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Girl, he’s a LOSER and you’re not even getting any sex out of this “relationship”. Dump him and go be your best self.
Other scenario – he had his real gf/wife at the party.
Why are you contradicting your statement a lot. You told her that religion was not an issue for you in the beginning( your lie) just to get acceptance from her. You BOTH accepted a short term relationship and she told you she won't fall in love with you then you started telling how you can see the future with her, you even confessed you were in love with her and cried. So technically you lied to her first. She didn't lie, she was just naive to believe your lies. Now you don't want to continue because of religion, the same religion that you don't have a problem with in the beginning ( your statement). There are only two possibilities in your scenario. 1. You just wanted to use her 2. You are scared for a long time commitment. Work on yourself, girls are humans too, don't play with their feelings like this. If you don't intend to marry her don't give her false hope.
What a conundrum lol
I’m sorry… I hope that isn’t true. I’m going to talk to him tonight, go thru his messages with her, see if I can figure out anything. I love him, i believe he loves me, just hope I can stomach this and get Thru it
The counterpart says “if you don’t put out, I’m leaving you.”
So you have been together for two months and you have already cheated.. let them go. They will rightfully never trust you and this will effect the rest of your relationship. But please learn from this and don’t cheat agin in future relationships. Absolutely nothing good comes from cheating!
Quite literally just get over her and focus on yourself.
OK so my perspective comes from quite a particular angle. I am a full professor in a university and so have a good overall view of how these things pan out.
not your circus – i.e. not your problem he probably won't lose everything – as he's also a student. He will (and should) face a formal reprimand and be removed from teaching if he does lose everything – tough shit. He's awful – even just think that he didn't take the sofa, he made you – v unwell – sleep in the living room to protect his side piece from getting sick. Utter sh*tbag
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This is about as real as those divorce papers.
Ginger dude, about half of my girlfriends have been black.
Current girlfriend is black and is not skinny.
On-line dating sucks, and not in the good way.
Try all the apps. Focus on the ones you like. Get your profile torn apart on r tinder or bumble. Keep swiping. And eventually you'll have a terrible date. But then you'll keep going and get a good one.
He made it clear he didn't want to be but most likely he would have felt that he had to be.
my other best friend was hooking up with me
No, he raped you. And sadly, he probably stopped because you woke up
Nude truth: None of this is your fault, NOR is any of it your responsibility. You need to distance yourself from him as much as possible. Cut off all contact. ALL of it.
Do not give him false hope. Do not text him. Do not talk to his family. The only way things get better for you is if you cut him out. You don't have to be mean about it. But you have to be firm.
A family member of mine went through something similar. An ex hurt themselves while they were dating because my relative threatened to leave. After the ex ended up in the hospital, my relative felt responsible. The relative stood their ground that they should be broken up, but they kept a line of communication open because they felt responsible for what the ex did after that. The ex dragged my relative through hell for MONTHS. Slandered their name. Got them fired from their job. Constantly tried to gaslight and manipulate them. It was awful. It only finally started to stop when 100% of the communication was cut.
Move on. An ex did this to me and held me hostage for a year. You can’t let him do that to you. It’ll never work. Move on.
If they aren’t things he agrees with it causes arguments and fights.
So in middle all this innocence when did the conversation come up to keep it from your wife?
Man I can’t with the questions on this sub. The answer to this is really obvious. You leave him. Why would you wanna stay with someone who hates you and your entire gender? Just crazy. Plus he’ll embarrass you in public if he starts spouting that BS around other people.
Sometimes I wonder why people’s standards are so low nowadays. On-line people act like they have such high standards but then you read the posts on here or the ask etc sub reddits and it seems like it’s barely true.
I think you are perfect for each other. Both of you sound toxic and shouldn't spread that to anyone else so you should work nude to stay with him.
He’s very loving
doesn’t really sound like it.
he’s funny
a lot of people are.
he loves my dog
bare minimum.
he keeps the house clean
even barer bare minimum.
sit down and rethink whether you actually love this man, or if there even is anything to love.
The only thing you can do. Explain very clearly that you didn’t cheat in anyway. If you have any proof show him. And in the future remember sometimes optics matter. If you work your ass off non stop at work but every time your boss comes in your just playing in your phone or on break. He isn’t gonna know you are doing everything.
Honestly if he blocked you like that he probably has a cold zero tolerance policy on cheating which I understand so it may be nude to show him you didn’t. Do your best but be prepared to move on.
thank you for that. I said something similar in another comment but it means a lot more coming from someone with family from OPs region
I’m sorry to hear that you feel that way, man. It's pretty crappy to judge someone based on just one post, you know? And calling them a “bitch” just because they're passionate about a certain subject? That says more about you than it does about them.
