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⚡, FUCK MY BIG ASS + CONTORL ME KITTY ⚡–All Media x 111 Tkns– ⭐try not to cum 😉 ❤️ PVT open ❤️ [199 tokens remaining]
Date: October 19, 2022
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He told you that you aren't welcome. You need to stop coming.
By being a doormat, you only enable him to further verbally abuse you, and abuse your time and effort, and worsen the relationship by being a toxic jerk face.
Words matter. He needs to apologize for what he has done, whether or not he is grieving. It is unfortunate that he has life circumstances going on, and you would be happy to give him extra time and space and consideration, but that doesn't mean that just because he is hurting he can treat you like dirt. That is not okay at all, ever.
You stand up for yourself and don't allow it.
You’re a dad on Reddit so it’s safe to assume you didn’t raise your daughter to respect men.
Thats exactly why you should talk to your dad about it?
she sound like she’s suffering from post traumatic stress disorder or paranoia related to a traumatic event. i think she’d really benefit from seeing a trauma informed counselor or therapist..
this can be alot for you though to be taking on at the moment, and i encourage you to use your own support system if need be
Thanks for your advice, sounds similiar to my thought process. Really appreciated.
The real question is do you want to be with someone who cannot fathom what it’s like to struggle and have to pay bills? He has no concept of reality. What is the plan down the road, marriage? Do you want to get married to a man who has no concept of money? How will your finances work in the future? This is a huge red flag… he is also 27 and still living at home which in and of itself isn’t a red flag but the fact that he gets everything paid for is because it means his shitty parents did not prepare him for the world or set him up for success, only failure. So he can’t properly communicate, he doesn’t understand financial burdens that you carry and he doesn’t even fathom how the real world works. What does he contribute to the relationship?
trust me i wanted to. the amount of willpower it took to keep it classy was unbelievable
That is quite a yikes take
you do deserve a good person.
…which isn't him. “throw the whole man away,” as they say.
All the time you're trying to be the man she wants you're not being the man you are and she will see this, maybe not comcoously but you'll drift further apart… stop it. Get some help.
Thank you! Makes my heart so happy for you ❤️❤️ have a great holiday season
Nahh that’s messed up. Yes it’s a fwb and they are free to do whatever they want but I would never expect my bestfriend to be with them. That’s absolute no in my book. I would be very hurt
Um…..what?
This guy probably: “I could never marry someone who has low enough standards that they would date me”
It is going to be even more complicated if you move in together. More lines get blurred and it’s going to be much more caretaking on your part. What happens if his work suffers? Or god forbid he loses his job at some point?
He just does the same thing in another room
It’s more than physical attraction. We were both extremely into each other until she realized she wasn’t ready.
Thank you so much
She about to gave 2 kids
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Have you been in treatment since you attempt?
That puppy needs a forever home and FAST
Oh sorry, I should've been more specific. People in my DMs were saying “Dudduee your younggg just break up” and I don't want to at ALL. I just made a silly mistake and I'm regretting it now. I would love to show her how much I care.
I am more mad at him, and I think my anger on her is misplaced. I just don’t know how to stop being angry even though my anger isn’t rational
I completely disagree that “zero” is the maximum acceptable amount of flirting for a married person. That seems weirdly puritanical. As a rule, she shouldn't do anything that's betraying her relationship with her husband, but you don't know what that relationship is like and it's not your job to police it.
If she's making you uncomfortable, tell her that you want to keep your relationship more professional, just like you would if she was single.
Yeah… This isn't normal, at ALL. You need to tell his sister that he called out her name during sex/intimate moments, and you need to tell him that his obsession with her is the reason you're dumping him- you didn't sign up to date a Lannister. ?
First, daddy issues is a slang term often used in derogatory and sometimes inaccurate ways. I don’t get the sense you mean it poorly, so not criticizing, just that moving forward, might be useful to instead refer to it as attachment style issues (easy to google). Attachment theory encompasses the same idea, but with more detailed and actionable information backing it and less negative stigma.
I said i feel like a father to her not like a boyfriend
As for the wuote above, you started the relationship in the father role, ie as a caretaker/healer/helper, not a partner. So setting her issues aside, you taking on the caretaker role speaks to your discomfort in being vulnerable and asking for what you need. Maybe you believe you’ll only be loved if you’re helpful, or maybe you dislike depending on other, or maybe you like that it gives you more control, or maybe it’s something else, but taking on the caretaker role usually leads to the death of the romantic part of the relationship, sooner or later.
