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korawolff chat
Date: October 3, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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I would say make your friends/family your priority instead of him. Just spending less time with him in general and being less physical in your relationship will probably help
You said 3 times (once in the title and twice in the body) that they started dating when they were 18/23.
Regardless, this is all ridiculous. You are confident that he was verbally and emotionally abusive – what other info do you need?
Block everything he has. You may not hate him, but he was an emotionally abusive man and gaslit you many times into thinking YOU we're the problem. He's only trying to weasel his way back in because he thinks you will never move on if he keeps coming back like this so that you will always be waiting for him like a lost puppy. I'm proud you said no and stuck to it.
It sucks that she's so suspicious and hopefully it's simply a result of her fathers indiscretion, but the truth is a single stray hair, well crap, onto a jacket, from a chair, to a towel BAM, now it's in the shower…I mean the possibilities are truly endless… Hopefully she'll give timelines a solid review in her mind and realize your lives are all accounted for and move on with things, meanwhile, keep doing what you're doing, don't dismiss her as being “crazy”, admit that it does seem amazing, and help her work through it as much as reasonable. Pay attention to people you both come in contact with as much as reasonably possible, maybe a grocery store clerk, or wait staff that you both see regularly in your daily travels that you hadn't considered. Sorry for the trouble you're having, but just keep reassuring her and have patience.
If the genders were reversed, this would be even more alarming.
This is an HR issue that he needs to address with them because the other side of the coin is that she could get vindictive and accuse him of sexual harassment–because that's what this is.
I'm with you there. ?
Tell him before he hops on a plane
Not stupid. My girlfriend told me about it when she was having our baby. It's an extra stitch to make the vagina “tighter”. I think mostly said as a joke, but I'm sure it's happened before.
you break up with her because your a 35 year old grown ass man with a girl who isnt even old enough to drink yet.
And before I get hated on, yeah I married young, but my husband is the same age as me.
Nope it’s not porn.
Porn is what he can find on the internet.
He is cheating on you, he has a relationship, either mentally, emotionally, physically or even purely transactional with this other person. (to be fair a lot of people also class their partner watching porn to be cheating as well)
Either she has a crush on you and is projecting, or she is addicted to male attention.
You are definitely not in the wrong
That's not even a question
The only question is how you'd like to approach this
If you'd like to go more gently, talk to your brother first, explain the situation and how you feel disrespected and unsafe around his fiancé as a result of her behavior.
Say that it's clear that no matter what you do, it seems she refuses to respect your boundaries which is why you're bringing this to him, and if you'd like add that you may go LC if this keeps up.
Try to remain as far away from the fiancé as possible.
Deliberately sit down as far as you can if you end up sitting on the same table. Physically move away from her if she ends up approaching. Leave if you feel uncomfortable.
Or you can openly call the fiancé out on her bs
Many routes you can go with this
Call her out on bullying in a public setting
Claim she's craving your attention far too much and you're concerned what this could mean about her and your brothers' relationship
etc
Just be aware that these, while possibly faster at achieving concrete results may damage the relationship between you and your brother depending on how things end up going, and the first thing I said might be safer.
WTF? He's criticizing you for helping out? In the South making food for others is protocol.
I’ve never lied about having an orgasm and let me tell you, when I wouldn’t orgasm, it almost always made my partners feel like shit, get pouty and not want to have sex anymore. It’s actually an awesome way to weed out the losers that know nothing about autonomy, consent, and other peoples’ bodies.
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He needs to, for his own sake, get away from the porn, anime, etc. The problem is not him as a person but the fact that he has completely removed any reality from his sex fantasies. Actual sex does not excite him at all, actual sex with you does not satisfy him and that is a him problem. He needs to detox from porn and see a therapist, possibly a sex therapist. But I would say that there is not much you can do for him.
Hold your horses. It's a marriage, not some girl trapping you to come home with false pretenses.
What I see is a big issue with communication.
If I have an expectation of a romantic night, i get all pretty, i send the kids away and I set the mood and my bf says he doesn't want to have sex of course I would feel rejected and upset. That's not manipulative, it's vulnerable. It's scary to put yourself out there in your relationship and get shut down.
On the other hand if you are tired (i also have a physical job) when you get home and you are really hungry and just want a sandwich, it is also fair.
But not because something is right or fair is has to be that black and white.
It is not OPs “job” to soothe her because he said he wanted a sandwich. But it's your partner, it's your friend, you can have some added compassion for how humanly scary to feel like your partner has lost interest in you. A big kiss, a “thank you, I appreciate after all this years you still want to surprise me with a romantic night for my birthday, you are so hot an attractive, I don't want you to feel rejected, but I am very physically tired and hungry, let's have a BLT first and if i regain the energy maybe we try again later or I'll make up to you another day, I love you”
OP doesn't have to go apologize, but some understanding that in her perspective she out effort and got rejected is important. Pride against your partner doesn't make for happy marriages. Op should go tell his wife that he understands how she felt, and he didn't mean to make her feel like that, that she is appreciated. Move on and go laugh about it while eating BLTs on the couch.