Me not letting my close friends see me nude has absolutely nothing to do with me not being comfortable in myself or not trusting my friends. I am in fact very comfortable with my body and i honestly couldn't care less if my friends saw me naked. But i know my girlfriend wouldn't feel comfortable if i basically stripped for a female friend. And i wouldn't feel comfortable with her basically stripping for a male friend. I would be “okay” with another girl taking the pictures, but If that isn't an option then i would MUCH prefer an ACTUAL profession that my girlfriend doesn't know beforehand.
My personal experience dictates no one. I'm giving my point of view. And my point of view is that being a mature wife should include thinking twice before taking “pornographic” pictures suggested by a “friend”
'I trust them not to find it sexual'. You wouldn't even know if they did, unless they mentioned it. This is definitely confirmation bias.
Ah, young minds to be molded. It may not be that you lack the ability to think that way, but that you've never learned. Time to get a book:
Dr Gary Chapman's “Five Love Languages” your gf needs to read and discuss it with you. Each chapter, discuss how it makes you feel and how it applies to each of you. You will find some of the languages show no interest to you, but others really do. Find out what her two most effective languages are and get her to give you examples. You do the same for her. Then, you use that knowledge to plan your love.
Suppose she has “acts of service” as a love language. This means she would want you to do specific things to make her feel loved. It might be carry her books (or other load), or do laundry, or fold towels… doing something not on her list doesn't count. Imagine someone saying, “you wasted time washing the bathroom but you never even emptied the dishwasher!” If this is her language, you need a whiteboard where she could list tasks. You do them and mark them off and she knows you love her.
Suppose she has “quality time” as a love language: sharing activities like a meal, cup of coffee, enjoying a sunset might make the loving memories she needs.
There are 5 languages. Most people have a primary and secondary. Anything in the other three might be ignored (they aren't important to the recipient for terms if showing affection.)
This is how you step up your love long term. There is a whole section on physical touch (another of the languages) which is about non-sexual touches (hugs, caresses, hand holding, etc.) When on that chapter, you can discuss what touches she is comfortable having.
Get married and take her name.
No that's not normal in a relationship. What are you doing you can't do or feel like you can't do in front of him? Does he actually stop you from doing things?
You have a boyfriend. And a kid. You don't have ANY commitment. None. Nada. Zero. Zilch. You have a guy that can twist you into doing whatever he wants. That's why he's with you. Many of us have been in your position and have years of experience after getting out to have a clear view of what's probably going on. I understand you're defensive, but you came here for advice and you're getting it. You're in a bad spot. And you're stuck with this guy in some way for the next 18 years. Even if you break up tomorrow. You've picked the wrong guy. Now you need to decide if it's worth your dignity and self-esteem to stay or if you need to get your baby, leave, file child support and sole custody paperwork, prepare to take his ass to court, and never look back.
Sounds like she might be developing an eating disorder (if she doesn’t already have one). I think this goes into the competences of a therapist and a nutritionist. Not really something Reddit is equipped to do.
He doesn't on-line close by..
maybe youre simply unable to rationalize what i’m saying like an adult. so for the sake of dumbing things down so that you may understand im going to just say yes.
yes, i am hopping from one foot to another, hands on my ears yelling nananana can’t hear wtv sorry arguement you have to offer me rn ?
only on reddit will you find someone so upset to hear that most dudes tend to be shitheads lol
You're having an emotional affair. You have two choices…sometimes one starts an emotional affair because they are in an abusive relationship and are searching for a way out. Sometimes one does so because they are bored. Decide if you want to stay with your wife. If you do, there is no amount of contact you can maintain with the affair partner.
If it were me I’d say something like this the next time she starts in. “I may not have the huge slab of flesh it would take to fill that cavern of yours but I’m way too good a person to want spend all my time with someone as petty, abusive and shallow as you. Good bye.”
It’s literally just bruises. You could be making a mountain out of a molehill here, OP.
Not what I'm trying to do and I have no intention in leading my ex on. Also, yes, to a certain extent meeting a new person contributed to me falling out of love with my previous partner, so what? I wasn't having an affair, neither physical or emotional, and I broke up with my ex when it became clear that I didn't love him like before anymore. I don't think I can be blamed for randomly coming across another person in my life and waiting for 3 months after breaking up with my ex to start dating them.
Not what I'm trying to do and I have no intention in leading my ex on. Also, yes, to a certain extent meeting a new person contributed to me falling out of love with my previous partner, so what? I wasn't having an affair, neither physical or emotional, and I broke up with my ex when it became clear that I didn't love him like before anymore. I don't think I can be blamed for randomly coming across another person in my life and waiting for 3 months after breaking up with my ex to start dating them.