That’s because romantically people usually thrive most in partnerships, where they are both helped and can be helpful. Knowing you will be helped if you need it gives a great sense of safety and comfort. Knowing your help is wanted and valued gives a great sense of belonging. Both people do best when they have both. And even though some people like you or her get stuck in one side of that equation, because it feels safer or more comfortable to them at the moment. But over time that one sided position starts to stagnate. For the helper it can start to feel draining, for the helped it can start to feel suffocating or unneeded. Given enough time in the helper role you probably would have tired of it too. And in planning your trip it seemed as if you were starting to feel that. It’s just she came to that full realization before you.
The solution when this happens is yo convert to a partnership, and that is possible. But it looks like in this case, it might be too late. So I’d suggest letting this relationship die, and you work on yourself. Learn to seek help and be vulnerable more, ask more for your needs to be met, not just meet the needs of others. And in your next relationship being more aware of your caretaker tendencies and try to focus more on partnership. It’ll be nude at first as vulnerabity can be scary, but you can do it. Good luck.
A dog is an easy fix. A kid with an awful wife? Not so easy.
Honestly, you’re better off without a biphobic jerk anyway.
I appreciate you trying to make sense of this, but my mother's life choices are one of my main driving forces to BE better in the first place. These two men don't share all that many similarities on the outside. I may have fucked up in getting with someone who's so much older than me, but that was never her particular problem. I suppose you mean choosing the wrong partners in general? But I mean, it did take three years for this to happen and I'm immediately considering leaving, so do we really have to put it on the same level?
You gave him an ultimatum. He didn't do what you wanted, despite asking questions about it. You two obviously don't want the same things. I would leave.
It's a major invasion of privacy. I'm wondering if part of your depression has to do with your parents. It might be good to have a few months with no to little contact.
Sometimes depression is just anger turned inside, and I can't imagine that they don't anger you.
You will never change them. They are mountains but you can change how and when you deal with them.
Absolutely don't give her your savings. Get out and hope she gets a lot of professional help.
Where do you see this going? One of you is going to end up dead the other prison. This is the life you want?
This is the way.
You made a misogynist comment to her, she responded with a small dick comment back. You threw a hissy fit because she responded the same way you said your comment to her. Grow up already.
Yeah that's a can of worms you don't want to open. Period.
I'm a bi woman in a relationship with a straight man and while he's said he'd be okay with trying something with another woman (either me alone of both of us together) I know that's not something I want for our long term relationship.
Also what does a man bring to the relationship sexually that you can't?
There are strap ons of various sizes and we all know most men can't find the clit to save their lives. (Generalized statement, not all men, blah blah blah)
I'd try to sit her down and ask her what she feels she is missing and why she wants this?
I'm not sure if she means a long of in like a threesome but it also seems like a huge boundary crossing for me because you're not attracted to men so what does she expect you and this hypothetical guy to do in this threesome? Just both pleasure her?
I'm sorry but this seems incredibly short sighted and selfish on her part. Does she really think one night or straight sex is worth more than your relationship? She may be playing up fantasy as better than reality in her own head.
Then don't take it anymore. Divorce is an option.
As if people in non-age gap relationships are perfectly happy all the time? Nothing to do with the age gap, but the personality of that man.
It's none of your business. At all.
Hmm you're right but she partially agrees with me. So I did tell her to get highlights (not that I care she sent me a reel about it so I told her to-she probably had that on her mind). Anyways ,the reel she sent me had a pink highlight so I told her to get pink it would look nice but she said no and was like I like brown I'll have that done later. So yeah she sees what she wants to do with herself. Guess I should do the same
Anonymously
Honestly. You were at work. That is a valid reason to put your phone down. Not excuse. Reason. Her calling you names is not acceptable. It’s just not. Can you imagine if a woman asked if it was okay that her bf screamed at her? There’s not a different answer because you’re the man. It’s not okay. Ever.
