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Date: January 7, 2023
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If he wanted to be with someone more mature maybe he can date someone his own age ?
Dump his ass
He's blaming you for his cheating rather than accepting responsibility. He will do it again
Get tested for STDs. Break up with him, it wasn't your fault he cheated. He didn't consider how you would feel. Trust has been broken.
If you don’t want kids then you need to break up. This isn’t something that you can compromise on. She will hate you forever if you don’t want to have kids and she gives up being a mom for you. You will resent her and the kids if you give in.
This is naked. But sometimes love is not enough.
Def a red flag. Sounds like you're going to have a tough time, like you have to be responsible for his feelings. Dunno, OP.
Not really any way to know other than time unfortunately. I wouldn't force the issue too much. You can read up on the pursuer-distancer dynamic and see if that resonates. It's pretty common but there are ways to get out of it. In your case as the pursuer, you have to let go and stop pursuing.
Bud I think you need to take a step back and figure out if being married to an asexual person works for you. I think she’s imagining you banging randos through hookup sites, and the first thing you think to do is have sex with a newly single friend. I know some people would like a randos only arrangement but that’s going to be harder and harder to figure out as you get older (small rando bang pool) and also how do you put the time into doing that and balancing your marriage, childcare, work, Etc.
Lastly, and I know this is controversial, but I would ask your wife to do a little emotional digging on her asexuality. There have been a lot of women in recent years who think they might be asexual but then realize they are queer, or have a hormone imbalance, or even just bored with the sex they are getting (no offense). Not saying she’s not asexual but it’s something to think about. Everyone needs to slow down here.
Okay he doesn't want a committed relationship. Move on.
It would absolutely be a dealbreaker for me. Not every young man talks like this. Especially not by text if they have a brain because in todays world, it could come back years from now if they become successful and cost them everything. It’s disrespectful to you and to every woman they objectified. Of course we find other people attractive but this isn’t that.
Sounds like total love bombing and literally exactly like my ex. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Sounds like total love bombing and literally exactly like my ex. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I would make this clear kind of early on. What’re her expectations of her in laws? She may not(or maybe she prefers) like the idea of a distant family of in-laws.
I’d write it down to yourself first, ask does this paint a good picture? Then talk to her, or give it to her. Writing things down helps organize thoughts
Sounds like total love bombing and literally exactly like my ex. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
Everyone is doing mental gymnastics to make the dude a bad guy when the only shady behavior here is OP. We have zero evidence to think the guy did anything wrong.
I agree. The argument, “Well, if he had nothing to hide, he should have allowed you access to the electronics, and if he doesn't do that, he has something to hide,” argument is a logical fallacy that damns the (now-ex) bf either way. OP snooped, OP destroyed the trust. I hope the guy finds someone better.
If you're going to cite “boundaries” you have to be willing to employ real repercussions when they're crossed. Whether you should allow your personal emotional problems to dictate someone else's behavior is secondary to the reality that “boundaries” have to mean something. So if this is the hill you're willing to die on you need to break up with him if he goes into this business.
Yes you should. Your anger wasn’t normal or handled well and why should he deal with it again? You need to learn to calm down, sounds like he knows how to handle arguments and you don’t and he should t have to teach you how to be an adult and communicate
Pink pussycat pill
You fucked around and found out. Congrats.
Threesomes (1 girl 2 guys) or watching her have sex with another guy. Suggest that to the wrong partner and you would get instantly dumped just for suggesting it.
You need to take what you want and forget it and think objectively about what she wants. Is she the type of sexually adventurous person that would want this? If she doesn't want this she could be disgusted with you for asking.
We are thinking of moving in together. That's why I thought a lot about the future. To me it's a huge step for our relationship and feels almost equal to marriage. It's a lot of pressure because I don't want to make a mistake. Money is one of my insecurities too. But it's me who needs a job and more money before I can take that step.
sounds like she had some help dude ?
Yeah I've never heard of a spa where you would get changed out of your robe and back into your shirt for a mud treatment.
That's just weird.
Maybe, it's an age thing but isn't the point of social media to add and interact with people you know? I haven't used it in years but used to add coworkers all the time on it and still get asked for it from time to time. That's my take on it but of course it also depends on when she found it he was interested…
i mean sex is scary i get it just try to learn how to verbalize what ur feeling!
If you guys didn't end on bad terms, why not? Wouldn't hurt? If it's a no, move on
She is not someone who would want to be “woo'd” and dislikes romantic gestures. In terms of her previous relationships she highly values having in-depth conversations with a person to see what kind of person they are, exploring local culture, watching interesting movies and documentaries and then discussing them. Which happens to be what we usually do when we hang out.
Well luckily we are 15 years into a pretty awesome marriage so I don’t think anyone is walking away lol. Out of curiosity, wouldn’t your partner making that much more motivate you to chip in a bit more?
Sis, you're absolutely insane to think you are somehow in the right. I'd be so embarrassed by my parents behavior and livid they would dare to disrespect the person I love simply bc of a difference in culture. Absolutely insane. I'd have cut them off. The effort should be coming from your parents, NOT your boyfriend.