The commenter wasn’t specifying monetary support. Using someone for emotional support is just as problematic.
Have you had all nutrition levels tested? and been tested for celiac? I'm assuming that all vitamin b levels have been checked? and Iron, magnesium, amino acids, etc. As well have tried inositol, and low dose lithium –lithium orotate (it's over the counter in the USA, but I'm not sure in Germany).
I feel like with schizophrenia, and OCD in the family, that it might be a nutritional deficiency.
I used to have IBS caused by gluten intolerance. If you have asthma, you might want to try to go off gluten, dairy and legumes for a a month and see if it helps.
Your life sounds so incredibly difficult. I am sending you healing.
That is a horrific joke to make to anyone parent. I would never say that to a girlfriends dad etc.
That is not cool.
Parents don’t need that much information lol.
Looking out for someone you care about and genuinely have best intentions aren’t the same as controlling.
Calling the dad POS here isn't the right case either, I just don't see how this fit.
He cheated on his wife and abandoned his daughter for most of her life.
He sounds exhausting and probably not compatible. I’m comfortable with silence even though I’m a more active talker than you and this guy would still drive me nuts.
This actually makes me happy to hear. Julia is never going to be able to show her lying, cheating face anywhere near that Church. I hope she and the miserable sack of shit called your ex husband are absolutely miserable.
I'm sorry for your pain OP, I hope you can rebuild your life better than before.
Definitely should be!
I would be psyched to get such sweet a well thought out gift. Something like that takes so much more effort and consideration than phoning in a flower order. I’d be blown away and I hope your lady loves it. ?
And you didn't say eff you and walk away? Girl. Leave that jerk.
That's awesome to hear! I think the therapy will help you to kinda sort through all these thoughts and emotions. One recommendation with therapy, go in with goals for yourself. And don't be afraid to look for a different therapist if the first one doesn't mesh right… It can take a bit of work sometimes to find a good one.
Honestly, he sounds like a good dude. Does he know exactly what you are dissatisfied with? Is there something you could have communicated or done sooner to have avoided feeling this way now?
I think the best route forward is to dig deep, examine your feelings, and communicate with him your appreciation for his support, talk up his good qualities for you, but that you are unsure this will work out and that therapy is going to help you process what you are going through and you can't guarantee that y'all will be together afterwards.
It's a difficult talk, but a respectful one. It lets him know where you are at, why you want to fight for the relationship, but allows him the opportunity to walk if this is not the parth he wants to take with you.
Your focus is going to have to be on yourself for awhile, and that can be very hot for a partner to go through.
Hopefully this has helped a little!
I had an abortion during my last semester in college and it sucked. My husband and I were both in agreement but we were both disappointed. I’m glad I made that choice for us today.
Have you hung around a lot of 21yo guys? I have. They ain't adults. Chill out. And easy with the name calling. So mean.
Tell him exactly what happened.
His mother is in the wrong. If someone (you) is expected to do favors such as giving a discount or doing something for free They Need To Be Asked First.
And no one can give your favors away but you.
Naw, your good, you expressed your boundaries in the past and expressed why they exist. And now hes breaking your boundaries and trying to down play your boundaries as if its just food. Its NOT THE FOOD IT WHAT IT REPRESENTS. Not worth breaking up over but justified to be mad, you just gotta find a way to get him to know your boundary again and impress the importace of him respecting it again.
I don’t know how long you’ve been working at your job but I wouldn’t recommend telling unless you feel comfortable with people who work u with you knowing. I know this is easier said than done but don’t shit where you eat.
he will do that thing you like, and wash the dishes for the next month.
Putting conditions on it like this is a bad call. Infidelity is a much more reasonable suspicion than hitting the .2% lottery.
What does she say when you talk to her about this?
It sounds like she’s either using you or financially illiterate
I'm not sure that my perception is fair to be honest. I've tried to be unbiased in my post but it's hot to be sometimes. I haven't confronted this behaviour head on and I'm hoping for help on how to broach it.
I'm not necessarily concerned about the money itself but I am concerned that she hasn't brought it up and is still setting me up to constantly pay for shit. I also have no idea how she wound up with a 4 digit light bill unless she didn't pay for a year or something, and she claims she doesn't know either. My 3200 square foot house costs me less than 200 a month in electricity.
I'm old school and don't beat around the bush. Cut the drama out of your life. I've cut off friends and family members. Life goes so much smoother when you can focus on what is important. I've been with my wife 40 years and 4 months. We don't play games with each other or acquaintances. If the person in question isn't a friend to your relationship, they are an enemy of it. . Think about that. Cut toxic people out of your life. Don't reward bad behavior. Reverse roles with your bf and a female coworker were saying these things about you??? What would you like him to do?
What you are describing could be my exact relationship with my ex husband. It started out much the same, and progressed to much worse. The thing with untreated personality disorders is that they know how to manipulate and twist everything around. The self harm and threats of suicide are another form of manipulation. He knows you care, and knows these things will hurt you to your very soul, so he threatens and and puts the blame on your feet. He will never follow through with it because his ego won’t let him. However, if he does something dumb that results in his injury or demise that’s his own stupidity, not at all your fault.
