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Date: October 18, 2022
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My ex used to do the EXACT same thing, an emotional manipulator. He was insecure about himself cause of his height so he took it out on me. Eventually he became obsessed and i had to get restraining order. This is a HUGE red flag. Run girl RUN and don't EVER look back!!! He will do it again!
No I moved from our hometown to a bigger city and he convinced me to move back and I found a supervisory position doing my job close by so we could be closer.
But I agree I’m reading everything and it’s all advice I would give my friends if I was on the outside looking in. I feel kinda dumb because I want it to work and I think I just need to move on
Dude sorry for your loss. Women will justify doing what they want to do. More than likely she's had that on the side for a while.
If you were “on again/off again” before your marriage, could this be part of the off-again cycle? Is she frequently a selfish person, and that's why y'all haven't had a solid 2 years pre-marriage?
indeed
Lol he’s prioritizing vacations over your school? Ummm ??? you only feel terrified bc HE makes you feel that way. Time to let him go.
He wanted a BJ and that’s it. You were manipulated and used.
“We're in an open relationship and she knows all about you” is another perennial favourite.
She's not interested.
Please take the hint and stop approaching her.
But it has a nice ring to it.
I would feel like my privacy was incredibly violated and most likely end the relationship.
?
Btw great advice on not telling her about dating other people. I was contemplating that. I feel like that would be oversharing and raise unnecessary jealousy, and yeah, like you said, come across as manipulation.
If it was just the condom wrapper, I would be on the fence, as say give him the benefit of the doubt. However, adding his accusations about you cheating into the mix and it all sounds very fishy. Sounds like someone might be projecting onto you.
Lyrics to a bad song I'm assuming
I think it's more like, if you had one or two 28 year old friends that would be one thing, but having your best friend and the person you're fucking be almost 30 when you just gained the ability to legally drink? That's weird. I'm 19 and I had one friend that was 26. Turns out there's a reason he keeps hanging around people who are so much younger than him. It's just a little sus.
Am i reading this situation right? So you two had a casual hookup and used a condom? But then when he was in a committed relationship he didn't use condoms? And now that you two are in a committed relationship you're not using condoms? But you're focusing on the people instead of the difference in relationships?
This isn't about trust in relation to some future risk (real or imagined) so much as what is happening to our relationship right now. Obviously she's more 'functional' in that she is more productive, but I think both she and I are paying a high price for that. How long do you think it would be reasonable for me to sit around being treated effectively like an office colleague instead of a husband before taking action?
Dodged a bullet there sweetiwn
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So why are you with him?
There have been Reddit posts in the past about fathers who eat the food set aside for the kids or eat the only food in the fridge the pregnant wife can eat without feeling sick. The women who write in are driven to tears and screaming in frustration over it. This behavior becomes a deal breaker once it's you and your kids he's stealing food from without apologizing or caring about what you eat for dinner.
I think you should just end it. This sense that he has to eat everything in front of him at every meal doesn't seem like it would be something he would be able to change at your request. It seems like a neurosis/compulsion that's out of his control.
Honestly if my bf was gone 60% of the time and upon his return told me I need to cut off a friend that I've already established boundaries with, I'd bail too.
it does sound like a big deal, because it is. i have 20 years on you please believe me that it’s not normal except for people who are controlling to dictate what you do with your body.
a normal person would go after seeing a picture “that looks cool, so you think you would grow it out again or do you like this length more?” you would then reply in the way you did here and they would go ‘makes sense’ or somesuch and never mention it again.
please reconsider your relationship because i suspect these aren’t the only things he “advises” or rather in truth pressures you on.
I'm sorry your partner has decided you have no right to have an opinion on her health and the lifestyle affecting it. I think a partner who is not allowed to speak their mind on any matter is going to choke on that after a time. You should go with the “Honey, since my opinions, thoughts and feelings are so offensive to you that I am not allowed to express them then I am afraid I am going to have to end our relationship” and see where she stands on it. If she can't accept polite criticism given with love and support then maybe it is time to find someone who is closer to your own level of self care.
I say all of this as an overweight man with a morbidly obese partner who I allow to roll over my feelings about her food choices on the exclusive basis that I can't go out to find a new home while Covid is still prevalent . I hope for your sake that you can end your relationship sooner rather than later as it only gets harder the longer you are together. I would like to point out 3 very real possible outcomes to this:
She tells you “Please stay I will accept comments” which may or may not last (if it doesn't then do continue leaving). She watches you leave and either maintains or puts on weight. She watches you leave and works her butt off to get you back or show you she doesn't need you (at least she will be healthy even if you suffer from the loss).