What you described is a relationship of convenience then. I am with someone much longer than you and have not entered a situation of being financially tied down and using the relationship for financial comfort. Cause that would be an example of a toxic relationship. A relationship is not a mandatory obligation and should not be a financial tool. If your focal point of the relationship is finances and assets (bills and car) then thats just a business transaction with just a label.
Its actually even worse if you cheated while having kids. That means you really don't care about anyone. It would be even more necessary for the relationship to end. Kids are very sensitive and a toxic parent just rubs off on the kid.
And you saying you built your lives together and painting some really pretty scenario. Then why did you not consider that at all before? Cheating ruins every relationship. It breaks down everything you built and you lose trust. Its just fake platitudes and pretension to maintain the image of a relationship without any content. It just feels like you aren't really sorry about what you did. You only feel and for getting caught and dealing with consequences.
If you really cared then your first thought wouldn't have been how everything is affecting you, but how it affected the people around you. I understand the whole point of cheating is you don't have consideration for others, but it sounds very egotistical when it feels like you are trying to explain what you did should have been relatable as if you are denying the gravity of what you did.
Girl, your boobs are fine and the pic is nice, just let it stay where it is. Your bf on the other hand… If he shows pics of your sister for her boobs, why doesn't he start dating someone that has the same figure? Because clearly he is not worth your or your sister's energy.
On a more important note: that dress is so cute! Where did you get it?
Rip your DMs
Your edit means easy choice. He equates big boobs with being attractive and is actively lying about your relationship to his close friends and disrespecting you. I mean showing your sister as his gf… date someone proud to be with you, not ashamed where they have to lie about it. Big time loser energy. Like laughably lame, you deserve better.
You've tried your best to get through to her and that's really all that can be asked of you. It's time to worry about your safety and your own mental health
So let's say he feels you were overreacting? Have you seen the Birdcage? So Nathan Lane's character is a very dramatic queen. But his partner (Robin Williams)doesn't ridicule him for this. He will inwardly sighs and acknowledges his feelings.
This isn't normal. I personally would be upset too. However, we cannot control how he feels about it. Even if he feels you are overreacting how he treats you like your feelings are invalid isn't ok. Just because someone is dramatic doesn't mean that suddenly their feelings are wrong. I don't believe letting you leave is where he failed. Honestly, he should have let you go because you would have felt awkward the whole time and he shouldn't have to leave something that has gone on since before you. The next morning he should have apologized and tell you that you will discuss it when you get home. Or at least came to the realization after he woke up sober.
I hate when people feel like someone is dramatic so that means their feelings behind the drama are invalid. I have IBS also and hate when even my child (whose 5) barges in. These are grown ass adults.
This is manipulation at its worst. It's nude to admit that you've lost 7 good years, but it's so much worse to lose more. Really, do you want to even consider being a backup to a woman who can be wooed by love bombing and dick pics?
You tried your best, and she lost, not you. If she won't leave you need to get a new place. The longer you stay, the deeper into her insanity she will drag you. Right now, she is in some kind of fantasy, and you are trying to keep her plays right into it. Once she knows it's over and you're leaving, she will change her mind and beg to keep you. Be strong and walk away. Remember how easily she threw your relationship away.
We scheduled days when we are able cus of my uni
OP, it's not about you. In her head, she didn't pick someone she thought was better than you. She picked the person who made her feel special. Please don't let this affect your self image. You're a good dude. It's precisely because you're so much better than him than she's freaking out about how utterly stupid she was.
Leave him and have a happy life
everyone has concluded it because you're in here justifying smoking inside the house by saying it takes too long to go outside!
if you weren't justifying your behavior the responses would be differen.t
It is when you run to the bathroom to jerk off dude. You were in a professional setting and jerked yourself off…
For sure!! Having is jonjon waxed and he's almost seeing stars of pleasure and not pain?!
If you break up with her BEFORE she goes on the cruise then she'll bang him for sure.
Ask her what she'll do if he tries something on. How would she shut him down?
IC?
Bruh
She’s not naive ,she’s enjoying the attention
You directly violated a clear boundary, multiple times. That shows more in your character than just the actual act of smoking in the house, which you seem to think she will just get over.
She can’t get over you being a different person than she thought you were.
You showed her a deeper part of your character, that she has every right to want to not have in her life.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Seriously if this is real, I hope you get fucked with a hammer. Please never have children of your own. If this is how you feel about children, that’s not even yours.
