I’m a poly guy. I really think you two mis communicated your ‘open’ boundaries. Especially what you each defined as a ‘relationship’. When he says nothing happened with her, he’s probably not lying. He probably doesn’t have intentions to sleep with her, but he’s absolutely in an emotional relationship with her. He may not define or draw a line between a close/ emotionally supportive relationship as more than a friendship.
From my perspective the only option here is to go into preservation mode. Close the relationship, seek professional help and focus on the home dynamics. When things are secure, you can look to back to opening up.
If you don't care so much why do you keep replying to me? Until you get OP's sister on here, everything you're saying is unfounded. You're not a detective, you're not even a part of the situation. You're using very different language than OP did, & it doesn't make you right, it makes you naive & dumb. If you want to mend bridges you fucking talk it out like adults, not expect them to give you gifts until you deem them grovelled enough for you to stop holding their mother's grandma status hostage. Fuck dude I really hope this isn't how you mend bridges cuz that shit is gonna collapse so fast
I have suffered from depression for quite a few years, but I’ve been to therapy for a while and don’t feel depressed at the moment. My bf actually helped me a lot working towards my mental health and I’ve honestly never been happier with where I am, that’s why I’m so confused with how I’m feeling right now
I’ve been trying to get into therapy. Can’t get a hold of a therapist. As for AA she offered to take me but when I needed it she passed it off to someone else. I am shy, I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. I wish she would take me just for that but she won’t. I want her back but she doesn’t care, even care to help.
That’s a very personal opinion, one that you can’t prove. And no sorry making a kid does not equal maturity. That’s a high horse you can step down from. And the pride part and many of the reasons you listed stem from a selfish position. YOU want those moments and things. Im tired of the weak reasons people give to have children. The advice I asked for was for my relationship not your narrow view of kids.
Personally, I believe that love means wanting to do things that make the other person happy. I would expect that if marriage doesn't mean anything to him, but you told him it is something you want, he would want ro do it to make you happy, and that would include paying half or saving together. Most men I know would want to get the money together and surprise them girlfriend by saying they have the money and can get married like she wants. They would be happy with the expression of joy on her face and to provide her with something that makes her happy. The fact that you are the bread winner would make me think he would want to go the extra mile to provide you things to make you happy. But also, with you being the breadwinner, it's understandable that he may just flat out nit be to be able to afford it….. Although, I don't really think I fair of him to put so much financial burden on you and, you may resent it one day.
That is some questionable advice. Like, what do you even mean by “work on herself” when she has expressed existing insecurity? Why should she care about his feelings now when he had no regard for her then? She should leave him, not worry about putting out so he sticks around. It’s so misogynistic to call the friend a snake while encouraging her to empathize with the man who tried to cheat before their wedding.
I mean…hoooow, you don't even know those pics exist? Is it possible she took those pics and send them to him, and now he's just taking the blame for his lover?
What would you think about one of your guy friends your age dating a 14 year old? Would you think it's totally fine or would you judge him for it? What would you say to the 14 yr old when she says that she's mature for her age and he is very nice and respectful, so he's different and there's no reason to worry?
That's the age gap equivalent. And not to be patronizing, but there's a similar amount of maturation that happens between 22 and 30. There is a very good reason that people are wary of (usually men) in their 30s seeking relationships with way younger people. It is a massive red flag.
Lots of good comments about not stressing out and enjoying.
Communication is really important. Talk before hand that you should be honest with each other the whole time. If sometimes feels good tell her and vice versa. The same if something doesn’t feel good. Pay attention to her body and facial expressions. If at any point she looks uncomfortable, stop and check in that she’s ok and wants to continue.
For play is important. Kissing fondling. Hands. Mouths and oral. Ideally she’s already has an orgasm before you go PiV. It’ll make it easier and less painful for her too.
Good luck! Treat each other with respect and love and everything will be ok.
And like with everything in life, you’ll get better as you two practice more
Yea no you aren't at fault here. I communicated to my boyfriend that valentines didn't really matter to me, so I didn't expect anything. She absolutely should have communicated it.
Look, she's establishing some boundaries, just in case you might think of hitting on her. This is one of those situations where any direct conversation on the topic is likely to be awkward, and you should draw inferences from her behavior.
