0 views
Kat, 20 y.o.
Location:
Room subject:
To Start on-line video press there
Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Kat
Date: October 30, 2022
The ad code is not a valid HTML code.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
Fix the ad code in the Theme options.
Well. There’s definitely a lot going on in this situation, and I don’t think very much of what’s lingering and shaping your perspective about dating here and today has to do with your ex. More that those things are informing how you’ve felt and reacted to the situation with him.
Regarding your ex, the guy indeed sounds a bit like a tool. Having never met him, I couldn’t say whether I’d think his issues were pathological or call him a narcissist, but they definitely sound pronounced enough that it’s good to stay away from. Him not doing nice things for you or treating on dates is reason enough to move on without looking back. Talking a lot and not backing up with action is also a fair issue, nobody likes naked air.
You also repeatedly mentioned him working a dead-end job in a way that made it sound like you definitely had an issue with his line of work. I don’t think it’s good practice to date anyone whose job or lifestyle you don’t respect or you would need to see it change fundamentally to be happy. Yes, we always hope our loved ones live! their best lives and are thriving and seeking the types of self-improvement and growth that are right for them— but if you’re not good with the starting place unless it fundamentally changes, I don’t think it’s very healthy to date someone you’re waiting to see change. People’s fundamental lifestyles don’t often change dramatically. Better to start off content and fulfilled about what your partner does and what their lifestyle is.
This guy definitely does sound like he doesn’t have it all together. He may be happy with his life as it is, or not, but it wasn’t a match for you and things weren’t a match with each other. If this is your first serious-feeling relationship, it’s understandable that the loss feels acute, but it’s totally okay to be incompatible. In the end, why someone didn’t want to settle down with you at the time you dated isn’t really knowable or worth opining over— what’s worth your energy is making sure your own life is such that , when s good-fit relationship comes along, you’re ready to embrace it.
Since you haven’t had a many serious relationships, it, again, makes sense that you’re dwelling more than you might otherwise. You don’t have to deny yourself the feelings at all, let them roll on through, but also don’t cling to looking for answers, invest that energy in your life. Let the post-breakup self-investment outlets overtake it— journaling, cooking, gym, creative hobbies, social relationships, career advancement, etc.
As for the broader set of issues in dating mentioned— about your past dating dynamics and experiences and reactions— there are some strong and somewhat contradictory messages in here. I’d definitely say they’re worth unpacking, and that’s the type of complex and lifelong-developed beliefs and dynamics that therapy is really helpful for and reddit, radically limited for.
For example, you say you’re very confident and sociable— good, getting dates is much easier when you’re confident and willing to put yourself out there.
On the other hand, you’re 27 and yet every guy before this guy was just using you for sex? That’s a huge proportion of creeps and users before this guy— who it sounds like still wasn’t a great fit but it seems like for whatever reason he felt safe to you (which is good, feeling safe is key). I’d wonder if you struggle with boundaries and cutting bad fits out early, or are initially attracted to dynamics that ultimately end up feeling gross and unsafe, or if you have more limited experience weeding out casual daters and non-compatible people overall— or some combination, since many things can play a role in struggling to find relationships more compatible for the longer-term. You say finding a relationship has been a big priority for you for as much as a 5-year period— so it’s not a result of just not prioritizing it. Is it possible you’re over-prioritizing dating and that’s backfiring in some way?
On one hand, it’s good this guy felt safer and like a better fit! It’s proof that it’s possible for you to feel more comfortable with people. It’s probably also worth exploring (again, in therapy / long-term reflecting) what about him felt so different.
Was it behavior of his? How he approached boundaries? Was it even potentially related to what you felt was a low-achieving career (a slacker maybe feels safer than some ivy grad)?
If you’re going on a fairly high volume of first or second dates, that means there’s got to be a set of parameters you can adjust on your side that will help you find, recognize, and connect with people who are good matches and help you better weed out poor fits. It doesn’t have to be something fundamentally wrong with you, but there are definitely ways to change your approach to have more success finding connections going forward.
Whatever it was that felt more safe around this guy, hopefully you can use this relationship to reflect on and see what might be going on with the poor chemistry you feel with others, and the constant ghosting you haven’t mostly weeded out yet.
She felt guilty she cheated on him and wanted to relieve a small part of it so she could move on.
So the only reason they divorced is because of his disloyalty? How can you expect a man to be loyal to you when this is what happened? Of course he will confide in her, especially if he only left because she made him due to his actions.
Girl you are too old for this shit and way to young to put up with this shit at the same time! You deserve better a man that will protect your reputation and not fight and speak ill of you behind your back.
That being said I also understand that dating at this age is different and lots of people are divorced with kids, but that doesn’t mean they have to make you feel this way. What is the point of staying?
Never fixate on the problem, always search for a solution. If one can’t be found, remove yourself!
Best of luck op, you do deserve better!
It has been a year after the break up, and I had already asked they distance themselves from EX but that didn’t happen.