if you trust her… then it's no big deal. I hope you trust her. if you don't have trust in the relationship, well, you've got bigger problems than her cheating on you. trust is paramount.
Friend, I mean no disrespect but saving the relationship should not be your focus. You've taken strides to improve your mental health, you are attempting to better yourself and your life, and she is standing in the way of that.
Additionally, the romantic side of your relationship is non existent. It doesn't really sound like you love her romantically, rather you are just used to her and care about her as a person, not as a girlfriend.
If I were you, I would tell her that I need to spend some time in my own place for a couple days to think and really think on it. This will give her time to think as well. Then I would talk to her about where we are as a couple, where you are mentally, and where you want to be overall. If she doesn't want to get to the same place then you need to agree to move forward separately.
He is abusive. He married you because he wanted someone he could treat like a piece of shit and she wouldn't leave.
Would I be right in guessing that when you've posted here “over the years,” you've always been told that you should leave? And yet you haven't?
Stay miserable or leave. There are no other options. If you'd rather stay miserable and keep posting here about how horrible he is, you can do that, but it seems pretty pointless to me. Nobody's going to have the magic words to turn him into a decent person. You can stay miserable, or you can leave.
This exact type of thing was a huge issue in my last relationship. I called it “using affection as a currency.” If she was upset about something, she would punish me by withholding her “I love yous” or the usual “Good night” routine that we had. I grew up in a family where whenever we left for school, got off the phone, or gave a loved one a farewell hug, we said “I love you.”
I've heard too many stories in my life, of people that argued with someone, and then that someone had a tragic accident before it could ever be reconciled. The guilt and self-loathing that comes from that is something I have always vowed to avoid. I can deal with the silent treatment, or giving them space, etc… but I will never vindictively act like I don't love someone just because I am upset.
If your relationship is anything like my last one… there is nothing you can do. I tried talking about it with her multiple times, explaining exactly what I explained above; but it never helped, and that “affection currency” system is one of the main reasons we broke up. As time has gone on, I have grown to realize that some people just deal with their anger in different ways. For me, that's a deal breaker… I refuse to be treated with dynamically conditional love. But you have to decide for yourself if it's a big deal for you or not.
I can understand how you feel. You will definitely find someone who values you and accepts you just the way you are.
I am ashamed to say this but, I have been that guy, and she had two miscarriages with me who I thought was “The One”. I have realized my mistakes and I regret my actions very much. I lost my 7 years of marriage and my girlfriend. So karma takes care of things eventually, without you having to do much.
I’d be concerned that he’s only confessing to what he thinks you know and not what actually happened. I don’t know how you can rebuild trust on that basis. If it were me it would be a dealbreaker and I’d be asking him to leave. No reason to waste your life with someone who treats you with no respect at all.
Four men in a hotel room for 6 hours with a stripper didn’t happen by accident and isn’t something he didn’t know was going to happen.
Your boyfriend is a racist misogynistic alcoholic. What do you need to save this relationship for? He will end up abusing you raping you etc because he sees you as worthless. YOURE NOT. You are better off without him.
She just needs to stop cooking for him. His attitude is petulant and disgusting. I'd divorce my husband if he couldn't contribute with basic life skills. Doesn't matter how much he makes or how many takeaway places I could order from. If he was this helpless (and then defended the helplessness– my god!) He would be served nothing but divorce papers.
If you have texts/messages just take it all to the police and press charges against every single one of them for harrassment. Especially the guy who hit you if it's on there and confirmed in writing or with a video since he assaulted you, plus make sure you name the teachers who confronted him so they have to explain why they did nothing. May as well get them involved just to ruin their day.
The 23k debt is a built up of us both. She used credit cards. She worked 20hrs a week tops. I was suppose to pay all the bills.
She already told me she’s not going to sue me or anything. She just would like if I could pay her back. I’ve posted my truck up for sale and plan on giving her 90% of what I get from it
The issue is you didn’t ask her. You condescendingly told her what a nap is. You disrespect her, she disrespects back, and now you’re caught in a tiring loop and don’t seem to get the point.
I would bet yes because when he said he was going to the store to get a new one her response seems to have been replete with disappointment, she probably felt that OP would just stop playing if he had no controller, the other controller is her.
The male entitlement here is enough to make my blood boil. Your brother should be ashamed of himself for his selfishness in trying to make you choose. If he loved you so much, he’d move his wedding so that his only sister didn’t have to choose between supporting him and celebrating a major milestone in her life. And shame on your family for supporting his selfishness and making him think that it’s normal. I’m sorry OP, for what it’s worth, I think you should absolutely walk that stage. Send your brother a gift, tell him you love him, but go an enjoy YOUR day because YOU earned it.
I dont know where you're graduating, but my graduation day was all about US as the graduates. Sure the fam were there to take pics and congratulate us, but with such a strong international student population that was far from everyone and there were fun times to be had with group of friends that you have been through this shit fight with.