This is my first Christmas since my divorce. If my kids wanted to spend it with my ex's family, I'd totally understand. Her family is more family oriented and it was one of the reasons I was okay with them staying with her on Christmas Eve. At the end of the day, one has to remember that they are kids. They are going through a tough time and IMHO I should be focused more on making them happy and making this time easier on them than on myself. I'm an adult, I can get therapy and figure out how to deal with the emotional pains that come with divorce.
The fact that you'd even do anything for us would have been awesome and greatly appreciated. In his shoes I'd offer binging a show or watching movies and chilling.
He has someone and doesn’t want them to find your messages.
He's emotionally blackmailing you . Love yourself first.
Stop focusing on him and his problems but start thinking about you and what you want! His codependency is his problem, not yours!
Nobody's punishing you, and this is just a rant
Maybe you’re just incompatible in that regard? Have you had a longer discussion about gifts and what that means to you?
If I want something I buy it myself and getting gifts is kinda stressful for me, so I always make sure to highlight that to my partner. I like getting small things I’d never buy for myself.
Also can you guys have a conversation about what sex means to each other, what ideal sexual intimacy looks like for each other, the role of sex in a loving marriage, insecurities/shame/fear in regards to sex, etc
I don’t know, but there seems to a lot of stuff that wasn’t discussed. Sexual intimacy isn’t just intercourse, cumming, etc. It’s a key component to romantic love and plays a complimentary role for emotional intimacy (which is far more important). Idk maybe see a sex therapist
Dump her. Take back any gifts you gave her first.
The issue was that she was entertaining the flirting. She never shot him down and sometimes ignited the flirting.
I think this is part of the problem, she didn't take accountability for her actions, you guys just swept the problem under the rug by taking the nuclear option. She should have spoken to him first and established some boundaries and asked him to respect your responsibility.
But in any case, she shouldn't put the blame entirely on you by telling her mother that you made her end her friendship with Sean, since this is a decision that you made together.
What I'm getting from this story is that you girlfriend has a very serious problem setting boundaries and taking accountability for her actions and her choices, and you should ask yourself if staying in this relationship is the right choice for the both of you…
I’ve read through some of the comments and your responses and frankly I’m not sure what you’re looking for here.
Unless she changes her mind she’s having an abortion so everything else is a moot point. The only way to make sure the kid is yours is to have a DNA test. And that probably means her carrying the baby past the date she can have an abortion. That wouldn’t be fair to her if the baby turns out it’s not yours and you presumably would cut her out of your life. If you’re questioning the child’s paternity then that means you think she had unprotected sex when you were broken up. Get yourself tested for STDs. The one thing I haven’t seen mentioned in all this is whether you had sex with someone else while you were broken up. If you did then your gf should get tested for STDs. Smack! Grow up and act responsibly around sex and contraception.
My advice fwiw, you need to separate the pregnancy from your relationship. Decide if you want to be with this woman or not. Do not make it contingent on whether she has the baby or not. If you decide to pursue the relationship then you can decide on how to handle the pregnancy. If you decide not to pursue the relationship and she decides to have the baby, you can decide how to coparent. Do not make the only reason you stay with her be that she changes her mind and has the baby. That is not the basis for a long term sustainable relationship.
My 2 cents. Don’t know if this is what you’re looking for but hope it helps.
Yes,our agreement is that I’d move back to Italy after those 2 years, and I am doing what I said I would. Him moving here would be a lot more complicated that me moving there
Vasectomies are not truly reversible. They should always be viewed as a permanent sterilisation choice.
She is not an amazing person if every 3 months she assaults you, tries to kill you then threatens suicide.
You need to get out of this relationship before one of you ends up dead or in jail. Please call a DV hotline for help.
This is a him problem, not a you problem.
I stand by what I said.
Don’t hold on to someone who doesn’t respect you.
Well, for what it is worth, she always talked respectfully about me with that friend in her chats. Even when he tried to put me in a bad light, she would step in and point to me positively.
There might be overseas students in the same boat. Just walk that walk, hold your head high and enjoy your special day. It isn’t anyone’s business why your family isn’t here. You are not the star of the show at the wedding. Since they usually last all day and into the evening, I reckon you can do both. Just tell family you will be there, once you have gone through the ceremony.
