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Languages: en,fr
Birth Date: 1980-08-03
Body Type: bodyTypeCurvy
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureHousewives
Date: October 8, 2022
I see a lot of comments about leaving him to find someone ready for marriage because 8 years is “too long” does everyone really need to be reminded of people changing after marriage? How many posts have you all seen where the OP claims they used to have the perfect partner until they changed… You all have such short memories of this stuff. If the guy has reservations about marrying someone then he shouldn't be forced to if he doesn't want to. is he wrong to hope that OP might become someone he can trust enough to marry and thereby tying his financial history to?
Jesus someone get this man auto-correct.
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It’s normal to find trash on tinder but your friend turned out to be a dumpster.
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She was the young side chick, sucks but that's how it is.
Are you really under the impression that you understand it better than op the LAWYER who read it in its entirety??
I'll give my anecdote in a bit to drive the point home or at least try to relate to your situation in some way, but to be completely honest, based on the title alone, I fully expected to come in here entirely thinking you were just an asshole (for lack of a better term). But I do empathize, but only to a certain extent. Where that extent ends is the problem.
Anecdotally, I'm a guy, similar in age to you, happily married, and I also have a two year old daughter. I've always wanted a son. Whether it's out of selfishness or something else, my reasoning was because I thought I could relate to one better and be able to do the things my dad did with me. By “things,” I'm fully focusing on things we might stereotypically think about like “throwing the ball around.”
When you put things into perspective though, it's sort of a fucked up and illogical thought, because I can quite obviously do that with my daughter. I do and I will. Either way, as soon as my daughter was born, any preconceived notions I might have had disappeared, because I can't possibly love that girl any more or imagine life being different. I'd change nothing.
My wife is now pregnant with our second, but it's too early to know the sex. Do I want a boy? Sure do. But will I be upset if it's a girl? Nope. I'd love my name to continue on, but big picture, it's just a name, and I'll be dead (also, logically despite tradition, women have the choice not to change their surnames). When I'm dead I won't be able to care about my name or anything else, so why is it such a big deal? All I care about is being a great husband and father, and that my daughter and children always know I'm there for them and only want nothing but for them to be happy.
After that rant, to bring it back to the “extent” point, it's unfortunately objectively a real issue that you're having a legitimate struggle with this. Now, I think it'd be unfair to not acknowledge the fact that you've stated that you don't actually want to have these feelings and that you fully plan to be a good parent. I think that's important to point out in the sense that it suggests that you're not a bad person.
But it's a problem that this is something you need to “process” or “grieve.” In that regard, the advice I've seen given to you at this point regarding therapy is certainly correct and something you need to consider. I actually wanted to try to sympathize with the cultural aspect here, as I get that situations are different, but your reasoning changed all that. You grew up with mostly women. So what if people made jokes about it? They're literally only that; jokes. Who gives a shit if you continue to be surrounded by women?
It seemed to have been perfectly fine your entire life prior to getting married. Why should it be any different now? Why would this lead you to have a “crisis” with your masculinity? You're less of a man for having a wife and daughters? What does that have to do with your personal masculinity?
You should certainly talk to your partner about your feelings, because healthy relationships require open communication. It's perfectly ok to have some sort of feelings about this and be able to talk through them. But you need to come at this from a perspective of knowing it's illogical and just want to be open as opposed to treating this like it's an actual problem that you deserve sympathy for (and I'm not suggesting that's what you're doing). Good luck.
Do NOT offer financial assistant to someone you have only met once! And, trust me, if she’s on Tinder then she wants to meet someone and when she finds someone she is interested enough in she will find the time to see them more. Right now, she is using Tinder as a casual distraction distraction and has no intention of getting serious with you if she has not yet made made time for you in 10 months. For all you know she’s chatting to 10 different guys and complaining to all of them about finances and work load in the hope that they will all offer her financial assistance. Don’t be naive. Move on.
Tips without evidence from a biased asshole get thrown in the garbage; otherwise, you're always a salty asshole away from a break up.
They let you go through their phone which either means they'd already deleted evidence or that there never was any to find. If you can't trust it's the latter, it's time to break up due to the lack of trust; otherwise, dismiss her and move forward in your relationship.
throwing things at people is generally bad, but in itself depending on context it isn't necessarily a problem. But if I jokingly/playfully were to throw something at someone and it was a small light object intended to do no harm, but then it DID actually cut them, I would apologize because I would feel really bad about hurting somebody by accident. He doesn't care. He just wants to win the argument.
And it seems like there's a lot of arguing with you two. at your age, i'm guessing you don't have kids or own property together or have any other difficult entanglements. So why bother with this? You needed an agreement to deal with the bickering, this just seems like so much work to tolerate being around each other when you apparently don't even like each other.
Your wife is incredibly toxic.
UpdateMe!
Dump that shallow doink.
I get that, logically. I just keep thinking of when my dad died in college and I coped by turning into a major douche. My friends didn't put up with it, but they also forgave me afterwards. That's what family does, right? How can I just walk away from Amy when she didn't do the same to me?
Advice?
Congratulations for the parents.
For you? Grow up.
Your ring is beautiful but hers is hideous? Really? You are way too immature to date, much less marry.
UPDATE: Im trying to end it with a let you down slowly so he doesn’t flip but a frank im not ready to be in a relationship you pushed this way to fast. Im nervous to see what he says
good advise.
not when the person is immensely toxic and filled with jealousy. Lmao, for OP's sake, I hope this was written by an AI
destresses
knowing football fans, more like distresses.
My son is clearly a psychopath but isn't 18 yet. The fact he threw his apparent diagnosis in her mother's face is such a sign of things to come. He's also already trying to isolate her from her mother. I can see how this will end.
The only true advice: You're with an immature scumbag who takes afvantage of you, lies to you, takes pictures and videos and definitely also does worse things behind your back.
Leave immediately. First make SURE that there is ABSOLUTELY no very hot content of you on his phone. You do not need a justification – your will alone is more than enough. If you do not want your nudes in the hands of someone, they are obligated to delete them.
This just sounds like you're wasting your time with a lying sack of shit and you WILL find your video/nudes on the internet, sooner or later, and then it's too late.
I mean you definitely know this isn’t sustainable so what other decision do you have but to move forward. You set a clear boundary and she violated it. If you don’t follow through with that boundary, she will never respect you or any boundary you set ever again. It’s time to bounce and I’m sorry.
Yeah we both didn’t really believe in breaks but it reached a point where we didn’t know how to fix it so we tried what we could and now I’m living in agony wondering what’s going on