Go enjoy, get dressed up however the heck you want and strip off the gown to join the wedding reception if they'll have you.
My mother is from there and left in 1979, I haven’t ever been. I would probably go in 2-3 years to see when the situation improves or what happens. Iran has a beautiful country, it’s just the government thats bad
Just reading this was exhausting. I can't imagine how you felt experiencing it. I'm glad one of your family members is reasonable, at least. I hope he can eventually get through to the rest of them, regardless of whether or not you eventually choose to reestablish communication.
Run from this guy. He'll start negging soon, trying to wear down your self-esteem, make you dependent on him. Then, the control will start again.
Tell him you need space to think about things. You'll see his true colors as he sends you first love bombing messages and, when those don't work, insults and empty threats.
You need to respect her need for space. People can change their minds. People can initially be really into someone and then discover they aren't actually ready to date, or don't see potential with that particular person, or any number of valid reasons. She really doesn't owe you further explanation. Getting angry at her, as if she is somehow obligated to continue dating you, is incredibly unhealthy. It sucks that she didn't tell you sooner but that doesn't change your reality. Arguing about it is fruitless and only confirming to her that she needs to work on herself before diving into a relationship.
And keep in mind that you don't really know her. It's not even personal at this point. Rejection is part of the dating process.
I’m definitely gonna let him know how I feel instead of just dealing with it every once in a while. At this point, if he’s too tired to help me finish, I’d rather not have sex at all.
Why does it matter? They probably don’t think it’s serious enough to block you over. Personally; I only block people who are straight up harassing me
lol you gotta call police even if they don’t do anything first they will have bro on record when it happens later they can put charges on him
if you trust her… then it's no big deal. I hope you trust her. if you don't have trust in the relationship, well, you've got bigger problems than her cheating on you. trust is paramount.
Friend, I mean no disrespect but saving the relationship should not be your focus. You've taken strides to improve your mental health, you are attempting to better yourself and your life, and she is standing in the way of that.
Additionally, the romantic side of your relationship is non existent. It doesn't really sound like you love her romantically, rather you are just used to her and care about her as a person, not as a girlfriend.
If I were you, I would tell her that I need to spend some time in my own place for a couple days to think and really think on it. This will give her time to think as well. Then I would talk to her about where we are as a couple, where you are mentally, and where you want to be overall. If she doesn't want to get to the same place then you need to agree to move forward separately.
He is abusive. He married you because he wanted someone he could treat like a piece of shit and she wouldn't leave.
Would I be right in guessing that when you've posted here “over the years,” you've always been told that you should leave? And yet you haven't?
Stay miserable or leave. There are no other options. If you'd rather stay miserable and keep posting here about how horrible he is, you can do that, but it seems pretty pointless to me. Nobody's going to have the magic words to turn him into a decent person. You can stay miserable, or you can leave.
“I’m gonna break up with him as soon as I prove myself.”
Um, why do you want to put yourself through even more stress? Just break up with him now…
This exact type of thing was a huge issue in my last relationship. I called it “using affection as a currency.” If she was upset about something, she would punish me by withholding her “I love yous” or the usual “Good night” routine that we had. I grew up in a family where whenever we left for school, got off the phone, or gave a loved one a farewell hug, we said “I love you.”
I've heard too many stories in my life, of people that argued with someone, and then that someone had a tragic accident before it could ever be reconciled. The guilt and self-loathing that comes from that is something I have always vowed to avoid. I can deal with the silent treatment, or giving them space, etc… but I will never vindictively act like I don't love someone just because I am upset.
If your relationship is anything like my last one… there is nothing you can do. I tried talking about it with her multiple times, explaining exactly what I explained above; but it never helped, and that “affection currency” system is one of the main reasons we broke up. As time has gone on, I have grown to realize that some people just deal with their anger in different ways. For me, that's a deal breaker… I refuse to be treated with dynamically conditional love. But you have to decide for yourself if it's a big deal for you or not.
Could be a possibility.
Absolutely
I can understand how you feel. You will definitely find someone who values you and accepts you just the way you are.
I am ashamed to say this but, I have been that guy, and she had two miscarriages with me who I thought was “The One”. I have realized my mistakes and I regret my actions very much. I lost my 7 years of marriage and my girlfriend. So karma takes care of things eventually, without you having to do much.
Good luck to you. You got this. It's gonna pass.
You’re so right. Thank you ? Being open and honest is what is most fair to all parties involved.
And there it is, you were sexually attracted to him. That’s what you feel guilty about. Are you as sexually attracted to your current partner?
Dont give a gift. You're just starting dating. She isnt expecting a gift. You don't want to give a gift. So dont give one.
Perhaps you should be single for a few more years
I’d be concerned that he’s only confessing to what he thinks you know and not what actually happened. I don’t know how you can rebuild trust on that basis. If it were me it would be a dealbreaker and I’d be asking him to leave. No reason to waste your life with someone who treats you with no respect at all.