Yea sure but I’ve been on the other side of that. Hearing “I can only confirm that was employed here and cannot provide any more feedback on him” is a clear red flag and enough to question the hire. (Not that this dude is getting an offer, but those state laws don’t help as much as you think.)
Allow him the joy of giving you this gift. Be grateful and reciprocate when you can afford it.
Lol! How in the hell did you remember her a whole year after?? ???
You need to very firmly tell him you thought about it, and will not be having surgery no matter what, and see what his reaction is. People DIE sometimes having cosmetic surgeries. Ask him why he would be willing to lose you over something so trivial. Then ask him if he wants to be a single parent. Tell him you've made up your mind and he is free to leave if he's so disappointed eiyt your body (you need to know if he will leave you over this. You can always change your mind later if you really are crazy enough to do this for him. But don't you wanna know he won't leave over this first?)
Then tell him it's making you consider not allowing him into the birthing room because you're concerned he will want you sew up your vagina too. Tell him this is a big deal to you and that he needs to shut up and apologize because it's making you question his love for you.
You sound utterly exhausting.
You weren't being “strung along” – you barely knew each other. You have no idea what was going on in his life, but decided that his not racing to you like a lovesick puppy was a sign that he wasn't interested.
You should probably chalk this up to immaturity – yours, not his.
Agreed. You definitely want to obtain evidence of the cheating in case you need it. In some states you can sue the mistress for alienation and interfering in the marriage. There may be other recourse you have depending on the state you’re in.
Moreover, cheating won’t earn your hopefully soon to be ex-hubby any brownie points with the judge. You can give that information to your attorney and they’ll let you know if it’s useable.
I can guarantee it's not because of any of that. He's the problem, not you. You didn't do anything wrong
Men just can’t stand to see a woman happy. I’m sorry you’re going through this, just stand your ground and make sure your finances are separate or put money aside where he can’t touch it. He isnt going to get better so you need to start preparing yourself.
Tell him, “yes, but if you miss the meeting, we're completely over and I'll never talk to you again,” then don't arrive to the meeting. However, that's my petty side. I wouldn't take it seriously.
Just block the guy. Make it easy on yourself. You don't have to even entertain the thought of humoring him, considering he has a whole entire life and partner he's apparently trying to cheat on with you.
What the fuck?! That’s abuse! You deserve better! You are a human being, a person, a woman deserving of love and validation! You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive. No one deserves to be talked down to like that.
Ah hun, don’t make yourself smaller so he can feel better about himself.
Sometimes condoms are handed out in weird places. Maybe the race was around pride day or women's sexual health day? Maybe planned parenthood was sponsoring the event?
You say he has saved $150k followed by saying he hasn't saved. Which is it?
If someone is banking $150k they're doing pretty damn well for themselves, I don't really see what your complaining about. If you both have $150k that will get you a whole ass house in a lot of places.
It sounds to me like you're just upset you aren't getting a lavish lifestyle right out of the gate.
Bro you're being naive here. “Smart” girls go for shitty guys all the time, because those guys have confidence that you're clearly lacking. You've been in this “situationship” for a year, at this point you should either fully commit or cut ties so you can focus on finding someone who wants to commit to you.
I mean just blink at them and say thanks for the advice but I’ve got this. Though l do think you should be contributing rent if you’re not already. Was there nothing in the Will providing for your “stepdad?” Grandmother ? Money does funny things to people.
She’s 31. He’s 24. Age gap is massive. She’s almost certainly manipulating him
Cheating is a deal-breaker. He clearly won't take accountability to what he's done (hence the shutting down), and he's happy gaslighting you about the situation. What he has done is unacceptable behaviour in a committed marriage. He has betrayed you and your trust. It's not something healthy people can move on from, and certainly you don't have to move on from it. It's utterly selfish from him, and it's poisoned the marriage.
I would consult a lawyer confidentially and get the ball rolling.
Wow. You’re really going to dwindle this down to a microscopic level to dance around admitting you’re defending him. Moving the target however you see it benefits you. Just quit now, dude.
Girl. Sometimes in these cases I might recommend an ultimatum to see where he stands. You 100% know. He won’t even buy a house with you. You are a placeholder. Get out now so you can either find someone or start having kids on your own in the next year or two.