Sounds like you were his challenge, he got what he wanted, and now he's moving on. Stop talking to him, find a better person
She has a drinking problem. It doesn't start off as full blown alcoholic. I could manage when I was her age, but it progresses if you have an issue. I went into recovery. It will be a problem long term if she doesn't stop. I have told others when I see this on here, and they are not receptive, but I agree there is an issue there. Good luck.
Girl, people like Beyoncé get cheated on. It’s about the cheater, and something they lack themselves (integrity, for one!) not the partner.
Don’t stop her. Tell her how you feel. This is something a person does when they’re looking to trade up and is so disrespectful to what you guys have built. It’s inviting cheating. He has made it completely clear what he wants to do and she’s ok with it. When she gets back she’ll be single. Go find a person who wants what you want. Don’t lose your shit. Go have a beer and laugh with some friends and don’t let a person like ruin your joy.
Precisely. There’s no valid reason to go to a social event with an ex and their siblings and purposely exclude ones wife and child. I don’t even need the motive, the occurrence alone is enough to run for the hills. Fast.
He's lying because he is doing something he feels is wrong. In his head (and heart) he is cheating on you, so he therefore has to lie to cover it up. Your boundaries are different and you don't have a problem with him interacting with other women and that's ok. Just know that he knows what he feels for those women and he knows he is doing a bad thing on purpose, cue the plethora of lies.
Therapy. But also.. it's only been a week. Of course you are in shock and depressed.
Unfortunately it will take a long time before things feel normal again, you must be kind to yourself and not expect yourself to get over it anytime soon. Baby steps. Grief is a long road, and with a traumatic death it doesn't just go away.. really, ever. It gets better and better but it will always be a part of you.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Were you close to her family?
First off, stop comparing yourself to the guy she cheated on you with. Focusing on that won't make anything better. Cut off contact with her unless it's about the child. Don't take her back. You have a right to be angry, but essentially, she screwed up. Losing you is the consequence. Not only did you get hurt, but you have to grieve your 10-year relationship coming to an end. So focus on yourself. Do the things you enjoy. Limit contact to her to one platform whether that be texting or using messenger. Block her on all other platforms. She can only contact you about the child and if she tries to talk about anything else, tell her you will end the call if the conversation isn't about the child. Boundaries are important.
Unless they blocked me or something, they went through and deleted all of their comments. They must be following this post to know we were talking about their comment history.
Hey plum pudding! You've been spamming since last year from multiple accounts. Your pathetic need for attention is sad. Please seek help from a therapist.
She is walking over you and you are letting her
It just sucks because he continued to say he loved me, have sex with me, and wanted to try but then his actions said otherwise.
I just did. He said me asking is controlling
it's cheating.
Your title is literally asking if you think he’d respond.
Absolutely, but your apology also doesn’t require a response.
Slightly dramatic yes. People are finicky. Just gotta play the game until you win.
Is the friend in the same town? Sounds like she’s doing more than sending pics
Right.
So given all I’ve mentioned to you?
Again, yes she does have a libido. Her comments outright state it. You are responding in a thread where she outright stated it. She likes sex. She enjoys having sex. The sole issue is she doesn’t want to be the one to initiate sex.
No libido would be no sex drive. She has a sex drive, as long as he initiates. Stop saying she doesn’t when OP has outright stated, multiple times, that she does.
how do you know that anal experiences don’t hurt? have you tried it? if not, you have no right to “show” her anything lmao she doesn’t like anal and doesn’t have to just bc of ur fetish
You are correct. Try talk with him again and if he refuses- then it is sadly rhe end.
yes, multiple times. not much seems to change though
It’s in her lease that they’re not allowed to smoke anywhere in the building, including the balcony, as it’s a fire hazard. If he had been caught, she would have been kicked out of her apartment. Even though OP knew this, he made the choice to do it not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES. Plus, it doesn’t matter anyway as OP promised her that he wouldn’t smoke in the apartment OR balcony. It’s not about the smoking, it’s about him violating her very reasonable boundaries multiple times and risking her being kicked out, all because he’s too lazy to leave the building to smoke.
Red flag ? she lied to you bragged about something that isn’t true and has the emotional maturity of a 7 year old
Looks like it’s in September in Canada, so she’s maybe from there?
How is trying to force kids on someone who didnt want them in their best interest?
I'm in the UK, I think this a culture thing. I've never heard of anyone buying their own dresses if they're in the wedding party. I wouldn't do it if I was expected to pay for my own dress. If they want to me to wear xyz dress then they pay for it.
31 is NOT that old to be starting over. Find something that interests you. Maybe go to school? If you already have a degree or training, see if you can pick it up again.