Make amends for what? That you enjoyed the date? Enjoyed the sex? That you like him? Just leave it for now. If there is any next move it is his to make and his apology to make.
Thing is, it just sucks that life happens, I am in nursing school six days a week, I work three days a week on top of that midnight shift, so I don’t have time for a relationship. He felt that he wasn’t a priority, and so he ended it, and I kind of agree to because I just don’t have the time.
So I asked him why he would tell me not to worry about it, to stay positive, and to not get myself down about it, to look at the opportunities that life has still, and to focus on my career, and my education.
It just hurts because we had a good relationship, and the fact that he doesn’t even want to stay friends? It makes me feel like I did something totally wrong.
God that entire response makes me sick. Nothing in there is anything I would even remotely associate with “manhood” but more with sexism and being a vile predator who forgot to evolve since the Middle Ages.
Me: “well hit me up if you'd like to go out some time. I'll leave it at that. It was great to meet you :)”.
Perfect response. I wouldn't have done it different. The fact that she waves you off with a “I'm busy I've got something on” sounds like she isn't interested in (having dinner with) you. You left the ball in her court.
Whatever the dating gurus tell you, “forcing” someone to go out with you is a really bad idea. Time to move on.
I had a one year relationship that took me over a year to fully get over it. Love takes time you can’t rush things. Be honest with those around you tho. Wanting to be in love and stuff is great, but you can’t just snap your fingers and be in love.
She seeks validation from outside of your relationship. Are you really cool with it. Ask her if it would be cool if you chatted with insta thots? She should be fine with it right?
To be fair, is it really that nude to push in? All I’ve had in the past is really slow anal, so I don’t know how easy or hot it is to go fast at it. Plus he doesn’t have a lot of experience, and I’ve introduced him to a lot of variation, so I feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt if I just didn’t teach him right?
I feel like I did the right thing on telling him that I don’t want him going there cause of her
You can feel anyway you want but a few things to consider. -you were broken up, he didn't cheat on you. -if he wanted to be with her, he wouldn't have reconciled with you. -if he wanted to cheat, he doesn't have to go to his friends house to do it. Unless there are signs of something going on, imo, drop it.
same, I'm a Mexican that has European phenotype, and as I was born in a family with multiple cultures, I don't really identify with the Mexican culture. I don't identity myself with being a person of color, a white person, or a Latin person. But I would be pissed off if someone insisted I am white just because of my looks.
She's not acting maturely. And if she expects an apology then she doesn't see her own immature behaviour as an issue. You're dating someone 8 years younger than you so these things happen.
Don’t be a fucken coward. Man up, and Tell your wife so she can divorce you and never speak to her sister again. Your wife’s fucken sister man? So many garbage people out there..
Buying a house is a big commitment. The thing is that although is your girlfriend for many years, is someone who you really want to spend the rest of your life with?
I think the moral here is No means No and respect boundaries or you will suffer the consequences.
I’m a poly guy. I really think you two mis communicated your ‘open’ boundaries. Especially what you each defined as a ‘relationship’. When he says nothing happened with her, he’s probably not lying. He probably doesn’t have intentions to sleep with her, but he’s absolutely in an emotional relationship with her. He may not define or draw a line between a close/ emotionally supportive relationship as more than a friendship.
From my perspective the only option here is to go into preservation mode. Close the relationship, seek professional help and focus on the home dynamics. When things are secure, you can look to back to opening up.
you should break up
Yeah I think this is what needs to be done. I do not want to feel like I am constantly worried about what I am saying.
Dodged a bullet you did. Move on and just imagine the drama you saved yourself in the future.
Oh I’ll send you a package alright
u/moverightalong1, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
If you don't care so much why do you keep replying to me? Until you get OP's sister on here, everything you're saying is unfounded. You're not a detective, you're not even a part of the situation. You're using very different language than OP did, & it doesn't make you right, it makes you naive & dumb. If you want to mend bridges you fucking talk it out like adults, not expect them to give you gifts until you deem them grovelled enough for you to stop holding their mother's grandma status hostage. Fuck dude I really hope this isn't how you mend bridges cuz that shit is gonna collapse so fast
Bruh she might have an undiagnosed mental disability
I have suffered from depression for quite a few years, but I’ve been to therapy for a while and don’t feel depressed at the moment. My bf actually helped me a lot working towards my mental health and I’ve honestly never been happier with where I am, that’s why I’m so confused with how I’m feeling right now
That^
I wouldn't regarding a relationship with a cheater as beautiful.