The party was at our apartment. Four days before the event I messaged the husband of the couple (who has been a bit more friendly to me) “I’m throwing bf’s name a surprise party just letting you know”
To which he replied “cool. We’re going to be gone anyway”
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This is not the first time my bf has blown off on me like this. There’s been other times where he accuses me of being obsessed with black people (because my last boyfriend was black), he tells me “you’re not grateful for anything I’ve done for you” “ lI left my family for you” (his wife and kids) even though he’s constantly saying how toxic and bad the marriage was. & there was problems in there marriage before he even met me. I know I am a part of the reason why they got divorced but every time he gets angry he gets very rude and disrespectful. He doesn’t let me speak because he’s always interrupting me. So I walk away or stop engaging in the conversation because he won’t let me speak. & then he keeps attacking me saying “you always shut down, you always run away” “the next relationship you go into you’re going to run into the same things” “ you’re too broken” “ you’re ex hurt you so bad, you don’t want to love anymore and I have to pay the price” And mind you the rudest thing I’ve said to him is that he horrible at listening, that he’s so impatient, and that everything is always about him. In terms of how he throws stuff at me and he’ll only apologize just so he can say he apologized and I didn’t.
Keep in mind all this belittling and rude disrespectful behavior came from the fact that he was talking disrespectfully to me on the phone, after he finished talking I hung up the phone. He was wondering where he should pick me up after work and was getting mad because I didn’t text him back fast enough (because I was at work, doing my job where I’m not even suppose to have my cell phone) then I was talking my work shoes off and clocking out. And because he texted me “where are you” and I didn’t see it because I was too busy trying to get out of work so as soon as I got the chance to call him I did. He answered, I said “where are you” and he immediately came with attitude saying “you don’t get to ask where I am “ you’re suppose to tell me where you are so I can go get you, you don’t answer a question with a question ( i didn’t see the text) you’re wasting my time. Blah blah blah… END. This was all around 6:05. We got out of work at 6:00.
Honestly I’m tired of having to deal with the random attitude bursts and I just need some honest feedback. I know we didn’t build our relationship on the best platform but I still love him and care about it. And I feel guilty, feeling like I ruined his life. We haven’t spoken in like 3 days. He has too much pride to come and talk to me. I’m always having to go back to him and ask if we can talk. Even though he says all those nasty things to me. Please, any advice would help.
Why the fuck are you dating a neckbeard?
Literally whatever brings you peace. You aren't responsible for your siblings feelings, I'm not even sure how close you are.. but if they're someone you care deeply about and it doesn't require much of you then go. There is no right or wrong even though people act like there is. Listen to your gut feeling.
Imagine your life in 5 years when he’s not just criticizing this but expecting you to always do everything he says. Nope.
It will be interesting to see if apologizing is enough. OP's friend committed an absolutely grotesque, unforgivable betrayal of their friendship – and the timing is especially key – when “friend” found out they were getting engaged. I do kind of worry that OP”s commitment to his gf is kind of wobbly if this had to be pointed out to him.
Yeah, this is the definition of soulmate that I always think of.
it’s redundant at this point but i’m confused. y’all have incredible sex but you’re worried about the possible hypocrisy of her reading smut while you aren’t allowed to watch porn? is this possibly a sore subject that’s been bothering you for awhile? i get the feeling that you’re more upset about not watching porn than you let on. it just seems like a strange hill to die on
You don’t need to sleep with a man to know you’re bi. I feel like you’re going to make a huge mistake for a pretty dumb reason.
You shouldn't have kids if you don't want them. But you say you don't want them any time soon. You're already 27, fertility is getting worse, do you know when you do want them? Because he's going to want to know the goal posts for sure.
That is truly scary. Is your place big enough for a roommate, maybe sleeping on the couch? If a guy moves in with you, he might keep his distance more. See if your friends know anyone who would like to crash on your couch some nights.
Of course, you have to make sure the roommate doesn't get obsessed with you too!
Again, it's all perfectly normal. As strange as it may seem, our brains get used to constant adrenaline rush – that constantly being on edge and constantly going at a million miles an hour. It's akin to the same sort of thing that people in high risk/busy occupations go through – your body just gets so used to operating at that high level that once it no longer has “it”, it starts to crave it.
You effectively lose the ability to unwind and down tools. That is your state right now. Your brain simply doesn't know how to unwind and down tools after living this life with her for so long.
I feel a sense of loneliness now that no one is needing my constant attention.
And here you can see it. Going from a constant state of needing to fulfill someone has made you forget what it is to fulfill yourself. If you think about it, everything you did every day of your time together right up until you broke up with her revolved around her and her needs, wants and expectations.
You gave up a large part of yourself, your wants, your needs and your expectations in the service of “her”. And now that this – meeting what she wanted – is no longer there, you find yourself lost.
So I guess if you want some place to start in working through this it may be a good idea to start exploring what it is that you want, what you need and begin that process of rebuilding your own expectations of life again.