Four men in a hotel room for 6 hours with a stripper didn’t happen by accident and isn’t something he didn’t know was going to happen.
That kind of content is really shitty and annoying to be honest. I wouldn't have stood there giving them the time of day either
Break up with her. If you have any sort of conscience, cheating will only make you feel guilt and regret which will ruin your relationship anyway.
Your boyfriend is a racist misogynistic alcoholic. What do you need to save this relationship for? He will end up abusing you raping you etc because he sees you as worthless. YOURE NOT. You are better off without him.
She just needs to stop cooking for him. His attitude is petulant and disgusting. I'd divorce my husband if he couldn't contribute with basic life skills. Doesn't matter how much he makes or how many takeaway places I could order from. If he was this helpless (and then defended the helplessness– my god!) He would be served nothing but divorce papers.
Whoever said A you know you’re wrong and are just being difficult?
Whoever said A you know you’re wrong and are just being difficult?
If you have texts/messages just take it all to the police and press charges against every single one of them for harrassment. Especially the guy who hit you if it's on there and confirmed in writing or with a video since he assaulted you, plus make sure you name the teachers who confronted him so they have to explain why they did nothing. May as well get them involved just to ruin their day.
The 23k debt is a built up of us both. She used credit cards. She worked 20hrs a week tops. I was suppose to pay all the bills.
She already told me she’s not going to sue me or anything. She just would like if I could pay her back. I’ve posted my truck up for sale and plan on giving her 90% of what I get from it
You are not compatible anymore.
Sounds like your daughter can't control her jealousy/insecurities, and should get some therapy.
I’ve told him I’m not ready yet why are we rushing and he says but you’re wet and he doesn’t see it as rushing.
I’ve asked him to rub my clit while we’re having sex and he doesn’t know how to, he says how am I supposed to?
Then what’s the point of giving me her name and telling me she’s a nurse in Idaho? Lol
That’s the guy she’s going to tell you not to worry about. You know how that goes.
The issue is you didn’t ask her. You condescendingly told her what a nap is. You disrespect her, she disrespects back, and now you’re caught in a tiring loop and don’t seem to get the point.
My ex wife’s grand baby was bit on the face by an aggressive dog. She had over 100 stitches and they kept the dog.
The dog has already tried to attack your child. Who has to be permanently disfigured, maimed or killed before you will act?
Wishing you the sense the rest of us have! Take the downvotes as a fucking hint smh
I would bet yes because when he said he was going to the store to get a new one her response seems to have been replete with disappointment, she probably felt that OP would just stop playing if he had no controller, the other controller is her.
The male entitlement here is enough to make my blood boil. Your brother should be ashamed of himself for his selfishness in trying to make you choose. If he loved you so much, he’d move his wedding so that his only sister didn’t have to choose between supporting him and celebrating a major milestone in her life. And shame on your family for supporting his selfishness and making him think that it’s normal. I’m sorry OP, for what it’s worth, I think you should absolutely walk that stage. Send your brother a gift, tell him you love him, but go an enjoy YOUR day because YOU earned it.
I dont know where you're graduating, but my graduation day was all about US as the graduates. Sure the fam were there to take pics and congratulate us, but with such a strong international student population that was far from everyone and there were fun times to be had with group of friends that you have been through this shit fight with.
Go enjoy, get dressed up however the heck you want and strip off the gown to join the wedding reception if they'll have you.
My mother is from there and left in 1979, I haven’t ever been. I would probably go in 2-3 years to see when the situation improves or what happens. Iran has a beautiful country, it’s just the government thats bad
Just reading this was exhausting. I can't imagine how you felt experiencing it. I'm glad one of your family members is reasonable, at least. I hope he can eventually get through to the rest of them, regardless of whether or not you eventually choose to reestablish communication.
I think you should a) look into HRT and b) think of sex as not the physical but the intimacy. Your husband may not feel desired anymore.
Run from this guy. He'll start negging soon, trying to wear down your self-esteem, make you dependent on him. Then, the control will start again.
Tell him you need space to think about things. You'll see his true colors as he sends you first love bombing messages and, when those don't work, insults and empty threats.
holy cow i didn’t notice the ages til i read this
You need to respect her need for space. People can change their minds. People can initially be really into someone and then discover they aren't actually ready to date, or don't see potential with that particular person, or any number of valid reasons. She really doesn't owe you further explanation. Getting angry at her, as if she is somehow obligated to continue dating you, is incredibly unhealthy. It sucks that she didn't tell you sooner but that doesn't change your reality. Arguing about it is fruitless and only confirming to her that she needs to work on herself before diving into a relationship.
And keep in mind that you don't really know her. It's not even personal at this point. Rejection is part of the dating process.
I’m definitely gonna let him know how I feel instead of just dealing with it every once in a while. At this point, if he’s too tired to help me finish, I’d rather not have sex at all.