My best advice is to get everything you need together to leave him. Don’t let on so that he can try to stand in your way. Set everything up to get away then disappear from his life. Block him everywhere, tell friends and family to do the same, and leave no trace behind. Contact a domestic violence shelter for help if you need to, mine was immensely helpful and I know for a fact they saved my life. What he does after that is purely on his shoulders. You can’t fix him, you can’t save him, and you can’t reason with him. He. Doesn’t. Care. If you need help finding resources, or need more advice please don’t hesitate to reach out to me. If what I lived through can help one other person not subject themselves to this torture then it wasn’t for nothing.
It’s honestly incredibly odd as well as unprofessional that this happened. It’s further weird given the fact that he rejected her. It’s like they’re obsessed with getting them together.
Help me out here. What are you losing because they’re not talking to you? What value do they provide to your life? Seems like they just degrade, blame, and insult you. You know you’re allowed to just walk away and let them think whatever they want to.
What are the benefits to your career? You said he is military, what do you do?
Honestly some people will wait longer to show their true colours. Love bombing is an early warning sign too. Not saying that this is what is happening, but it is something to think about.
So that's a yes?
I've been in the support role before. I wasn't interested in a romantic or similar relationship with her in this instance, I am just inclined to want to help people.
It isn't always easy but it can be nice sometimes to be a shoulder to cry on (incl. figuratively). To show care and compassion.
Leave him
He’s not serious about you and is likely cheating on you (or with you) and you’re going to break up soon anyway. I’d end it now.
My guess is he meant it when he said he's old fashioned.
Your roommate is an adult and doesn't need a nanny to take care of her for getting teeth pulled. I know it's painful, but come on…. it's your house, it's your life. She needs to suck it up and stop being so melodramatic
It sounds as if she’s using sex as a reward. You get laid only if you constantly cater to her, buy her things(that’s nuts) and then maybe she will give a little. That’s messed up. Don’t you want someone who actually desires you? This is a barter system. I do think several times a day is a bit much especially for adults with busy lives but you shouldn’t have to pay for it.
“This doesn't work. We're done” Block.
Well I can't ask a judgement thing, it kept removing it. But am I wrong for feeling like I am….
You make 5x more than him and if he moves into your apartment, he’ll be living way above his means, which is not really a good idea. I understand that you dont want to move, but he’s considering moving into an apartment he can’t even HALF-WAY afford, he couldn’t even afford a 3rd. The only way he’d be able to live! there is if you cover most of his share of expenses, and you’ve only been together a year. Don’t invite someone to come online with you who doesn’t even qualify on the lease. Is there potential in the near future (you’re both already in your 30s) for his income to increase? Do you really want to be in a relationship with such a large income gap long term? There’s a LOT of potential for problems here, moving someone into your home that can’t afford to contribute even 50%. What if he decides to quit the job he dislikes? Are you content to pay 5x as much as him for everything you want to do together, forever?
Financial incompatibility is a big source of relationship issues. If I were you, I’d date within my tax bracket. You’re going to be able to do a lot of things he can’t afford, and unless you’re 100% willing and happy to pay his way so he can keep up with your lifestyle, resentment will build.
The smartest decision for him right now is to live within his means and probably move to a cheaper city. Don’t volunteer to be his meal ticket so he can on-line in a nice fancy apartment that he cannot afford.
Well welcome the working world. Almost all of us have some people like this. You need to record her tantrums and tell whoever is in charge. There has to be someone in charge somewhere.
Damn, this kinda made me tear up. You did this one year in. I started talking about this at least 2-3 years ago. I guess I waited a little longer because I expected him to do organically. One year in for me is too soon for marriage personally. When I’ve asked him about marriage and kids, he says yes. But I get the run around in the sense that I don’t get a fucking timeline. But, what’s a time line worth to me now? I’m 33. At this point; I just feel like his last resort. Like “oh well, here she is, I might as well just ask for marriage”.
Plot twist. I asked him right now. I asked if he sees marriage. He says yes. I asked what his timeline was, he said 35. Regarding kids, he says since his dad passed (January 2021) it’s harder for him because his dad has met his brothers children and thinking of kids now is painful for him. I get it, but it’s not really fair for me. He says we also don’t have money. I’m perplexed, and I’m thinking he’s speaking for himself. Turns out he wants a wedding. I don’t care for a wedding. Now this turned into me applying pressure to him to get his act together and get a real job. All his words. Now I feel like IAMTA.
Like the poster above me mentioned, this is a classic example of the avoidant/insecure attachment dynamic. I know from experience. Heavy pursuits, but as soon as commitment is on the table, it's time to bail. There are strategies to deal with these attachment styles, but it can be rough. And again, it's only been a week. There's a huge chance that he'll come crawling back to you, or you to him, and this will start all over – again, I know from experience.