Instead of having her as your constant attention, have yourself filling that space. Get a bit selfish, spoil yourself, etc. Fill that sudden hole with other things such as activities, friends, work, family, “stuff”.
He was being abusive and I thought I was done with the relationship. But he’s made some serious changes and so have I, but I don’t know how to make him hurt less
I’ve heard IUDs are pretty legit when it comes to birth control , I don’t think you have anything to worry about …… unless you packing a W12 engine down there and move it, you guys should be good. Enjoy ✌?
I work at a dealership and he’s a technician. I’m sure the computer thing makes sense now.
Hes not your friend at all
You're welcome to do that, for yourself
Don't share intimate details about others without their permission
I work 7am-2pm at my regular job to pay for wifi and phone bill. I also forgot to mention I also pay groceries. He pays for rent, car insurances, gas/water/trash and paying our cars off. I make $17/hr, he makes $30/hr. Our rent here in CA is $4,500 for a house. I teach/take care of our son from 2:30pm-8:30pm. I'm usually done with all my house duties by 10:30pm. I sleep before my husband gets home because I'm tired at the end of the day.
First, see a gyno. No, you do not need to bring that up with your parents. If the gyno finds a problem then deal with the problem.
Once the problem is dealt with and/or you have confirmation there is no problem let your bf know.
Make sure he understands vaginas should not smell like fruit or food or sugar or anything you would normally consume.
Make sure he understands that hair there is natural and protective.
The smell, taste, and texture will all be very new for him to experience while also very natural at the same time.
Make sure he understands that it will be wet and musky and that is good.
You are not gross. Your body is not gross. You are normal. This is all just new.
Yeah power dynamic between athlete and coach is not evenly balanced Lz
He was pretty clear ; he treated you like crap BUT suffered a lot, and knows he had a bad behavior BUT want you to forgive him to grow up as a better person HIMSELF.
All he's asking intends to improve his life, not yours. You're just an element in his reflexion.
You’re really going to shame her for having normal bodily functions?! If you can’t handle human-ing, live alone.
Ugh I knowww I should ghost but I think he’s already trying to ghost me which pisses me off. But you’re probably right. I’m just so curious as to what he would say
“Encouraged her to strip?”
She's a grown-ass MARRIED woman.
Except he's the sex maid.
I did this too…then I cheated.
Woah, someone didn’t need the og post. I tried exploring things he liked and every time he shut me down. He doesn’t want me to enjoy sex, we did not have all it take because he saw me as less than him. So check the blame-y attitude. Plus maybe I don’t like watching porn with my partner you don’t know. There’s nuance to the situation
It might be his trauma but I went to therapy to work through my SA and he should’ve as well because that’s what he lead me to believe before we started dating.
Woah, someone didn’t need the og post. I tried exploring things he liked and every time he shut me down. He doesn’t want me to enjoy sex, we did not have all it take because he saw me as less than him. So check the blame-y attitude. Plus maybe I don’t like watching porn with my partner you don’t know. There’s nuance to the situation
It might be his trauma but I went to therapy to work through my SA and he should’ve as well because that’s what he lead me to believe before we started dating.
Wouldn’t that seem a bit strange after 5 years of no communication? If it’s that easy, I’ll do it, I just don’t want to scare her off
Again, this problem seems to have more to do with your emotions than anything relationship-related. You need therapy.
Oh, you're saying it's for weak people? Look, you're feeling insecure because of some guys who are no longer in her life. You are weak. Get therapy.
It's less than a hop away from cheating. Hell, straight heartless, emotionless sex might be less hurtful.
“How do I get him to see that his reality isn't the only reality?”
You can't change a man. So now you get to decide if he's succeeding as a husband. If he's not, it's okay to leave.
Umm if you saved the texts and phone calls and she’s contacting your family you have enough to go to the cops. File a complaint.
Don't sleep with them for at least two months and see them weekly or every other week, and those types you dislike will show themselves out. No one will date you for fun if they have to wait for months for the fun. No matter what they say.
Helped a lot of people. 🙂
Under no circumstances should you ever feel like you don’t have a choice with him wearing a condom or not. Just because “it’s too good” doesn’t give him the right to potentially put you at risk for pregnancy or STD’s. You always have the final say on what goes into you body.
Why haven't you mentioned other bills?
ew dude you’re gross af
Cuban is not a race.
OPs ex is DEFINITELY white lol.