She cheated before and she'll probably cheat again. You don't need that.
I'm a nightowl and I stay in my damn nest just like she wants to.
I’ve been trying to get into therapy. Can’t get a hold of a therapist. As for AA she offered to take me but when I needed it she passed it off to someone else. I am shy, I don’t like feeling uncomfortable. I wish she would take me just for that but she won’t. I want her back but she doesn’t care, even care to help.
I'd advise that you don't have his baby and get back on birth control and dump him, but thats just me.
And she “seduced him” and “to her surprise” he reciprocated. Jesus Christ man….. listen to your cousin, girl!!!!
You mean “a part”
You totally need professional counselor
That’s a very personal opinion, one that you can’t prove. And no sorry making a kid does not equal maturity. That’s a high horse you can step down from. And the pride part and many of the reasons you listed stem from a selfish position. YOU want those moments and things. Im tired of the weak reasons people give to have children. The advice I asked for was for my relationship not your narrow view of kids.
Personally, I believe that love means wanting to do things that make the other person happy. I would expect that if marriage doesn't mean anything to him, but you told him it is something you want, he would want ro do it to make you happy, and that would include paying half or saving together. Most men I know would want to get the money together and surprise them girlfriend by saying they have the money and can get married like she wants. They would be happy with the expression of joy on her face and to provide her with something that makes her happy. The fact that you are the bread winner would make me think he would want to go the extra mile to provide you things to make you happy. But also, with you being the breadwinner, it's understandable that he may just flat out nit be to be able to afford it….. Although, I don't really think I fair of him to put so much financial burden on you and, you may resent it one day.
That is some questionable advice. Like, what do you even mean by “work on herself” when she has expressed existing insecurity? Why should she care about his feelings now when he had no regard for her then? She should leave him, not worry about putting out so he sticks around. It’s so misogynistic to call the friend a snake while encouraging her to empathize with the man who tried to cheat before their wedding.
Why are you still calling him your fiance? He endangered your baby, GTFO!
Go to nursing school! He is wishy washy and did not follow through on his plans. That is on him. Do not give up your future for this man!
It is for real, unfortunately!
I know right! Blows my mind.
If you want to leave then leave dear. No one is holding you back but you. You know he’s a loser and you know he won’t change.
How in the world did he “steal” your wife's pics?
I mean…hoooow, you don't even know those pics exist? Is it possible she took those pics and send them to him, and now he's just taking the blame for his lover?
If I were you, I would investigate further.
What would you think about one of your guy friends your age dating a 14 year old? Would you think it's totally fine or would you judge him for it? What would you say to the 14 yr old when she says that she's mature for her age and he is very nice and respectful, so he's different and there's no reason to worry?
That's the age gap equivalent. And not to be patronizing, but there's a similar amount of maturation that happens between 22 and 30. There is a very good reason that people are wary of (usually men) in their 30s seeking relationships with way younger people. It is a massive red flag.
Lots of good comments about not stressing out and enjoying.
Communication is really important. Talk before hand that you should be honest with each other the whole time. If sometimes feels good tell her and vice versa. The same if something doesn’t feel good. Pay attention to her body and facial expressions. If at any point she looks uncomfortable, stop and check in that she’s ok and wants to continue.
For play is important. Kissing fondling. Hands. Mouths and oral. Ideally she’s already has an orgasm before you go PiV. It’ll make it easier and less painful for her too.
Good luck! Treat each other with respect and love and everything will be ok.
And like with everything in life, you’ll get better as you two practice more
Yea no you aren't at fault here. I communicated to my boyfriend that valentines didn't really matter to me, so I didn't expect anything. She absolutely should have communicated it.
no she's not “obviously lying”. it's like having selfies for some people
Traditionally adults communicate their wants and needs to each other.