Regarding what to say to everyone. Say what you want. The truth is always better, though. Lies have a way of tripping you up eventually. Just remember that YOU won't be making him look bad. He did that with his infidelity.
You are such a great boyfriend! Get her favorite snacks and drinks and order favorite food! Best of luck to the both of you!
You’ll find someone who actually loves you. This guy pursued you & dated you knowing that you were thinking of him in terms of forever. All the while, he was lying to you because he knew from the jump that he could/would never marry a girl like you. He spent two years intentionally misleading you.
You would do well to stop romanticizing what the two of you had together. There are more than a billion men in the world. You can find one who loves you without reservation.
i understand and try my best at limiting the time spend there. they vacation a lot and they say im welcome when theyre not home. so i usually try to keep my distance. i understand that some people are just stuck in their ways. its just confusing sometimes when they get upset that im not around.
so strange but I have a feeling she is jealous & wants him too. No one will admit it as its embarrassing.
I advise you to not move in with her once you moved to NYC. She is bad news & damaging to your relationship & I doubt it will end here. Maybe you need more new friends as this one is bad news.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein
Do not disrupt u and your sons life…. she made her bed…. u can help her without letting her stay w u. But know that unless something major changes, she will bleed u dry. If anything, she can to stay w a loser who won't do his fair share and lead her to the situation she now finds herself in.
Reddit is such a cesspool of “nice guys”, sorry you're being downvoted.
Your boyfriend's abuse will not get any better. It's time to address this issue with him by talking with him, or let this one go. I just don't see this ending well, staying with somebody who is so young yet disrespects women. It must be learned behavior from his father or another male figure that modeled this behavior.
Calling you names is problematic. “I'm just kidding” leads to abuse without the “I'm kidding”. He actually does feel that way about you, but knows it's wrong on some level to call women “slt”. Leave while you can.
I agree he does have a covert sense of entitlement. He is the wolf in nice guy’s clothing I’m finding out.. I have no idea what motivated him to tell me this. He is screwed now, he does rely on help from me to keep his business going, in a way he won’t be able to replace.
Lol just when I thought I’d seen it all on Reddit. Your problem is you’re embracing this tomfoolery by calling him his daughter. This is some random woman that is 8 years younger than him that he let’s watch him shower…actually this can’t be serious lmao. I’m bored but I can’t be entertaining this
Yup. I was voice texting and didn’t proofread. It was obviously a typo.
Stop asking for permission to be a stalker. She asked you to leave her alone so stop harassing her and leave her alone. If you actually care about her you shouldn't have to harass her to get your point across.
I guess I don't understand why you can't relax in the same cabin as your boyfriend… My bet is that he could use some blissful relaxation too. That said, I think it's fair to say “adults only” for relaxation weekends… But, it's not nearly as reasonable as you're making it out to be to need to escape your boyfriend for 1/4 of the weekends of the year.
Why approach it? You make your own decisions about what to spend your money on, so if you don't want to spend it on something, don't.
If she starts giving you grief about that, you can approach that, but don't make the decisions you've made in the past her problem.
Yet again with the “I identify as an attack helicopter” line. You people really do only have one joke.
You're doing exactly the same things conservative reactionaries did in the 80s/90s when gay panic was a big deal. You take a very simple idea (“gay people should be protected by the law in the same way as hetero people”) and follow it to some absurd conclusion (“If we let gay people get married, what's next, letting men marry horses?!?”). Such a dumb boring argument.
How long had you been dating him? I would say meeting the family is a milestone over the 7 months to 1 year, but that is just me. ( my family is also peculiar) If your family is peculiar in any way maybe just a heads up to both parties wouldn't hurt.
I'm sorry if I hadn't made it clear from my post. I'm actually glad they could go and felt really ashamed that they initially stopped because of me. I'm not mad because they're going, I'm just hurt because they decided to hide it for me as if I was going to ruin everything when I already told them it would be better if they go without me and it would be worse for me anyways if they decided to “stay for me”.
I just feel sad because they decided to hide their trip from me when I thought I made it very clear I would prefer if they go and had a good time.
I'm sorry if I hadn't made it clear from my post. I'm actually glad they could go and felt really ashamed that they initially stopped because of me. I'm not mad because they're going, I'm just hurt because they decided to hide it for me as if I was going to ruin everything when I already told them it would be better if they go without me and it would be worse for me anyways if they decided to “stay for me”.
I just feel sad because they decided to hide their trip from me when I thought I made it very clear I would prefer if they go and had a good time.
Totally agree.
Then neither of you is terribly bright. Either that, or you both love this drama.