This is the issue with saying somebody is “white” though. Per the US census, “white” not only entails European descent, but also Hispanic and Middle Eastern. Conversationally, calling somebody white usually denotes more of a eurocentric background, and completely dismisses the other cultural and ethnic heritages that exist within this category. As a mixed race woman, I am Hispanic and white. Technically speaking my race is “white” but myself and many people in my family have dark skin. There's a lot of nuance there, but at the end of the day OP was gatekeeping identity in a very basic way and I understand why she dumped him.
Don’t be guided by the sunk cost fallacy. Every minute you spend doing less of what gives you joy is gone for good. You’ve invested a lot but you may want to cut your losses.
I work for a vegan company and have also worked on farms. We talk a lot about animal welfare and right relationships with the world. Eating less meat or no meat can be an important personal practice, especially when applied to meat sourced from industrial sources where animals do suffer quite a lot. But the truth is, all things die and meat gets eaten, somewhere. The Peaceable Kingdom does not exist. The nature of nature is not changed by our choices the amount of suffering in the universe will pretty much stay the same. Unless your bf thinks it’s reasonable to stop lions from tearing out the throats of gazelles, or lynxes from eating voles, or Inuit from eating country food, he’s being unreasonable and should probably hide in a bunker.
There’s no reason for you to hide with him. You are young and if you drop him now, today, that’s more time you get to spend with your family and friends and sharing food with other people in settings you enjoy.
There’s lots of suffering in the world and little enough genuine pleasure. Don’t let this dude stand between you and your joys.
It’s probably a typo and I’m a little ocd but you stated your girlfriend is a 20(M)?!?
You yadda yaddad the best part
Fake, didn't you just post about getting together with your sister's affair partner? And she warned you not to get together with him?
Help her get professional help. It’s sporadic and yes you’re both young but that’s a lot of stuff going on at once. But remember, you can’t make her.
There’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself healthy, even if it means having to space yourself from others. If she declines needing help and you guys continue to hang out, tell her calmly you’re not okay with how she just — to that person because —. And point out how one SHOULD treat others. She may just realize she needs help. OR she may be completely happy with herself, decline anything and everything and continue to be how she is.
You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Help her get professional help. It’s sporadic and yes you’re both young but that’s a lot of stuff going on at once. But remember, you can’t make her.
There’s nothing wrong with keeping yourself healthy, even if it means having to space yourself from others. If she declines needing help and you guys continue to hang out, tell her calmly you’re not okay with how she just — to that person because —. And point out how one SHOULD treat others. She may just realize she needs help. OR she may be completely happy with herself, decline anything and everything and continue to be how she is.
You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
A lie by omission is still a lie
Pragmatic: Can you tag him in your posts, so he can like them or comment on them, and then they’ll show up on his timeline (on FB)?
Do you like your relationship otherwise? Do you feel loved and appreciated in real life? Do you know his real friends and family, and does he say kind things about you to them? If so, this is really not a hill the to die on. You like posting on social media a lot and he doesn’t. If he used it a lot and was hiding you, that’s one thing, but he doesn’t. He does post you sometimes but he probably resents the pressure at this point. Also, it’s healthy to ask for what you want (“please post me sometimes; it makes me feel appreciated”) but it’s not useful or healthy for you or him to say, “when you do what I asked, it doesn’t count, because I asked!” That’s a no-win situation. Your are different people who need different things and so it’s ok to need to communicate that sometimes. (Why would he do it if you’ll be resentful either way??).
I do wonder if you might still be feeling hurt that he did hide you from his ex on your first trip, and that hurt has lingered. You can say that to him. But then I’d let this go. You use SM differently and it sounds like you’ll need to accept that.
II do love her but am having mixx feeling for the marriage . But some part of me says to get married and I need some advise from a stranger who can't judged the story just bcoz of
That is classic abusive behavior. It keeps you off balance and always longing for the “him” that is sweet and kind and would never hurt you. He isn't that person!! Get away.
This is likely not the first time he did this and he likely backed out because of the woman involved or the location he went to made him uncomfortable not because he was noble and had a change of heart. You should probably just divorce him because you will never trust him again.
This is likely not the first time he did this and he likely backed out because of the woman involved or the location he went to made him uncomfortable not because he was noble and had a change of heart. You should probably just divorce him because you will never trust him again.
This is likely not the first time he did this and he likely backed out because of the woman involved or the location he went to made him uncomfortable not because he was noble and had a change of heart. You should probably just divorce him because you will never trust him again.