 5 year plan for back then involved being married and starting a family and here he is doing that while she’s in a fairly new relationship. So her ex is starting the future she thought she wanted- doesn’t mean the emotions were about him, they might just be about not being where she wanted to be or thought she would be.
God damn I'm going to cry now and maybe rewatch the good place.
I agree with your therapist. I'm also glad your seeing one.
Either he's cheating and projecting on you or he is permanently mentally scared from ex's I would 100% tell him “it won't be chating” that breaks us apart you doofus it will be your insane behavior and maybe this is why your exs moved on if you treat people like this?
This. Abuse is not only physical, OP, it's psychological as well. He's not hitting you but he's abusing you verbally. Even insults, even if they may not seem like it, are abuse.
Eh, my parents divorced when I was 4 and it was just my normal. I would think (by way of divorcing parents at least) older kids, as in teens would be more deeply affected by it. This isn’t meant to be an argumentative comment by any means, by the way, just adding my two cents. Either way, regardless of the age of the kid(s), it does them a major disservice to be raised in a household full of resentment. OP, I’m sorry you’re going thru this but I promise your son will be totally fine when it’s all said and done. He needs happy parents.
I didn’t explain it correctly ? He works at the hospital that I was interning at, I don’t work there anymore and we met the last day I was interning
Exactly. It’s amazing to want to help people from underdeveloped countries, but you do that by actually giving them what they need, like school supplies, medicine, etc. NOT going into their country and serving lonche for the afternoon. That’s not actually going to do shit. It seems like this is just a vacation day for her. Also, if she thinks making this big of a decision without her soon to be husband and not even going with him, she should not be married to anyone. This is selfish all around.
He mentioned Guam and Georgia which makes me think he's subs… so very limited places to be.
Instead of focusing on these doubtful emotions, think about how much you care about her and focus on your love instead. Don't tell yourself that you clam up and if you do who cares, that doesnt ruin anything it's just a personal eccentricity and you deserve to accept it without self-judgement. There isn't a magic string of words, itll come about naturally if you let go and express yourself.
Lol, wtf? Is she planning on cheating on you? Dump her, you can do better.
Very good. But you also need it.
This is so absurd considering she broke up with me
Yes, it is. And just imagine what a nightmare she would be to deal with as your baby mama.
Unless they are virgins or the most selfish of lovers, you’ll be hard pressed to find a guy who hasn’t given head.
My wife developed severe bipolar after we had been married a ling time. It was an awful life changing experience for both of us. It altered the course of my life and although I love her and will support her I would never wish this life on anyone.
This is tough to give advice on because for all we know, OP only gives her 30 minutes of his time a week and his friends could be absolute assholes.
Or maybe OP is giving 20 hours a week and has the best friends ever.
I think just about everyone feels like that after a series of not great relationships.
Though, i do agree social media is a plague on relationships.
It's three dates. That's not even dumping him.
Happy Cake Day ???
My partner works long hours sometimes but I've never thought of filling that void with someone else. In fact I'm usually so overjoyed he's finally home sometimes I suffocate him lol I'm also a SAHM. Your wife and your friend know what they're doing, they're trying to hide it from you, gaslight you and manipulate you. She's just trying to find ways to victim blame you, making you feel guilty for working long hours to provide for your family when she gets to stay home. At the very least she's emotionally cheating, which I guess isn't as bad as the full blown physical side but the goal is to eventually get there. I'd start getting your finances in check, find a divorce lawyer, get everything you need to know so when you finally catch them and have the evidence hand her the divorce papers. You do not want to stay with someone or even work on anything with somebody that not only doesn't have to work 50hrs a week, but thinks anyone is fair game to her when you're gone. She doesn't care about you. You're over here doing the naked job and does she even think of the mental and physical strain that it does to you? Or is it all about how she feels and what she doesn't have.
My partner works at a grocery store, when he gets home he is so mentally drained from being in public and interacting with people. I get cabin fever (I have a car but it's not at the house for various reasons) and I want to get out and actually physically shop for things instead of using Amazon for everything. It's not fair of me to constantly ask him to take me out and not even consider the fact that I'm asking him to do more than what I'm willing to do. So I suck it up sometimes and just order stuff live, find ways to go out with my mom or someone else and let him actually have time to himself. And when he's up to it he'll take me out when he's able to. Don't put up with someone who isn't willing to actually meet you halfway, don't settle for mediocre, don't settle for someone so selfish. If she's so bored at home, she's gonna love having to get a job when you divorce her.