Not I, lol. I was a fly on the wall for that one. Watched the drama for him unfold in the comments
Look, she's establishing some boundaries, just in case you might think of hitting on her. This is one of those situations where any direct conversation on the topic is likely to be awkward, and you should draw inferences from her behavior.
Make amends for what? That you enjoyed the date? Enjoyed the sex? That you like him? Just leave it for now. If there is any next move it is his to make and his apology to make.
Thing is, it just sucks that life happens, I am in nursing school six days a week, I work three days a week on top of that midnight shift, so I don’t have time for a relationship. He felt that he wasn’t a priority, and so he ended it, and I kind of agree to because I just don’t have the time.
So I asked him why he would tell me not to worry about it, to stay positive, and to not get myself down about it, to look at the opportunities that life has still, and to focus on my career, and my education.
It just hurts because we had a good relationship, and the fact that he doesn’t even want to stay friends? It makes me feel like I did something totally wrong.
I don't think you are in the wrong. I also don't know what their boundaries are. Could be that the BF is not okay with her having male friends
God that entire response makes me sick. Nothing in there is anything I would even remotely associate with “manhood” but more with sexism and being a vile predator who forgot to evolve since the Middle Ages.
Maybe she has hemorrhoids now and it doesn't feel as good.
Remind me! 2 days
I think that it might be a good idea to find a new friend who you can spend time together with and who you enjoy being around.
Nope. I’m positive.
Me: “well hit me up if you'd like to go out some time. I'll leave it at that. It was great to meet you :)”.
Perfect response. I wouldn't have done it different. The fact that she waves you off with a “I'm busy I've got something on” sounds like she isn't interested in (having dinner with) you. You left the ball in her court.
Whatever the dating gurus tell you, “forcing” someone to go out with you is a really bad idea. Time to move on.
You want to be a man or a mouse? Don't be a doormat, tell her to F off. Personally I would laugh in her face.
Did she have a change in birth control?
Do you do all the little things that you sued to do when you dated?
Do you have date nights and romance her?
Is she seeing a therapist?
You SURE she isnt cheating?
I had a one year relationship that took me over a year to fully get over it. Love takes time you can’t rush things. Be honest with those around you tho. Wanting to be in love and stuff is great, but you can’t just snap your fingers and be in love.
She seeks validation from outside of your relationship. Are you really cool with it. Ask her if it would be cool if you chatted with insta thots? She should be fine with it right?
To be fair, is it really that nude to push in? All I’ve had in the past is really slow anal, so I don’t know how easy or hot it is to go fast at it. Plus he doesn’t have a lot of experience, and I’ve introduced him to a lot of variation, so I feel like I need to give him the benefit of the doubt if I just didn’t teach him right?
I feel like I did the right thing on telling him that I don’t want him going there cause of her
You can feel anyway you want but a few things to consider. -you were broken up, he didn't cheat on you. -if he wanted to be with her, he wouldn't have reconciled with you. -if he wanted to cheat, he doesn't have to go to his friends house to do it. Unless there are signs of something going on, imo, drop it.
same, I'm a Mexican that has European phenotype, and as I was born in a family with multiple cultures, I don't really identify with the Mexican culture. I don't identity myself with being a person of color, a white person, or a Latin person. But I would be pissed off if someone insisted I am white just because of my looks.
He wasn't even seriously pursuing her. He was planning to at some point in the future.
She's not acting maturely. And if she expects an apology then she doesn't see her own immature behaviour as an issue. You're dating someone 8 years younger than you so these things happen.
What do you have to lose?
Don’t be a fucken coward. Man up, and Tell your wife so she can divorce you and never speak to her sister again. Your wife’s fucken sister man? So many garbage people out there..
They're not renting to him, his name isn't on the lease, remember?
Well, would you like to share what it was about? That's pretty critical.
You tell her that she can go out and do what she likes, because single girls can do what they want.
Well, it sounds like you dislike him as a person so it's kind of unsurprising that you wouldn't want to have sex with him
He's trying to fuck your wife. Shut it down before it goes past the point of no return
Buying a house is a big commitment. The thing is that although is your girlfriend for many years, is someone who you really want to spend the rest of your life with?