Your parents are racist assholes, and you need to be more culturally aware about how fucked up and rude their behaviour is. You will never have a happy relationship if you allow them to to treat your partners this way, and don’t think that they’re going to treat an Igbo man much better because this behaviour goes beyond culture. Honestly if I was your boyfriend I would have broken up with you on the spot.
You need a backbone.
I know.
She wanted to, now that she is convinced that she already has it, she doesn't want the vaccine, I did try to persuade her to get it.
I don't get it either since as I already mentioned neither of us never had relations with anyone else and our relationship is monogamous..
if he was raped why cant he contact his ex?
You don't have to be confrontational to stand up for yourself, and my man is nearly 30 and still behaving like he's in high school and very unpopular. I think it's time to be frank with the guy.
Obviously I care that my sister isn’t talking to me.
Bingo
Tell him to save every email, comment, or communication that’s written where she does this and then have him take them all to HR saying he feels they’re unprofessional and make him uncomfortable if she takes it any further. He can get her fired for sexual harassment at his job especially in instances where he feels his job is on the line. If he gets fired for it he can call OSHA and the EEOC to report the company and sue them for wrongful termination and negligence for employee misconduct
In me experience, people who accuse or compare your actions to cheating are the ones doing the cheating
You’re being loyal to someone who is not loyal to you. He’s telling everybody you’re just sole bitch and only apologizing to you in private.
Imagine if his rap career took off. You seriously ever expect that to change? Or that it wouldn’t get worse?
Take responsibility for your decision to have sex with this woman. Be a man and support her in whatever her decision is.
she literally didn't ask anything of you until you demanded that she act as your maid/personal cook
Have a nice Sunday rofl
Just saying, her husband may not change his mind so I don't really feel that's a good thing to cling too.
Honestly, the fact that he slept with her while you were broken up should be enough for you to know he doesn’t care about you. This relationship sounds horrible for you, honestly. If she was always trying to get you guys to break up, and the second you do he SLEEPS WITH HER, that’s just an insane level of disrespect that nobody should tolerate honestly.
I would introduce her to other medical spouses / partners. My husbands military, and no one understands or is more supportive of the difficulties of being a military spouse than other military spouses. I suspect no one understands the difficulties of dating a doctor than other doctors spouses.
It may be good to explain your medical training in terms of when you’ll be doing what. Like if youre in a 3 year residency am I right thinking it’s 5 years? You may need to explain what that looks like. When do you have breaks between academic sprints? When can you take a break and prioritise her (I trained in another profession where we’d have gaps between exams and starting the next study period where I’d be actually present during my off hours for example).
If she’s feeling neglected you will need to find time to prioritise this relationship or risk losing it. It doesn’t have to be day to day though. Is there the space to take a week or two for holiday for example where you’re not in call and not studying full time, and can spend some quality time together doing activities or exploring a new place? If so I’d make a date and let her plan it.
hugs, op. i’m sorry you’re going through this.
He being abused and clearly deep into it so there isn’t going to be much you can say to him unless he wants to talk. Your sister is a POS who needs some serious therapy. Is your family the kind that can speak to her and she will listen? It needs to be clear to her that she is currently being the worst version of herself that she could choose and that it needs to change. Poor John needs some self esteem and really should be telling your sister that he won’t be with her til she can keep her entitled frigging hands to herself.
I would actually claim it's not normal to pity ugly women either. Maybe every now and then someone would do it, but most people pitying someone for their appearance is not normal.
If you have this vibe where you feel sorry for yourself, maybe it would happen more often as people pick up on you feeling sorry for yourself and a part of them automatically empathize which for some leads to pity. But typically I think people would just not care if someone is ugly.
I think this too is a feeling you have because you used to be treated badly. It's understandable. But things have changed and that reality is no more. Your feelings haven't gotten over it, and think it's still happening. You're still traumatized.
Wow and here I feel awkward messaging my (very pleasant) mother in law. This is kind of weird to me.
Ah, thank you for explaining that.
Another vote here for separate accounts. Only been married 5 years but we have a joint account for joint expenses and beyond that our money is our business.
Agreed. The takeaway here isn't that he was flirting or trying to cheat but that he's also a psycho stalker. Don't be jealous. Be afraid. Get away from this monster and I hope OP and the neighbor can work together to send his ass to jail.
Stop having sex with him. It sounds like you guys fell into a FWB situation without any thought of actual conversation. Although I find that a bit weird if neither of you thought that you are queer.
Be his friend and try having an actual conversation. He's clearly conflicted about something in regard to either sex with men in general or sew with you in particular.
Both Indian and Filipino cultures are extremely homophobic so the likelihood of him coming around is little to none. If you aren't planning on having children and he's overall nice I believe this is something you can overlook as it's been culturally engrained in him (not saying it's right, just stating a fact) however, if you do plan on having kids than that's a very hot nope. You or your child won't deserve that type of hate in your lives.
I’m thinking of getting a std/sti check soon I had one just before we got together and I wasn’t with anyone for 3 yrs before him and that was negative so at least I will know if he has given me anything.