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Kira, 99 y.o.
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Date: December 25, 2022
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They are never going to go back to how things were. Any contact they’ve given you now is probably them just being nice. The way you talk about him here is actually insane, it’s like you subconsciously see him as your husband???
If you acted even a fraction of the way you spoke here irl, then they are definitely going to keep their distance. You need therapy, and to move on. It’s not going to happen.
Do confront her. If she decides to make you the bad guy for spying, you really should consider ending marriage.
I think you having both acces to each other social messages would be needed for trust going forward. Incidentally you should ask her to show you all of her accounts and messages when you confront her. Reason being, there is likely more of that going on.
If she either refuses, or does it after delay allowing deletion of evidence you should assume the worst. You need to make her understand in face of her sexting you suspect her of more than that, and her only chance to reconcile is to show you her messages right then and there. Otherwise you will have no choice, but to believe sth even worse is going on.
Btw if it will seem like there is more to her infidelity, you may consider DNA testing, just in case.
Document all of this and go to the police. Get a restraining order and change your number.